Inspired by another thread. What is the ULTIMATE reason why YOU want to transistion?
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For me *don't get a biased opinion... please*, it's because I feel like a "maiden" who is trap in a tower waiting for her prince charming, I know "gay-sexuality" exist, and that's a coping mechanism when a tall handsome bisexual man enters my life, but it's still not enough. I feel like a princess who is frozen in a coffin, who eaten an apple poison of masculinity, a princess who looks to the human world as if I was born as a freak with six eyes and tentacles, and wishes to be "part of their world". A princess, who will love a beast of a man who would accept me as the person I am, even if it's in a dungeon full of talking inanimate objects. A woman who doesn't care if the man is poor or rich, but if he can see me for me, and he flies on a magic carpet... I would love him. A woman, who dreams of a fairy godmother who can make all my dreams come true. A woman who is different, because I see the color of the winds... because of her nationality. That's what I would be.
For myself it's because since I was about 4 or 5 I knew I was supposed to have been a girl. And I struggled with that my whole life growing up.
It has zero to do with sex with either men or women. Personally I'm not into men at all.
It's about who I am, and has nothing to do with other people.
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I couldn't bear to go on living as the repressed specimen I was. I deserve to be the real me and to have some joy in my life for whatever time I have left.
My reason is simple. It is to get rid of the crushing dysphoria that made every day a living hell.
I wrote this a while back to describe how I used to feel.
QuoteI open my eyes and it's dark. I'm in a box, dark, cramped, very small. I feel around with my hands and its sealed. There are no openings and there is no escape. It's completely silent and as I begin to beat on the sides of the box the sound is muffled and I realize the box is buried underground and there is no escape. I scream and nobody can hear, nobody can help. Deep dark despair embraces me with its icy arms as I realize I am trapped . . . alone . . . for eternity.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves
RavenMoon,
I understand. It's like part of your inner being. I could love a woman, if she sees the woman in the me. I think I saw a few lesbian women crush on me in my life, but for one reason or another it didn't happened. No, I'm not prejudice against lesbian women, or women, in general, if a woman loves me.... she has to be the man, in the relationship though (masculine attributes). I'm not the man, at all, nor do I want to be. LOL
I couldn't stand the crushing onslaught of maleness any more and if I didn't do something about it, I was going to lose my mind.
Quote from: Deborah on February 26, 2017, 12:41:18 PM
My reason is simple. It is to get rid of the crushing dysphoria that made every day a living hell.
100X this. I can't imagine the utter HELL some of the older gals here went through holding on for SO LONG. Y.Y
I barely survived to 30 this way..
Quote from: RavenMoon on February 26, 2017, 12:34:46 PM
For myself it's because since I was about 4 or 5 I knew I was supposed to have been a girl. And I struggled with that my whole life growing up. It has zero to do with sex with either men or women. Personally I'm not into men at all. It's about who I am, and has nothing to do with other people.
This also rings true with me. I'm not going to suddenly start wearing heels because it's feminine, I'm already 6'4". Chances are I'd be a total klutz in them anyways lol (That said, if by some miracle I wander across a pair that really speaks to me, I'll have to have them. because shoes.) I'll be perfectly happy with my band t-shirts draping differently over the body I was always supposed to have. :3
Demonia boots and heels has been speaking all my life. I want to wear 4 inch heels so bad, but it's so different from "me". I plan on wearing heels, when I go back to college *wedge- heels though *.
Quote from: Wild Flower on February 26, 2017, 12:53:48 PM
Demonia boots and heels has been speaking all my life. I want to wear 4 inch heels so bad, but it's so different from "me". I plan on wearing heels, when I go back to college *wedge- heels though *.
O.O I think I'm in love with those boots.
My poor wallet Y.Y
Quote from: Angela Drakken on February 26, 2017, 12:49:23 PM
This also rings true with me. I'm not going to suddenly start wearing heels because it's feminine, I'm already 6'4". Chances are I'd be a total klutz in them anyways lol (That said, if by some miracle I wander across a pair that really speaks to me, I'll have to have them. because shoes.) I'll be perfectly happy with my band t-shirts draping differently over the body I was always supposed to have. :3
I'm fortunate that I'm small. I'm only 5'5" and about 130 lbs. I've dated taller cis women! (One was 6'). I can wear heels ok, but I actually like the way flats look better most of the time.
