Sooo for the longest time when I was depressed, I would do destructive things. Cut, attempt suicide, dissociate with best friends, spend more than I could afford, etc... Then one day I told my therapist that I love being in the state of depression even though it hurts me and causes me harm. I love feeling that harsh compressing sadness. That darkness that overwhelmed me and turned everything to black no matter how bright it was... I asked her if it was normal for people to be this way. She said "what's normal?" To that I had no answer. She said instead of trying to normalize things, think differently. Turn that destruction into construction and keep those feelings of darkness and sadness because there is something about them that is so powerful to me it would be a waste to try and push it out completely.
It was ground breaking for me honestly. I never thought of that. Then I thought of arts like painting, music, poems, or whatever else there is that is one being creative. I thought of the ones that are inspired by depression or that come from the deepest recesses of ones soul and how I find those arts to be so satisfying and so freeing. I came to the realization that I could channel my feelings away from the destructive and create instead of destroy! I am by far any good at any one art lol but I decided to pick up guitar and learn on my own focusing on the sounds that make me feel and allow me to express my feelings through the music. I put together notes that represent my souls darkest feelings. Now I do not say that this will work for everyone nor am I telling anyone what they should do in a depressive state as I know how difficult it can be when you are extremely low. I am just sharing what has worked for me because maybe it can help others to see things differently :)
It is wonderful that you found a positive creative outlet for your feelings. We should all be so fortunate.