In two days, Feb 23rd, I go to see the psychiatrist for my intake assessment. This should be just a stepping stone to getting an appointment with a gender therapist. I am trying to go into this meeting with an open mind and plan to be honest. How it will go. What will she want to know, Will her assessment be the one I want? I have no idea. But I will soon find out.
I've not been a fan of shrinks, ever, but even less after a marriage counselor decided I needed to return for more sessions even offering me a place to stay lest I harm myself. Needless to say I returned for several more sessions against my will until I could convinced her I was no longer a danger to myself. I never really was.
Anyway the next step in my journey is the day after tomorrow. If you don't hear from me after start checking the asylums. lol
Hugs,
Jeanette
I know it can so often feel like it is a waste of time to se a psychiatrist over something we and they know is not a pathology but just normal diversity. I'm also well aware that many people report negative events with therapists rather than positive but that is human nature, we tend not to report positives!
It can be and certainly for me was a very positive experience in seeing a psychiatrist over my gender decisions, it helped me a lot to sort out what to do and how to do it. I had a lovely supportive transition with very few issues at all because of that.
Sometimes it is how we describe the process. Nowadays 'Informed Consent' is the model but that is really a WPATH name for a far older decision making process between a medic and a client. In the past it was known as 'Shared decision making' and that is a far more accurate description of what should go on. You make the informed decisions and the medical team help you achieve the best outcome.
So keep positive, have an open attitude, say what you want to happen and ask how they will assist you in achieving that.
I've never been a fan of shrinks, especially the VA variety. I can completely relate. As one of the first OIF vets to get out they really wanted me as a PTSD guinea pig.
With as much as you've been through (and wow have you ever) you'd think they might just cut you a break here. But then again it's the VA and protocol is protocol. Hopefully you end up with one of the good ones, and there are some genuinely good people working there.
I was forced to see a shrink in school,then again in truck driving school 31 yrs ago and again for social security never talked much about anything for I don't trust em especially when one for the bright idea she was going to drug me and I told her she wasn't and she didn't press that issue after that. I've never told any of em I was transsexual for that was my business not theirs. I know what's wrong with me and don't need a shrink to tell me what I already know. Trans services are a billion plus a yr money making machine and I'm not donating to it thank you.
Jeanette
I am a baby on the transition path, only 9 months on HRT, still learning to get out into the world, still having Electrolysis and other procedures.
I have a Psychologist I choose to see and she is my Psychiatric care part of my Transition. I have other that do other things like Electrologist, Laser Tech, Endo, GP but having Psychiatric support is just as important. If you don't have anyone who can be looking out for your mental health. When things get tough...and they do...having good support is going to make life much nicer. Having someone independent of you can keep things in perspective.
There are many times talking to my Psychologist that she has been able to help me locate the real issues so I can move forward psychologically. She has helped to keep me grounded as well as providing support. Being able to establish a rapport is important so hopefully you and your Psych will get along really well and it will become a partnership that you benefit from long after your initial meeting.
Liz
I've had a different experience with mental health therapists. At the age of 26, largely because of my gender nonconforming issues that led to a suicide attempt, I ended up in the pysch ward a broken person. They really helped put humpty dumpty back together again. Over the years I have sought therapists early and often whenever things threaten to go sideways. My gender therapist was great. After about 5 months and me starting HRT she basically fired me because, as we both agreed, I really didn't need any more therapy. She was a big help to my early process tho.
Had the same assessment a few months back.
For me it helped. I didn't feel at any stage uncomfortable or having to justify my existence.
Just be yourself Jeanette. I found it good to talk things through. :)
shy
I found therapy to be remarkably helpful. While 'seeing a therapist' is considered stigmatizing in some affinity groups, it really shouldn't be. I consider it to me a sign of maturity that we can recognize that some complex emotional issues are not readily resolved by ourselves, and that we can seek assistance in dealing with these issues.
My experience has been that being brutally honest is the best course. It is hard, but once we accept that the therapist is not there to judge or condemn us, but rather to help us clarify our thinking, just putting everything out is the best course of action. When we don't say something, when we hide information from the therapist (and ourselves), we have a hole in our story that makes explaining our issues more difficult, and finding a correct resolution very difficult to impossible.
Thank you all for your personal insights and advice. I don't have any preconceived notions as to what will happen tomorrow. I don't really have any experience to have any. I believe this visit is to assess my mental well being and to confirm that I should go on to meet with a gender therapist. That is my understanding.
I believe I am sane, though sometimes I think I can put together a pretty good case to the contrary. I am not a hazard to myself. I'm pretty sure I have gotten past those rough areas. Yes, I have been there and have entertained those dark thoughts. Thankfully I'm a chicken or I probably wouldn't be here now.
So. I should have that first part taken care of. Getting that referral to the gender therapist is the part that has me concerned. How can I convince her that it is the right thing for me when I have been questioning it myself? Am I female enough? Am I a victim of my own delusions. Do I just envy woman for their freedom to wear what ever they want, to dress up or down, to laugh, to cry, to feel pretty.? Am I fooling myself?
