Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It took me 60 years to come into the open

I came out to my wife last summer, we have been married for 20+ years and I am 51...

It's hard to know when to start the clock.  The first time I wished I was a girl?  The first time I wondered if I was trans?  The first time I cross-dressed?  Or, taking the question more literally, the first time I realized that I really was trans and would have to do something about it?  Anywhere from 54 years to 6 months, depending on which version I choose.

I've tried for about 20 years.  I was around 5 when I said to my mother "when I grow up I want to be a woman like you, ok?"  She told me I would be a man, and I solemnly accepted.
At 18 years old I searched all across the internet and found that information about trans women having similar brain structure to cis women.  I excitedly told my wife "that's it!  I've always felt like a female and that's why!"  She suggested that I just hate men, which made sense enough to me.
And last year, when I was 25, I heard a to tonne of conversations about trans* people... and one day I whispered to myself "[handful of obscenities], I'm trans*, aren't I?"


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When or how to start the clock. I had two utter failed transition experiments in my late teens early 20's. 30 years later I took on the trans beast for real. If you discount my TG Support Group members I was only "Out" to my wife. Initially as "Just a CD", then a few years ago "I don't Know". Today add in my sister.

If "Out" is living full time in the role.... Then the clock is still ticking for this NB MTF male presenting MTF TS with a BS

I came out fully at the age of 34 that was 17 yrs ago my wife knew from the beginning of our going on 29 yrs of marriage

Like others said, it depends.  How long have I at least periodically felt like a girl...33 years.  But I put a year because it's been about a year since I finally accepted who I am.  It's been maybe 4 months since I decided to transition and I came out to my wife this week.  No one else yet knows.

Tested the ground in the 80', bad experience in the 90's, out fully as transexual to family this year. So 56years.

I didn't really realize I was transgender until about age 12 after puberty had started to make its mark.. Only then that I realized how incredibly uncomfortable I was with the things happening to my body, and how jealous I was of the way girls got to carry themselves.

Came out to my dad at 18 so comparatively quickly I suppose, only 6 years of my life.. But I didn't start living full time until I was almost 24, aprox 2 years ago. 3 months on HRT now, things are looking up :)

That's tough because there are sort of multiple answers for me. I knew there was something different about me when I was very young, about 9 or 10 I believe. I came out the first time when I was about 19 years old and received acceptance from my family, although I could sense a level of discomfort, which I now attribute to lack of real knowledge on the subject.  Through one reason or the other, which I have discussed a little in my personal posts, I ended up back in the closet for the next almost 14 years and just came out last week to a few friends, my parents and my wife. Everyone is very supportive, although for obvious reasons, my wife is struggling a little.  So I guess all in all, I was in the closet for the better part of 24 years.

I told some close friends and my older brother a few years ago. But I haven't done much in the meantime regarding my transition due to being out of work and homeless for a year.

I've known I was the wrong sex since I was about 4. I'll be 60 later this year.

I'm actually contemplating stopping my plans to transition. I'm very androgynous looking anyway, and after being single since my divorce in 2011 I've met someone who doesn't know I'm trans. At this point I don't have the funds I need to get FFS and have my facial hair removed, and I'm just tired of being single.


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For so long i identified as a feminine guy and thought it was enough, even when i understand transgender information more. Beginning about 5 yrs ago though that strategy began to collapse and i began the gradual process of coming out.

I first spoke to my father about this when I was 13-14 years old and I was being 'punished' for wearing nail polish for the first time.. He forbade me to entertain the idea any further 'while I live under his roof!' (But he was super cool and accepting when my cousin came out as trans. As long as it's not HIS child right?)

I was openly cross dressing during high school, once my brother had graduated and I felt 'safe' no one would out me to dear old mommy and daddy. (I didn't think he would, but I remained ever cautious still.)

Beyond my girlfriend, my therapist, my doctors, and the kind ladies working to rid me of unwanted hair, no one else yet knows.. and it's excruciatingly painful. Y.Y

8 weeks, its this site to blame THANK YOU . Till I read the posts ect on here I never knew what it was that I needed. Crossdressing and longing and fantasizing from forever did not cut it anymore .

It took until my early 30s until I could admit it to myself, even though I had questioned my gender since my earliest thoughts. A couple of years after that, I admitted it to my wife. It was my mid-40s until I started taking firm steps to transition. So much wasted time...

Hey Stephanie,

Always the good questions :)  I'm 54 now, and have tried to come out many times but have yet to succeed.   Not sure I ever will :(   

Paige :)

I guess that would depend on what is meant by "come out".  I first wanted to wear lingerie when I was a kid back in the mid '60, but had no thoughts about being the wrong sex until a few years later.  The first person I came out to was my then girlfriend, later wife, who I told I liked to wear pantyhose & stockings.  After we split, I joined a club for cross dressers and, of course, there was no hiding from them.  A few years prior to that time, I stopped worrying about openly buying lingerie & hosiery for myself.  These days, I wear a bra & pantyhose, including with shorts, daily.  I also wear nail polish openly.  So, there are many steps along the path of coming out and no single "magic moment".

@Paige

QuoteI'm 54 now, and have tried to come out many times but have yet to succeed.   Not sure I ever will

I used to be the same way.  I'm a few years older than you and used to be terrified others would find out I wasn't "normal".  However, over the years I got fed up with hiding and started with little things, such as not pretending I was buying pantyhose for someone else etc.  I also told my girlfriend/wife several years ago, as I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from her and I also couldn't give up something that was part of me.  I then tried cross dressing with a cross dresser club.  I also tried and enjoyed sex with other men, though I definitely prefer women.  All in all, I feel much better that I no longer have to hide what is a very important part of me.  So, perhaps the thing for you is simply try little things first and expand as you become more comfortable.

Originally it took me roughly under a month, when I actually wanted to come out.

Counting the time I tried to deny it all, about four years or so.

I've just registered on this board today, after lurking for quite a while.  It's great to be able to discuss these things here.  I had previously only mentioned my transgender desires to a friend, who helped me with my cross dressing years ago.  It's really great to find so many like minded people.

I'm sure I was yelling about my displeasure as a young kid. And not being listened to of course.

People only took my "coming out" seriously after my cousin also came out, I guess. That was 3-4 years ago. So I tried back then but it didn't have the effect intended. Took them a couple more years to notice I was deadly serious about it.

Wanted to come out at 14 but self denial and depression blocked me. I thought it was a phase and would just grow out. Now 8 years after I'm depressed that I didn't speak up or try. From now on I've decided I will be brave. I moved out and started transitioning so no one could oppose me.

I first "came out" at 4 to my mother. The next person was my sister when I was almost 54.

I set myself up, on purpose, by telling my sister that I needed to talk to her about something but not in the phone.  I showed up at her place the next day for a two day visit.  (750 miles from home)

If you want to come out, and you have someone you can trust completely that you see/talk to frequently, try that.  They will dig it out of you.  Make sure you have tissues, you may need them.  I sure did.  The weight lifting off was unbelievable.