Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years. The first couple of months we had just sex and intercourse. But I was bored, I was always pansexual and he is gay. I wanted to diversify our sex life and offered him the role of a girl in bed, he agreed. Every evening he was to wear women's clothing and have it really turns. After some time, he began to wear and women's clothes at home in the daytime. He just liked to wear it. About eight months ago, I again began to look for novelty and decided to persuade him to use female hormones. To my surprise, he agreed. I thought it would last only 2-3 months, and then he had to stop taking. Now after more than 7 months as it takes female hormones. There was a change in his body, especially in the chest area. He now has big nipples and breasts began to form. He says that he likes it, and he became more sensitive in terms of emotions. I change it both pleased and frightened. In Polanyi sex turns me on. For I have started the process... It turns out I kill his manhood ((

And he does not present himself as a woman but he wants to outwardly look more like a woman.

Not sure what to say... but interesting

However your boyfriend got started I trust you can respect them and recognize their right to self determination.  I seriously doubt anyone transitions without being more than a little in the Transgender realm.  His manhood may be expressed in very different ways or could have been less important to begin with?

What do they want, what makes them feel right, real and authentic?

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 01:38:41 PM
His manhood may be expressed in very different ways or could have been less important to begin with?

What do they want, what makes them feel right, real and authentic?

Yes, he does not leave his old hobbies and habits. He still loves to cheer for your favorite team, playing cards and video games, interested in politics. However, he did enjoy the shopping and the creation of style in the women's way.

He likes to be refined and more elegant. Acceptance of female hormones he says opens him a new perspective on things and he enjoys it. Plus he's really going to get a woman's figure. That's what I do not understand ... For he is not going to live as a woman in the fullest sense of the word.

Also notice that I get turned on his chest increases and softer skin. At least in the moral sense it scares me and worries.

There are transgender people who transition medically without being out socially.  There are completely individual perspectives that may have to do with concerns about employment, acceptance or group identity.  Many TG people find that a difficult limbo place to remain.

i have been with more than a few gay men who have admitted to attractions, desires and experiences that suggest it can be more about hearts than the available parts.  More and more young people simply pass on the labels and live the way they feel.

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on January 16, 2017, 12:23:59 PM
Not sure what to say... but interesting

nothing to say... lol

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 02:17:52 PM
  More and more young people simply pass on the labels and live the way they feel.

Your arguments sound very weighty.

Quote from: The thing on January 16, 2017, 02:45:25 PM
Your arguments sound very weighty.

Not trying to get too heavy but you know, whose life is it?  Do we let one person or the masses decide our fate?

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 03:11:18 PM
Not trying to get too heavy but you know, whose life is it?  Do we let one person or the masses decide our fate?

Yes, I understand. But it so happened that I was the trigger process. Because I feel responsible for the choice of partner.

First, I would suggest to stop "persuading" him to do anything...you can suggest (once), but after that it can be seen (by him) as a threat to the relationship.

"If I don't "be the girl", The Thing might leave me!"

"If I don't take hormones, The Thing might leave me!"

Etc.

If you're concerned about his manhood, you can ask if he wants to go back to his original body...if he says yes or no, accept it as his answer.

Now having said that...if there's no controlling or abuse issues, I wouldn't think a man would take hormones simply to please another person, because it affects so much--as you noted, his skin is softer, breasts, different perspective, etc. If you don't have these issues, you did not trigger his transition. He is responsible for his choices. This suggests to me that he is trans...but as you've read already, there's an entire spectrum of variables and outcomes.

Ask your partner what he wants (and find out what pronouns--he, she, ze, ihr--are preferred).

And a question for you: if your partner continues with hormones, would you be comfortable with that? How about dressing as a woman outside the bedroom, to the store, football, etc? Would any of that change for you?

Good luck with this, hoping for the best!

I don't, of course, know either of you but I think you might be overly generous about responsibility?  We are talking about an adult, right?  And they can get on this site too and maybe ask questions or explore some?  It's not like you are turning them on to meth or heroin ;)

We sometimes even print the words "Trigger Warning" on incendiary posts but that suggests we are being sensitive to possible responses.  I imagine you are also being sensitive to your boyfriends needs and perhaps discovering more about each other in the process.  I think for most of us it is a futile effort to try and put this genie back in the bottle once she has tasted freedom. 