For crying out loud I've been doing HRT for 2 1/2 months and have breasts growing on my chest. I'm in awe of them. My body is shaved, toenails painted, fingernails long, filed and begging for polish. I have no plans on stopping. It's a hell of a time to be having these thoughts.
Therein lie my fears, Will I pass her tests? I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
Damn I'm starting to feel like a drama queen. Sorry folks.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Jeanette. You don't have to prove how trans you are. You're trans. We can all see that. Just relax. And breathe. This is what Michelle is saying about being brutally honest. It's okay to talk to your therapist about all this that concerns you in this post. If she or he is a true professional they will be quite familiar with it all.
Going back to what I was saying earlier, this is probably just protocol to weed out the people who aren't serious. Being on HRT is likely to be plenty of evidence to check this box and move you along to somebody who specializes in what you need.
Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 22, 2017, 08:56:25 AM
So. I should have that first part taken care of. Getting that referral to the gender therapist is the part that has me concerned. How can I convince her that it is the right thing for me when I have been questioning it myself? Am I female enough? Am I a victim of my own delusions. Do I just envy woman for their freedom to wear what ever they want, to dress up or down, to laugh, to cry, to feel pretty.? Am I fooling myself?
For crying out loud I've been doing HRT for 2 1/2 months and have breasts growing on my chest. I'm in awe of them. My body is shaved, toenails painted, fingernails long, filed and begging for polish. I have no plans on stopping. It's a hell of a time to be having these thoughts.
Therein lie my fears, Will I pass her tests? I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
Just dump it all out there. The therapist is trained to handle it, and she can pick through it all and figure it out if she's any good at all. Tell her all the self-doubts, too. She has vey likely heard all of that before, and will poke back with a few questions to clarify it in your own mind. (I've seen your posts, Jeanette. You're a woman on the inside. Time to come out, dear.)
It's not a test, other than perhaps a test of readiness. The therapist will want to make sure that you are sufficiently self-aware and competent to make these next few steps. That doesn't require overwhelming self-confidence, or an official stamp of femininity.
By the way, the pesky Doubt Monster never seems to really be vanquished forever. I've pretty thoroughly destroyed my old life and committed to being myself, but that stupid thing still wakes up and bellows at me sometimes. The difference between last year and this is that I now have the tools to ignore the silly thing and get on with my life. It bit me recently when I was walking out from my condo into the park, sudden thoughts that I hope nobody reads me, nobody sees the dude in a dress. Stupid Doubt Monster. I'm a relatively cute older woman, that's my story, and I'm sticking with it. Now, are there any dog walkers with puppies that I've played with before out today? Priorities...
Thank you all again. I'll go tomorrow and lay it all on the line.
God, I hope you are all right
Hugs,
Jeanette
PS I'm having a totally rotten day laundry machine and laundry card problems, Got a soaking wet basket of clothes. I just screwed up my Jeanette email account and can't recover it so I have to make a new one. I really don't need a day like today.
Jeanette,
If it makes you feel better, when I finally decided I had to transition, I was so worried I had it wrong. My whole life I had cycled from feminine thoughts to doing the guy thing. I did it a million times. I watched myself intently. Day after day turned into week after week of thinking that I would experience the cycle again. I was afraid to trust it since it bucked the pattern of my whole life. I am 2 years past that starting point, 8 months RLE and it is so right. No cycling! All that negativity, all that doubting myself turned out to be so off base. It is okay to have doubts. It doesn't mean your search to find yourself is wrong in any way. Relax! Find the answers you need to find! You are doing the right thing Hon!
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on February 22, 2017, 08:35:18 PM
Jeanette,
If it makes you feel better, when I finally decided I had to transition, I was so worried I had it wrong. My whole life I had cycled from feminine thoughts to doing the guy thing. I did it a million times. I watched myself intently. Day after day turned into week after week of thinking that I would experience the cycle again. I was afraid to trust it since it bucked the pattern of my whole life. I am 2 years past that starting point, 8 months RLE and it is so right. No cycling! All that negativity, all that doubting myself turned out to be so off base. It is okay to have doubts. It doesn't mean your search to find yourself is wrong in any way. Relax! Find the answers you need to find! You are doing the right thing Hon!
Moni
Thank you Moni
Well everyone I survived my "mental health assessment' I'm still free so I guess I wasn't completely nuts nor deemed to be a threat to others or myself. It was mostly answering a set of questions to explore my mental state and I didn't qualify as depressed, suicidal, a hazard to others, over-stressed or any other unstable labels.
We "explored' this transgender thing a little bit (translation- There is now a more detailed image about me being transgender in my record for all to see)
As it turns out I am her second transgender referral ever, and both in the last 2 weeks. She will be meeting more with her other patient? client? as he is just beginning to question his feelings and feels he can benefit from having someone to talk to. Me? well, I'm a more advanced case, (blow on fingers and buffs them on chest), I will probably benefit more by being referred to "someone more knowledgeable" on transgender issues. I will await a call when she's had a chance to contact a therapist she has in mind. Now there are 3, soon to be 4 that know I am trans. (and all of you of course) I think I'm happy again. ;D
BTW you are all an official support resource for me. Susan's Place is now listed in my record because I actively consult with all of you for help with my many a sundry trans issues. So watch out I have their okay to abuse you when needed.
