I have my good days and my bad, but this last week has just felt devastating as far as dealing with my anxiety, depression, and dysphoria. Since coming out and beginning to transition, there hasn't been a time where I've felt this lost or hopeless, despite the fact that that I know I'm making slow but sure progress toward my goals. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for coping during transition?
I had some very dark days during transition, so I can relate.
First, I found it really helped just to talk it out. Friends, support group, therapist, whatever -- just talking it out relieves some of the pressure. Another thing that helped was regular exercise, which helps to reduce stress hormones, and being physically fit will yield better results and recovery with any surgeries you've got planned. And, finally, for me I allowed myself to "cocoon" -- to basically hole up and reduce interacting with the public before I had my facial surgery, for getting misgendered out in public (regardless of how rare it was) was always devastating. Plus, there were times where I just needed the time and space to have some crying jags in private.
You might also want to check with your doctors about anti-anxiety meds, though I don't have any experience with that other than needing them for the first couple weeks after facial surgery.
Its a slow road. The things that have helped me is feminizing myself to best of my ability, especially before hrt. I also liked very much break old bad habits of doing life the way it was to being more my true self, feminine and building a soical cirlce around me that is majority female :)!! it find that helps!
Thanks,
I really should start exercising more, but the weather has been making being motivated difficult for me. Until I can start running again I could at least start up yoga at home again. I've been doing a lot of cocooning as it is. I had been isolating myself for quite some time before finally admitting it to myself and coming out and it hasn't exactly changed in the last few months. If anything, I'm afraid that the isolation is making the dysphoria worse, but getting out to see people has been difficult since most of my friends don't live in the area and I'm juggling being the only income earner in the home with a toddler running around and while my SO is finishing her master's and internship. So even though I'd love to get over myself and see people, time and obligation has been getting in the way. :( On top of that, I work too much. But without all the overtime I've been putting in, we wouldn't be able to afford day care for our daughter. And it's getting to the point where I'm feeling the dysphoria affecting my performance and concentration on the job.
I really should look into support groups in the area that I can get out to at night. It's funny, my therapist was just asking if I planned to attend at my last session and I didn't at the time, but apparently there's nothing like a good bout of crippling dysphoria to make you rethink things.
As far as meds go, I'm certain if I spoke to my counselor and GP I could get anti- anxiety or depression medication. But, I've always had an "I don't need that," mentality as far as approaching medication for mental health. Truth be told, I'm at a point now where I am more open to taking them than ever before. But since coming out, I'm also at a point where I'm finally allowing to experience the full range of my feelings and emotions uninhibited, and as much as I would like to get them under control, I think I need to give myself some more time let myself deal with all of this before I turn to medication.
I'm definitely doing everything possible to work on my transition before I can start HRT. I've gotten myself on a whole regiment of hair regrowth treatments, started building a wardrobe, playing with makeup, began voice lessons. I'm definitely making progress, and rationally I can see it, but on days like this all the progress in the world seems to amount to jack all. I'm just hoping my wife turns up a positive pregnancy test this month so I can start making plans to see a doctor at the HBHC in Chicago by the time her second trimester begins. This is only the second month we've even been trying, and last month a pregnancy probably wasn't even viable because she had her IUD removed just a day or two before ovulation, but I'm already damned impatient!
I've found that my worst dysphoria tended to set immediately before taking steps to medically transition (leading to that decision), and in the early days of it. The highs and lows were so stark that many concerned family members/friends questioned if I was truly better off for it. But it did get better in the coming months, as I adjusted to my situation and got into the flow of things. :)