Its been a while since I wore anything business casual. Today was an awful day for no. Its not that I felt terrible wearing business casual and showing myself as a male. But in my head I told myself.... why am I feeling like the pre-hrt me, what happened to the female me. I told myself I don't want to go back to the old me, but when I caught myself doing old male habits... I told myself.... its not who I am now.
Anyone know why this is happening? It was going great for a few months now then BAM you are now a male. I hate it i hate it.
Help!
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So I was very tired today, slept at 1am, woke up at 830am, also haven't done that in a while.. Is it the testostrone??
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Or could it be I'm starting a new cycle?
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If you're still on HRT it shouldn't be testosterone. Your presentation has powerful psychological effects for both you and everyone around you, it's true that the clothes don't make the man, but they do inform people how to act. You should feminize your male mode somehow just to keep you grounded if you can't simply present female. How to do that is up to you, women's jeans, a bra, whatever you think you can get away with, just something to keep one foot in, so to speak. You also might find it helpful to talk to your therapist about it.
I was thinking about this later, but jeans in business casual it's probably a bad plan, go with women's slacks then >.>
A sports bra under my shirt helps me. I've also shaved everything from the belly button down
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Transition is a long process. It does not happen in a few weeks, months or even years.
It took me over 50 years to finally transition, since I first considered it and about 15 years since my first dose of HRT.
Many times, I had feelings good and bad, about going forward and going back.
Quote from: Dani on March 23, 2017, 10:41:13 AM
Many times, I had feelings good and bad, about going forward and going back.
Because of the shifts I thought I was gender fluid. But now ever since what happened yesterday. I felt my old male self again and attitude, and I hated it because my gender dysphoria came back. So I'm slowly realizing and thinking maybe i'm not gender fluid, and maybe I actually want to be a fulltime female.
It's the negative thoughts and doubts... that messes with my brain.
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Also lately I have been very frustrated with myself putting on makeup, and explaining to people my new pronoun and my new name. Then made me over think... is this really who I am. Then I realized... I should really relax a bit and being the opposite gender is not always about the make up to prove yourself. Its about how we truly feel on the inside.
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Makka, you are correct. Gender is how you feel about yourself. Expression of your gender is how you want to express. What others think is beyond your control. In time people get use to the new normal.
Following up with my post.
Well good news is I got the job. Even tho I presented as male... Now I can continue my transition.
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Congratulations Mikka
Jeanette