Day 10 post op and I can't find my clitoris. I'm not saying it's hypo sensitive or hyper, literally just can't find it. But that is partly because I'm afraid to touch down there in case I hurt myself :(
Advice and help please
Alexis:
First off, don't panic. Just relax.
If you are only ten days post-op, then you are probably still very swollen and the tissues have covered your clitoris.
You can probe "down there" and simply let pain be your guide. If it hurts, stop. Really.
Remember your clit was constructed from the paired down head of your penis and covered with other tissue to provide a clitoral sheath. If you really want to see if it is there, start at the top of your vulva and gently push the tissues apart. Push in at the very top and move your finger down. You should feel a lump just above where your urethra is. That should be your clit. Push the tissues of the lump aside and just inside should be your newly minted clitoris. Rubbing it gently should give you some sensations. They might even be pleasurable. But this soon after your operation, maybe not.
Again, let pain be your guide. And if you are gentle you will do no damage to yourself.
Relax, you'll be fine.
BTW: It took me a couple of weeks before I could find mine and my surgeon, Dr. McGinn had to help me find it. She pointed it out to me since she was the one who put it there. ;)
-Sandy
Omg really? Thankyou! This is all I wanted a but of Adive on the manner so Thankyou need to know what I'm doing kinda before I go down there lol
Alexis:
You'll be fine, hon. It may take as long as a couple of months before you have complete sensations down there and be able to orgasm through clitoral stimulation. But also now, as you heal, you have a vagina that can also provide satisfaction. *OMG can it!*
It will take time because your dilation right now is to expand the depth of your vagina and push the tissues in place to help reduce the swelling. So your early dilations will be painful. That is normal, and the pain should not be severe. Keep on the dilation schedule your surgeon recommends, even if it difficult. You may see a bit of blood too as you dilate, but it should be minor.
Welcome to your new life!
-Sandy
Thankyou so much!
One last question; if I was able to irgasm right here right now would it be 'bad' or 'dangerous'? :(
Yeah, hun, relax!
I was numb down there and still very, very swollen ten days post-op, it was about three weeks before I dared even take a closer look, I was horribly bruised and discolored, so yeah, I didn't want that picture in my head at all..
Dr. Brassard tells his patients to start gently exploring the clitoris area with a finger after 30 days, which seemed just about right, though my stitches were still not fully dissolved by then. I have to admit I was already touching it before then, I am a bit of a tart, lol, and I just had to know if it was gonna work, ha ha! I almost had an O that way, but I couldn't get it to happen, and frustratingly, it did take until the 6th month for me to have a big clitoral orgasm.
It takes time to heal and rewire and remap after surgery, sweetie, hang on, it will get better!!
Missy
Quote from: AlexisB on February 04, 2017, 09:38:06 AM
Thankyou so much!
One last question; if I was able to irgasm right here right now would it be 'bad' or 'dangerous'? :(
I had my first internal orgasm on Day 11 while dilating with the littlest dilator, I wasn't trying, it just happened, and yeah, I clenched down on the little blue dude, and it felt amazing, but it did make me sore afterwards...
I don't know if it was bad or dangerous, it was spontaneous, and VERY welcome, lol. I had been without release for ages, and I felt soo much better knowing I was able to have sexual pleasure again..
Hope this helps..
Missy
Omg really I don't feel so alone now lol! When you had an o from dilating did you move it around? Push in and out?
Quote from: AlexisB on February 04, 2017, 09:45:16 AM
Omg really I don't feel so alone now lol! When you had an o from dilating did you move it around? Push in and out?
Mmhmm, very slowly, though, because I was super tight and sore, but yeah, I was definitely imagining it was a penis inside me, lol. But I was very careful, I could still feel the stitches inside me, and like I say, I was super tight inside. It was a LOT of work for me to get worked up to Big Orange, and even then, after months and months, I would still start with little boy blue, ha!
I am so happy for you, hun, such a great new world, huh? Yay!!!
:-) Missy
Hi Alexis!... First, Congrats!!! :)
All will be well after the numbness and swelling settle down...I had my first orgasm 4 weeks to the day after surgery ( it was huge too!!! ) :)!!!!! Many girls I know take longer... Up to a few months but all will be well
I was kind of tapping on the area a bit to kind of ... Wake things up :) ...and things went from there... The first several times took a lot of effort ..I think due to residual numbness but soon it became just as easy to get there as it was with my old anatomy.... Happy explorations sister!!!
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on February 04, 2017, 10:13:01 AM
I was kind of tapping on the area a bit to kind of ... Wake things up :) ...and things went from there...
