I transitioned socially on the 28th December 2016, I'd had enough of dressing to please others and hurting myself in the process. I could no longer pretend to be someone I'm not. Christmas day was very difficult for me and I decided enough was enough. I would have transitioned months ago, but was trying to respect other people and give them time to process and understand. On reflection, this was ridiculous as the said peeps will never understand it. I battle Major depressive disorder, stress, anxiety, chronic fatigue, along with various other problems. I believe they all stemmed from my gender dysphoria(GD). I didn't discover my GD until last year. I think my upbringing and mental health stuff got in the way of discovering myself.
(**Warning. Some language may follow & Sensitive mental health stuff**)
The latest of a long string crud. Wednesday 18th January. My partner and I had invited a friend over to watch a space movie at our place. Gem (my partner) was out with our pup at puppy class and our friend had just arrived. We were talking and joking and having a nice time. 10 mins after she arrived however, there is a knock on the door. Gems auntie (B1) is standing at our door. She asks if Gem is in. I told her she'd be back in 10 mins. She turned to Gems uncle (B2), who was out of sight at this stage and whispered something. She then turns to me and says (aggressively) 'are you going to invite us in or are we just going to stand out here'. I was ready to close the door on them at this point as I have enough ->-bleeped-<- to deal with. I told them I had a friend over and Gem would be back in 10. I invited them in and offered tea/coffee. They decided to wait in the car.
(Shakes have started upon writing this. The pup is mad and squeaking his toy, not good as I'm so on edge and tense :s)
I was confused and was worried something had happened Gems grandmother as she isn't all that well currently. I called Gem and told her to expect an ambush as we had no clue they were coming and I could sense the hostility.
Gem appeared home, B1 and B2 followed her in and sat down. I made B2 a mug of tea. They were sitting at the edge of the seats, seeming tense and awkward. I wasn't looking forward to this... They sat awkwardly for 15 minutes before B2 asked me 'what's with the outfit?' I told him about GD and how I needed to change so I could live my life. I said I socially transitioned on the 28th and had started living as me, Jessica full time now. They went quiet again. Our friend took the dog outside to play with him as she wasn't comfortable. B1 then started accusing us of lying to everyone. I was respecting Gems parents as they wanted to be the ones to tell everyone on their side, but sure, what does that matter. I was apparently doing all this to hurt people. They accused me of 'making their name the laughing stock of their town'; 'lying to their faces'; losing them business at the car dealership B2 owns; moving to 'their town'; 'scaring their children' and saying people have been talking about us all over town (I have few friends here who I trust, and who understand. I very much doubt people have been talking, and I think they exaggerated this).
They refused to call me Jessica and used my former name. saying 'it's on your birth certificate so you're called –(old name)-' B1 was quiet but very hostile when she talked, B2 did most of the talking. By this point I was having a panic attack and could feel adrenalin surging through my body. I had to suppress it and it was bloody horrible. Every muscle was beginning to shake, my heart rate doubled, I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. I could feel my mental walls, as such, being destroyed. My confidence being diminished.
This trend continued throughout the conversation. Anything I said was interrupted before I could explain things fully and misunderstood. They then brought my mental health into it. This was a step to far and I was losing patience. They said I was lazy and was using Gem for her money. I've been struggling to live for 6.5 years; all the damage has taken its toll and with the stress of transitioning I had to stop working in May of 2016. I fight every day. I do my best to stay alive and enjoy myself but I seem to keep being put down. I can never get up. It isn't a question of working or not working. I can't work given my current state of mind. I have no energy, no motivation, no will to live. I simply cannot do it. I feel like a burden to my partner because I can't support her financially and this is always on my mind. They wouldn't accept any of what I said. There was no convincing them. I felt and still feel terrible, their words cut deep. I can't believe they brought my health and our financial situation into it. It isn't any of their business and it was extremely rude and evil.
At this point I realised there was literally no point to this conversation. They were hurting me, bringing things I can't control into it. I could feel the damage being done so I asked them to leave our home. They said no. At this point they are trespassing in our home and I was really, really close to calling the police. My body was shutting down and emotions were overwhelming me. They continued to insult me, while trying to convince Gem to leave me. Saying I've been 'useless since the day and hour I shown up'. They think I'm using Gem for support too, saying I'll just run away after transitioning and find a boy. This is complete BS as I love her, I'm still attracted to her and I love her. Forever.