For most of my life I've fluctuated between having long hair and wearing unisex clothes, to being more "normal" looking for a guy. I told my mom I wasn't cutting my hair anymore when I was about 11 or 12. By the time I was in high school it was halfway down my back and I often wore black nail polish. This was the mid 70s. It's a wonder I never got beat up in high school! I think it's because I was small.
Unfortunately the majority of my dysphoria is centered around my face. And mainly my nose and the fact I haven't had my facial hair removed yet due to currently being fairly poor. Partly the result of being out of work for a while and having gotten divorced in 2011.
I'll be 60 later this year. I don't look it, but feels like it puts time constraints on my transition, which frankly I've barely started.
I've been putting a lot of thought into it lately. Just not sure what I want to do. I'd probably be perfectly happy just getting FFS so I could at least pull off looking female. On top of it all I've been single since my divorce, which I'm growing weary of. I still live as a guy, albeit a very androgynous guy. I don't think I'm passible in the least, but every now and then I'll hear someone say that I'll be with my daughter and someone will later ask her who the lady was she was with. Lol I get a kick out of that. Also I've just met a woman I really like. We are both musicians and are starting a band together. We aren't a couple yet, but it seems to be going that way. She says she likes "everything about the way you look" so that's not a bad thing. Most women, especially my age, aren't too cool with my long hair, painted nails and makeup. lol.
Life is complicated. There's no easy answer for any of this.
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Angela,
LOL. I would so buy if it was cisgender woman though. I bought 4-inch "taller men shoes for short men" before. I like being tall, right now I'm "okay" with being short, though, as a man.
BUT, I'm not a man, so I don't mind being 5'6' or 5'7. Why do "I like tall men"?, it's like, so innate, it's part of me. I can't explain it. It's like a tall man can protect me. I don't want to sound prejudice to short men, since I under "short men" problems, but I'm not a short man, so it's like I LOVE TALL MEN.
Me in about 1977, shortly after high school and with my hair cut a bit shorter. I kind of dress the same way today. Lol.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170226/4045d3e5f0d6987252f665cdf89122bd.jpg)
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Quote from: RavenMoon on February 26, 2017, 01:09:59 PM
Me in about 1977, shortly after high school and with my hair cut a bit shorter. I kind of dress the same way today. Lol.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170226/4045d3e5f0d6987252f665cdf89122bd.jpg)
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You are beautiful in 1977... you remind me of Karen Carpenters! I had my hair in a similar manner, but my mother kind of "knock-knock-knock on my door" back in 2009...or so. And cut my hair back to a masculine matter. It's so not me, though.
You're so beautiful in your profile picture in my opinion, more "bravery" than I could ever do right now at least!!!
I never consciously thought about transitioning. I don't think I suffered dysphoria perse. I think it was more a feeling of wanting more and when I found out I could, I did. It feels right. I suppose I should explain. I have been a life long crossdresser ( yes, I've had ups and downs over it throughout) and always wished I could be more. After 64 years I found out I could get and start HRT and did so. It felt/feels right.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Hugs,
Jeanette
I spent a long time questioning and not finding answers, so I decided to just shove it all down and live my life as a cis-hetero male for about 12 years. Trying to fit that role led to a lot of bad life decisions and a general feeling of discontent that I just got accustomed to feeling. I met my (now) ex-girlfriend, who did a lot of studying about gender development in children, and I think it was talking to her and writing a book involving a trans character, doing my own research, that it all eventually clicked. When it did, every idiosyncratic aspect of my life that I never could understand made perfect sense. After looking at real people who had transitioned, I knew right away that it was what had been going on my whole life. When you see the truth, how do you go back to being empty? I chose to transition because it was the only thing that made sense, and still is.
I ran out of other options. I had everything that should have made male me happy a great family, a nice home in a nice neighborhood, a dog, and no other issues. However, I was unhappy full of anxiety and extremely conflicted on having to hide my true self from everyone. I went to therapy and came out to my family. The wife didn't take it well and we split and I lost everything I had worked for up until then.
