Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi, I call myself Skylar and I've considered myself mtf since Nov of 2015 (well I guess i never did fit in my whole life but it just clicked on that day in realizing myself, long story but I can explain if asked). Anyway, I'm stuck and not able to move on due to fear of family and friends. My family is far right and very religious, they made it clear to me that they don't like LGBTQ people and they told me one day if I was one of any of them, they won't allow me to leave the house and this part of my memory is a bit fuzzy but I thought they also made a physical threat like punching or slapping if they found out I was one. (I don't remember for sure but its fuzzy) It's so hard having to hide my real self from everyone, the only people that I trust in my life and support me is my girlfriend and a FTM friend who used to go to my school but switched to an all online, cyber class. I do plan on beginning HRT once I am able to move out of the house (which I hope will be this year once I graduate high school, currently a senior). Lately I've been feeling like an emotional train wreck and the people that I trust to talk to are usually busy or asleep. That's not their fault but it's just inconvenient when that happens. I was recommended to check out this site so I'm also new here. Does anyone have any advice/suggestions about my situation?

Welcome Skylar.

It is hard when people who are supposed to support you turn out to be people who do harm to you.

I believe it is a good idea to find your own safe place before breaking the news, considering it is not very much time left until you are on your own.

I broke up with my abusive father when I was 16. It was pure hell. He did anything he could come up with to get me back. Cried on the phone, played nice, best friend etc.

I have surrounded myself with people who love me. I don't need people who make me feel bad about myself or who abuse me. I don't miss my father.  I'm almost 40 yo so we have been apart for many many years.

This is how I did. Not saying you need to break up with your dad, but if he threatens you or get physical, you should end your relationship at once. Noone has the right to abuse you physically, verbally or mentally.

True and sorry to hear how your dad was to you. I agree and that's why I plan to move another state away so that they can't physically bully me. I messaged Susan's Place on FB and the suggestion I got was to build a support circle and I did open up to another friend yesterday and she was very accepting so that helps. If my parents would be willing to accept me for who I am, then I wouldn't be so afraid of them. I don't like cutting people out of my life, I do believe in second chances, but knowing them it might sadly be the only option.

It is important to have supportive people in your social network. Those who don't support you, let them be.

Good that you told a friend.

True and also thanks for being the first one to welcome me here :)

Hi Skylar,

Here's some advice on your situation: survive.  Do whatever it takes to finish out school, and don't out yourself to your family in the meantime.  Because you have inherent value just as you are, and I'm so sorry your family doesn't recognize that, that they believe you have to fit their preconceived ideas just to receive basic human dignity.  So I'm afraid you're just going to have to play along until you're done with school and can get out on your own.

While you're playing the waiting game, I agree it's going to help the most to develop a support network.  That can be RL friends, but also take advantage of places like this, or others that focus on younger transitioners -- find threads that resonate with you, and chime in.

But don't neglect school, and not just schoolwork but the actual task of educating yourself to live on your own.  Start making a plan for how you'll support yourself -- like, what kind of job you'll be able to do, making a budget for yourself, how much rent costs and how you might cut those costs by sharing a space with sympathetic people, and so on.  Start doing your own laundry if you haven't already, your own housecleaning, just basic home maintenance.  For "fun" you might try going to places like Goodwill to get an idea of how much it'll cost to build your own wardrobe, build a starter kit for your kitchen, and so forth. 

Don't come out to your family until you're on your own -- you'll be in a position of strength, and they'll have much less leverage over you.  But do give them the benefit of the doubt, people can always surprise. 

And best of luck. :)

Yeah I've already been doing the waiting game, laying low cause the less problems I have, the better. I already do cook, clean, and do my own laundry. I do plan to have a career in computers and I plan on going for an associate's degree. That is a good idea about building a wardrobe, I found some clothes on places like Amazon that I really would like. In school, my grades are all As except for one B so education really isn't a problem but I'll keep doing my best. I'm still coming up with plans to move out, either with my grandparents (they're accepting people and very nice) or get an apartment. I am new to this site so idk all the threads on here, just saw this one and figured it would be a good start (and it is). My plan is to come out once I am out of the house and on my own and thanks :)

Hi Skylar,

Welcome to the site. Sorry it took us a few days to officially welcome you.