Eventually they left. On the way out B2 told said if I ever hurt Gem he'd find me. I said 'the only people hurting Gem, and myself, are you two'.
The following 24 hours involved many (or one huge) breakdowns. My emotions were everywhere, they hurt me so much. I couldn't breath and wanted/want to die. My muscles hardly worked, walking was a challenge. I had heart palpitations, my digestive system was messed up. My whole body was pretty much <bollox3d>. Along with my mind, broken into 1 million tiny pieces.
These people have hurt my very soul. I was gaining confidence and becoming happier with myself, after so much time and effort. They tore me apart and walked away. I equate what they did to someone visiting a person with a broken leg, then using a hammer and repeatedly hitting the broken leg, making the leg worse and increasing the recovery time. The pain was, and still is at times, intolerable. I don't know how to move on. Maybe I was right for all those years, in thinking death was/is better for me.
I just want to live and be me, and be happy. This ->-bleeped-<- can't go on. I've suffered a lifetime of pain and I've had enough. Some people are ignorant and unwilling to understand.
#sorryfortherant
JessicaK
Moderator edit: Language policy.
Death isnt the option. This was a major road block for sure and i am so sorry you had to go through that. I know what it is like to have family try to sh*t down on your transition. In my opinion they took it to far. If my SO reletives did that i would set up major boundarys, one until they get better educated i would not discuss these things, they are not part of the relationship and if they want to pull that crap i would tell them to MYOB. 2, if i had company over and someone comes in uninvited (doesnt matter who they are) they are to be respectful at ALL times or its out the door with 'em. I know its your GFs reletives but they need to be taught how to respect people and to butt out of things that do not concern them. Just my 2 cents, and i am sure you will get other replys saying something different but i cant stand people like that.
Keep your head up girl, you DO have much to live for
-Ashley xoxo
Quote from: JessicaK on January 23, 2017, 10:24:41 AM
I battle Major depressive disorder, stress, anxiety, chronic fatigue, along with various other problems. I believe they all stemmed from my gender dysphoria(GD).
Ditto
'what's with the outfit?'
Classic passive/aggressive. You poor thing.
I told him about GD and how I needed to change so I could live my life. I said I socially transitioned on the 28th and had started living as me, Jessica full time now. They went quiet again. Our friend took the dog outside to play with him as she wasn't comfortable. B1 then started accusing us of lying to everyone. I was respecting Gems parents as they wanted to be the ones to tell everyone on their side, but sure, what does that matter. I was apparently doing all this to hurt people. They accused me of 'making their name the laughing stock of their town'; 'lying to their faces'; losing them business at the car dealership B2 owns; moving to 'their town'; 'scaring their children' and saying people have been talking about us all over town (I have few friends here who I trust, and who understand. I very much doubt people have been talking, and I think they exaggerated this).
They refused to call me Jessica and used my former name. saying 'it's on your birth certificate so you're called –(old name)-' B1 was quiet but very hostile when she talked, B2 did most of the talking. By this point I was having a panic attack and could feel adrenalin surging through my body. I had to suppress it and it was bloody horrible. Every muscle was beginning to shake, my heart rate doubled, I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. I could feel my mental walls, as such, being destroyed. My confidence being diminished.
This trend continued throughout the conversation. Anything I said was interrupted before I could explain things fully and misunderstood. They then brought my mental health into it. This was a step to far and I was losing patience. They said I was lazy and was using Gem for her money. I've been struggling to live for 6.5 years; all the damage has taken its toll and with the stress of transitioning I had to stop working in May of 2016. I fight every day. I do my best to stay alive and enjoy myself but I seem to keep being put down. I can never get up. It isn't a question of working or not working. I can't work given my current state of mind. I have no energy, no motivation, no will to live. I simply cannot do it. I feel like a burden to my partner because I can't support her financially and this is always on my mind. They wouldn't accept any of what I said. There was no convincing them. I felt and still feel terrible, their words cut deep. I can't believe they brought my health and our financial situation into it. It isn't any of their business and it was extremely rude and evil.