OMG, hmm, yeah, I think maybe I am overdue for my 'dilation' myself, ha ha ha!
Silly girls, aren't we? lol..
Back in a while, and yes, onward I shall also go, mmhmmm...
Tapping, you say, huh? ;-)
Missy
Quote from: MissGendered on February 04, 2017, 10:36:22 AM
OMG, hmm, yeah, I think maybe I am overdue for my 'dilation' myself, ha ha ha!
Silly girls, aren't we? lol..
Back in a while, and yes, onward I shall also go, mmhmmm...
Tapping, you say, huh? ;-)
Missy
So will you go and come, or come and go? :) :) :)
And yes, the "tap dance" works!
Alexis:
WHEN you have your first clitoral orgasm, you will not hurt yourself or do any damage. The physiological reaction of an orgasm is muscle contractions (yeah, even for girls). These are very normal, even when you are early post-op. But don't worry if you don't. You will. It will just take time and patience.
-Sandy
The first couple of weeks after SRS, everything was so numb it was pretty difficult to know what I was feeling and where. But I think it's good to start exploring as soon as possible, to start building up internal maps of your new topography. (Do be sure you've washed your hands first!) We can't be afraid, and there's a lot of lost time to make up.
Anyways, as Missy says, you kind of have to start slow and gentle -- this is still a vulnerable surgical site at 10 days post-op, and there's only so much we can do given the soreness that resides therein.
I had my first orgasm post-SRS at the 3-week mark, after several days of trying. It was clitoral, and very very weak; it felt more like a ruined orgasm than anything else, but it was a start, and it only took another week for the intensity to build up to nearly full-strength. I would stimulate myself clitorally (actually, a spot just north of my clit, a lovely nerve that's pretty much my go-to spot even today, as direct stimulation of my clit usually results in getting desensitized) while dilating -- and actually, after getting up to the largest dilator I could take, I'd switch back to the smallest and with extra lube because then it'd be relatively easy to slip it in and out in the motion of intercourse. All while playing with my clit and enjoying my favorite erotica. This made dilation itself much more fun.
I think this also helped me to advance to the larger dilators ahead of schedule, with Dr Meltzer's blessing. The "in and out" motion, I believe, helps to facilitate the breaking down of scar tissue, and by the 6-week mark I wasn't really sore anymore.
I started having sex just a little past the 10-week mark, a couple weeks early by Meltzer's schedule, but everything went fine (but oh was I sore the next morning). Didn't orgasm then -- it was only with my third lover, who I ended up in relationship with for over six years, that I finally came with someone else, which isn't uncommon for women, as we usually need a bit more emotional intimacy and (perhaps more importantly) someone who's become familiar with our bodies and how we respond to their ministrations. It was about a month into this relationship that I finally had a vaginal orgasm, after already having had multiple clitoral ones earlier in our "session" thanks to his lovely and generous mouth.
Anyways, everyone's different. Your body will respond as your body does -- so pay attention to it. Let your body tell you when it's ready.
Quote from: Sandy on February 04, 2017, 10:42:22 AM
So will you go and come, or come and go? :) :) :)
And yes, the "tap dance" works!
Omg, I will never grow tired of this, o-m-g...
Money sooo well spent, woah!!
Even had a nice little dreamy nap after, ha ha, and I only made it up to the green machine, I guess I was overdue for some fun. I had quit using my dilator set over a year ago, in favor of toys, but now I am trying to open up more real estate inside, cuz I likes me some big boys, lol. The curved-up tips really do plow new territory, I like that feeling. After I was post-op I read a lot of the other surgeons dilation info, and I think it was Supporn's site, but I might be wrong, that talked about micro-tears and how that was the way to create more tissue for vaginal expansion after the surgical scars had healed completely. He mentioned rotating the dilators and working them against the inside walls like a butter churn, lol. I find this works really well, and helps to not only relax the tissues outside the vagina, but to stretch the vaginal lining as well. Not yet for you, Alexis, but after the surgical scars are all healed up.
I like to think of my vajajay as the best investment I ever made, so I wanna keep making improvements and take the time to care for it as well as to enjoy and celebrate it, too.
We post-ops are a VERY lucky population, we now have what we lacked, now lack what we didn't want, and can appreciate both facts each and every day of our lives going forward. I never hated my old part, perhaps because mine was actually a clitoris, but I did hate that it made me look like a dude, and made people relate to me that way, too. But, I loooove my vajajay, she is my new, and best bestie, ever!
Mmmm. Yep. We are some VERY lucky girls!!!