Do you mind if I ask what age you are? Couple of reasons I ask. If you are under 18, you still have to pretty much follow your parents rules. However, there is a category on here called youth talk where you can talk to others who may be your age and may experience similar situations. Sadly, it is pretty common. Do you think your parents would be cool with your going to a therapist? They can be so helpful to talk to about feelings and try to work your way through what I call the maze of being trans.

Depending on your school, there should be therapists available. Even if your parents won't take you to one, you might be able to use the school's.

I would agree with Sophie about continuing with your education. If only because not just life but a trans life tends to have costs that others don't.

I would also suggest that coming out at a school away from home is a great way to make a new start. It's like starting your life over and often the support at colleges can help in ways that public schools aren't always able to. Especially because the students are usually 18 or just turning it. Most docs will not prescribe HRT to under 18yo without parental consent.... They also usually have support groups and peer groups that can be of great help.

Hang in there. Stay in contact with your support group. Face to face is always better, but post here if no one is around.

I would also suggest not cutting your parents off. Certainly, if there is to be violence, don't stick around. If they choose to cut you off when you do come out, make it their choice. Keep a line there. There have been many who have changed their priorities over time when faced with reality.

These are all suggestions. I can't tell you what to do. Try to keep moving forward, try to keep safe. Also try to keep learning about this part of you .

I wish you love, acceptance and a smoother path for the  future.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hi and that's okay, I figured it would have. I'm 18 but I don't have a driver's license yet (have a permit but am hoping to get it before end of spring). Knowing them, they would probably take me to a religious therapist (Last time they did that was for my depression and that was no help whatsoever) or just force religion down on me more. Well at school I do meet with someone for emotional and social stuff, she claims that what I say stays between us (seems true so far but idk how things would go if I brought this up). I know there' about two or three FTMs at my school but due to the local area being conservative, idk what my school could do but I guess I could ask. True about education, I figure to do something I love (which I really enjoy computers and about almost every aspect of them, even my gf thought about pursuing it) Honestly, I would come out at school if people were more accepting, infact two of the FTMs I know at school had to go homeschooling due to issues. Well my parents just talked to me about after high school stuff and they want me to stay with them till I'm 30 (that's not happening, no way) and they tried to argue that I couldn't make it on my own even if an apartment was affordable. They just keep stressing me out and if I did decide to come out at home, it'll be hell on Earth in this house. Yeah I know and yeah I did glance at some of those links when I first found this site but I can look stuff over again.

Skylar,

I have to go teach a class now. I will try to get back to you after.

Warmly,

Joanna

I have been in computers since my first real job in '69. Back then it was all mainframes and cobol programming with some Pascal which was the precursor to structured programming language. In 1984 the first desktop PC's started hitting the job site. The incredible 56k, duel floppy drive  that I used to create our first product catalog. Then having to watch it output over the next five hours chugging along, on the ole dot matrix printer. Computers can be fun but can also demand many overtime hours often without pay because you are a salaried employee. If you are good at following strict rules you can be successful. A well written procedure can go a long way in creating a project plan that is not laden with errors. Unfortunately most companies are looking for instant gratification so they make it difficult with shortcuts and omissions which you have to repair on the fly. My final job was as a SME for the $1 billion dollar system revamp at Boeing. The problem was the system was created for processing industries that make drugs and food products, So, we basically re-wrote the parameters, since we were making a custom product that used terminology like each instead lbs.  I found project planning much more enjoyable than doing programming. Also project planning can lead to high paying consulting gigs. It's a good choice to stay in school. If you are 18 there is nothing keeping you from getting a license. You may not yet have a car but you can get a license. Enlist a friend to take you. Lastly if you remain in your home town which seems to be lacking in services it may be wise to pursue opportunities in larger cities. As to the parents. Remind them they are living their lives. It's not fair to try and live yours.

Dawn

Quote from: SkylarFox98 on February 07, 2017, 04:01:40 PM
... am hoping to get it before end of spring).

That is great news. Would this give you a little more freedom and autonomy?

Quote...Well at school I do meet with someone for emotional and social stuff, she claims that what I say stays between us (seems true so far but idk how things would go if I brought this up). I know there' about two or three FTMs at my school but due to the local area being conservative, idk what my school could do but I guess I could ask.

easy for me to say but I think it is worth the risk. If she is properly trained she cannot bring anything up to others even if you parents were supportive.