At this point I realised there was literally no point to this conversation. They were hurting me, bringing things I can't control into it. I could feel the damage being done so I asked them to leave our home. They said no. At this point they are trespassing in our home and I was really, really close to calling the police. My body was shutting down and emotions were overwhelming me. They continued to insult me, while trying to convince Gem to leave me. Saying I've been 'useless since the day and hour I shown up'. They think I'm using Gem for support too, saying I'll just run away after transitioning and find a boy. This is complete BS as I love her, I'm still attracted to her and I love her. Forever.
Eventually they left. On the way out B2 told said if I ever hurt Gem he'd find me. I said 'the only people hurting Gem, and myself, are you two'.
That's an escalation with a veiled threat of violence.
The following 24 hours involved many (or one huge) breakdowns. My emotions were everywhere, they hurt me so much. I couldn't breath and wanted/want to die. My muscles hardly worked, walking was a challenge. I had heart palpitations, my digestive system was messed up. My whole body was pretty much fu*k3d. Along with my mind, broken into 1 million tiny pieces.
These people have hurt my very soul. I was gaining confidence and becoming happier with myself, after so much time and effort. They tore me apart and walked away. I equate what they did to someone visiting a person with a broken leg, then using a hammer and repeatedly hitting the broken leg, making the leg worse and increasing the recovery time. The pain was, and still is at times, intolerable. I don't know how to move on. Maybe I was right for all those years, in thinking death was/is better for me.
I just want to live and be me, and be happy. This ->-bleeped-<- can't go on. I've suffered a lifetime of pain and I've had enough. Some people are ignorant and unwilling to understand.
#sorryfortherant
JessicaK
I so sorry you had to endure that. My own brother continues to misgender me as I found out last weekend. This is after I came out to him 14 months ago, so I know what it's like to have to deal with people like that. But this is clearly some really bad abuse. I think you need a hug dear. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FoFebYPi.png&hash=3c92416dfc5b7c7f5b614adeaf505772c7e6a427)
Hi Jessica, and welcome! :)
Sorry to hear these people have attacked you when you're feeling so vulnerable. It's incredibly hard to stand up for yourself when your mental health isn't at its best so I'm sure you did the very best you could under the circumstances. I'm curious: what does Gem have to say about all this? These people are her relatives; how does she feel about them attacking you in your own home?
Anyway, it's almost a week after the event so hopefully you've had a bit of time to recover, but now you have a chance to do something about this. You haven't mentioned where you live (there are people here from all over the world) but if it's an option for you, consider speaking to the police about this. You were verbally attacked in your own home and the things they said to you would certainly be considered a hate crime in many countries. It's also likely that auntie & uncle dearest could be charged with harassment and/or victimisation if they keep picking on you & your partner, so start building a case with the cops if you can. I'm in the UK where most police forces have specially trained LGBT officers who would take this sort of complaint very seriously.
After discussing this with Gem, ask the police whether you can apply for some sort of restraining order against these people. It's easier to fight when you don't have to do it alone, so getting the cops on your side can be a good idea. But if the cops aren't any help, ask Gem to write to these two clowns and tell them that they are no longer welcome in her home, and they are not to approach either one of you again and if they attempt to make any contact with either of you the police will be called.
Try to get as much support as you can from your friends & loved ones. But let Gem deal with her family, and get the cops involved for support if you can. If possible, get as many witnesses as you can & get everyone to make a statement to the cops about what went on last week.
They were incredibly cruel to you and sadly this isn't an uncommon thing; many of us have had to deal with unspeakable cruelties from our so-called loved ones before things got better. But it really does get better with time, even if some 'family' members might need to be written off.
Quote from: SailorMars1994 on January 23, 2017, 10:49:59 AM
2, if i had company over and someone comes in uninvited (doesnt matter who they are) they are to be respectful at ALL times or its out the door with 'em. I know its your GFs parents but they need to be taught how to respect people and to butt out of things that do not concern them. Just my 2 cents, and i am sure you will get other replys saying something different but i cant stand people like that.
Keep your head up girl, you DO have much to live for
-Ashley xoxo
Thank you. We have decided not to let them into our home and are improving security.