((HUGS))
Missy
Quote from: MissGendered on February 04, 2017, 11:49:21 AM
Omg, I will never grow tired of this, o-m-g...
We post-ops are a VERY lucky population, we now have what we lacked, now lack what we didn't want, and can appreciate both facts each and every day of our lives going forward. I never hated my old part, perhaps because mine was actually a clitoris, but I did hate that it made me look like a dude, and made people relate to me that way, too. But, I loooove my vajajay, she is my new, and best bestie, ever!
Mmmm. Yep. We are some VERY lucky girls!!!
((HUGS))
Missy
Yes!!!!
After browsing through several pictures of clits in ciswomen and comparing it to mine, it seems my clit doesn't look quite the same. Also, when I rub it while masturbating, I honestly feel nothing. Kinda disappointing, considering how much thicker my inner labia is compared to the vast majority of women, as well :( So far, I've only had vaginal orgasms. My sweet spot is the area just under the urethra.
My surgery was in 2005 but my general feeling is that there is still room for improvement. Up close, one can tell my vulva is not quite right and is not exactly what one would expect in a ciswoman.
My opinion and I don't think I'm being picky but simply realistic. Perhaps my expectations were too high to begin with and there is so much doctors can do but...who knows? Maybe years from now, things will be even better. I hope so, for the generations to come.
Quote from: KayXo on February 04, 2017, 01:03:24 PM
After browsing through several pictures of clits in ciswomen and comparing it to mine, it seems my clit doesn't look quite the same. Also, when I rub it while masturbating, I honestly feel nothing. Kinda disappointing, considering how much thicker my inner labia is compared to the vast majority of women, as well :( So far, I've only had vaginal orgasms. My sweet spot is the area just under the urethra.
Two possibilities come to mind. You may not be in an excited state of mind when you are masturbating and like a CIS woman, it will not work until you are. The other possibility is your testosterone levels may be non existence instead of the feminine range as the result of your high estrogen levels. Some women use commercially available low dose testosterone patches to up their sex drive and performance.
Quote from: KayXo on February 04, 2017, 01:03:24 PM
Also, when I rub it while masturbating, I honestly feel nothing. Kinda disappointing, considering how much thicker my inner labia is compared to the vast majority of women, as well :( So far, I've only had vaginal orgasms. My sweet spot is the area just under the urethra.
Hun, does you clit become engorged when you are playing with it?
Sorry, that sounds kinda rude, ummm, do you get 'ladywood'?
Missy
Quote from: Dena on February 04, 2017, 03:25:54 PM
You may not be in an excited state of mind when you are masturbating and like a CIS woman, it will not work until you are.
It's exactly in those moments, when I am aroused, that I touched my clitoris BUT I will admit that recently, when I do this, I do it in a more thoughtful manner, in order to find out if rubbing it does anything so that the planned nature of it suppresses the excitability of it all. In general though, I was never able to orgasm just by touching my clitoris unless I'm on the verge of having one and then switch to just rubbing my clitoris. In all fairness, I do recall several times where while masturbating, I played with my clitoris all the while inserting my fingers inside my vagina and that this occurred naturally so that instinctively, I "knew" this felt good and my clitoris does indeed provide some form of pleasure and is an erogenous zone.
QuoteThe other possibility is your testosterone levels may be non existence instead of the feminine range as the result of your high estrogen levels.
As I am post-op, the only way in which testosterone is further suppressed by estrogen is through an increase in SHBG caused by estrogen, causing a drop in free testosterone. Total testosterone is not affected by estrogen.
Looking at my numbers, 11 yrs ago, in 2006, the year after my SRS, my total T was 27 ng/dl, more on the low side as the female range can go as high as 90. Now, my total T is at 8 ng/dl, so a significant decrease over 11 years. It is not non-existent but at the bottom of the range, almost below.
Free T in 2006 and now is even lower and either just below the normal range (2006) or undetectable (present).
Hence, I think lowering estrogen would do very little as my total T is already very low. Indeed, it could be that if my T was higher, my clitoris would be more sensitive and I do recall touching it more often in the days when my total T, post-op, was higher. This is an option I'm looking into (i.e. testosterone cream) but I will say this...my libido, in general, appears to be doing quite well, thank you very much LOL. I sometimes have orgasms while I'm dreaming without even touching myself, I will regularly seek activities with the intent of getting aroused and my orgasms are intense, very pleasurable and very wet. Perhaps, as far as the clit goes, a little more T would do the trick. You could be right. I also read that T makes nipples more sensitive and more arousable so why not the clitoris?!
