Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello there,

I am brand new to this site. My name is Josh. My female name is Julia. I am 37 and first started wearing my mom and sister's clothes at about 14, basically when I first started having any sexual feelings I can remember. I've been pretty open to exploring my femininity in private and even dressed in public several times at "acceptable" events (halloween, burning man, a mustaches competition where I dressed as 'mustache sally' ;). I've always thought I'm just a somewhat normal hetero male with a strong feminine side who like to crossdress. However, I can't help but think there might be more to this than I've admitted to myself.

I'm married to a woman who is very into me dressing as Julia, challenging gender roles, is bi-sexual, etc. I guess I've always thought this was just a sexual thing for me. And yet, I wake up most mornings now with the thought "I want to be a woman". And I have thoughts about being a woman that aren't sexual in nature sometimes.

You know that theory that it takes 21 days to create a habit? Well, today is day #3 of a routine where I'm going to do something feminizing every day. I've done moisturizing, shared my plan with my wife, bought some new feminizing convenience items, trimmed my eyebrows a bit, and did some great feminizing meditation for 15 mins.

I guess I'm just curious how my experience and feelings mesh with your's?

:-*
Julia

Welcome to Susan's Place. Much like you, I knew what I wanted at age 13. The difference is the depression was sufficient that there was only one option 10 years latter so I put everything I had into a transition. Not 100% clear from your post is how far you want to go. We have many on the forum who  are non binary and live somewhere in the middle. The remainder have an end goal and are seeking it.

I am giving you a couple of additional links to look at. The first is our WIKI  (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) where you will get an idea of what is possible. The second is  "the transition channel"  (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw) in which a therapist discuss topic of interest to somebody transitioning. Review these links and feel free to ask any questions in this thread where I will see them.

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Hi Julia,
  I'm Jeanette. I'm a mean rotten old fart according to my friends. Hopefully they'll still be my friends when they find out I'm a mean rotten old broad. LOL 
  It's good to meet you, Julia. It is a good thing your wife is so accepting. It wasn't that way for many of us. I want to welcome you to Susan's Place. Come on in. Get comfortable. Read some of our posts and get to know us. Make some comments if you want. Ask your questions and tell us some more about you. Help us get to know you as you get to know us.
   Twenty+ years is a long time to wonder about oneself but for some of us it was a lot longer. In my case it was well over that. I remember trying on my sisters and female cousin's clothes when I was 7 or 8. I just came to the conclusion in December that I was a trans woman and started HRT. At this point no one but my medical care team knows about Jeanette. Soon I hope I will have a gender therapist on that team. I understand that having one of them to talk to and work through my personal journey is a very good thing to have. When I start coming out to family and friends I am going to need that help. With these bumps developing on my chest I'll have to start soon.  They are almost big enough to be called breasts already.lol. They are getting that characteristic fold underneath them. Won't be able to hide them easily much longer.
  Oh heck I ramble again. Welcome Julia. Hope you like it here.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

try 50 years supressed by convention, culture, ect . At the age of 61 have gone to hell with it, its now or never. So when you make up your mind go with it as the girls on here will give you all the help you will need.

Hi Julia  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi Julia. Reading your post, I seen a lot of similarities in our timelines and whats going on.

Unfortunately I could never wear my moms clothes, they would never fit I was only really able to explore dressing up as i got older and had a way of getting stuff on my own. I was only able to try on a few of my sisters things such as jean shorts, and jeans. She didn't have a lot of feminine clothing.

I haven't really done any daily feminizing, because of work related stuff and how this town is. Not very accepting. :(

Anyway, I'm new myself and welcome. Pop into chat sometime.

Quote from: jewel98 on March 02, 2017, 09:44:37 PM

I guess I'm just curious how my experience and feelings mesh with your's?

HI Julia. I am 35, and want to say that we are very similar. I never had a sister, or wore my mom's clothing, but I did at one point snag panties and a bra (matching of course) from my best friends cousin (which I have only ever admitted to my wife I did...recently). I also like what you say about "21 days to form a habit." I have been dressing with my wife daily (when the kids aren't around, or something neutral when they are at times), for almost a month that now. We have been shopping several times since then, and I have a decent wardrobe. I have been shaving my legs for 3 weeks, and this week I have upgraded to body hair (leg hair grows fast, lucky to not have back hair and barely anything on my chest). I pushed my feelings away for years, out of fear, but as time passes (and we have matured) I have been very open about it with my wife, and she has been very supportive. I live by the mottos "Live your life for yourself", and "Treat every day as if it were your last." I look forward to getting to know more people here, as well as getting to know myself too. Being a newbie myself, you (and anyone else) is free to chat me up about most anything (seriously, does anyone else here hand Encyclopedia Britannica's worth of crappie in their head?)