Quote from: Jane Emily on January 23, 2017, 11:00:25 AM
I so sorry you had to endure that. My own brother continues to misgender me as I found out last weekend. This is after I came out to him 14 months ago, so I know what it's like to have to deal with people like that. But this is clearly some really bad abuse. I think you need a hug dear. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FoFebYPi.png&hash=3c92416dfc5b7c7f5b614adeaf505772c7e6a427)
Aw thank you, I hope your brother realises his mistake soon.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on January 23, 2017, 11:11:28 AM
Hi Jessica, and welcome! :)
Sorry to hear these people have attacked you when you're feeling so vulnerable. It's incredibly hard to stand up for yourself when your mental health isn't at its best so I'm sure you did the very best you could under the circumstances. I'm curious: what does Gem have to say about all this? These people are her relatives; how does she feel about them attacking you in your own home?
Anyway, it's almost a week after the event so hopefully you've had a bit of time to recover, but now you have a chance to do something about this. You haven't mentioned where you live (there are people here from all over the world) but if it's an option for you, consider speaking to the police about this. You were verbally attacked in your own home and the things they said to you would certainly be considered a hate crime in many countries. It's also likely that auntie & uncle dearest could be charged with harassment and/or victimisation if they keep picking on you & your partner, so start building a case with the cops if you can. I'm in the UK where most police forces have specially trained LGBT officers who would take this sort of complaint very seriously.
After discussing this with Gem, ask the police whether you can apply for some sort of restraining order against these people. It's easier to fight when you don't have to do it alone, so getting the cops on your side can be a good idea. But if the cops aren't any help, ask Gem to write to these two clowns and tell them that they are no longer welcome in her home, and they are not to approach either one of you again and if they attempt to make any contact with either of you the police will be called.
Try to get as much support as you can from your friends & loved ones. But let Gem deal with her family, and get the cops involved for support if you can. If possible, get as many witnesses as you can & get everyone to make a statement to the cops about what went on last week.
They were incredibly cruel to you and sadly this isn't an uncommon thing; many of us have had to deal with unspeakable cruelties from our so-called loved ones before things got better. But it really does get better with time, even if some 'family' members might need to be written off.
Thank you. I'm not the best at putting my feelings into words but i don't think there would have been any words in existence that would have changed their minds. They're self centered and care about no one.
Gem and I have been trying to keep all the family we can. I don't want her to have to push her family away. After they left Gem said 'maybe losing them wouldn't be so bad'. I hate that it has come to this. B1 (auntie) text her on wed night but Gem didn't reply. B1 called Gem several times over the next 24 hours. Eventually Gem told her she didn't want to speak to her. She hasn't talked to her mum or dad about it all. To be fair her parents are as bad and i've had worse accusations from them in the past. We live in Northern Ireland.
It's nice to hear I'm not just over reacting when I wanted to call the police. It's nice that some people understand.
I can't leave the house. I'm exhausted and scared. I can't see a way to fix this. The mental problems are showing themselves physically still. Life just has a habit of ->-bleeped-<-ting on me and it grinds you down.
Thank you for the kind words everyone! Hopefully i can get some confidence and energy back soon.
OMG in addition to our trans-status we also got the Irish part in common :)! Well, my mom is from the Republic of Ireland and not the Northern part (born in Dublin) :)! but in all seriousness i am glad your gf has put the breaks on them. it was totally out of their bounds. For many many years, before Ashley was born in 2014 i was a hge push over, it took a looong time but Ashley helped me grow a back bone, and to this day i have her to thank!! if you ever need to PM i am here <3
I loathe people like that, I really do. Reading through your experience, actually made me feel a little angry, because no one should have to put up with such abuse from people, and the fact that they refused to leave after you asked them is horrible.
I'm sorry you had to put up with all of that nonsense.
Oh JessicaK,
That's dreadful. I wish a hug and a virtual cookie or two would help, but I'm not so sure, and we are so vulnerable during transition.
Sadly this does need to be reported to the police, simply so they have as long a history as possible to be able to protect you.
Nurture your relationship, spend good time with your partner.
Rowan
Everyone else has already said helpful things so I won't repeat them. I just want to state that I agree you should take this to the police if they continue harassing you even in the slightest. I am very sorry you had to go through that, but glad you seem to have a very supportive partner.
Jessica, I have nothing helpful to add that hasn't already been said. So I'll just say how sorry I am to hear that you're having to endure this. I think for many of us here, this type of reaction from family members is what we dread the most. Please remember we're all here for you whenever you need to get things off your chest like this. Sometimes we can offer advice, sometimes just a listening ear that is supportive and affirming.