I don't really see a future for myself as a male as I know I will still have the internal conflict but in addition I would also mourn the old life I lost. At least now starting down the road to transition my dysphoria and internal identify conflict have greatly decreased. There have been glimpses of better times and a couple of times were I was truly happy and excited to be alive. I don't know the last time I had those feelings.
Self care. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't want to be selfish, or cause trouble. So I can push it down and away. I did that. I wanted to be a woman every single day, I just never said anything about it. I realized at some point that I hadn't been to a doctor in around a decade, a was bathing extremely infrequently, and wouldn't even eat every day. From my perspective if I wasn't able to take care of my biggest need, why should I bother with the smaller things. I think I must have legitimately gotten to the point that my loved ones were suffering more just having to watch me exist that way.
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Quote from: Wild Flower on February 26, 2017, 01:13:50 PM
You are beautiful in 1977... you remind me of Karen Carpenters! I had my hair in a similar manner, but my mother kind of "knock-knock-knock on my door" back in 2009...or so. And cut my hair back to a masculine matter. It's so not me, though.
You're so beautiful in your profile picture in my opinion, more "bravery" than I could ever do right now at least!!!
Thanks for the kind words! My profile picture was me on the way to a gig with a band I play with. So I get to hide behind people thinking I'm a musician! Lol I always have people coming up to me and saying they like my hair or my look. They don't see a woman or trans person as much as an androgynous goth/glam person. I think.
But after that show the singer from another band and his wife told me they weren't sure of my gender. His wife said "I hope that's not offensive" lol. I said "no, that was pretty much the idea." Maybe I look better than how I see myself. Gender dysphoria sucks.
I also had my landlord call me one day (she lives in Ohio. I'm in Staten Island, NY) because she saw me and my 25 year old son coming into the building on her web cam. My son is like 5'11". So he towers over me. She said "did you give your key to someone?" I said no, but my son is visiting. She said "yes I saw him, but who was the woman he was with?" Umm, that was me. "No, I saw a woman." Yeah... (not knowing what to say) I have long hair. She stammered a bit and there was a pause. "Oh... I didn't know it was that long!" Lol of course my painted nails, plucked brows and skinny jeans didn't help. Lol.
So I guess lots of people see me as a woman. I'm still puzzled by that. I have not started HRT or anything yet.
I'm not brave enough to full on and go and wear a dress in public or anything like that unless it's Halloween! That's always been my excuse. I'm too vain to be as impassible as I see myself. I just never want to feel like I look stupid in public. But I do push the limits when I can. I have nice legs and the figure of a pre pubescent girl. Lol So I'm happy there. But honestly in real life the face puts me firmly in man in a dress territory. Mostly the beard shadow. [emoji53] At least that's how I see myself.
With makeup I'm not too bad, as long as it's night time or a dimly lit room. [emoji15]
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Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 26, 2017, 01:21:56 PM
I never consciously thought about transitioning. I don't think I suffered dysphoria perse. I think it was more a feeling of wanting more and when I found out I could, I did. It feels right. I suppose I should explain. I have been a life long crossdresser ( yes, I've had ups and downs over it throughout) and always wished I could be more. After 64 years I found out I could get and start HRT and did so. It felt/feels right.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Why is your profile picture giving me grand high witch vibes??? Sorry, don't mean to insult *unless that's a compliment*, oye, como me duele?
(https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/uAnEiFlmcx0ev_Si8kHs8vMBqL0/fit-in/2048xorig/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2010/10/43/3/192/1922283/be9248b4e16baf8d_anjelica-huston-the-witches/i/Grand-High-Witch-Witches.jpg)
Quote from: Wild Flower on February 26, 2017, 04:38:43 PM
Why is your profile picture giving me grand high witch vibes??? Sorry, don't mean to insult *unless that's a compliment*, oye, como me duele?
(https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/uAnEiFlmcx0ev_Si8kHs8vMBqL0/fit-in/2048xorig/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2010/10/43/3/192/1922283/be9248b4e16baf8d_anjelica-huston-the-witches/i/Grand-High-Witch-Witches.jpg)
I am a witch. Have been since I was about 10 years old I think. [emoji3]
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My picture? LMAO It's probably the nose and cheap wig. Now that I look at it, Yes , there is a witch like quality to it.