Quote from: Scorpio2Scorpia on March 08, 2017, 01:03:03 PM
I have been dressing with my wife daily (when the kids aren't around, or something neutral when they are at times), for almost a month that now. We have been shopping several times since then, and I have a decent wardrobe. I have been shaving my legs for 3 weeks, and this week I have upgraded to body hair (leg hair grows fast, lucky to not have back hair and barely anything on my chest). I pushed my feelings away for years, out of fear, but as time passes (and we have matured) I have been very open about it with my wife, and she has been very supportive.

Thanks for sharing this! It's great to have a supportive wife. Thank you to all the others who have commented as well. it's great to have support.

I have a few challenges I'd love advice on:
1- Shopping is super terrifying for me. The other day I had to psych myself up a ton just to buy three outfits at a small vintage clothing store where there was just me and the woman clerk in the store. When I walked up to her and told her I was shopping for women's clothes and could use some moral support, she was very kind and helpful. It was great, but I don't want to dress in 1960s dresses. I want to shop at the local thrift shop or other stores with lots of people in them because the clothes are better. How do you get over the "everyone is looking at me, an obvious man shopping for women's clothes" feeling? I tried drinking a nip of whiskey even and it didn't help. Ugh!
2- My skin is so sensitive to shaving. Even my stupid neck breaks out with razor bumps almost every time I shave. My upper chest and upper legs are the worst. Huge razor bumps still even after moisturizing every day since and yesterday trying putting a black tea bag soaked in boiled water on them (saw tip on internet to do it). It barely helped at all if it did. I just want smooth, non razor bumped skin.
3- Big question: how did you get to the point of feeling good about your gender expression most of the time, if you have? If not transgender completely, was it setting up a routine of crossdressing? Doing it in public frequently? Something meditative/internal? Telling friends/family? I have been so closed off with most people except a couple girlfriends and my wife my whole life. I want to tell my sister and mom, but haven't had the courage to yet. Mostly, I just want to feel alive with my feminine side and empowered to share it with other people. My favorite memories on this aren't dressing in my room, but rather in public with live feedback from other people.
4- Know where to find any good groups to share this with in Boston?

Thanks!

Quote from: jewel98 on March 10, 2017, 11:09:02 PM
Thanks for sharing this! It's great to have a supportive wife. Thank you to all the others who have commented as well. it's great to have support.

I have a few challenges I'd love advice on:
1- Shopping is super terrifying for me. The other day I had to psych myself up a ton just to buy three outfits at a small vintage clothing store where there was just me and the woman clerk in the store. When I walked up to her and told her I was shopping for women's clothes and could use some moral support, she was very kind and helpful. It was great, but I don't want to dress in 1960s dresses. I want to shop at the local thrift shop or other stores with lots of people in them because the clothes are better. How do you get over the "everyone is looking at me, an obvious man shopping for women's clothes" feeling? I tried drinking a nip of whiskey even and it didn't help. Ugh!
2- My skin is so sensitive to shaving. Even my stupid neck breaks out with razor bumps almost every time I shave. My upper chest and upper legs are the worst. Huge razor bumps still even after moisturizing every day since and yesterday trying putting a black tea bag soaked in boiled water on them (saw tip on internet to do it). It barely helped at all if it did. I just want smooth, non razor bumped skin.
3- Big question: how did you get to the point of feeling good about your gender expression most of the time, if you have? If not transgender completely, was it setting up a routine of crossdressing? Doing it in public frequently? Something meditative/internal? Telling friends/family? I have been so closed off with most people except a couple girlfriends and my wife my whole life. I want to tell my sister and mom, but haven't had the courage to yet. Mostly, I just want to feel alive with my feminine side and empowered to share it with other people. My favorite memories on this aren't dressing in my room, but rather in public with live feedback from other people.
4- Know where to find any good groups to share this with in Boston?

Thanks!

  Hi Julia,

Jeanette here again, 

Question 1- Shopping. I tried shopping in stores mainly around Christmas - gifting don'tcha know?  Now I do most of my shopping online.  If I ever feel more comfortable in public maybe I will try in stores again.

Question 2 - I use an electric razor for my face. I am trying a ladies 4 blade razor with the big moisturizer bar thingy all around it.

Question 3 - I feel pretty comfortable almost all the time in the privacy of my room after my sister who lives with me goes to bed. No problem there at all. Now going out the door is a whole different ballgame. I have not been on HRT long and going out dressed doesn't happen. Though I did sneak out one night to attend a support meeting in Portland recently. Light makeup ,wig, earrings, slim ladies jeans and a pink pullover top.  I survived. I'm working on coming out to my family and a few friends soon.

Hugs,
   Jeanette

Thanks for replying Jeanette. Do you know what the moisturizer bar is called? Where do you shop online? I gotta keep costs down.