Please remember that you've made it this far by being strong. You might feel weak or guilty or certainly a lot of pain, but you've made it this far by having the strength to overcome those things. You're on the cusp of discovering real happiness in your life and you don't have to let your partner's family's intolerance stand in your way. Keep doing what you know is right and prove to the world how strong you are!!
Quote from: SailorMars1994 on January 23, 2017, 12:46:11 PM
OMG in addition to our trans-status we also got the Irish part in common :)! Well, my mom is from the Republic of Ireland and not the Northern part (born in Dublin) :)! but in all seriousness i am glad your gf has put the breaks on them. it was totally out of their bounds. For many many years, before Ashley was born in 2014 i was a hge push over, it took a looong time but Ashley helped me grow a back bone, and to this day i have her to thank!! if you ever need to PM i am here <3
Hi Ashley. Thanks for your kind words :) I'm going to Dublin on the 28th this month, I've only been once before but i really like it. Taking the train down with a group of close friends.
Thank you zamber74, Rowan, Ic100 and lisawb.
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. It really means a lot to me.
Quote from: Sno on January 23, 2017, 02:11:43 PM
Sadly this does need to be reported to the police, simply so they have as long a history as possible to be able to protect you.
Nurture your relationship, spend good time with your partner.
Rowan
I honestly don't know how i would go about reporting this. I've never been to the police for anything and haven't the vaguest idea where to start. Has anyone had to report behavior like this before? If so could you explain the process please?
As for my partner, I try my best to spend as much time with her. I imagine my nightly breakdowns are becoming somewhat annoying tho. She's been with me for 2 years, when I'm really down I live for her...and my dog. Protective factor says my counselor.
On another, slightly weird note. I seem to have developed a weird coping mechanism when i break down and everything gets too much. I empty my lungs of air and hold for as long as i can, until my body forces me to breath. Seems to be the only thing that stops the pain, even just for a moment.
Seems to upset my puppy tho.
Hope everyone is well. x
-Jessica-
Hi Jessica!
OMGosh, girlfriend, what you went through, omg, I am sooo sorry!!!
Such vileness!!!
The audacity of some people still amazes me, what a bunch of garbage-minded bigotry.
I don't know what to say, except that I am sorry you had this happen, and I agree that losing people like that is a good thing, but yeah, i feel for your partner, too, heck she is related...
I hope you have a good therapist and can build a local support network, these things need to be dealt with by a professional, and having people in real life that understand is an immeasurable advantage..
Hang on, sweetie, it was so very brave for you to face your own needs, in the end, bigots will be bigots, and your happiness and well-being are far more important than the opinions of others...
Big cyber-hug!!
((HUG))
Missy
Quote from: MissGendered on January 23, 2017, 07:01:36 PM
Hi Jessica!
OMGosh, girlfriend, what you went through, omg, I am sooo sorry!!!
Such vileness!!!
The audacity of some people still amazes me, what a bunch of garbage-minded bigotry.
I don't know what to say, except that I am sorry you had this happen, and I agree that losing people like that is a good thing, but yeah, i feel for your partner, too, heck she is related...
I hope you have a good therapist and can build a local support network, these things need to be dealt with by a professional, and having people in real life that understand is an immeasurable advantage..
Hang on, sweetie, it was so very brave for you to face your own needs, in the end, bigots will be bigots, and your happiness and well-being are far more important than the opinions of others...
Big cyber-hug!!
((HUG))
Missy
Hi Missy. Thank you for your kind words!
Cyber hug received! :)
Started a wee blog today.
Feeling slightly better today.
Feel free to have a read if you have a spare few minutes.
http://jesskerra.blogspot.co.uk/
Confidence still rock bottom.
Jessica
Good on ya girl! i will probably message ya PM style when done work ^^
For what it's worth, sweetie, I do not believe their outburst was about you at all. You said it yourself, they're self centred. And self absorbed, too. I've known people like this in my life. People who can't accept change, or anything out of the ordinary. They don't know how to deal with it and it freaks them out. All they care about is their own little bubble, and if they feel like anything comes close to changing that, or if they feel scared that they have to deal with something new, they turn aggressive and hateful in order to prevent it.