Shall I start or join a wicken?
Lol Hugs,
Jeanette
Ultimate reason?
It's my nature to be what I am. Anyone who knows me would say the same I'm sure (with an eye roll). I'm incorrigible and have never been able to hide it. There's an intense hatred for hiding this nature - I fail miserably at hiding, and it's unhealthy to besides.
Because I was going to kill myself if I didn't...
There is no ultimate, just as GCS isn't the main point for me (hormones have been enough to make me happier, getting myself an innie simply feels right now but I'd be ok going ahead without if I had to).
for me one of the main reasons was I'm feminine in every way, interests, preferred clothes, mannerisms, way of thinking and relating, sexuality, almost every female stereotype and basically no male ones do I fit...also ive always had an extreme uncomfortable feeling when being referred to as "guy" in anyway hated my old name, hated being grouped as "one of the guys" more then anything and always felt mentally I related to and was female....I had such a strong urge to do only feminine things and to look feminine as that's all I liked or was interested in and being told I couldn't felt like the biggest injustice in life and so wrong... "guy things" were very strange to me and men have always been a mystery.... ive known since age 3 that I was different in gender ways...more over sexually ive always only liked men and I only want to be treated as and desired as a woman.Ive always been very submissive and passive sexually and have always seen guys as the opposite sex. I find "acting female" comes very natural and easy to me where as before everyone assumed I was gay as I never new how nor felt comfortable at all "acting like a guy" and trying to would bring extreme feelings of depression...lastly I like having a female body. It feels like me and suits me and feels right.. ive NEVER wanted body or facial hair, a deep voice or to be really tall...the role society gives women (though at times oppressive) comes way more naturally to me than the male one..... ive never thought of myself as a "man" but thinking of myself as a women seems way more right than trying to call myself the other...to me its everything I guess
The ultimate reason?
Massive dysphoria, and the resulting severe depression and anxiety.
My mind, my brain, was highly feminized. The biological stresses from feeding testosterone into a system that developed in a high estrogen environment were likely responsible for the wildly out-of-spec endocrine test panel results when I was finally checked, after a half-century of increasingly severe problems. I even had an adenoma on the pituitary, of a sort associated with pregnancy stresses. (That is being monitored fairly closely)
HRT helped. Lifting full time in the female role helped even more, as I finally get my gender presentation and role aligned with my gender identity. I'm doing much better now. In fact, I would say the last few months have been the best ones of my adult life.
I still want GCS, FFS, and a trach shave, to help my presentation and relieve some body-related distress. Soon, soon...
I managed to stay in denial about my gender situation until I was in my early forties. Then in 2006 I started suffering massive panic attacks that felt like heart attacks. I fought them for ten years with everything I could think of. Finally in the fall of 2014, in the throes of a panic attack, I tried on some clothes my wife had boxed up to send to relatives in the Philippines. (Fortunately she and I are nearly the same size) The panic attack stopped so suddenly it was like a switch had been flipped inside me.
By early 2016 the panic attacks were back with a vengeance even though I was crossdressing at home most of the time and dressing androgynously during outings. I knew I had to go in for hormones and therapy.
I literally did this in order to stay alive and healthy.
Had enough of playing 'Whack-a-mole' with dysphoria.
I was also tired of lugging around a heavy suitcase filled with anxiety, depression, guilt and loneliness. So I decided to leave the wretched thing in the lobby of lost hopes and walk out the door. :)
It's early days for me though. I feel happier for my decision, but also frightened and a little tentative. I think my reason to transition isn't a binary decision, but an ongoing gradual process of self-acceptance.
So no ultimatums for me really. Just bit by bit, step by step progress towards a hopeful better future. That's the plan anyway. So far It seems to be working out o.k.:)
Quote from: Deborah on February 26, 2017, 12:41:18 PM
My reason is simple. It is to get rid of the crushing dysphoria that made every day a living hell.
The same for me. (And thank goodness it has worked).
