I'm a trans-masculine person from California that's trying to weigh the risks of getting top surgery in the next year or so. I'm 17 now, but will be 18 when I will have to make a decision.
My chest has been central to most of my dysphoria since puberty. I've been dealing with it for about three years now by binding (with a gc2b binder), but before that it was a lot of slouching, which I'm still trying to overcome (when I am binding). My dysphoria is really bad, but right now there's not much I can do about it beyond that. My parents will stop supporting me and will, essentially kick me out or estrange me.
Next school year I'll be attending community college just east of Central California. I'll be physically on my own, but still receiving partial monetary support from my parents, who I'll still see every few weeks/months or so. I thought this might be a good time to attempt to get top surgery, since I'll have to be out in public more often what with both school and work, larger than the amount of time I can safely wear a binder continuously. It's unlikely that my parents will catch on that I've had the surgery, giving my preexisting penchants for baggy clothing, complaining about physical pain, +more. I've also worn a binder in their presence, but since it's not permanent, they haven't said anything--if they've noticed.
If I was to go through with this, timing would be key. I would have to have a clinic appointment either somewhere near or in LA (5+ hour drive) (closer than San Fran (6-7+) bc of the mountain range). If all goes well, I'd then have to have a consultation with a surgeon (also far away, probably) and then schedule the actual surgery when I have a week (or 2) off school that my parents won't be in town for. This is actually quite probable given that community colleges and school my siblings attend don't tend to match up their holiday and spring breaks.
While this would help significantly with my suicidal ideation that is connected to my dysphoria, there are also some problems:
- Travel distance
- Costs (my dad's healthcare helps cover it & according to california state law, I should be able to use his healthcare without him actually being alerted, however this does feel like a risky move. I may try to see if I can get access to my own healthcare independently, but that's hard. I'd also be going for the cheapest I can safely get.)
- I probably won't have any friends to help me with this. My only friend who might lives down here, which is too close to my parents and she's a busy college student herself.
- Recovery time (If I'm lucky, I'll be back up on my feet enough to go back to school/work in two weeks time. I hope to be safe to drive back after the first week.)
- Unexpected problems (health or other)
Alternate plans include:
- Waiting another year, transferring to another community college, and going ahead with the plan then. (Pros: less parent time, excuse for leaving: too few commodities, Cons: different and possibly higher cost of living)
- Waiting two years, transferring to a state university far enough from home (Pros: safer, more self-dependant, less parent time, may have support of my friend, given I may choose my university based on where she choses to go Cons: my suicidal ideation, possibly increased binding time until then, still probably fairly dependant on my parents)
- Waiting four years, possibly moving on to another school in hopes of pursuing a masters or settling with a bachelors and getting a job (Pros: will probably be completely if not mostly self sufficient at this time, Cons: I don't know if I can make it that long without doing something rash)
- Choosing a different community college to begin with (Pros: the college will have more class options, less parent time, Cons: possible presence of higher out-of-district fees, higher housing costs)
- EDIT: (Unlikely) Waiting two years, joining the military, & depending on military support to transition (Pros: no or decreased monetary issues, i'm not too much against joining to military regardless, Cons: inherent danger of being trans and in the military, i'd have to spend my next two years really working on my physical fitness, possible changes to military policy given the current political leaders)
Anyways, this is really long winded, and I'm starting to second guess my decision to post this haha. Any input would be very very helpful, and, of course, very appreciated!
Welcome to Susan's Place. My opinion is doing anything while you are dependent on your parents money is risky and likely to backfire. If the worst happens, you will not be able to finish your schooling and that could set the remainder of your transition even farther back. My advice would be to do what ever you can for the next few year to become independent and when you finish school, get your surgery before starting your profession. For now, you could be saving money that will be useful for your surgery and recovery as you could be unable to work for around a month.
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There is no way you would be able to keep an expense as big as surgery under the radar while using someone else's insurance. I get a bill for every little thing that my insurance does, whether insurance pays or I pay. It was the same when I was on my mom's plan, though the notifications went to her instead.
If you are desperate to have it sooner rather than later, my advice would be to apply to a 4 year university away from home, take out student loans to cover the costs, and take out an excess amount totaling what you would expect to spend on surgery. I would regularly get financial aid offers that were $6k-$10k higher than my financial needs each semester. Take the extra, have surgery, pay it off when you're done with school.
Thank you, both!
It's really nice to get input on this, especially when I don't really have anyone to talk to. Whew, yeah, I think I'm definitely going to play it safe. It's what I usually do, and I really have no interest in getting myself stuck in a corner I may never be able to get out of.
Going to a 4 year and taking out excess student loans actually sounds like a really neat plan, but at my dad's income level, I'd end taking those loans to my grave.
Thank you again for your advice!!
Quote from: puddleowl on March 12, 2017, 11:37:52 PM
Thank you, both!
It's really nice to get input on this, especially when I don't really have anyone to talk to. Whew, yeah, I think I'm definitely going to play it safe. It's what I usually do, and I really have no interest in getting myself stuck in a corner I may never be able to get out of.
Going to a 4 year and taking out excess student loans actually sounds like a really neat plan, but at my dad's income level, I'd end taking those loans to my grave.
Thank you again for your advice!!
I borrowed over $100k for schooling and have had no financial help from my parents since I was 17. It's definitely doable, especially if you'd be paying out of pocket for surgery anyway. At least this way, you're not having to wait longer to save up the cash and you're also not having to put it on a higher interest credit card or take out a higher interest personal loan.
I'd do the surgery now. You will be more comfortable in college if you do. Paying off loans after college is doable if you budget properly and maybe not be in a hurry to buy a house and have kids right away.