This is my latest makeup attempt. Would love any feedback or thoughts on ways to improve.
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B6eIrrgFsZnyWnRpZ0UxYnloRkk

How did you post a photo to your profile? I tried and couldn't figure it out.

Quote from: jewel98 on March 10, 2017, 11:57:17 PM
Thanks for replying Jeanette. Do you know what the moisturizer bar is called? Where do you shop online? I gotta keep costs down.

This is my latest makeup attempt. Would love any feedback or thoughts on ways to improve.
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B6eIrrgFsZnyWnRpZ0UxYnloRkk

How did you post a photo to your profile? I tried and couldn't figure it out.

Hi again Julia

   I guess I didn't explain the razor very well. Are you familiar with razors with the lubrication bar in front of the blades? Well it is like that but goes completely around the blades. This razor is also self adjusting to keep the lotion bars and blades at the same level as you shave. This one is a little spendy. I got it from COSTCO with 12 blade cartridges for about $29.00. It is called Schick Intuition Pure Nourishment Razor

If you are interested in facial moisturizer there are many out there. I am trying a bit high priced one by Roc. The one I got is their multi-correction 5 in 1 line. I got the facial moisturizer and their night creme. Both list for about $29.00 each but I got both for just $30 at Target.  I still need to find a moisturizer for the rest of my old body.

  For clothes I usually shop Target, Sears, and Kmart online. Payless has larger size shoes for reasonable prices but I usually buy shoe on sales there for less. My last pair of heels were only $15.00.

  As for adding an avatar you will be allowed to do that after you have 15 posts if I remember right. It was in those links you got when you started conversing with us here.

  And your make up... i took a look and mind you I am a novice also. First I like the hair be it yours or a wig. The makeup is not bad at all for a light makeup job though you will need to do some more on the brows in my opinion. A little med brown pencil should do it and when you are more comfortable some shaping. My brows are not shaped yet either and as you age they tend to have longer one growing out more than you want. I have found that careful trimming them to a shorter length makes them less unruly and easier to give them a little shaping (by plucking) without making it too obvious. Then a little pencil to shape them better and you're all set.

  Hope these  answers help you.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

Welcome to the site Julia,

I am not sure what she you are but I tend to shop all online like many others and get most of my stuff at Woman Within. I have gotten some pants at Goodwill etc but the way those places are arranged I find very confusing and my sizing is too specific for most of the average stuff they have.

I shave my entire body and can tell you that eventually the bumps will subside. I highly suggest Dorcousa for your razors online.

For shopping, try what I do (since you said your wife is supportive), take her with you. My wife and I will go out shopping, and the thought in our head is we are shopping for "my twin". It helps alleviate any stress if we are a bit away, she'll hold something up and say, "I think Val would like this," or I'll ask her opinion on if something would look good on me and say, "Do you think Val would wear this?" Our local salvation army has a 50% off on Wednesdays, and there are really nice clothes there, so I've gotten quite the selection in just 2 trips.

As for the razor bumps, my thighs get them bad, but I found that by soaking in a tub of hot water and shaving recalling helps open up the pores to remove the follicles without so many ingrown hairs (razor bumps). Also get a good lotion/moisturizer to put on afterwards too. It's very pricey, but I have some called Vine Vera I had gotten my wife when I was on a business trip to SF a couple years ago (it's all natural, but we have recently discovered my wife is allergic to the entire planet since, so she has to be extremely careful now).

For support groups, Boston area should have a good selection. There is a huge community up there, and my friends brothere is openly gay, and they go to all kinds of bars/clubs together, and never have any problems (his brother wears drag queen style makeup daily too). Just Google the area for transgengered groups, and also maybe try contacting a transgender therapist's office, to see if they can give you any assistance.

Good luck,

Valerie  (TBD)

Quote from: jewel98 on March 10, 2017, 11:09:02 PM
Thanks for sharing this! It's great to have a supportive wife. Thank you to all the others who have commented as well. it's great to have support.


1- Shopping is super terrifying for me. The other day I had to psych myself up a ton just to buy three outfits at a small vintage clothing store where there was just me and the woman clerk in the store. When I walked up to her and told her I was shopping for women's clothes and could use some moral support, she was very kind and helpful. It was great, but I don't want to dress in 1960s dresses. I want to shop at the local thrift shop or other stores with lots of people in them because the clothes are better. How do you get over the "everyone is looking at me, an obvious man shopping for women's clothes" feeling? I tried drinking a nip of whiskey even and it didn't help. Ugh!

It is terrifying. I just started shopping for girl clothes this last month. At first, when you wander around the women's department, you think they're going to call the cops or security guard on you for being a perv.

I like to plan ahead of time... like I'm robbing the place. I first make a list of things/items I want in my head. With this list in my head, I go to a Target or WalMart and scope the women's & girls department from a near distance, to find the exact places where my items are located. Then I go home. The next day I return during slow hours, and I just rapidly go grab my items. Target is cool because they have self-check-out terminals. It takes me less than two minutes to grab everything... and nobody is around.