Very simple reason for me, I'll kill myself if I don't act on it in the next few years.
I don't remember even a single moment of not being depressed in the last few years.
I have anxiety, severe anxiety.
I want to transition, to live.
For me it's been an awakening process. I've spent the first 39 years of my life repressing the feelings I've had. Since I was 5, I can remember having feelings of jealousy toward girls, wishing I had been born a girl, looking in the mirror and not feeling connected to my own reflection, etc. I always thought I was a freak, and the shame caused me to bury those feelings so deeply not even my parents got wise to it. In my teen years, it really started to surface with a vengeance. I started experimenting with crossdressing both in private and in public. Still in secret moments or when no one would recognize me so ultimately still closeted. After getting married I tried a couple Halloweens crossdressed before I finally came out to my wife as having a cross dressing fetish. Still in denial of what was truly going on, I knew it was more than a fetish but refused to admit I was transsexual. In the last few years I came to understand the term genderfluid and thought that was finally an explanation I could support. More than crossdressing less than truly transsexual. I started finally working with a counselor and peeling away the layers of conditioned behavior, denial and repression and I find once again I'm still denying myself. Finally, I've come to terms with the fact that I am a trans woman, I've been female my whole life. I've tried to be "strong" and hide it and be the good male husband, father, etc. but I can't do it anymore.
Why do I want to transition? Because I've come to realize that what has been "normal" for me for 39 years is a state that I don't need to live in. I've never known a life where I was actually comfortable just being me, I've always felt constricted, repressed, hidden, so much so that I never understood that there was something more. Now I "see the light" and I know I can actually make myself much happier. I can be the person I really always have been. I can stop trying to have people see me as a typical man and finally let them interact with me as a woman. That is why I want to transition.
There were very interesting responses to read above.
For me - transition was part of an overall wellness program, including exercise, dieting, regular medical check ups (I used to skip the dr), and better self care. The GD was causing me so much anxiety and stress, transition fixed my GD my life told me I had to, that's all, I kicked the GD to the curb, I win...
C -
I realized these feelings were not going anywhere. So I thought, if I would always feel this way and would end up transitioning anyways when I was old, then why not doing it while I'm still young? So I started when I was 28.
Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 26, 2017, 01:21:56 PMI never consciously thought about transitioning.
Me either, sister. Once I knew I was female, I knew where I was going. No reflection necessary!
One of my life goals on my bucket list before i die!
But seriously, im eager to live in this world, compared to merely existing in it. x
For me, and I suspect many others, there was no choice. I really wanted a normal life, but that was denied me by dysphoria. I did all I could to push it aside, but it finally overtook me. I realised that it planned to significantly shorten my life if I didn't comply to its demands. I started HRT and within a couple of weeks I have gotten over an illness I'd suffered with for 8 months. I was asked why I want to be a woman, and I answered that it simply isn't a decision or desire, but a need. Hopefully this path will grant me the peace and health to live a full life.
Allie
I'll put it in a nutshell.
I can't fake it anymore.
It's figure out how to live authentically and free, or choose to make an exit.
Choosing to make an exit is always an option; and probably the easier option.
I'm not ready to quit.
For me it's transition or die.
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Having realized this past year that I am a woman and not really gender fluid, or a mixed up cismale, I have continued my gender therapy. I have to be myself as a woman.
I have taken this mtf transitioning very slow and methodically. Some know but I have friends, associates, and acquaintances whom I know think that transgender is wrong, so I have not disclosed to them. I am not prepared yet to lose them.
I also am still squeamish about surgery and down under electrolysis. So I have been taking baby steps. I am hopeful of going full time, but I have to address my objections or unwillingness to do so before I can take the leap.
I know that there are some TG people that may think that is rather whimpy but as this is very personal, I have to be ready myself to go forward. Fortunately those that do know of my mtf situation are very supportive and respectful.
I do think it has been long enough eating estrogen in foods in hopes of more body transition. These have worked but after about five years I think I have peaked out with it and should start the medically supervised pharmacological HRT.
For all of you that have been supportive here of me, thank you so much. :)
Hugs,
Chrissy
To bring my body inline with how my brain perceives it should be , I always say its like a past life memory. Also made me a lot happier
I'm tired of living an inauthentic life and having shallow relationships where I can't be myself.