Quote...Honestly, I would come out at school if people were more accepting, infact two of the FTMs I know at school had to go homeschooling due to issues. Well my parents just talked to me about after high school stuff and they want me to stay with them till I'm 30 ...

High School can be pretty brutal. It is not like you have to start fully presenting. If you are a senior, you only have around 5 more months, right? I know it is hard to wait. To be honest, most of the ways one progresses is a waiting game too.

If they think you can't take care of yourself now, why would they think you could suddenly start taking care of yourself at 30? They need to come to the realization that their truths can/could be yours but you have to get there on your own.

I guess I would think starting with a therapist at school with this issues is a good choice compared to nothing. You can maybe present in a more androgynous way until you figure out what your approach should be. Then in college you can start making steps. Remembering that not everyone needs to be binary. Some trans folks have more fluidity in both id and presentation. Remembering my favorite new phrase, there is no one way to be trans.

I don't know if that helps. Maybe just having us here to talk to is helpful. Things can get better as you go.

Good luck.

With warmth,

Joanna

DawnOday, yeah true most of my friends do have a license and I've been hanging out with the one. I've always wanted to live in or near a city, I'm not a big fan of the rural living (due to lack of stuff here). Yeah one day I'll tell them that.

Joanna50, yes it would, I would be able to get out of the house if needed and go somewhere to a friend's or even the mall. True but it honestly took me a little while to get myself to make an account on here and letting someone new into my circle, I do have anxiety issues and get nervous easily some days. Eventually I'll try to work up my courage to bring up the issue to her or a guidance counselor at school. Yeah 5 if counting this month and I do play the waiting game, sometimes my problem is also holding stuff in cause once in a while I feel like my jar is cracking (figuratively speaking) but talking to people I trust can help this. Sometimes I feel my parents are overprotective or they underestimate what I am capable of doing, I know parents like to think of their kids as kids but we all grow up someday and I think they're having a harder time moving on so I don't fully blame them for that entirely. True I was speaking to my one friend in my circle that is trans and we was talking about gender conformity, like I don't see myself as like the "girly girl" type. Like I'm still going to like stuff that I do now and act/feel the same about certain things, sure I'll like new things and maybe act a bit different in some situations but I plan to stay true to myself. Yeah actually starting this topic is one of the best things I've don so far, turning out much better than I thought it would be  :)

Skylar,

I am glad you are finding things of worth here.

It is nice to see amidst your pain that you have the empathy to forgive your parents. That is a super trait that helps along the way.

It is hard to open up. I still have some I have not talked to yet. Both family and friends.

Not sure if you looked around the Youth Talk sub category but I bet you might see some similar experiences. I find that can be helpful for me.

Stay strong and flexible.

With warmth,

Joanna

Thanks and for me its easier to forgive others than myself, that's the hardest. I didn't yet, haven't fully explored this site but I'll go check it out. Thanks.

I was thinking and looking stuff about college and it made me ask myself some questions. how will transitioning go in college? Should I wait till after? (the sooner the better but it depends on where I live and how close is family) Questions like that. Sure I could find answers by searching them but I also want to hear from people here.

My oldest daughter has a lot of friends who have just gone into college and are transgender. For several of them, they started transitioning there. Most colleges are very supportive of transgender students. Many let you change your name there so you can be signed up (or changed to) your chosen name in class transcripts and official documents. At least one young trans man is having the best year of his life having finally embraced it and gotten out on his own.

This is just my experience. My daughter was a leader in her GSA in high school and is a first year this year. She has many gender variant friends both from home and school(and she started all that before she knew about me- huh).

Don't know if that helps, but it is the experience my family has had.

With warmth,

Joanna

It does make me feel better about college, the one I had in mind is a 2 year. I could look into dorm options but those are questions I'll have to ask the college. Perhaps if I do that, then I'll be able to transition and start HRT. My one trans friend, I can ask him for contact info of his therapist, he's currently doing HRT despite how his family views that. I know you said that most colleges are supportive but would they also have support groups and/or help someone with their transitioning. I'll check the website for the one I want to go to.

Skylar,

I forgot to mention.

Most colleges with dorms have rooms for gender variant people. Many now ask if you have a preference of living with or not living with tans students. I'm sure that is different from school to school. I'm not sure that my daughter's did that exactly. However, I do know that the house she is in has a floor specifically for trans students across the spectrum.

