I'm ready to start my transition to be physically male, but I have not come out to anyone other than my best friend. I have a boyfriend that I've been with for 2 years now, and I'm really afraid he's going to be angry and hate me for wasting his time. I don't feel that it's been a waste, and would like the relationship to continue, but he isn't attracted to men. This is all complicated and difficult for me, because I could continue on pretending to be happy as a female for him, or I could break his heart and become male. I feel like this is going to hurt him.
I would really like some advice on how to do this gently. I know you can't tell me exactly how he's going to react, but I'm really anxious about this and at least want someone to discuss with. Thank you!
-sam
You know him best and if you think this is gonna break his heart it probably will. Same thing happened to me.
There's no right/best way to do it if the outcome will be the same. But I can tell you the stages I saw:
1) Initial friendly curiousness and disbelief/not taking it too seriously
2) Realization you are serious and then he gets serious because he starts thinking of the implications
3) Grief and displeasure that you didn't say before he got involved
4) Difficulty thinking of you as male and/or referring to you as male, not wanting to overtly acknowledge it
5) Making decisions about the future, whatever that will be, in my case we are still friends and still maintain a close-ish kind of relationship, and still live together, do not know the ultimate future though
That is from a 10 year relationship, I am not sure at what stage of trust and confidence you are in with your bf. Mine accepted that transition is a given, it has to be done, and since I helped him in the past he feels he owes me support in this. When I told him the first time, it was a casual conversation, maybe even a fun sort of conversation, and it went well. However, once it is obvious you're going to act on the situation, that is when you will encounter resistance. How quickly it gets to that stage might depend on the nature of your relationship.
I'm in the same situation. I've been with my husband for 18 years. I have told my friend. My son and his gf knows. My son figured it out.
I am not very girlish of me. I am more like a guy. Don't dress up or anything. Wear functional clothing. Keep my hair short.
My husband has told me several times he is not gay when whe have talked about gay rights and stuff like that.
I am afraid he will feel betrayed and angry and sad.