I was sick and tired of putting up a persona that many people saw right through. It was taking a toll on my health.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 31, 2019, 10:37:54 AM
Having realized this past year that I am a woman and not really gender fluid, or a mixed up cismale, I have continued my gender therapy. I have to be myself as a woman.
I have taken this mtf transitioning very slow and methodically. Some know but I have friends, associates, and acquaintances whom I know think that transgender is wrong, so I have not disclosed to them. I am not prepared yet to lose them.
I also am still squeamish about surgery and down under electrolysis. So I have been taking baby steps. I am hopeful of going full time, but I have to address my objections or unwillingness to do so before I can take the leap.
I know that there are some TG people that may think that is rather whimpy but as this is very personal, I have to be ready myself to go forward. Fortunately those that do know of my mtf situation are very supportive and respectful.
For all of you that have been supportive here of me, thank you so much. :)
Hugs,
Chrissy
Chrissy,
Baby steps and going slow is NOT wimpy.
Our lives are like cooked spaghetti between our internal heart and soul, and our external relationships. If you don't want to just bust or cut the tangles, it takes time.
My transition coach (therapist) has to constantly remind me to slow down. It's because I have some relationships that I don't want to lose. They are equally important to me as becomeing my true self. So I can only move as fast as those relationships will allow. When I move too fast, I needlessly stress them.
Your not wimpy. Your balancing potentially conflicting priorities in your life.
And it's your life to live.
I don't believe there is anyone on this forum that would say anything different.
Kate
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Tic toc, tic toc, tic toc, tic toc. How much time do we have and how do you want to live it?
This thing everyone calls transsexual was my life, there was never anything else. I always had to live with it and everyone knew about it, no relationships or children. What else would I do?
All of that seems kind of silly though. It's what I am. Twice I have had doctors say that I had to stop transitioning or I would die, they don't bother anymore. This is who I am. Whatever it is I will live with it or die with it, but the moment I found out transition was possible all others possibilities ended.
You have all played Tic Tac Toe certainly, it can't be won. There is only one move left, you can't win, all you can do is put that last O in that last box and move on to something else. Well...
O
The reason why I transitioned was because I determined that it made everyone's life better, including my own. The other option was to live half a life and keep people around me living in a lie. In my case I could see it breeding bitterness that no one understood the root source of, which turned our frustrations upon ourselves.
For me it was dysphoria, especially the social part. Socializing with people felt very awkward and wrong as a guy...
I totally didn't like ''guy's talk'' or interests, and I was immediately shutting down friendship to anyone threatening (even joking about) shaving my long hair... and then found me rather cautious around them...
Girls always ended up my best of friends, sharing interests and all... but some wanted more than being just friends and tried to play games to get my (nonexistent) male self to the chase or being obnoxiously flirty... breaking the relationship in the end...
Or even friends and/or coworker gossiping and starting a rumor about me going out (dating) with a female friend of mine, creating tension in the friendship...
I learned what ''Netflix and chill'' meant the hard way... got tricked into it when I didn't know better. I ran away when she tried to get into my pants... Y'know... I need time to warm up to sex... like an actual woman.
The ''guys can't be friends with girls without sex'' social construct really did it for my dysphoria... I grew weary of starting new friendships over time, causing isolation and loneliness... I actually embraced (voluntary) celibacy, declaring it loud and clear to everyone all the way up until... well... now. I'm actually opening up as the real me nowadays!
Quote from: jkredman on April 05, 2019, 12:20:32 AM
Chrissy,
Baby steps and going slow is NOT wimpy.
Our lives are like cooked spaghetti between our internal heart and soul, and our external relationships. If you don't want to just bust or cut the tangles, it takes time.
My transition coach (therapist) has to constantly remind me to slow down. It's because I have some relationships that I don't want to lose. They are equally important to me as becomeing my true self. So I can only move as fast as those relationships will allow. When I move too fast, I needlessly stress them.
Your not wimpy. Your balancing potentially conflicting priorities in your life.
And it's your life to live.
I don't believe there is anyone on this forum that would say anything different.