Warmly,

Joanna

Its ok and the college I have in mind is a 2 year and its relatively close so I'm not sure. I tried to check out their site but I can't seem to find info on it but they do have a LGBT/ally club so that helps calm my anxiety about that. It may be a while till I can schedule an appointment to meet with a college representative to ask them questions but in the mean time, just play the waiting and research more about HRT and SRS. Though one concern is that once I do come out to everyone, my parents won't take it well, at all. Neither will most of my family but my grandparents might accept me though, they're nice and don't force their views on others.

Today has been nothing but stress and an emotional rollercoaster ride (sad, angry, sad, happy, angry, sad, etc). Idk what exactly caused it today but its been like that almost non-stop today and no I don't believe its cause of it being Valentine's Day. If anything, its my parents, social stuff, college concerns, etc. I did meet with my emotional support person and whenever she asked "are you sure there isn't anything else you want to talk about?" I really wanted to bring up about being trans but I don't have the courage yet. I've been thinking about it a lot today, I tried to push it to the side of my mind to focus on class stuff but it kept coming up. I wasn't denying it, I just needed to focus on school work. With my emotional phases earlier, I imagined myself like as if I would've been transitioning further (which was whenever I was happy) but also caused thoughts like "Why do my parents have to be how they are? Imagine how far I could've gone with HRT by now." and stuff like that. Yes I'm still playing the waiting game but sometimes I tend to feel impatient.

Skylar,

Singles awareness day (what my daughters have dubbed Feb 14) is always kind of tough day for many people. I'm glad to see it is not just this alone. College concerns are one of the 5 most stressful things that people go through(wedding, buying a house, you know, that kind of thing).

It's okay you didn't say it today. Give yourself a pass and try not to beat yourself up. There is always the next time. Even if the next time doesn't work out either. I think you will start to find this will engulf your mind more and more, till you deal with it(or are too busy to let it jump you). I am glad you are beyond denying. That does not mean doubt will not creep up on you(it stalks most of us).

Try not to regret the perceived time loss too much. I think nearly every trans person I have encountered wishes they started earlier. There is kind of a joke about a 6 year old trans girl who wished she started 2 years earlier. 18 is still at an age where HRT can do massive changes. However, it is not a magic pill and each person's experience is different.

Keep up the positive attitude. It is sometimes hard but keeping humour and a positive stride makes life easier.

Stay strong and flexible. Don't be afraid to keep posting.

With warmth,

Joanna

I'm not single currently but I know what its like to be single and lonely a lot. So true, near the beginning of this there was some doubt and yes it does sneak up once in a while but that seems to happen only out of bad/false fear. True I know it does affect people differently but I wish I was able to start now or very soon, just have to keep on waiting till I'm able to without fear from my family. After posting here yesterday, it did help my mood a lot. Sometimes I have this problem where I tend to bottle up my stuff and then I feel like that bottle is too full and cracks (I've had this problem even before recognizing that I'm trans).

Well today was great. Went to see a movie then walk around the mall with my gf, just the two of us. It was fun "shopping" (didn't have much money left after the movie to really buy much). Even got to try on a wig for the first time, it was too small but yeah. My gf was nice enough to buy me bra extensions (I only have 34 but my actual size is 38 or 36 with extension). Turns out the extensions were too big but I still liked the thought and attempt, she said she'll return them and get a set that'll be the right size. Overall, great day :) despite my bad anxiety near the end but if we can do more mall dates often, I can secretly start building a wardrobe. Like I have some clothing but not a lot.

Skylar,

That's great. Enjoy those moments as they come. Hold on to them during the bad times. Try not to let doubt or a bad turn sour them. For me the positive times are what helps get me through.

Warmly,

Joanna

Well so much for a good/decent week. Got home and my mom starts flipping out and she's furious cause i had an "idea", just an idea, of moving in with my grandparents. My grandmother said no but I wanted to explore some options cause of financial concerns and I tried to leave the room but my mom kept following me, still yelling, then I told her as nice as I could to leave me alone for a while. Before that one of the things she was yelling was "Is it so bad here?" Well if I told her, she definitely would've far angrier than what she already is. Bad news about my ftm friend, he got kicked out of his house when his parents called the police on him, he told me it cause of his OCD and he told me he wasn't aggressive or violent and that it started over his dad complaining about having the transgender flag on his door. I'm afraid that one of these days if my parents anger me enough that I would really tell them how I feel about things then stuff is going to go downhill from there.