In a clinical sense gender dysphoria may be one strong indicator of being transgender and then some folks claim to have little or none of that too.   Does your partner not seem happy going this direction?

There are options to stop transition that people do exercise.  Being on HRT may have impacts on our relationships, libido or ability to get/keep an erection that can impact intimacy that give us pause.  Reading the small print and getting better informed is so easy now and you have already started right here.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on January 16, 2017, 03:27:43 PM


And a question for you: if your partner continues with hormones, would you be comfortable with that? How about dressing as a woman outside the bedroom, to the store, football, etc? Would any of that change for you?

Good luck with this, hoping for the best!

Yes, I need to know my partner better about the plans.I am in principle willing to accept in any form. I doubt that all the friends will be glad to see the new look.

Thank you!

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 03:37:11 PM


In a clinical sense gender dysphoria may be one strong indicator of being transgender and then some folks claim to have little or none of that too.   Does your partner not seem happy going this direction?

There are options to stop transition that people do exercise.  Being on HRT may have impacts on our relationships, libido or ability to get/keep an erection that can impact intimacy that give us pause.  Reading the small print and getting better informed is so easy now and you have already started right here.

He does not have gender dysphoria, I asked.

Yes we both are aware of the impact on potency. But he was always a passive position in sex. In addition, he does not want to have children.

Quote from: The thing on January 16, 2017, 04:10:05 PM
Yes, I need to know my partner better about the plans.I am in principle willing to accept in any form. I doubt that all the friends will be glad to see the new look.

Thank you!

Yes, you two may experience some social changes if coming out.  I have always been queer as well as TG and the community knew me as gay or bi before my gender transition.  Darned if I don't get any more invitations to the Gay Mens Potluck anymore and some friends who are lesbian don't see me as a member of that club either.  Identity politics and affiliations are just some of the challenges of being out.

We had a conversation. He said that he would continue his journey toward feminization. Partner has even thought of surgical correction of the face. Said realized that combines the male mind, but a woman's heart. He confessed that he wanted to go out as a woman in society. However, you can access it like a man, because he is still the same person. He says that he develops femininity, but is going to keep the masculine. For me, all this is strange. Some things are mutually exclusive.

I think your partner may be part of growing awareness of gender as a spectrum or of many different gender identities.  The old classic narrative may still fit the majority of people who transition to a binary place, female or male.  Others like me consider the current term Non Binary and in my personal situation i feel like some kind of hybrid or amalgam of genders.  It can seem complicated even to those living and traveling this path.

We have had discussions here regarding the question "are you the same person after transition" with a nice variety of responses.  My answer is no. i am a very different person than 5 years ago and what a relief!  Our memories and experiences don't disappear but our perspectives and expression can feel like a whole new life.

My partner was very certainly helpful in getting me out of the trans closet.  Quite a ride you may have helped get rolling eh?

this seems to me great! hope you are happy and i am happy for both of you.

Yes, thanks to your advice, I decided to fully support partner along the way. Maybe he will change his ego on a woman's what you're all the time implying. Wait and see.

Hopefully we'll be fine)

It's been quite a while... So, I need to report the news of the last few months. My partner continues to feminize. She takes estrogen, did orchiectomies a month ago. But plans to save the penis, she explains it by wanting to save some of the male nature. It continues to remain ambiguous. Although outwardly more and more female look. Breast reached a size of 34 b changed gait and facial expression... She's still thinking about facial plasticity, but she's not sure yet.

Hey TT thanks for checking in and giving us an update.  So you are still together and she is experiencing even more changes.  I consider it smart to have had an orchiectomy.  For those of us who know this is permanent, the reduction in medication needs is reason enough.  There are huge numbers of trans folks who favor or have an androgynous appearance too.  Does she talk about any specific goals?

It sounds like a successful transition for both of you so far?  How are you two feeling about all these changes?

