Hey ladies, I had a question. Is a person still transgender if he or she didn't feel they were of the opposite gender when they were young,and had a very happy childhood, but recently have started to get a strong feeling of being the opposite gender?
Saira, what you describe is actually more common than people who have always known since they were little kids. Both scenarios happen, and it does not mean that you are not transgender.
Quote from: KathyLauren on April 12, 2017, 07:40:35 AM
Saira, what you describe is actually more common than people who have always known since they were little kids. Both scenarios happen, and it does not mean that you are not transgender.
When did you start feeling you wanted to be the opposite gender?
Kathy is right. Some people know at like age 2, others like myself would just wish, and other havent a clue until much later. From everything i can chalk up I got news for you.... YOU ARE TRANS!!!! :)
See, i may have used to wish to be a female without full well knowing I should have been as a kid. Yet, as I live full time I discover new feelings i havent felt in either forever, or ever. I do beleive you are trans
For me, when i started haveing these feelings come more was at age 13 2007. Or, that is when they became much larger then just fantasy :)
When I was a child, I didn't know I could say I am female. I asked for things like being able to have long hair, earrings, and nail polish. My family was very opposed to it and basically prevented me from exploring myself at all. Once I was a pre-teen it became more clear and I started praying to god for there to be a way to change from male to female. I had not heard of being able to transition until I was in my 20's, and most people I talked to about it tried to stop me. I'm now in my 30's and finally transitioning.
My point is, just because you don't remember or didn't have clarity as a child about your gender does not mean there weren't signs. You may want to think back to childhood and figure out if you were asking for help and it was not being given to you. It helps with feeling validated.
Quote from: Alex M on April 12, 2017, 08:58:35 AM
When I was a child, I didn't know I could say I am female. I asked for things like being able to have long hair, earrings, and nail polish. My family was very opposed to it and basically prevented me from exploring myself at all. Once I was a pre-teen it became more clear and I started praying to god for there to be a way to change from male to female. I had not heard of being able to transition until I was in my 20's, and most people I talked to about it tried to stop me. I'm now in my 30's and finally transitioning.
My point is, just because you don't remember or didn't have clarity as a child about your gender does not mean there weren't signs. You may want to think back to childhood and figure out if you were asking for help and it was not being given to you. It helps with feeling validated.
When I was a child, I didn't want long hair like girls, or wanted to paint my nails. I have confused memories of wanting to dress up in my sister's clothes, but I don't know if they are real memories, or just something that my mind made up. I used to play with with just my sister and her girl friends. Didn't like any male games.
Right now, I feel I want to become a woman, I wish I was born a woman. But I don't know if it is just a sexual thing or I am really trans. When I imagine myself as a woman, I don't feel comfortable, because I am worried that I won't pass. But I am uncomfortable with living as a male too.
What do you think? Am I trans enough?
I didn't "know" until I was 52. You are not unusual in how you feel. I would suggest seeing if you can find a gender therapist to help sort out how you feel. For me, it didn't take long to set me on my course, but your mileage may vary.
Quote from: SailorMars1994 on April 12, 2017, 08:40:28 AM
Kathy is right. Some people know at like age 2, others like myself would just wish, and other havent a clue until much later. From everything i can chalk up I got news for you.... YOU ARE TRANS!!!! :)
See, i may have used to wish to be a female without full well knowing I should have been as a kid. Yet, as I live full time I discover new feelings i havent felt in either forever, or ever. I do beleive you are trans
For me, when i started haveing these feelings come more was at age 13 2007. Or, that is when they became much larger then just fantasy :)
Its so nice that you knew at 13. I don't know, I am so confused right now. I am uncomfortable with how I look right now, as a male, but don't know if I would feel more comfortable and less depressed as a woman. I am really depressed as a male.
I had a crossdressing phase when I was 13-16 yrs old, I grew in size after that, I couldn't fit in my sis's clothes anymore. That stopped my crossdressing, also, I began to feel so guilty, dirty even, I was disgusted with myself.
I want something or someone to tell me for sure I am trans, and only then will I feel better.
I don't know what to do to feel better about it. I'm trying to stay positive.
Did starting hrt reduce your depression? Maybe, that will be an indicator for me.