You will soon be independent of your parents. Just keep cool. Focus on school, you get a good education and good job and good money. You will need money to transition. 

I know when I was young, I had a very bad temper. I reacted on everything. I was in a constant fight with my father. But I saw that nessesary because I needed to protect myself from his abusive behavior. I did not accept him stomping on my ego and trying to crumble my self esteem.

If the later is the case in your household then that is what you need to focus on. If they yell at you and call you mean stuff, give you guilty feelings, that is what you need to work with before you tell them you are transgender.

Noone is allowed to hurt you.

Yeah but how soon? I'm 18 but don't have a driver's license or a job and I want to go to college. I know and I feel that now, cause of things going on in the country, that I feel its harder to stay silent about things that I believe in and support. I know their feelings towards transgenders and sadly it's not good, they don't call me mean things, they just yell and argue that my views differ slightly to theirs (even though in reality, I completely disagree with them on everything but its best that they don't know that). Actually I'll just provide today's example, my mom complained about a few posts on Facebook that were more left leaning and she says "You're into this liberal crap too much. The left aligned themselves with muslims and satanism. We're on the right to be right with god" summary of what she was saying. I notice that stuff they say like this is getting more worse and extreme and I've been having enough of it and it stresses me out inside, this kind of environment I don't think I would be able to come out to them. The only way that I would feel safe is once I do leave the house, then I'll be able to tell them.

Try getting into college. It's your ticket out of there.

My philosophy is that everyone has the right to freely vote and think who will rule the country. But you can't force other people to vote and think your way. I'm more to the left, liberal. One of my sons is more to the right. I can't force him to believe what I believe, but I bring him good arguments when we talk politics. He has not changed his mind, he gives me arguments back.

He is 12 years old. I think it is important to learn kids what different parties stand for. What their ideologies are. Then they can do a good job voting for their prefered party.

As I said, go to college. Education is your ticket to a free life. I never studied efter high school and have medium wage. We manage, but that is about it.

Yeah I also see myself liberal but my parents are far right, religious conservatives. I could get a dorm but if my roommate isn't a friend or is willing to drive me around, that will be a problem until I can get my own car. I can go for my driver's test before the end of the school year, hopefully in a month or two (I would love to do it sooner but knowing my parents, that's how long it'll take)

I feel so tired of waiting, of having to hide myself, of fearing the worse. Well here's my plan once I get into college. To join the LGBT club there and open up to them and then open up to everyone else regardless if I'm still living with my parents or not. If worse comes to worse, I may have to live with a friend temporarily or until I can get my own place (depends on how bad stuff gets) I still have nail polish on my feet, I like how it looks, but I constantly hide my feet with socks cause I can only imagine my parents response to such a thing.

Something you should look into is the student health care center. Many  schools offer therapy services and often include transgender therapy. In addition the school may offer insurance for students that pays for many medical conditions. It might be possible for you to start receiving some care while you are still in school so check into it.

I'm currently in high school but I imagine these services would add onto my tuition or would they have separate billings/charges that aren't in it or would that vary depending on the school?

The insurance would add to you bill and if you are under your parents plan, it might not be useful. If you have no insurance it would be very low cost (for insurance) and would likely be a good plan but read the policy before taking it.

Some student health services are offered as part of the tuition because they don't want sick students spreading bugs around campus. Transgender care may or may not be available but I suspect some of this information could be gathered from the school web site. It would just cost you a little time to look into it and you might get lucky.

It'll be worth it though, eventually they'll find out once I do come out. On Tuesday I went to the college and I did decide on what I want to go for. An associate's degree in cyber security and a certificate in PC technician. Lately I've been trying to distract myself and relieve my negative feelings through modding, like doing textures and renaming models for a game that I like. I post them and I've been getting good ratings and comments. Not only that, I've also been feeling happier and better about myself since I started that (helps keep my mind off of all my problems and stuff) I am trying to decide how comfortable would I be with a dorm but if they have services to help me transition (which they probably do) then getting a dorm would not be the best idea financially (unless if I can get a lot of scholarships and grants to cover for most costs) I didn't get a chance to ask about their club (since my mom was with me the whole time) but next time I go in April, I'll just ask about their clubs in general if that happens again.