Some people fear what they don't understand. And rather than make an effort to learn, they decide to hate what they fear, and mount a concerted effort to try to make it go away so they can go back to burying their heads in the sand.
It's utterly horrible that you had to be subjected to that. But if it's any small consolation, it's my belief that these people just don't know any better, and deal with other things in much the same manner, rather than any reflection on you at all. When people go want to hurt, they go for the jugular. Even if, a lot of the time, they don't fully understand what they're saying.
There's no excuse for it. Take whatever steps you need to, sweetie. But know that you haven't done anything wrong, okay? It's not your fault that the only way these people know how to be is abrasive and hurtful. Saying things they knew would make you feel bad. That was the whole point. Some people see the only way to open a window being to use a sledgehammer.
I am sorry you were on the other end of it. I really, really hope things get better for you.
*extra big hug*
Jessica,
Welcome to the site.
I will add my name to the list of those who feel badly about that experience. I am glad to hear that Gem is sticking by you. It is a devastating situation. I feel badly for her as well. The old saying, you can pick your friends but you cannot choose your family. However, you can choose how much contact you have with them.
Are there rights with regards to hate crimes in Ireland? Seems like the threat treads on that if they do exist.
Don't let this alter your course. You do what you need to do.
I will be editing a word up above as we do not allow certain language on the site. We try to keep it welcoming to all ages and family members. I will also pass along some links for you. Sorry we are late touching base with you. We try to welcome newly posting members right off.
Here are those links. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in. Stay strong but flexible.
With warmth,
Joanna
Your photos on your blog are lovely! You are a beautiful young woman!
Much as it may be a wrench, would it be worth going either south or to the "mainland" in order to get on with your lives? I know that family ties can be very strong an any departure is hard, but this may still be better than staying in your present circumstances. As and when that situation improves, then you may want to consider getting back in touch with those who are making your life miserable at the moment.
You owe nothing to anyone else when it comes down to your health and well-being. Look after yourself first and foremost!
Ros (originally from the "mainland")
Your police service has advice on what to do: click here (https://www.psni.police.uk/crime/hate-crime/transphobic-hate-crime/) to go to their page on transphobic hate crime. Essentially, you can report it online via that page or you could ring 101 & select option 2 to report a transphobic hate crime.
There's a leaflet on that page which'll show you that you have a legitimate reason to call them (i.e. you've experienced transphobic verbal abuse). They also promise to assign an officer to your case & to respond to all reported incidents. The leaflet also has contact details for other organisations that may be able to help you deal with this, including Victim Support.
You don't have to go through this alone, and you shouldn't have to live in fear of these eejits. Good luck! :)
Thanks everyone. Your kind words and support are awesome!
Quote from: FTMDiaries on January 25, 2017, 04:18:55 AM
You don't have to go through this alone, and you shouldn't have to live in fear of these eejits. Good luck! :)
I will have a look at this asap, thank you.
Quote from: rosinstraya on January 25, 2017, 01:07:25 AM
Your photos on your blog are lovely! You are a beautiful young woman!
Much as it may be a wrench, would it be worth going either south or to the "mainland" in order to get on with your lives? I know that family ties can be very strong an any departure is hard, but this may still be better than staying in your present circumstances. As and when that situation improves, then you may want to consider getting back in touch with those who are making your life miserable at the moment.
You owe nothing to anyone else when it comes down to your health and well-being. Look after yourself first and foremost!
Ros (originally from the "mainland")
Thank you.
Our current financial situation is limiting. I've applied for PIP as i can't work given my mental health but it'll take about 5 weeks to hear back. Any other benefits I've applied for i haven't been eligible for.
I need the NHS so moving to the Republic of Ireland won't work. I've spent the last year setting up here. My GP is really helpful and I'm near my counselor and The GIC. Moving is our last resort, quickly becoming the more necessary option. I need to wait and see if i can get PIP as it will enable/disable us from moving.
I already had to move out from my parents home early last year as they couldn't understand or accept me. I didn't feel welcome or comfortable.
Quote from: Joanna50 on January 24, 2017, 03:44:07 PM
Welcome to the site.
I will add my name to the list of those who feel badly about that experience. I am glad to hear that Gem is sticking by you. It is a devastating situation. I feel badly for her as well. The old saying, you can pick your friends but you cannot choose your family. However, you can choose how much contact you have with them.