Quote from: Yuusui on April 12, 2017, 09:09:33 AM
I didn't "know" until I was 52. You are not unusual in how you feel. I would suggest seeing if you can find a gender therapist to help sort out how you feel. For me, it didn't take long to set me on my course, but your mileage may vary.
Thank you Yuusui. So you never felt anything till you became 52, or did you just repress the urge to be a woman?
Saira,
You definitely are trans. Your experiences as a younger person definitely qualify as part of your journey. Even if you didn't have those stories, you are still definitely trans. I've heard people ask "Am I trans enough?" and I think if that's an actual question you have the answer is automatically "Yes".
QuoteI have confused memories of wanting to dress up in my sister's clothes, but I don't know if they are real memories, or just something that my mind made up. I used to play with with just my sister and her girl friends. Didn't like any male games.
When I was a kid, I also wanted to wear things my sisters wore. However, I had no interest in dolls etc.. While I tried on my sister's tights when I was about 11 or so, I didn't start thinking about being a woman until late teens. I also had a cross dressing period.
Quote from: Alex M on April 12, 2017, 09:17:25 AM
Saira,
You definitely are trans. Your experiences as a younger person definitely qualify as part of your journey. Even if you didn't have those stories, you are still definitely trans. I've heard people ask "Am I trans enough?" and I think if that's an actual question you have the answer is automatically "Yes".
So the very fact that I'm questioning my gender is enough to establish that I'm somewhere on the trans spectrum?
Quote from: AnneK on April 12, 2017, 09:25:07 AM
When I was a kid, I also wanted to wear things my sisters wore. However, I had no interest in dolls etc.. While I tried on my sister's tights when I was about 11 or so, I didn't start thinking about being a woman until late teens. I also had a cross dressing period.
Thanks, it makes me feel I'm not alone.
I never knew I was female as a child. I only discovered this when I 19 years old.
But as a child, i was more drawn to female things and had mostly female friends, If we played house I wanted to be the mommy. I did wonder what it would be like to wear that pretty dress and as I got older, I did feel a little jealousy how the girls bodies were developing and all the nice stuff they got to wear. That properly why I love to wear dresses today. I really wanted my ears pierced, but that was given a firm NO. As a teenage, I experienced with some light cross dressing, I was 19 the first time I dressed fully as a woman and that experience was like I found what I was missing all my life, as felt so comfortable and I contempt. From then I regularly dressed and got my ears pierced soon afterward.. and the rest was history.
Quote from: noleen111 on April 12, 2017, 09:37:01 AM
I never knew I was female as a child. I only discovered this when I 19 years old.
But as a child, i was more drawn to female things and had mostly female friends, If we played house I wanted to be the mommy. I did wonder what it would be like to wear that pretty dress and as I got older, I did feel a little jealousy how the girls bodies were developing and all the nice stuff they got to wear. That properly why I love to wear dresses today. I really wanted my ears pierced, but that was given a firm NO. As a teenage, I experienced with some light cross dressing, I was 19 the first time I dressed fully as a woman and that experience was like I found what I was missing all my life, as felt so comfortable and I contempt. From then I regularly dressed and got my ears pierced soon afterward.. and the rest was history.
I have always wanted to get my ears pierced. As a child, I used to play with the doll house my sister's friend had. We used to spend hours with it.
Now, to crossdress, I'll have to buy clothes my size, and I'm too ashamed to do that.
QuoteI have always wanted to get my ears pierced.
I did almost 25 years ago, back when I was into full cross dressing. There are lots of places that do it, so just go get it done!
QuoteNow, to crossdress, I'll have to buy clothes my size, and I'm too ashamed to do that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. You're just another shopper and most stores will be happy to have you. I used to be worried about what people would think about me buying women's item, but I just decided to stop pretending and it never became a problem. In fact, I found the clerks tended to be very helpful and were better able to help with my selections. There was one store where 3 older women worked and they couldn't do enough to help me. I also buy my bras from a store where anyone who wants to work there has to be comfortable fitting men, trans women etc.. So it's no big deal. Also, if money is tight, you might want to try stores that sell used clothing.