Quote from: The thing on July 30, 2017, 11:59:39 PM
It's been quite a while... So, I need to report the news of the last few months. My partner continues to feminize. She takes estrogen, did orchiectomies a month ago. But plans to save the penis, she explains it by wanting to save some of the male nature. It continues to remain ambiguous. Although outwardly more and more female look. Breast reached a size of 34 b changed gait and facial expression... She's still thinking about facial plasticity, but she's not sure yet.

Are you pleased with the results.  I would have loved to have a wife like you.  My ex liked me wearing pantyhose or stockings, but that was as far as she would go.

Quote from: Tessa James on July 31, 2017, 02:21:27 PM

  Does she talk about any specific goals?

It sounds like a successful transition for both of you so far?  How are you two feeling about all these changes?

She wants to see further progress in the field of busts and hips and possibly change facial features with the help of surgery. Besides, she wants to develop a woman's voice by trinishing.

Yes, we both are happy about the changes. I am also happy because my orientation is mobile, and in the gender plan, I'm not 100% male, at a certain point in my life I considered myself as bigender... But the male EGO in my case turned out to be very strong =) Nevertheless, it's nice to see my girlfriend next to me, because my habits, emotions and interests go beyond just brutality;) I believe the partner is comfortable to have a number of such a versatile person too.

Quote from: AnneK on July 31, 2017, 02:32:16 PM
  I would have loved to have a wife like you.  My ex liked me wearing pantyhose or stockings, but that was as far as she would go.

I see... Try to find a queer woman for a serious relationship ... It is difficult to expect from a heterosexual wife to implement such actions. So, that you are looking for a spouse in the LGBT community. Wish you luck.

This is very interesting. Had never heard about this. Kinda hope my boyfriend is as excited whenever he experiences my physical changes.

Good luck and I'm glad things are working out for you two.

Um...hi. I'm a little confused here.  First of all may I ask if you are trans, male, female, what?  So you had a gay cis male as a boyfriend and you encouraged him to transition and take estrogen? And now she has transitioned and has breasts and female attributes? Ok, please don't be like offended or anything but that's the most unusual thing I've heard. It sounds like a story you would find in like a fetish magazine or something. I'm just saying. If both of you are happy then cool.
Julia

It seems possible if a gay guy (and very confident in his life style choices) might have some desires to try and once tried, he wanted more. I wouldn't take it as he was actually forced to do anything, more like he had those suppressed desires all along and his partner suggestions turned the green light for him


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I know I had suppressed my desires to transition. My best friend (at the time) was riding things about me, and convinced me to go ahead with transition. When he tried to get me to switch back, that whole relationship was over.

If you stay together, love her with all your heart. If not, it would be best to just go your separate ways. I am happy for her.

Quote from: Julia1996 on July 31, 2017, 07:58:09 PM
First of all may I ask if you are trans, male, female, what?  So you had a gay cis male as a boyfriend and you encouraged him to transition and take estrogen? And now she has transitioned and has breasts and female attributes? Ok, please don't be like offended or anything but that's the most unusual thing I've heard. It sounds like a story you would find in like a fetish magazine or something. I'm just saying. If both of you are happy then cool.
Julia

I'm genetically a man. But to some extent I have a female side, as I have already written a part of life has identified as bigender. Now it seems that I stopped as a man with a broad outlook and sensual range. 100% will remain as a man, my physiology and a man's social role suits me. You can discuss clothes, watch a romantic film, flirt, be very open and sensual while remaining a man.

Yes, I opened for this man a woman's dressing room and offered to take hormones for a short period of time, I did not think that the partner is so keen. It began as a game.

I agree with you this is strange. But life sometimes is more amazing than in a movie. Yes, the partner just got addicted to everything female and went to change physiology, there must have been some inner preconditions. She says that she likes to be attractive not only for gays, when she looks like a woman, more men can pay attention to her. She also likes the variety of images, models of behavior that women show. She fell in love with women's clothes, she likes to create images. She likes a double life. Since she does not abandon the male personality habits and works so far as a man. So, that maybe a person is simply immersed in a fascinating experiment in a compartment with a certain fetishism. This person always liked to stand out and be special. As for me, I have a wide sexual range so for me much is acceptable)

Quote from: Lady Sarah on July 31, 2017, 10:11:21 PM
I know I had suppressed my desires to transition. My best friend (at the time) was riding things about me, and convinced me to go ahead with transition. When he tried to get me to switch back, that whole relationship was over.