Are there rights with regards to hate crimes in Ireland? Seems like the threat treads on that if they do exist.
Don't let this alter your course. You do what you need to do.
Thank you. I will sensor any posts in the future and read over the links :)
Quote from: Sephirah on January 24, 2017, 03:03:45 PM
Some people fear what they don't understand. And rather than make an effort to learn, they decide to hate what they fear, and mount a concerted effort to try to make it go away so they can go back to burying their heads in the sand.
Thank you. You are totally right. Currently reading the Nat Geo Gender issue and I should totally post everyone a copy and be like 'yo bish this is real!' :D
Also, I can't seem to send private messages atm. Think I need 15 posts before i can gain a full account. I will reply to you asap Ashley!
Hey
Update
So this past week has been pretty epic....ly poor. I've only today had the energy and confidence to go out walking again. I've lost half a stone from not being able to eat from stress and feeling guilty. I haven't been able to cook or help around our house and just watched a lot of Dexter. I've been using my e-cig more because of the stress, which in turn dries my throat and makes my voice deeper...another vicious circle.
Turns out Gems aunt and uncle went to visit Gems mum after our conversation, if you could call it that. They left out a lot of things but i get the impression they made Gems mum (S) realise that things they said, and similar things S has said to me in the past, were very cruel. Gem has been texting her this past couple of days and S has used my name for the first time ever, and is using it freely now. I've had no apology from S about things she has said in the past (things that caused a butt load of damage) but she says she is worried about Gem and I and she is making an effort in telling her friends. I've had no support or understanding from S until this point so this is a turning point.
Gems aunt talked to her mum (B) and said some nasty things about us and was pretty much talking absolute plight (censoring!). Misleading her and generally being negative and hurtful towards us. B told Gems aunt that her behavior was utterly unacceptable, that she was horrible to have said them to us, and that it was to never happen again. B is also very worried but Gems mum and dad have been talking to her. Also Gem saw her today.
B owns the house we rent, hence this whole situation has been so difficult.
I feel like there has been no resolution as I am the one left hurt and damaged and without an apology. I can forgive a lot, but only if the person gives me a genuine apology and realises that they have done wrong. I forgave my mother for making me feel like an alien in what was my home. I also forgive my emotionally abusive father. Not sure why, or how, but he seems to be trying. The plot thickens!
Jessica
Jessica,
I am in no spot to lecture or give advice. Will that stop me, weeeelll(to quote David Tennant's Doctor).
Actually all I wanted to say is that I think forgiveness is a key in mental health. It's one of those things I can't define but I have a reaction when I think about it. We have to forgive those we love. If we want to move on, we often have to forgive those who don't understand, they may be ones we don't love. Especially we need to forgive ourselves.
I am working toward these things myself.
I am happy that some of the dynamic seems to be turning and maybe easier for you soon.
I wish you love, acceptance and a smoother journey.
With warmth,
Joanna
Quote from: Joanna50 on January 25, 2017, 09:37:52 PM
Jessica,
I am in no spot to lecture or give advice. Will that stop me, weeeelll(to quote David Tennant's Doctor).
Actually all I wanted to say is that I think forgiveness is a key in mental health. It's one of those things I can't define but I have a reaction when I think about it. We have to forgive those we love. If we want to move on, we often have to forgive those who don't understand, they may be ones we don't love. Especially we need to forgive ourselves.
I am working toward these things myself.
I am happy that some of the dynamic seems to be turning and maybe easier for you soon.
I wish you love, acceptance and a smoother journey.
With warmth,
Joanna
Hey
Thank you Joanna!
Well said. The problem is that I want to move on and forget about them completely. I see why they may have said the things they said, I can see their side of it. I just can't accept the damage they have caused, I can't forgive them for that, there is no justice. The emotional pain equated around the being stabbed mark. If they had done that then the police would get involved and justice would be served, there would be closure. I have no closure. I want to forget and never see them again but I can't forgive them. However, they are part of Gems family so seeing them again and having to talk to them is inevitable.
Somewhat reaching a brick wall in my head about this.
Jessica
I totally understand. I just find as we get more weighed down by others negativity, it weighs us down more. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen to us all at one time or another.
Wish you the best.
Warmly,
Joanna