As a (guessing here) 8-9 year old I was quite aware something was terribly wrong, I had no idea what it was but very wrong. That was in the late 50's, by my early teens in the early 60's there was no explanation, no one to ask and no place to go looking for answers but the wrong by now was huge. By the late 60's and I had started sleeping with girls (because that's what guys do) the confusion was profound because I didn't want to make love to her. . . I wanted to be her. By the early 70's I thought maybe I was gay and slept with a couple of different guys, enough to teach me that wasn't my problem, not gay. Didn't mind being with them but the level of depression over no ability to do with them what I mentally and physically craved doing is hard to describe. Not long after this Christine Jorgenson came out with her book and the shock, the revelation was incredible. All I could think for months after that was it's not just me, there are others just like me. Even up to the late 80's and early 90's getting any kind of help was really hard to do. I found a counselor in L.A. and called to make an appointment, he pre-screened his potential clients on the phone with a series of questions. He asked how long I had been dressing full time as a woman. Say what? I don't. His answer was depressing to say the least, he said then you don't really want to be female do you? There was no appointment and no help.
The point of all this is how fortunate young people are today. The availability of information, the level of skilled professionals in the last 20 years has turned around dramatically. I'm nearly 69 now and spent a big part of my life with nowhere to turn, no information and no help, mostly alone, depressed and hopeless, a wasted life. Doesn't matter I don't think when you begin to realize the problem, the help is now there. Get a qualified counselor and do what is right for you. Don't be me.
Quote from: Saira128 on April 12, 2017, 09:13:10 AM
Thank you Yuusui. So you never felt anything till you became 52, or did you just repress the urge to be a woman?
It's hard to say. I was a closeted crossdresser since I was in the 7th grade. I also had deep feelings of guilt. Back then, there wasn't the internet to help connect with others that feel the same. Over the last few years I was cross dressing more and more and started to realize that there was something fundamentally not right with how I was living. Once I came to the realization that I was trans, my life has become so amazingly happy and positive.
Yeah, it's a spectrum, and "enough" never matters. We are what we are.
I'm unsure myself, but am embracing "whatever it is that I am" and doing what's comfortable.
Randy
Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
Quote from: Alex M on April 12, 2017, 08:58:35 AM
When I was a child, I didn't know I could say I am female. I asked for things like being able to have long hair, earrings, and nail polish. My family was very opposed to it and basically prevented me from exploring myself at all. Once I was a pre-teen it became more clear and I started praying to god for there to be a way to change from male to female. I had not heard of being able to transition until I was in my 20's, and most people I talked to about it tried to stop me. I'm now in my 30's and finally transitioning.
My point is, just because you don't remember or didn't have clarity as a child about your gender does not mean there weren't signs. You may want to think back to childhood and figure out if you were asking for help and it was not being given to you. It helps with feeling validated.
I absolutely agree. I can definitely say my dysphoria slowly "started" when I was 20 and has been increasing until it became a constant struggle the past few years (I'm 28 now). But now that I am aware of it, I look back at my life and I've remembered so many signs as a teenager and as a kid that I know this was always inside.
I didn't recognize that I wanted to transition until I was 30 or so. I remember having a friend that was a 6'0 tall goth girl and asked her to dress me up for Halloween when I was 20. I loved it, but it still didn't register at the time. I think a lot of it had to do with my assumption that trans girls were all gay men that wanted to be straight women, and I wasn't attracted to men.
A lot of this is hard to sort out in a transphobic culture setting. In an ideal world if we said we wanted to explore our feminine side/gender identity at any age the people around us would just smile and say, "Have at it! Whatever you need to become a more fully realized human being we support you 100%."
In a culture where MTF transgression against a rigid gender binary is seen as a sin, or worse yet, demonic possession, or a form of mental illness; where any gender nonconformity is watched out for like a hawk and often violently confronted, where it's an existential challenge to the prevailing, patriarchal, social order and seen as the ultimate taboo? Different story.
I didn't know I was female as a child, but remember that I always felt different from the boys. When my mom was having another child I wished dearly to have a sister. I always hung around the girls. When I was around 10 years old and later I started having regular dreams of being female, but never thought anything of it that I was different. It didn't occur to me until I was about 15 that I really wanted to be a girl, and at 19 that I tried to do something about it the first time. It wasn't until I was 25 that I actually transitioned. Before that point I went through a super masculine phase of trying to hide my femininity.