It's hard to do anything without motivation. I just want out of this place. If I tell them that I'm agnostic/atheist and that I don't believe in their stuff, they'll probably just force it more onto me. It'll be worse too if they found out about me being trans. Even though my hair dresser did agree to let me have longer hair, apparently she forgot on Wednesday and she cut it too short (that ruined my day once I realized in the mirror). I don't have a friend's place to go to, hard to talk to anyone if they're busy or not online. Not even my gf, which that I'm used to but other couples talk to each other a lot more than just like a message or two a day (if I'm lucky, I usual hear from her every other day). Sure modding would help my stress but if I can't find any will or motivation, then how does it help? I am saving money for stuff (Like clothes, inserts, and also saving for HRT) but I can't get anything if I can't go shopping by myself. I'm hoping to get my license next month. Also does meditation even work? I know it helps people but due to my very religious family, never learned how to actually do it. I do now have a door for my room but it can't block out sound cause it can't close the full way (doorway and one of my walls are 100% finished yet)

Skylar,

There are different kinds of meditation. I had to learn it to. I later learned that I kind of do one version, automatically. For me, clearing my mind and focusing inward is a form I do. I focus on one thing so intently (can be visual to start) that you seem to zoom in on it, then again, then again. Others are just eliminating thoughts till only one or none are there. Others think of the way some pray as meditation. Sort of communing with yourself and God, others just see it as communing with themselves. There are other more mystical and deep ones. It can help to calm you. I sometimes get hyper going to a doctor's appointment. Then My pulse and blood pressure are a lot higher. I can kind of focus inwardly and take a few deep breaths and see or feel my heart relaxing some. It starts to slow down a little and just "chill out" a bit. If I have enough time before hand, I can usually(not always) drop pulse and pressure.

My wife does this exercise with an orange. Where you look at it. Feel it and smell it. You can almost feel it in your mouth and on your tongue. Look closer at the pores. See how the fruit is made up of all these little units. Feel the pit and imagine that one "cell" being on it's own. Does it have pits inside it? Can you sense them. ... It just keeps going like that. That is a form.

Sorry you are not feeling so motivated. That has been true of me as well for the past week or so. I just sort of don't want to do anything. Now I have to go get motivated and take my kids to the mall and run a few errands.

Good luck. Try to stay up.

With warmth,

Joanna

Well I did it, I finally did it. I told them that I just wasn't interested in religion anymore. They weren't happy but at least they weren't yelling at me like maniacs. I could tell they were a bit heartbroken, I hate making people sad but I'm tired of being fake. I guess the next step would be to come out but I rather wait. I have a hard time calming down and my fears and anxieties are already jumping around everywhere.

They came down to my room a while ago, asked me for some of my reasonings and then they said theirs along with "Just think about it." How they handled it really proved my fears wrong. I feel I did the right thing (though considering that Easter is Next Sunday, probably not the best timing) but regardless, I don't like being fake and it was a time to stand my ground for my thoughts and feelings.

I know what you're saying to be true for me as well. I have had to completely alienate myself from my family because of their closemindedness and prejudice towards the entire LGBTQ community. No one knows that I am transgender, and I don't plan on them finding out of my own doing. Call me a coward if you want, at this point it won't phase me. Last year I told my mother that I am bisexual. She didn't take it well. She repeatedly called me f*g. If she didn't take that well she sure as hell wouldn't take this. But I didn't really care at the point. She was emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive my entire childhood. That ended when I moved in with my father as I cut her off completely, but the abuse continued from him. My father was physically abusive. Now since they are both dead I really don't have to worry about their hate.

As a result of a few things, I made the stupidest move most anyone can make. I got into drugs heavily. Lost 2 years of my life that I barely remember. Don't be an idiot like me, and stay the hell away from that junk.

Do yourself a favor and stay in school. Get as high a degree as you can/want and you will go far. Don't do what I did. I dropped out my junior year due to bullying. As such the best job I had found was Pizza Hut and 3rd shift at a gas station. Due to several physical/emotional reasons I'm now on disability. It doesn't pay very well. Between what I get and what my wife makes at her job, we just barely scrape by. Neither of us have any kind of degree, except for her bachelors in general studies.

