So my Dad and brother have asked me twice now what they should call me since I use they/them pronouns. Am I still daughter and sister? Am I son and brother? Is there something other then child and sibling?
How did y'all deal with this kinda grey area of pronouns?
"They call me Mister Tibbs." :laugh:
<running away >
It's when they stop calling you that is the problem. My family still calls me Dudeman. Unlike Jeffery Tambor, I won't be asking them to call me MOM. Again if I were younger I my go apoplectic at such a thought of misgendering me. Right now I don't plan on changing 30 years of history. Each day that passes it is harder and harder to go stealth.
Im specifically referring to times of introductions. "hi, meet my _____Daughter? son? child? sibling?"
My parents are peacefully at rest and my wife calls me her wife. I am becoming much more comfortable with just about any term that is not overtly disrespectful. Others own their limitations. I cannot control them and what they say will not define me. I am working toward a more holistic identity that is not going to melt down if I get sired or ma'med.
One of my sisters coined the term "brister" and I thought that was funny. The last thing I need from my family is acceptance or over the top apologies if they get me wrong after 60 years as jim. We are separated by thousands of miles, decades of time and the gulf that evangelical righteousness can inspire. Tolerance during our annual gathering is enough to reduce bickering for now.
My most immediate and intentional family gets me, most often respects me, never dead names me and gets my she/her pronouns right the majority of time. I could not ask for better.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 07, 2017, 05:30:41 PM
"They call me Mister Mrs. Tibbs." :laugh:
<running away >
Fixed your post but it doesn't seem to have the same impact.
Some have very odd pet words for me. Most oblige with the male ones I ask for. Maybe one or two of the older generation call me "it" or "the weird one" behind my back, wouldn't be surprised.
Long-standing close relationships seem to have a different set of rules and options. I will always call my husband by his birth name, and as husband, he/him no matter how female his body eventually appears. Just as I will always be his wife/she/her, never they/them/ze/him, even if I go through bottom surgery. My husband told our kids that he is still dad to them, and I will be mom, and both of us rejected our younger son's gender pronoun offers. This whole gender pronoun changing thing has always made me uncomfortable. Maybe we're just too old and set in our ways to change? I don't know.
My kids have very often said "dad...mom" to me. I think I will be dad when I'm done. Or maybe they will call me by new name. My kids are very open hearted.
My mom and sister will accept me. Call me him och by my new name. My brother will prop mock me in the beginning.
I don't know what my husband will call me. That scares me a bit.
Since I'm still peeking out of my closet, it's Dad or Daddy, Papa, uncle etc
Jeanette ( maybe Diane ;D )
Quote from: Dena on February 07, 2017, 07:13:58 PM
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 07, 2017, 05:30:41 PM
"They call me Mister Mrs. Tibbs." :laugh:
<running away >
Fixed your post but it doesn't seem to have the same impact.
;D
I'm not really sure. My dad will often use my real name and masculine pronouns to his gf when I'm not not in room but not to me directly. I very much doubt he would say son and properly sticks to 'child'. The opportunity doesn't come up for him to introduce me to people. My brother still uses my deadname and pronouns. My relatives use my real name and masculine pronouns so I'm guessing my aunt and uncles call me nephew when I'm not around. All live far away so I don't see them much.
I'm not out to my family as nb to make things easier.
I'm NB inside but live socially as female. (Not even the NBs can figure out what to do with me :) )
Anyway, my kids call me "Mom-2" or just plain "Mom." So far, to the extent that my siblings have communicated with me at all, they call me Allison. I've referred to myself as their "sister" (or, in the case of my nieces, "aunt".)
But, like I said, I'm weird. I decided to go with female because I'm old and don't have the energy to work out a way of interacting with the muggles and NB. Female is a nice gender cottage to spend my remaining years in with my remaining limbs, and there's nothing about living as a man that I miss, anyway.
I came out to my family &a friends as nb 2 years ago and asked everyone to refer to me using they/them pronouns. My parents did not take it well and still aren't really ok with anything. My dad uses male pronouns constantly and calls me son a lot (as in 'Dinner's ready son' - it sounds weird but he used to call it me all the time bc I called him father in a jokey way I guess but now he does it just to be annoying). My mum just avoids saying anything and when she does have to pronoun me she kind of just says him/he quietly. My sister just calls me her brother still and introduces me that way and refuses to use nb pronouns.
My name is Cameron anyway which is pretty gender neutral I think so I don't mind being called that still.
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We don't speak English at home, and the language we do speak doesn't have gender-neutral pronouns, so unfortunately that will always be that. I don't really make a big deal out of what they call me though, as long as they respect my personal choices and ways of expressing myself. My friends are also quite unaware of transgender politics as I don't live in the most accepting place for that, so I typically don't have these conversations with them.
Online however is the only place where I can both insist on my preferred pronouns, and not present in a way that causes people to mentally assign something to me.
I told my mom and sister about my gender and they seem to know that I am not a woman yet they still refer to me as 'she', 'young lady' and my deadname. I refer to myself as 'sibling', 'child' or sometimes 'brother' or 'son'.
If I had a nonbinary sibling, I would refer to them as just my sibling or combine brother and sister together (brister, broster?).
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Double post
My wife and I call each other the same thing. 여보 . Yeobo in Korean. It means honey. We've been calling each other that since 1982 so it's unlikely to change, LOL.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves
I'm struggling to find agood pronoun for my kids to use when referring to me in or casual conversation.
They call me by my new name Jess, but I don't feel comfortable with them referring to me as their dad or father.
I was thinking about asking them to use "other mom/mother" or in a lighthearted situation I would love to use "my gay mom" lol :)
My wife uses she/her/they pronouns for me, which I love. Most of my friends are good about the pronoun thing too. the worst, however, are my parents, who just told me that they can never call me anything other than male name, male pronouns. Whatever. I was sad. Now I'm getting upset. I guess resignation will be next, lol.
This is actually a pretty interesting question.
My family wholly acknowledges that I am genderqueer/lesbian(gay)
And because I go by all pronouns with my gender identity they do choose to use she/her/hers as matches with my biological sex. I don't mind, I really appreciate it when people mix it up for me, but those are mostly close friends.
My sexual identity on the other hand is something they almost always get wrong. My Mother likes to say I am bisexual which I've told her just isn't true - it is just what I called myself way back in 7th grade. She doesn't like to use gay/lesbian as I am with a cis-gendered man and even though she knows I am genderqueer she cannot seem to fully grasp the larger picture and separation of gender and sexuality.
My Dad has been fantastic though! He just tells people that his daughter like chicks and then some.
Others: "But doesn't she have a husband??"
Him: "Eh."
Something unique--my mom dodges questions about my gender by just calling me her "oldest", because I'm her oldest child. She also calls my sister her "youngest". But I think that only really works for moms somehow (can't really imagine my dad using those terms) and only for oldest and youngest children, not kids in the middle.
My dad tries to avoid identifying me to strangers, but if he does he says child or son. If I'm there that can be dodged by me responding that he's my dad, and communicating the relationship that way.
My brother calls me by my name, or "brosis", which I'm not particularly fond of, but eh.
My sister says sibling, brother, "my brother but not really", and sometimes guardian because I help raise her.
(After four years of transitioning my mom and sister use my they/them pronouns, finally, but my dad and brother still use he/him.)
Dax Lavender
Welcome to the site.
I am still known by most family as my old self. My wife switches between my birth name and preferred name. My kids know and call me Dad.
I have always called them my oldest, my youngest and my middlest.
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