Just cause we may have had a decent childhood or didn't realize we were female as a child or even older doesn't not make us a woman. We are whoever we are in our hearts. Let that be your compass, your heart knows.
Sara, there were signs as early as I can think back but I didn't realize I was trans until I was 40.
Quote from: Saira128 on April 12, 2017, 08:14:10 AM
When did you start feeling you wanted to be the opposite gender?
I have always known that I didn't fit in, but when I was young, I didn't associate it with gender. (In hindsight, it is obvious.) I probably started to associate it with gender when I was in my mid 30s. Even then, while I considered the possibility that I might be transsexual (the word 'transgender' didn't exist back then), I always rejected the idea as being too freaky.
I knew that I should be female when I was 12. Earlier, I was more or less androgynous. By age 16, I was seriously questioning my gender. At 17, I volunteered for military service during the Viet Nam War, actually hoping to get killed in some way so that I would not have to deal with my gender issues.
I rarely cross dressed then and today, I usually wear shorts and a t-shirt. I still wear very little make-up. As a female, I am probably a little tom-boyish. But I feel wonderful, now that I have fully transitioned.
We are all different and if or when we transition, it is a very personal decision. Nobody can make that decision for us. If you can deal with your gender issues without transitioning, then bless you. You do not have to go through the mental and physical pain of transitioning.
For many of us, the real question is "transition or remain in an unthinkable situation".
Just because you didn't question it when young doesn't mean your not transgender. Fact is your questioning your gender later in life would still make you trans. Not everyone is young when they question their gender. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Saira128 on April 12, 2017, 07:36:19 AM
Hey ladies, I had a question. Is a person still transgender if he or she didn't feel they were of the opposite gender when they were young,and had a very happy childhood, but recently have started to get a strong feeling of being the opposite gender?
I was in in 7th grade when I crossdressed for the 1st time, but I didn't really wish I was a girl until 18-20. I squashed it, trying to be a "good" man until I was 45. So yeah, it's possible!
From all appearances each person has differing paths and experiences that take us to the transgender destination. Like all snowflakes and fingerprints we are still recognizable as what we are. Variant but with enough commonality to define and group us.
I personally had no idea. Maybe if I would have known anything about it growing up it would have been different. That I was not like other boys the adults around me made abundantly clear but I didn't know what it ment. There were lots of indicators, some of them huge, but no way to connect them. If you have never seen a butterfly how can you know if you are looking at one. I can take my story from others in this topic, just copy sentences into a paragraph and you have my life. But it isn't though is It? I would hope that everyone here wasn't molested from 8-12 and told by a hillbilly hedge doctor at the age of 14 that the need to be feminine stemmed from that. So yeah, we are all different.
I saw a 2 hour video in school over 30 years ago. A - don't let this happen to you - documentary about prison life. I don't remember a thing about it but one maybe 5 minute segment. That .003 % of all male inmates leave prison as a girl. There is no way to describe how I felt. For 2 weeks or more I barely ate and didn't speak at all. I didn't do homework or respond in class so I got detention. I didn't go to baseball practice so I got suspended from the team. The threat of going back to the head doctor finally pulled me out of it. I ached, is the only way that I could describe it. When I was back to normal... ish, I discreetly starting asking people about what they thought of that part of the movie. No one even remembered. When I reminded them of what I knew verbatim they were like: Oh yeah, weird huh? Or, Guess they have <not permitted> in prison too. They letting you back on the team?
How could I not know then? All of the things that should have had me screaming that I was a girl inside and I didn't see it until I turned 40. And if I didn't know, is it really hard to imagine that other people might not?
Do you have to define you now? And if so are we the people who should be defining you? We can tell you where we came from and all that will tell you is that we all have similar yet different tales. If I could offer any suggestion it would be to find a therapist to talk to. One who is not going to push either trans or not trans on you, but is just trying to help you through the question with YOUR best interest in mind, not a predetermined destination.
Hugs,
Michelle
Thank you for helping me, all you beautiful people.
There's so much kindness on this forum.