Next stop, gender therapist. ( how many were thinking "Twilight Zone"?)
Hugs,
Jeanette
Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 23, 2017, 03:00:16 PM
Thank you Mon
Well everyone I survived my "mental health assessment' I'm still free so I guess I wasn't completely nuts nor deemed to be a threat to others or myself. It was mostly answering a set of questions to explore my mental state and I didn't qualify as depressed, suicidal, a hazard to others, over-stressed or any other unstable labels.
We "explored' this transgender thing a little bit (translation- There is now a more detailed image about me being transgender in my record for all to see)
As it turns out I am her second transgender referral ever, and both in the last 2 weeks. She will be meeting more with her other patient? client? as he is just beginning to question his feelings and feels he can benefit from having someone to talk to. Me? well, I'm a more advanced case, (blow on fingers and buffs them on chest), I will probably benefit more by being referred to "someone more knowledgeable" on transgender issues. I will await a call when she's had a chance to contact a therapist she has in mind. Now there are 3, soon to be 4 that know I am trans. (and all of you of course) I think I'm happy again. ;D
BTW you are all an official support resource for me. Susan's Place is now listed in my record because I actively consult with all of you for help with my many a sundry trans issues. So watch out I have their okay to abuse you when needed.
Next stop, gender therapist. ( how many were thinking "Twilight Zone"?)
Hugs,
Jeanette
Congrats 🎉🎊🎈
Starting the therapy sessions will be a big help. I am less than 2 years into my transition and my therapist was a big help in getting through the whole process. She was so good that a few months ago she fired me as a client because I had been "cured" and no longer needed her to assist me. She was right. I am pretty much fully integrated into my new life.
Be honest with your therapist and with yourself and you will be amazed at how your life can change. If you would have told me two years ago that I would be fully transitioned and integrated into my new life I would have told you that you were crazy. A good therapist is worth his or her weight in gold.
Good luck going forward girlfriend.
Being told that you aren't actually bonkers feels pretty good.
Quote from: I Am Jess on February 23, 2017, 03:35:07 PM
Congrats 🎉🎊🎈
Starting the therapy sessions will be a big help. I am pretty much fully integrated into my new life.
Be honest with your therapist and with yourself and you will be amazed at how your life can change.
Good luck going forward girlfriend.
Thank you Jess. With your looks I can see you fit right in and that's great.
Quote from: Estelle_maybe? on February 23, 2017, 03:38:34 PM
Being told that you aren't actually bonkers feels pretty good.
Yes it does Estelle and I can even keeps my guns!!
Thanks both of you and all the rest of you that lent me some moral support.
Hugs,
Jeanette
45 years ago a psychiatrist saved my life
Quote from: stephaniec on February 23, 2017, 09:28:58 PM
45 years ago a psychiatrist saved my life
I am glad she/he did Stephanie. I'm glad because you are special.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Jeanette you sound pretty happy with the way it went. That is great and I am so glad it worked out for you. That first "official" contact can be terribly intimidating. So it is onwards and upwards to your gender therapist. I bet it feels good to have accomplished this first official step...
Enjoy
Liz
So happy for you Jeanette :) It's a nice feeling to have your trans status acknowledged by a professional. I know it helped me a lot at the time knowing there were no underlying mental health issues driving me along.
Happy days!
shy
Interesting. An advanced case, huh? ;) I'm glad you are getting a referral to someone with gender therapy expertise. That's a better fit, and should be much more helpful to you.
Congratulations on getting past this!
Hugs,
Michelle
Quote from: Michelle_P on February 24, 2017, 09:51:56 AM
Congratulations on getting past this!
Hugs,
Michelle
Thank you everyone. I appreciate the support each of you give to me in my journey.
Something I told this psychiatrist strikes me as odd though I believe it to be true. I told her "I do not believe in stress. I don't understand it. I take care of what I can, when I can. There is no reason to worry about things I cannot change until I can do something about them." This is true in my responsible male life. I do not give into stress over the things i need to do but cannot yet. By the way I am an accomplished procrastinator.
The odd part is that so far every step I've taken on this bumpy road I have been here on Susan's doing just the opposite. EVERY step! I've been here stressing about each one and asking you all for help to "Get past" it. I pride myself on handling my problems myself as I can. I'm an independent do it yourselfer. Yet as Jeanette I am here asking for help, needing your support and guidance. Without fail I get it.
Thank you one and all for your much needed support.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Jeanette, we can be stressed about things, or we can simply have concerns and seek assistance in addressing those concerns. As far as I can tell, you've just been seeking assistance, and that it a good thing.
Far too often we try to meet the male stereotype of never admitting a problem, and believing that we must solve all things ourselves. It just ain't so! We can all use some help from time to time, and that is what a community is for. We help each other.
I love this community!
Hugs,
Michelle