If you believe in forgiveness good for you. Personally I don't have it in me to forgive. People only get one chance with me. If they blow that chance they are an enemy for eternity. Don't let yourself get full of anger, hate, and resentment, because I can tell you right now, it isn't the easiest life.

From my experience it seems easier to come out to women (cis women) because they are usually more openminded than men. Just my experience.

If you can, then you could make a post on Craigslist to start a support group in your area. That's what I did, and it's opened a few doors. I've made a few friends. Not everyone you meet will be safe tho. I've also received extremely hateful and threatening e-mails for "poisoning the internet with my perversions". Not everyone is a winner. But DON'T ever let yourself think you are a loser. You are worth a lot more than that.

I guess if you want you can either PM me or e-mail, if you want more details about my experiences.


At this point there is only one thing I want from you. Never forget that you are a strong and proud woman. Don't let anyone drag you down because of their stupidity or intolerance. You don't need those people making your life harder.

Be strong.



Your new friend,
Jennifer RachaelAnn

Hi Jennifer. In terms of not telling family about being trans, I'm on the same boat. I was thinking of going into cyber security but creating skins for models has been a passion for the past month so I'm thinking of going into game design. Here's what my mom said after I got home from school today. "You think you can pull a fast one on me? As soon as I'm better, we're going to talk about this day after day, week after week, and month after month." She even annoys her parents about religion, no wonder they don't call us much. My transguy friend is planning on getting an apartment with me between summer and before the end of the year. If that happens, I'll just come out on Facebook (will probably have to block a lot of people) then start HRT. I do forgive people but if they don't change their ways, then it doesn't do much. Well sadly my area of living is heavily red so starting a local thing may be hard but the college I have in mind does have a LGBT club that I plan to join. Thanks and same for you too. I may not always be on but if you do PM me, I'll try to respond whenever possible.

Skylar,

Congratulations on telling them. That is a tough brave thing to have done.  Sorry your Mom is kind of coming  back at you. Stay as strong as you can.

Don't know where you are looking for schools but Champlain College in Burlington, Vt has very well respected game design and cyber security programs. It's also not far from Montreal with one of the larger gaming communities and cons. They also have a very liberal stance on their LGBTQ+ students.

I have not been on in a while (due to work) but am glad to see your progress.

Warmly,

Joanna

Thanks and on Monday stuff was getting really out of hand so I had to apologize only to ease the stressful atmosphere. Well since then I've noticed something, everytime they do something nice for me, they now have bargains and deals attached to them even though I haven't have them any grief since Monday. It stresses me out and if I do this apartment plan, I may have to put off college for another year or two. Or live on campus but then my friend may get sent away to a government place cause of him being in a foster system and I rather not see that happen to him, he's the only trans person I know in person and is very resourceful and helpful for me. Yeah I'm bit half and half, cyber security is a great and expanding field but game design is something that I feel passionate about and sometimes working on texture projects can relief my stress (not always but it helps) I never did fly on a plane before, I don't live in Vermont but I do live in the north east but thanks for the suggestion, I'll check them out.

Ok I feel that I'm at a crossroads and unsure of which path to take.

1: Move out with transguy friend (and possibly my gf) into an apartment.
-Pros: Get to see a therapist then start HRT, be free from harassment (mostly)
-Cons: Financially, college may be an issue and might have to put if off a year.

2: Live on campus at a college
-Pros: Away from home, can start HRT, meet new people and visit new places
-Cons: If my transguy friend fails to get an apartment, he may get sent to a government run place and stuff (I'm not sure what all he said but I know he wouldn't like it and I would miss him)

3: Wait two more years to move out (Rather not do this, like at all)
-Pros: Save money....but if I'm not happy, then what good does that do?
-Cons: (May be a long list) Deal with my parents, not start, still hide, anxities may worsen, depression will probably worsen to, they'll probably be on me about religion and stuff, and I feel this list can go on and on.

If anyone can help me decide and also tell more pros and cons of each, I'll appreciate it. This wasn't my original plan after high school but if I can move out and start my life, then I feel I should take this.

Well looks like the apartment plan won't work out. I mean two years from now once i graduate college, have a car, and get a job, sure it'll work out well. But now with my gf and I not having our cars nor jobs and my friend wants to do this plan next month, it's getting unrealistic. My parent's financial situation is worse so but at least I'm still going to college and they have a PRIDE club like I said. I guess patience and more patience will get me to my goal. I'm not on here often, just come to post my thoughts and also get help with situations. But not all has been bad here, last time I went to the mall with my gf I bought inserts for my bras :) So worth it since I'm not on HRT yet and also bought another pair of panties.