This one time, I had grabbed all of my items in less than a minute... but since there was nobody around, I wandered around to look at all the nice stuff, and I had this impulse to buy yoga shorts. But I couldn't find any. The only person in the women's department was a lady who worked there; she was putting items in a cart back in their places. I was holding a few panties in my hands. I wanted the yoga shorts bad enough to go up to the lady and ask her where I could find some. It was hella terrifying initially, to go up to an older lady, and ask. I watched her every move and reaction when I asked. The lady acted indifferent almost, and was very helpful and friendly. She took me to the section and showed me the small selection of yoga shorts. I thanked her. After that incident, most of the fear and horror went away for me. I guess it's like confronting your fears: where you learn there is nothing to fear, and that it's all in your own mind, that you are Projecting your own imagined fears and worst scenarios onto the real world. But I still plan ahead for items I want, and hit up the place during their slow hours. 

About shopping:  maybe it helps a lot to be 63 years old  :D  I'm over much of the shame and nervousness about it.  My favorite early moment was bringing 4 pairs of "Misses" jeans to the changing room at Walmart.  The woman there simply said, "Did you want the men's?" and I replied no thanks these were fine.  No other comment.  I think they're used to about everything.

My wife and I shopped jewelry at Goodwill, and they sent the manager over to help us since it's in a locked case.  She was delightful and had a lot of great advice and techniques to make earrings stay on without piercing -- turned out she helps guys for the annual cross-dresser ball (which I now have to rediscover).

Just do it!  Nobody's going to stop you shopping wherever you like.

Only advice I can give you is better only 20 years than 60.

If you are that scared, you could scope out what you want then order on line for pickup the next day they will have it all ready for you when you get there. Also there are many Amazon lockers to have your packages shipped to. This took a long time to learn but you know what. You are probably never going to see those clerks again. Their job is to make sales not practice their religion or whatever other hang ups they have.

You can have UPS deliver to one of their stores for no extra charge. We do that in the winter when they won't come it our neighborhood anyway.

Be careful when ordering at Penneys for pickup at the store. The guy at the busy register opened my package (men's shirts whew) to see if it was the right thing. You'd have to stop that behavior.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

I have had anxiety a couple of times before going in to buy female things, but (not to sound vain) I know thanks to silicone and a small frame to start I am very passable minus the face to the point I carry myself with confidence everywhere plus I have a not-give-a-damn attitude. I see people look at my body then my face and have a confused look and it actually empowers me now. Granted I have been dressing in public for about 8 years and Im only 26 but YOU CAN DO IT! It all comes down to the main question you have to ask yourself, "am I a confident woman?" you project the way you feel and if you feel and project yourself openly you will appear the way you want to appear. What has helped me in the past is knowing I will probably never see these people again and they will not change my path or ambition in life and once you get over that "hump-of-acceptance"  you will feel SO LIBERATED FROM SOCIETIES CHAINS.

Basically everyone has a different comfort zone. Mine is about a million miles wide. I have gone out fully dressed with a beard because I just. Don't. Care. What. People. Think. I was lazy, didn't want to shave that week, and needed to be in my female attire. But anyways Im rambling now lol

I shop alot at goodwill and target (damn thier female attire prices) but sometimes treat myself to a 50$ sports bra and 60$ leggings at Victorias Secret hahaha (deep down inside I hurt from that...) I have a bad experience anywhere. Even met a really cute woman at goodwill who asked ME on a date (which was uhh-mazing feeling in more ways than one ;) ) once. You never know how you will feel about it until you literally pick up your skirt and try!

Go take that stroll with a bra and beard, ask that random lady her opinion on the heels in your manly hand, walk up to the fitting rooms with 3 bras and a pair of leggings while dressed as a man. I have done all these things and never have regretted them because deep down inside what makes me happy is what makes me happy. Everyone has thier happiness, follow your bliss baby :)

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk

Thanks for all the support and advice. I took your advice on my brows Jeanette and tweezed and shaped a bit. I gotta get some lighter brow liner.

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170316/5c02068cf61d85c82f1c22264f8dc0dd.jpg)

I haven't tried shopping again yet. Talked to my therapist about this for the first time though. It went okay.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi Julia,

  The picture looks purty good, a purty good look for daytime makeup. It's not heavy or over done at all and yes I can now see your brows a bit better. You'll be able to work on the arch when you get more confident and are ready to present as a woman more often.
  LMAO Just listen to me, going on as if I knew what  the heck I am talking about. I am almost as new to this as you are. Okay I've been dressing up privately probably longer than you've been alive and I've played with makeup some but I assure you I am no expert by a long shot. But yeah , Julia you are not doing badly at it at all.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette