Been thinking on how too word this posting...Well went and seen my Dr. yesterday and my blood work was great,my weight loss was normal everything was normal til the hormone test that's when it went bad. My testoterone was way down which I guess is normal after 50,my estrodol levels were normal,and now I'm going too be scheduled too see a gender therapist. I thought I had my disphoria under control and found I don't which has my Dr. concerned,me and my wife showed her pictures of Cheryl and she couldn't believe it was me and thought I looked good,she had to see the pictures twice though.
My problem is trusting a Dr or a therapist, My Dr. is the first one besides my wife and family I've opened up too the best I can and I don't trust therapy too well due to some bad therapy yrs ago which made me clam up about how I feel. I can take facing a bully or a thug better then I can truly face me, or gender issues,I guess I've been delusional about having it under control,so now don't really know what too do or even go about talking about my true feelings or what makes me happy. My wife says she is on board the train with me and is worried about me. I guess blurring out to my Dr. how I was forced into the male role when I was 3 didn't help my cause for I accidently let my guard down for a sec. and now she is worried for I been putting everyone in my life first and I take what's leftover for myself, she also noted I need to find what makes me happy too which I really have no clue pertaining to myself what would make me happy. I don't know if being Cheryl fulltime would make me happy I really have no clue to what being happy is outside of being married and having kids, so I guess I'm human after all and a screaming mess inside right now.
Cheryl
Hi Cheryl
It can be really horrible when you feel like that, not sure which way to turn.
Therapy can be the best thing ever or it can be just a disaster...I have experienced both and understand how difficult it can be to trust. I was 19 when I my therapist basically lost control of the session and I walked out never to return to her.
I did trust someone again despite being sent on a wild goose chase with the first counsellor. With the second one her and I clicked, all I did was talk the first session, talked and cried the second and the rest is history.
If transition is right for you then you will have to learn to put yourself first in order to get through. I got hung up on making sure everyone was ok so that once they were all ok then I could be OK...problem was they were never all OK...neither was I
You maybe just need to take some time to be Cheryl without all the pressure of transition for awhile to find out for yourself if that is what you want.
Good Luck I hope that helps in some way
Liz