Heya folks! I know I've read these forums for years and just got around to registering. Better late than never, right? I'm Endy. I'm 43 (MTF), been on HRT since July 2015, and I work as a systems administrator. I'm excited to meet you officially. :)
Welcome to Susan's Place! :)
Hi Endy.
A Georgia Peach huh? I took a drive through a bit of Georgia last year on my way to visit Florida. Pretty state what I saw of it. I live in Oregon.
Welcome to Susan's Place. It is about time you quit procrastinating and joined in on the conversations. Come on in and get comfortable. Share your story with us so we can get to know you while you get to know us.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Hi Endy :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along
Please be sure to review:
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs
V M
Hey there! I'm from Georgia too! Welcome to the site! :)
Yaaaay for Georgia. Me too.
Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote
Well sisters, where do I begin? With that feeling, that certainty that I was a girl? That was when I was four. I had told my parents I was a girl too, like my best friend, and I was told in no uncertain terms that it couldn't be, as I had external plumbing. My child mind processed this and figured out an answer. If that was all that was separating me from being a girl, the I could fix that. I could remove the offending appendage. So I tried. With a toothbrush. My dad laughed about it at the time, but really, who's laughing now dad? ;)
Until I left the house at 18, whenever I had a chance to be alone, I'd dress up. It calmed me. When I looked in the mirror, I felt like I seeing the me I was supposed to be. I was very careful to hide it after being punished the few times I was caught. I had grown up in the church and was taught that I was something of an abomination. I prayed at night for god to fix this, to make me a physical girl. It never happened.
When I was 10, I was sexually assaulted by an older boy. It messed with my head for a very long time. I was very ashamed, and felt it was my fault.
At 18, I had to leave the house. I chose the military. I mean, if I'm a boy, shouldn't I learn how to be a man? My dad was particularly pleased with that choice. All it did was teach me to bury what I felt very deep inside of me. I did my best to be the best "man" I could be. Got married at 26, we had 2 boys not long afterwards. But I kept dressing when I was alone. I felt like a freak. I'd throw all my clothes away, feel disgusted with myself, and swear to never do it again. And yet I would.
After 21 years of service, I retired. Shortly after my family left for Georgia, I found myself alone in Texas. I dressed. Then in November 2014, a close friend died. I dressed, cried for 3 days, didn't leave the house. Weeks afterward, I wondered why that was my response. Why did I resort to dressing up? As it turned out, it wasn't about the clothes at all.
I finally saw a gender therapist May 2015, after a lot of internet research and a LOT of soul searching. Telling her I had "gender issues" (as I blurted out), was incredibly hard, but in retrospect, the best thing I could have done for myself. I started HRT a couple months later.
It's been a year and a half. I'm fortunate that I work somewhere I am accepted. The group of girls I socialize with have been instrumental in helping me come out of my shell. I'm honestly happy. I'm so very glad I didn't let fear make my choice for me.
Hi Endy, welcome to Susan's Place! Thank you for your service. Now off to Roll Call! (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,96755.0.html) with you! See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Another vet It seems there are a lot of us here.
Thank you for your story Endy.Rose and thank you for your service.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Thank you all for the warm welcome! <3
-Endy
Hi Endy Rose
Welcome to Susan's, its nice to meet you.
Huggs Niki