Hello Everyone, long time reader first time poster.
A few days ago I came out publicly on Facebook to my extended friends and family. It was terrifying, lol. But I received so much love and support it was overwhelming. Even people that I thought I would never hear from again made a special effort to message me privately, congratulate me for my bravery, and generally take an interest in the process I was going through.
It turns out that I had been underestimating the people in my life and not giving them the credit they deserve.
One of my oldest friends, whom I've known for over 20 years, even went as far as to say "I hope you feel a bit silly for waiting so long to be yourself, your friends would have always accepted you for who you are".
I had previously told my close family in person, my farther had struggled to understand. After I posted I got a message from him saying "I take it all back, you look gorgeous, I love you my son!". Well, not perfect, but definitely points for moving forward :)
It was a very emotional day, but one that I will now cherish very deeply for ever. I know not everyone will be as lucky as me in their experiences, but I wanted share this to help let people know that it doesn't have to be bad!
I have reproduced the message I used for my post below, it's a bit lengthy. I hope that it my help or inspire someone else that is struggling to take the next step as I did.
QuoteSo today is a big day for me. Today I'm sharing with the world a realisation that changed my life about 6 months ago.
I am transgender.
That is a pretty loaded word these days, so to clarify; even though I was born male, I have never fit in as a male. What seems to come to other men so easily has always been a struggle for me. All the while having to suppress the more feminine traits that do come naturally to me. This has caused many problems in my life, escalating more and more as I got older. The simple truth is that I am unhappy living as a man. In my mind, my heart and my soul I feel that I am female.
From a biological perspectives, this means during the early stages of my development in the womb, my body was flushed with enough testosterone to develop male body features but not enough to develop a male brain. So even though my chromosomes are XY, the chemistry in my brain is actually closer to that of someone who is traditional XX. I'm under no delusion that I'm biologically female, I'm not, and I never will be. But as a result of my biology, I fit closer to the mould of a female in our society than that of a male.
As such, I'm am making changes in my life so that I can move through the world and interact with it as a woman. Within the next three to six months, I'm planning to start living my life full time as a woman. I will be legally changing my gender to female and I will be changing my name to Edina.
It should go without saying that I do not make these changes lightly. I know that this is a very hard thing for many people to understand and accept. While I finally realised and accepted this part of myself about 6 months ago, it took me 35 years to understand it enough to make that realisation. I do not expect anyone to jump through hoops to accomadate me, or for people to change long held opinions overnight. For some of you, this may be too much to handle, it is likely that I will loose some people from my life because of this change. While this saddens me, I want you to know I bare you no ill will, and if you ever have a change of heart, you will always be welcome back in to my life.
This transition is very much still a work in progress, so if/when you see me over the next few months, you might see Edward, or you might see Edina. I want to try and make this as easy for everyone as possible, I'm not expecting anyone to start calling me she or her if I'm still walking around looking like the same Ed you have always known. Hopefully these terms will come naturally as Edina becomes the new norm.
As I hope most of you know, I'm pretty easy going and open minded. You'd be hard pressed to say or do anything that would offend me. So if you have questions, doubts or concerns, please do not hesitate to ask. The experience that I'm going through only happens to very few people and I'm more than happy to share the things I'm learning on this strange journey that I've found myself on.
I know that there is a long road ahead of me, with challenges and difficulties that I haven't even imagined as yet. I know that I will need the love and support of my friends and family to get through this. But there is also joy and excitement ahead. Most of all there is hope. Since coming to this realisation and beginning my transition I've been the happiest I can remember.
Thank you to everyone reading this for being part of my life so far, each and everyone of you has had a part in shaping the person that I am today. A person that I'm very proud to be. I sincerely hope that you will continue to be part of my life going forward and continue to shape the person that I will become.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" - Dr Seuss
Love you all, xoxo
(https://vrtfoq.by3301.livefilestore.com/y4mkJC7IlcBA9f60SLn7dnCYbGaly6F20bZLOpuubkWbRM8N1ZH4SLMoaYCsI7uEsn0RAAt1RvTlhbYI5VZWZTyV5dIO7iu-r3VK5gbrmVAey6Z8sqQohaDhysdIr-ODTRxVIXQgF837GDd-Y5k9rSnWnweqYfjMM5cPRqF6J5qqFWt-Az745cUHYbhD5RkWh-BKA7aLpd2tIsVCTYkjURVOQ?width=750&height=938&cropmode=none)
Congratulations and welcome to Susan's.
Welcome. :)
That's amazing!!! I'm not on facebook, and probably the biggest reason is because not being me on it would just kill me. So know that I envy your courage. And the explaination in your post is excellent; good on you! [emoji16]
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Hi, Edina!
That is one huge step to take. I initially came out to close friends and family, letting them know what was up with me. For the broader range of folks who knew me but didn't see me that often, I worked up a letter with the help of several members here and my therapist. I used this with some organizations I am a member of, and eventually posted it for my professional contacts to see over on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-old-friends-michelle-paquette).
I was amazed at how well almost everyone took it. I also had what seem to be the usual comments, "I thought something was up with you", and "Your voice always seemed a bit high to me" ;D .
I hope you feel welcome here.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
Yay! Good for you! I'm hoping to follow in your steps within the next month or so, but I don't have any photos as gorgeous as the one you posted. Hope you won't mind if I use it. :o
Erin
Brilliant, so happy for you if was a positive experience. X
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Congratulations on coming out with a positive experience!
I plan on coming out on facebook at some point, but I was going to be short and blunt with it. However I *really* like your message and will probably end up writing a message like that.
Congrats Girl!! Big Step for sure!! :)
Wow, what a great letter! I'll keep the things you wrote in mind when I'm writing my own eventual FB coming-out letter. I'm also really impressed that you had the courage to come out in public just 6 months after you realized what was right for you. I'm still kind of deer-in-the-headlights new, and the idea of coming out to absolutely everyone in less than a year's time is a bit terrifying.
Congratulations on taking this big step, and I'm glad most people took it so well!
Wow. Well done. You might be surprised and get private messages from people saying "welcome to the LGBT club." And you had no idea they were in this club.
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Great Stuff
Coming out is fraught with all kinds of fears. Well done for overcoming yours!!!!
Sometimes I think we tend to live in our own online Trans bubble that can give you a false impression of what those around you are going to really think. Getting out into the world is a liberating experience and I hope you really enjoy this time and make the most of it.
Hugs
Liz
Thank you all for the kind feedback.
So far this journey has happened much faster than expected, but in a lot of ways it still feels way to slow. It took me 35 years to understand who I am and once I made the decision to transition then the outcomes can't come quick enough.
There are a few things that have made my journey simpler when compared to some of the other stories I have read on here. I don't have any children, or a partner, in fact I've been single for almost a decade now. I'm lucky enough to be employed at a very open minded company and have a stable well paying job.
Dayta, you are most welcome to use my picture if you like, just hit me up in a direct message and we can sort out the royalty payments :)
Well done! I plan to do the same at the end of te month whilst on holiday with my boyfriend - super nervewracking.
Congratulations!
I told a few of my close FB friends, but I maintain two FB accounts. One for this persona.
But I think a lot of people suspect on my male profile because I look like this. Lol. I drop hints on there. My gender is marked as "suspicious." Lol.
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