Kate
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
I wish everyone would be accepting.
I will always so kindness and love to all though, even if I do get a cold shoulder or worse from those who are not accepting. I do tread slowly.
Onward we go!
Chrissy
Quote from: Sabrina Rei on April 05, 2019, 06:59:03 AM
The reason why I transitioned was because I determined that it made everyone's life better, including my own. The other option was to live half a life and keep people around me living in a lie. In my case I could see it breeding bitterness that no one understood the root source of, which turned our frustrations upon ourselves.
Sabrina,
This was well stated. I have similar reflections.
I wonder if I could forever be a womanly spirited guy, content to be lovingly feminine with a few wonderful people while portraying to be a regular straight guy with the rest of my world. I find that routine to be harder to do as the months pass by. It would be manifesting a lie or denial of me being the woman I am, simply a nice, responsible woman who is attracted to women.
Over time, this will work its way out. I hope well. :)
You continue to be be very photogenic!
Hugs,
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 07, 2019, 07:26:11 AM
Sabrina,
This was well stated. I have similar reflections.
I wonder if I could forever be a womanly spirited guy, content to be lovingly feminine with a few wonderful people while portraying to be a regular straight guy with the rest of my world. I find that routine to be harder to do as the months pass by. It would be manifesting a lie or denial of me being the woman I am, simply a nice, responsible woman who is attracted to women.
Over time, this will work its way out. I hope well. :)
You continue to be be very photogenic!
Hugs,
Chrissy
You might remember that I was able to jut flipp flop between guy and woman without any problem. Well, somehow it seems not to work that well anymore. It started out with a few male fails, and now that the results of my orchi seemed to have kicked in fully, I do not have the desire to be a guy anymore, not even going into an auto repair shop!
I need an oil change done next week, and will go here as a very assertive and knowledgeable person, and this person is a woman!
I am afraid that my guy days are over for good now! I don't think that going as a guy would cause dysphoria for me, I just don't feel like it anymore!
I used to have to decide every morning if I would want to start the day as a guy or a woman. That indecision is gone now, and there is no question in the world anymore that I will get up and dress like a woman, because I am a woman!
I am pretty sure that you will reach this point, too! There will be no question, you are a woman!
Hugs
Linde
I chose to transition because I'd always known since childhood I was different, just not how I was until later. I spent years trying to be something other than myself, and ultimately became a recessed shell of a person. That road took some dark turns, and I very nearly didn't get off of it. But ultimately all those years were a learning experience, and and got me to the point of saying "...well that didn't work", and caused me to reflect on what great personal failure I felt I was running away from: that I wasn't how I was 'supposed' to be.
Now, I'm running as fast and hard as I can in the opposite direction, to being my truest self at all times. And even though it's terrifying, I'm loving myself more now than ever.
In the childhood and teens, I did wish I was born a girl, in my teenage years I did experiment with cross dressing, I wore pantyhose and cheer leader skirt, with panties of course.. but never more than that.. I always interacted better with women than men.. I never considered transitioning.. Then at the age of 19 something changed..
I dressed up fully as a woman for first time with help of a friend.. I wore a blue long sleeve knee length dress, black pantyhose, blue 2inch heels with a wig. That evening was also the first time I wore
-makeup to hide that male face
-shaved my legs
-I wore nail polish (Red) to make my hands look more girlish.
-home body shaping garments, plus bean bags for boobs
I remember looking in the mirror for that first time loving the girl I saw in the mirror. I loved every second of being dressed.
After that night, I just wanted to be that girl more and more and I dressed fully every chance I got.. i hated wearing a wig, so I started to grow my hair, i actually from that night kept my legs shaved. Soon after that night, I got my ears pierced, I wanted to wear earrings as well. I loved being noleen and soon evenings dressed turned into entire weekends dressed, which turned in week evening too. It got to a point, where if I was not at school, I was noleen. I constantly worked on my look to look more female.. breast forms etc..
What I loved, I went from a shy guy, to this outgoing woman..I loved being girly and I ended being a very girly girl.. (I love makeup, nail polish, 4 inch high heels, dresses etc) The idea I was actually a girl trapped in a shy mans body formed in my head at this time... My friend found a gender therapist for me, and I soon started with hormones.. and around two years after that.. I had my vagina installed..