Quote from: MissGendered on February 04, 2017, 04:03:39 PM
Hun, does you clit become engorged when you are playing with it?
Sorry, that sounds kinda rude, ummm, do you get 'ladywood'?
Not rude in the least bit. I don't easily get offended. ;) Yes, I do get engorged to the point where it's very painful and I feel like my entire vulva is going to explode. It becomes very swollen from the inside. It's not my clit that gets engorged but rather the whole area underneath the mons pubis, probably because of the remaining erectile tissue that was left there by the surgeon.
Thanks girls for your feedback.
Quote from: KayXo on February 04, 2017, 07:48:02 PM
Not rude in the least bit. I don't easily get offended. ;) Yes, I do get engorged to the point where it's very painful and I feel like my entire vulva is going to explode. It becomes very swollen from the inside. It's not my clit that gets engorged but rather the whole area underneath the mons pubis, probably because of the remaining erectile tissue underneath that was left there by the surgeon.
You are a Brassard girl, right? Yeah, but from ten years before my surgery, so his approach may have evolved since then. My clit swells up like a little knob when I am aroused, and yes, I do have some other erectile tissues in other areas, deeper down, but there is no mistaking when my clitoris is happy, lol. It is about the size of a large cherry, and roundish, and very pronounced.
I am also one that likes penetration as a primary stimulation, which sets me up for explosion when I touch my swollen cherry bomb, though I can get there without both, either way. I am wondering also if because your T has been very low, if perhaps there hasn't been a bit of clitoral atrophy? I know that cis women that use even a small amount of T to boost their athletic ability sometimes experience marked clitoral growth. And, of course, my intersex status is due to in utero progestin exposure, and the little bit of T that my ovaries manufactured upon being morphed into ovatestes was enough to cause me continuous 'penile' growth through out my entire life. When the last T treatments ended at 15, I still had less than 3" of length, decades later, pre-HRT, I had over 8". That tissue, is very sensitive to T, is what I am saying, lol..
More growth means better blood flow, and better innervation.
I don't have an answer, but I am glad you are having pleasure and orgasms, but I would bet, just my opinion, that boosting your T would help rather than hurt the situation. But, as always, consult your doctor, lol.. ;-)
Missy
*
Congrats all around!
Yes, it is important to go slow during your early post-op. Heed your surgeon's and doctor's experienced advice.
Explore at your leisure, er pleasure, er both.
Keep current with your dilation schedule. Keep every bit of it active right to depth. You might have found quite a Big 'O' at depth.
Take deep breaths and relax.
Find your best position.
Practise your muscles. Some will be loose, some moderate, some tight. Learn to flow in and flow out and tense and release. Wow!!!
Practise sensing your feelings. You may have sensations right from the opening all the way to your depth. Focus on them. Wow!!!
Some friends report using a vibrator touching your appliance. Others rotate. Others move in and out.
Explore what works for you.
Use what amount of lube works best for you. No need to dribble with too much, no need to hurt with too little.
You will know the difference between pleasure, exploratory 'pain', and actual harmfull pain. Keep your medical team advised of everything - good, bad, indifferent - it will be for your benefit and for your sisters who follow you.
What is within your comfort zone? Find a mentor. You be a mentor. This is what cis-females do when they start at their slumber parties.
Different clinics use different appliances; allow me to describe in the Chettawut Clinic - #0 is smallest, #5 is largest. By your sixth month, #0 should be way easy and #4 may still be tight. By your first anniversary, they should all be doing well, By your second anniversary your 'duty' should be down to maintenance once or twice each week.
Sadly, some report that they perceive their 'duty' as an imposition and allow themselves to lose their gains. Keep yourself occupied with ideas and make it a pleasure that it really is.
If you quit and you want to get it back, then resume from your smallest device and work your way back according to your surgeon's original schedule. It is possible to restore your anatomy unless too many years have elapsed. Maybe reading this thread will encourage those to re-start who dropt out for a few years or more.
Sometimes you'll just be going about your own activities and then it will hit - that feeling down there. Wowee!! But this time it is your secret that no one else knows because there is no evidence of it to the outside world but your nice big smile and glow.
Surgery for we old folks was far different than available today. If your original surgery was more than a few years ago, then enquire of your favourite surgeon whether revision is good for you. You may be quite enthused with an up-grade to today's standard.
Yes, you paid good money for your correct equipment. It is all yours. Make the most of your investment.
*
It's confirmed, I have no clitoris. I took pics and showed them to a few people, looked at pics from Suporn's surgery where the clitoris can be clearly seen. Some of the skin that is part of my clitoral hood is also blackish, and inside my labia, just under the hood, there are a few red spots. Too bad I can't post any pics. :( It's very difficult to put into words.