Skyler,

I have been pulled away at work a lot so not on so often lately, myself.  College is great. It is a good place to start working through things. Depending on the campus or proximity to a planned parenthood, you might have easy ways of getting therapy and potentially HRT.

It is hard to be patient. Once you start on this path, it seems harder. However, it is a long slow waiting game to go from one step to the next. The upside, (as you discovered) is that each step can seem small but feel so big.

Good luck,

Warmly,

Joanna

Quote from: SkylarFox98 on May 04, 2017, 04:38:09 PM
Well looks like the apartment plan won't work out. I mean two years from now once i graduate college, have a car, and get a job, sure it'll work out well. But now with my gf and I not having our cars nor jobs and my friend wants to do this plan next month, it's getting unrealistic. My parent's financial situation is worse so but at least I'm still going to college and they have a PRIDE club like I said. I guess patience and more patience will get me to my goal. I'm not on here often, just come to post my thoughts and also get help with situations. But not all has been bad here, last time I went to the mall with my gf I bought inserts for my bras :) So worth it since I'm not on HRT yet and also bought another pair of panties.

Hi Skylar, I hope you graduated all right. You're in a very difficult position, as all of us who have non-supportive parents or partners.
Basically, I read all of your posts here and wanted to comment on a few.

a) You need to get a job. The sooner the better, it can be even a part-time one.
b) You can learn to program computer language and build web-sites / mobile apps without any college and degree and start earning money ASAP.
c) You can get hired by big organizations without any college degree as easy as if you have a degree. I work at a national bank, and we hired 2 guys who self-educated (and they were hired before in other places). Once you get your first job and do your work, no one will remember whether you had a degree or not...

So, degree is nice, but your young years now are precious. If you don't transition now, it would be much more to do later in life.And if you get into college, and your parents get a wind of your transitioning (they will see you quite often, you cannot hide hormones forever), they could possibly cut your financial support, and you might ruin your credit, etc.

My reasoning is, you must start building financially independent now. The sooner, the better. Not in 2 years after college. See if you can learn programming and building web-sites by yourself, if not - get into sales maybe? If nothing else, you always can join US Army and come out to army psychologist after you finish your basic training.... (btw, _very_ good option, there are many cis-girls serving our country in US Army, immediate independence from your parents, free education and other benefits later in life, nice savings build-up, free medical insurance and traansition paid by the government ...)

Or start part-time job, save some cash to move out asap to your own place and apply for medicaid (hopefully it covers HRT at least)

But there must be some sense of urgency for you, you're still growing, testosterone still makes your body more and more male. It would be more difficult to reverse it later (face hairs, for instance).

Eli

 

Hi Joanna, sorry that I haven't been on myself as often. The last weeks of school and early June were so busy for me (so many appointments, then the one cat I had for 9 years passed away before graduation, got 2 kittens, graduation practice, and then graduation itself)

Hi Eli, thanks for the advice. I still don't have my driver's license and my second permit expires next month. It may be till Fall or winter that I may get it at this rate. I was looking into online jobs that I can do from home. I'm afraid the Army isn't the best route for me (not fit whatsoever, I can't handle stress, and at this rate politically, who knows if those benefits would still exist in the future) Well I did grow a mustache at 12 and then a beard at 13 (guess I'm an early bloomer)

Well as much as I didn't like the idea but in a way it'll have it's own benefits but I'm waiting a year or two to start college. I was talking to the business office at this college and they were saying that in two years, they may give people who live across the state border IN STATE tuition (which is literally half the price of out of state, I really dislike the idea of having loans) and my parents' financial situation is really crappy but now I can focus on driving, take care of my two kittens, get an online job, and work more on my projects. My gf may be getting an apartment in the Fall so that'll be nice for her.

Skylar,

I have been pulled off the site for over a month (due to work). Looks like things are coming into focus. I would only caution you not to get to comfortable that you forget or never get to college. Good luck and congratulations on graduating.

I hope your parent's front is easing up some too.

Good luck on the job search. Don't lose hope.

Warmly,

Joanna