If you stay together, love her with all your heart. If not, it would be best to just go your separate ways. I am happy for her.

I no longer think to try to deploy this man. A few months ago, I just felt guilty ... But now I understand that my partner feels good along the way.

I would not say that we love each other. We are good friends and we have good sex.

My partner no longer wants to change into the female side. The partner said that he was fed up with women's dresses and wants to stop taking female hormones.

She had an orchi and now want to stop transitioning. Wow, that's a shame.

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 01, 2017, 08:51:12 AM
She had an orchi and now want to stop transitioning. Wow, that's a shame.

That is how it is. In addition, almost 1.5 years of hormone use were not necessary. How do I think I'm responsible for this?

This is one of the reason that therapy is important. Often we aren't sure of exactly what we are so therapy combined with a period of RLE before anything irreversible is done will tell us more about ourself. Another consideration is testosterone in a transgender MTF contributes to the dysphoria we feel. Eliminate the testosterone and we tend to feel far less dysphoria. This often can be experienced before surgery with a testosterone blocker and gives us a better idea what it will be like after surgery. Again this is a reason for a year of HRT before any surgery.

Now comes the question, which hormone will your partner chose to take. If it's testosterone and your partner is transgender, the dysphoria will return and that will indicate your partner is truly transgender. If no hormones are used, it's possible there will be health issues. This needs to be discussed with both a therapist and a doctors for the long term health of your partner.

As for your blame, your partner was part of the decision and could have said no at any point. Unfortunately hindsight is always 100% and decisions where made without enough knowledge. I don't think you should blame your self and now you need to be there to help your partner discover what they want for the future.

My partner probably did not experience dysphoria. Feminization was more like an adventure, a new experience. Apparently the adventure went too far and the partner finally realized it. I'll find out what this person will take as therapy. For now I can say that my partner is completely prostrate.

Well dear Thing life can be so interesting and then even incredible.  There are a multiple reasons a person may tire of clothing changes or transition.  While the novelty can feel adventuresome the reality of living even part time as a woman can take a lot of energy and stamina.   

Every step of transition we have the opportunity and responsibility as adults to really read and understand the fine print on the consent forms for medication and/or surgery.  This site demonstrates that the critical information is out there.  It is easy to acknowledge the challenges but maintaining resolve and resilience during this level of change is daunting.

Wavering about decisions is not uncommon.  I hope they take a good look and long pause with perhaps more counseling before anymore irreversible actions are decided on.   

There is a possibility that you are right. I hope that everything will clear up.

Wow that must be tough. I suggest going to therapy as well so they can find out who they really are and what they really want. How are they feeling emotionally at the moment?

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 02, 2017, 07:46:33 PM
Wow that must be tough. I suggest going to therapy as well so they can find out who they really are and what they really want. How are they feeling emotionally at the moment?

The partner does not want to go to the specialists, I several times had biseds on this topic.

The partner feels emptied, apathetic, listless, there is also a certain disappointment and fatigue.

So sorry to hear that :(

Hormones crashing after surgery can cause some of this. In addition the drop in hormones can cause emotions to be stronger and there is a possibility of depression. Unfortunately a therapist is needed as well as an endocrinologist to work out the correct hormone balance. Some how you need to get your partner to seek help.

Some how you need to get your partner to seek help.
Now.

After haveing been to both a generalist and a for real gender therapist, I have to say there is a world of difference between the two. Without a broad knowledge bases and experience with the totally broad spectrum of clients with GD and the means they worked out to manage it, it is hard for a therapist to grasp what a client may be going through

Unfortunately my partner does not trust specialists in this matter. Since this person believes that he knows himself much better.

For a long time I did not make updates. But I think that it is necessary to share the attendant.

My partner seems to have finally decided on his future. He considers himself as a man. However, this is not a full way back.

