Ok so a fairly "neutral" title, but I couldn't come up with anything better.
Next month I am scheduled to take a trip to meet someone I met online. We have chatted, interacted inline and skype daily for hours at a time. Pictures have been exchanged and I have done my due dilagance that the person is who they actually claim to be. He is whay I call my companion more than my SO, just a very good emotional match.
Both of us are in our 50s and sex is less of an issue than it would have been when we were younger so that is not my concern. I am just seriously freaked that even though he has been by me for every step of my transition (right down to helping me pick out my packer) the physical person in front of him might be too big a freak out. Not sure if I mean that for him or me lol.
How do you feel confident enough to face a situation like this? I have binders, packer and male wardrobe ready to go, but I just worry because at this point I do not really pass yet. I know there are no guarantees that things will be ok, but has anyone else been through this? How do you keep from losing your lunch?
That's a good question, I'd say tread likely like you are. You said he was more a companion than an SO at this time, and thats a very good relationship status to keep among you before you feel emotionally ready to be with each other as a partnership. I say this mainly because most of my online relationships havent been about building romantic relationships, that came later.
The thing is with online you have to rely on a plethora of different messages and communications since you dont have face to face. Exchanging a lot of pictures and emphasizing emotion through other means helps. When you meet someone online who only wants you for sex/romance they can very easily play you as a fake persona on a screen. Most of my friendships online have been genuine because neither of us were necessarily trying to get anything out of the other, and we've known each other for awhile (a year or years, even) before we met up in person.
If there's anything to be anxious about, its going to be height, voice, nonverbal habits, living habits, etc. Stuff you dont get as much of communicating online. Meeting in person in a sense will be a very different experience, in a way you will be experiencing new proximity things most people experience first, rather than the emotional connection second. This might throw them for a loop or they might adjust to it, but it may take a little time. I wouldnt worry too much though since odds are if they like you well enough and youre emotionally connected, they'll learn to adjust to those things since youre the same person online as you are offline. Odds are they havent forgotten your interests and unique traits that make you you.
Congrats and good luck, then. An old dude like you deserves that companionship with a nice guy.
Laughs. "Old dude? I'm still a spring chicken, young one" ((Sorry had to))
But seriously, thanks for the well thought out reply. We have known each other for about 2 years online and have been "RL" for about a year of that. Both of us are of the opinion that companionship and trust are more important than "Romantic feelings" they can fade out but true compatibility is rare and longer lasting. I think it will go well, we spend about 3 hrs a day on voice while we play inworld. The one good thing is me online is basically an extension of me offline, no real "character or fake persona" The physicality may be a bump in the road but as he said when i told him I am all of 5'2" "That's adorable, my last lover was 5' even"
Thanks again Wolf and i do think that even us old guys need a companion to make our golden years happy
I knew my current SO/bf/buddy/whatevs about 2 yrs online before we met up. I invited him casually up for a drink in my city anytime he was free or bored and didn't expect him to actually turn up and need to stay over. I was into him for sure but I didn't expect anything - I'd convinced myself not to expect a damn thing so I just figured we'd do a bar crawl and I'd just chill and play guide.
He turned out to be more attractive in person than I'd really got from online hangouts, and at that point I was so dissociated from myself I failed to see that when a guy makes the effort to hike all the way up to see you (200 miles in my case) he's probably interested ; )
I guess the best policy is to relax, don't overthink, concentrate on having a good time without too many expectations or burdens. If you hit it off, great, if you don't, you'll have a good time anyway hopefully. Being genuine at the outset and not trying too hard to impress pays off further down the line, in terms of how relaxed you'll be.
LOL Kylo. Think it applies as well when a guy pays for you to fly to visit for 4 days and gets you a hotel room to yourself so there is no pressure. I'm honestly more psyched than nervous
That's great then. Enjoy every minute. Sounds like you're already on pretty good terms.
Meeting people from the internet has always been hit or miss for me. I've actually only done it while transitioning, and confidence has never been too much of an issue because all of the people I've chosen to meet expressed interest in me first. But there's definitely something intense about going from a long distance method of communication (even when you can see each other like Skype or Facetime) to being in person talking for the first time.
I've had it go both ways to be honest. A few people I've met and I thought we clicked really well online, only to find that we just weren't able to overcome that initial awkwardness in person and were never able to get as comfortable. Others have worked out really well. I think it's really a personality thing. I didn't chat with any of these people online for two years before meeting. Perhaps if there had been that kind of build up and familiarity, they all would have been successful.
I wouldn't worry about passing yet. He's obviously known you before you started transitioning, and he's seen you online since you've started changing things up. So he knows where you're at. I would make sure you wear stuff that you're comfortable in. I've always found it impossible to exude any kind of confidence if I'm not 100% comfortable.
I'd also decide in advance what you're hoping to get out of the trip and let that guide everything.