I'm a Brassard girl, yes. From 2005.
While it's possible, I suspect there may still be a clit. Until a year ago, I thought I didn't have one either but then I found a surgical report two years after mine that explained what happened. The glans was relocated to the correct location and the penis skin was stretched over it. There is nothing visible but if I am excited, I can feel it swell as it did before surgery. Because of the proximity, I though it was the prostate but now I know where to look, I can tell the difference. A surgical report might be available but I suspect if your procedure deviated from the standard procedure, you would have been told.
Quote from: KayXo on February 05, 2017, 12:25:53 PM
It's confirmed, I have no clitoris. I took pics and showed them to a few people, looked at pics from Suporn's surgery where the clitoris can be clearly seen. Some of the skin that is part of my clitoral hood is also blackish, and inside my labia, just under the hood, there are a few red spots. Too bad I can't post any pics. :( It's very difficult to put into words.
I'm a Brassard girl, yes. From 2005.
Hun,
I hope you are mistaken, but I would urge you to contact Dr. Brassard and send him the pictures to review. I have no idea what is actually your situation, but the person that would know, is, of course, your surgeon.
((HUGS))
Missy
I think I will contact him, see what he says.
Quote from: KayXo on February 05, 2017, 12:25:53 PM
It's confirmed, I have no clitoris. I took pics and showed them to a few people, looked at pics from Suporn's surgery where the clitoris can be clearly seen. Some of the skin that is part of my clitoral hood is also blackish, and inside my labia, just under the hood, there are a few red spots. Too bad I can't post any pics. :( It's very difficult to put into words.
I'm a Brassard girl, yes. From 2005.
Hi Kay!!!...
Dr Bowers has done a lot of clitoral reconstruction for cis women who were victims of genital mutilation practices as well as revision of other surgeons GRS surgeries... She might be a good resource if you are thinking of pursuing things....
I also want to tell you that I have so much respect for you, Dena and the other girls around here that made all this stuff happen before all the current information and resources we have now.. Things have changed so much in a short time that even 2005 was like a much different era... You are all trailblazers in my eyes who made it easier for those behind you and I always seek to pay that forward by doing all I can to make things better for those who follow me...
Onward we go...
Ashley :)
Thanks Ashley. First thing's first. I'll go see Dr. B, see what he says and then decide what happens next. I live close by and he did my surgery so would rather have things sorted out by him than anyone else unless, for some reason, it's not possible.
Quote from: KayXo on February 05, 2017, 02:12:38 PM
I think I will contact him, see what he says.
http://www.grsmontreal.com/en/contact-us.html
514-288-2097
Ok. I think I know what's going on and can explain to you now. My clitoris is there but it's not protruding like it should. Instead, it is flat and lies underneath the labia, just below the clitoral hood. If I push the labia downwards so that the clitoris comes forward and protrudes, then fine and that's exactly how I figured out this was the clitoris.
Hoping my explanation was clear...maybe with some T, it will protrude, as Dena suggested.
Quote from: KayXo on February 05, 2017, 03:25:14 PM
Ok. I think I know what's going on and can explain to you now. My clitoris is there but it's not protruding like it should. Instead, it is flat and lies underneath the labia, just below the clitoral hood. If I push the labia downwards so that the clitoris comes forward and protrudes, then fine and that's exactly how I figured out this was the clitoris.
Hoping my explanation was clear...maybe with some T, it will protrude, as Dena suggested.
Kay,
The dark spots you mentioned still concern me. Since Brassard is close by, I would still urge you to have him take a closer look. He is such a sweet man, I would bet that he would make you feel much better with accurate feedback and explanations and perhaps options to improve your overall satisfaction with your lady parts in general.
More info tends to be better than less, in my experience!
Missy
I wonder how Alexis is doing with her dilations and, ummm, explorations?
So how goes it, sweetheart, are you doing okay?
Missy
I guess I was lucky that the day packing came out the nurse asked me if I wanted to see my clitoris and she moved the labia minora a bit. 5 seconds later I was like "Ok, ok, you can close it now". Too sensitive to even the air, and I have to say it was kinda small / proportionate. But I now I have one.
I haven't looked at it since then. I'm taking seriously the warning of the surgeon to not spread / mess with the labia minora until 3 months post-op. So I hope I will be able to find it again by then. But well, even cis clits can't be a bit hard to find. The last girl I was with had to point me to where it was.
It's in there!!! Really it is.
Sorry I couldn't help myself.
Jeanette