Said several times over the past year tried to stop taking female hormones. But he returned to the use of estrogen every time. First, his body got used to such a chemical position. Secondly, it was not so important for him to look brutal. So that he decided to continue hormone therapy.

He also did not completely abandon the wearing of women's clothing. Said wearing a bra on a regular basis, also prefers women's trousers, in general, in everyday life prefers a unisex style.

Thank you for the update. It sounds like your partner may be part of the non binary where there isn't a clear male/female identity. Unfortunately I don't have a really good link to give you but starting here (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender#Genderqueer) and the following two entries may proved some useful information about this.

Quote from: Dena on January 25, 2019, 07:33:32 PM
It sounds like your partner may be part of the non binary where there isn't a clear male/female identity.

Yes, my partner has an unusual situation. As I understand it, he perceives himself as a man cross-dresser. Such as for my partner, women's clothing has become less fascinating, but is still used.  Most of all, he wears unisex clothing and men's clothing, but the dresses did not disappear completely from his wardrobe.

Said feels OK to have a female breast, and the fact that the changes in his figure are still slowly going to the female side. But, as he told me, if he had a time machine, he would not take estrogen.

Sometimes he behaves like a woman, but I don't know whether this is part of the image or is it a property of his mind, or is it due to 3 years of HRT.

Quote from: The thing on January 25, 2019, 11:33:47 PM

What does he regret about being on hrt? If he stops now, he may be able to reverse most of the changes. Also, he can get the nipples changed back. But if you both agreed in your relationship that he should be on hrt and he wants it for you, then I personally can't comment on that... As long as he's not distressed, and you understand that this could possibly risk the mental health of your boyfriend.

I'm curious what you both look like.. Can you post a photo or send one to me in private? Yeah, I really wanna know lol

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This had been one of the most interesting threads that I've ever read in my life. I am glad that things are working out. I must say that there is zero chance in my opinion that someone would start HRT without being transgender. It could happen, but I seriously doubt.

@Allison S

Quote from: Allison S on January 26, 2019, 03:54:10 AM

What does he regret about being on hrt? If he stops now, he may be able to reverse most of the changes. Also, he can get the nipples changed back. But if you both agreed in your relationship that he should be on hrt and he wants it for you, then I personally can't comment on that... As long as he's not distressed, and you understand that this could possibly risk the mental health of your boyfriend.

I'm curious what you both look like.. Can you post a photo or send one to me in private? Yeah, I really wanna know lol

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Hi Allison,                           21 February 2019

"I'm curious what you both look like.. Can you post a photo or send one to me in private? Yeah, I really wanna know lol"

How about you going first since you brought it up.

Best Always, Love
Christine

Quote from: christinej78 on February 21, 2019, 02:18:01 PM
@Allison S
Hi Allison,                           21 February 2019

"I'm curious what you both look like.. Can you post a photo or send one to me in private? Yeah, I really wanna know lol"

How about you going first since you brought it up.

Best Always, Love
Christine

Was this directed at you? Lol I'm not sure it was.. And I've posted many pics of me a while back. My question was mostly tongue in cheek anyway...

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Quote from: Allison S on February 21, 2019, 04:42:19 PM
Was this directed at you? Lol I'm not sure it was.. And I've posted many pics of me a while back. My question was mostly tongue in cheek anyway...

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Hi Allison,                        21 February 2019

"My question was mostly tongue in cheek anyway..."

So was my post. Which part of yours wasn't?

Best Always, Love
Chris

Quote from: christinej78 on February 22, 2019, 12:23:20 AM
Hi Allison,                        21 February 2019

"My question was mostly tongue in cheek anyway..."

So was my post. Which part of yours wasn't?

Best Always, Love
Chris

Lol you made me chuckle this morning- I needed it [emoji28]
I still wanna see what this couple looks like!! A guy feminizing his bf is too interesting 
(I know they won't send a pic for privacy reasons anyway...)

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If I read dirty stories elaborating on this one could be very interesting. If done right could make 50 shades blush. I am all in for a movie, book, or a story about this dom and sub relationship. Sounds spicy!