I have never looked back from that night in the blue long sleeve dress. I actually still own that dress, it does not fit anymore, HRT gave me plenty of hip and bum fat, plus D cup breasts (Typical of the women in my family), so the dress struggles to go over my bum. I will never get rid of it.
I cant imagine myself as a guy anymore or being in a typical guys role in a relationship. I am married to a man, and I love being his wife and being in the wife role. I love dressing up and looking pretty and sexy for him and I run our household on top of having a job. Yes he does know I was born a man, but he says.. I look and act like a woman, so for him that is what I am. The one women thing I cant provide, is giving him a child. I would love to fall pregnant and give birth to his child. We do want to adopt.. and we are registered. I would love to be mum. If I end up being a house wife looking after the kids.. I would be the happiest woman on earth.
Quote from: noleen111 on April 12, 2019, 03:28:04 AM
I cant imagine myself as a guy anymore or being in a typical guys role in a relationship. I am married to a man, and I love being his wife and being in the wife role. I love dressing up and looking pretty and sexy for him and I run our household on top of having a job. Yes he does know I was born a man, but he says.. I look and act like a woman, so for him that is what I am. The one women thing I cant provide, is giving him a child. I would love to fall pregnant and give birth to his child. We do want to adopt.. and we are registered. I would love to be mum. If I end up being a house wife looking after the kids.. I would be the happiest woman on earth.
I have many of the same feelings you have, except for me, I don't want to have a man in my life. I am very glad that i was able to eliminate the one who was co-sharing my body, I do not want another one of that species near me anymore.
I might have some resemblance of an uterus inside my body, who knows with my funny makeup, but I also do not even consider having a child, and i am still of rotten a housewife as I was when I was a man.
I always was a go getter, and that has not changed with me being a woman now. If any partner, i would want a houseman or house woman, and I can be outside in the world, and do my things!
I am beginning to speculate that dysphoria is not a thing that only takes place in one's head.
Much of it is how the rest of the world perceives you. I have a not entirely pleasant go of it as a man; in my limited experience (11 days!) out as a women it is much easier for me. There are many reasons for this, but as my wonderful French Canadian friend likes to say: "life is talking to you."
I live and act in a way that is (to society anyway) perhaps not in harmony with my gender and it "bothers" others arguably more than it bothers me. That a lot of the unpleasantness I experience on a day to day basis is the world telling me something. Something that was not entirely clear to me. It's getting to the point that my female co-workers are complaining that I am too "girly" - that actually happened!
I need a 40 year plan to not only survive in this world but to thrive. I do think there is a duty to make the best of it in this world. So, onward and upward.
Ultimately my goal is to live a life free of anxiety, anger, and depression brought on by being separated from the person I knew myself to be at 5. I am pleased with my progress so far.
Selfish reason:
Much like I am studying how to act as a girl, I attempted for decades to live up to the societal expectations of acting male. My inner bitch right now is taking (almost) sadistic glee in being aware of who I am and still being perceived by the unknowing masses as "cis male". I know that eventually I will no longer be able to do that at which point people will learn I am ok with who I am now. Yeah, I still have some anger issues. I am aware of what it is caused by, and I am letting it run it's course.
To live compared to merely exist. x
I've spent 50+ years trying to find a solution to this pain, depression and anxiety. The only thing that has ever helped is my low dose E and the hope that one day I'll transition. If I think for a moment of giving up the E or this goal, everything gets much darker and life seems pointless.
Have a nice day.
Paige 😊
Life wasn't quite hard enough so I spiced things up with an extra challenge.
For me , the ultimate reason I began my transition was to be the woman I have I have always felt like on the inside.
Last year, I finally decided that I was going to live my life the way I wanted and break free from the gender box that some other felt I should be in. Since coming out, my depression has improved and I actually feel happy. Plus being a woman really rocks! (At least for me anyways, lol)
I support anyone who wants to finally be the person they have dreamed of becoming. And if they are happy with the way they currently are then that is perfectly fine as well. Plenty of love to share with everyone.