I have discovered I am a TG woman within the last year. I know that I am in the wrong body with the wrong anatomy. Can anyone explain to me why I have such a strong urge to crossdress? Aren't they just clothes? Does it matter what I look like on the outside if I accept that I identity as a woman on the inside?
When I crossdress, it just feels right. What I feel inside, and what I look like on the outside matches when I crossdress.
Part of being yourself is not hiding who you are. How you present yourself to the world is the outward expression of your identity. Dressing in appropriate beautiful clothing is your way of expressing your inner beauty.
Quote from: karenk1959 on April 13, 2017, 05:57:17 AM
I have discovered I am a TG woman within the last year. ...
Would it not be unreasonable to want to present yourself as you feel most comfortable and if that is wearing something more traditional like a dress then as a woman don't you have that right?
Liz
Correct me if I'm wrong but if you identify as a woman it's not cross dressing. It's just dressing.
Wearing male clothes is the cross dressing part of it.
Hi Karenk!
I think I understand what you mean. Until not so long ago, that question popped in my mind too. If you feel that you are a woman, then logically you shouldn't "need" any apparel to prove it to yourself. After all, a non-trans ciswoman in traditional male clothes will not feel less of a woman. Although most women prefer to wear women's clothes. So why should you, right? Well, after some introspection, in my case it was a sort of surrogate for a womanhood that I could not attain otherwise. I recently started HRT as well as other sorts of feminization (epilation, skin care, etc.) and I feel much more in conformity with my true gender. Clothes are important because I can't live naked, and I do wear women's clothes most of the time, but if I wear a plain tee-shirt or one of my old men's jeans, and don't feel less feminine anymore. Does this make sense? Do you thinks that this is what's happening with you - a surrogate for something that you don't have just yet? If it is, I wish you a swift start of your transition because it'll do wonders for the "urges".
My two cents of a euro...
Sarah
Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk
Quote from: Jane Emily on April 13, 2017, 10:56:23 AM
Correct me if I'm wrong but if you identify as a woman it's not cross dressing. It's just dressing.
Wearing male clothes is the cross dressing part of it.
This, I've been cross-dressing for 30 years, it's time to stop. :P
Think about it this way. Tell a ciswoman that she was forbidden to present as a woman, but must wear only male clothing, must have a male haircut, must use male speech patterns, gestures, and posture at all time, and that any failure to do so would result in immediate social rejection and mocking. Further, she would be required to have a testosterone implant for the rest of her life. What do you think would happen?
I'll tell you. She'd have anxiety. She'd develop depression and experience gender dysphoria. This is pretty much a sure thing.
Women may dress or present themselves in male or androgynous clothing from time to time, but they typically do not alter their appearance or behaviors to match for an extended period of time. They definitely do not go on testosterone when wearing male or androgynous garb. They do this entirely under their own volition.
A transgender person, pre-transition, on the other hand is in exactly the unpleasant situation I described above. Social norms, the threat of banishment for violating cultural taboos, keeps us hidden away, forced to cross-dress as our assigned at birth gender, and trying to tolerate the effects of submerging our true selves constantly.
When a transgender woman assigned male at birth presents as female, they are simply letting their gender presentation match their gender identity. This relieves that intense distress for a little while, giving us a glimpse at what our true selves really are. That 'euphoria' some experience when they dress to match their identity isn't really euphoria, but just relief from the worst of the dysphoria for a little while.
Saira has it exactly right:
Quote
When I crossdress, it just feels right. What I feel inside, and what I look like on the outside matches when I crossdress.
I think we all need to express ourselves through dress and style. We want to look into the mirror and see an image of the person we understand ourselves to be.
I like what Michelle said about expectations on us. From the bad expectations, comes the desire to go counter to them and be ourselves. We may not have to have the clothes to feel like a woman, but we really want them and heck the rest of the world gets to wear what they desire and is affordable, we should be no exception
I'm a woman so i just dress as is said above. I haven't cross dressed as a guy in a long time, but i'd imagine it would feel sort of strange but i would not feel less feminine overall.
What they ALL said. Crossdressing, when I felt it was enough, filled a need within me. It gave me a feeling of escape from the pressures of life. I shed my worries for a short time and became a woman without those concerns. Of course I was lying to myself I still had all those issues, but for a short time the world felt right. I could be at peace.
Now I know I was lying to myself but now I am lying to the world around me by not being who I really am. I am not that man I appear to be and never really have been. I am an imposter crossdressing to appease the world concept of who I am. My concept has changed. I'm not where I want to be yet but I am working on it, Women's clothing is part of that work. It is affirming that this is who I am.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Since I have moved to my flat on my own almost every night after tea and a shower I put on MY clothes , my work clothes are not gender specific so as I wear nickers and a bra underneath I still feel correctly dressed. Sat here in a skirt and patterned top ,breast forms and wig with a bit of jewellery its ME roll on the HRT.
Was asking myself for 60 years. I think I finally found the answer. Only cost me the woman I swore to love honor and cherish until death. But I believe very strongly, my mother was exposed to DES while I was in utero. The number of symptoms I have are overwhelming. The fact I knew I was different at an early age only reinforces that belief. So for me it was preordained. Not by genetics, not because I chose to be, but bad medicine which has only increased due to hormones being added to the food supply. I tried to ignore the desires and they only came back stronger than ever. I finally did something about it by starting HRT eight months ago. No regrets whatsoever.
Dawn, I'm another DES baby, and have a similar background right down to ultimately losing my spouse to this. But, we ultimately have to be true to ourselves. The need to do this, the sheer intensity is overwhelming.
I secretly dressed for decades to try and cope. The need to do this became more frequent, until it was daily for the last few years, all in secret. I crashed badly last year, came out to immediate family, and tried to cope by underdressing.
I started therapy. I presented as myself starting with the second session as that was the only way I could be calm enough to communicate well. The marital stress went through the roof. I started HRT and that helped a bit but I still needed to get my presentation right. It reached the point where having to cross-dress as male brought on intense dysphoria.
The marriage ended, and I went full time. I wish I had been able to be happy with occasional femme presentation, and been able to keep the marriage together, but I simply couldn't make that work. I do have friends that were able to pull it off, and honestly I envy them.
Still, we have to be true to ourselves. No two of us walk the same path, although many face common issues. That's why we share here.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I used to have this idea feeling the "need" to. But honestly I wear what ever I feel like. What I wear doesn't change who I am.
Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 13, 2017, 12:41:39 PM
That 'euphoria' some experience when they dress to match their identity isn't really euphoria, but just relief from the worst of the dysphoria for a little while.
Saira has it exactly right:
Michelle, I think that you really nailed it for me. I never really thought about it in that context but it does seem to make sense.
Paula
You know Michelle I have a hard time walking around town as myself. Because at 6'3" it is extremely hard for an introvert to suddenly be stared at and epithets flung at you for something that is out of your control. And believe me I'm a control freak. The other problem I have is that as a woman I cannot without a great deal of restraint keep from dressing over the top. My first experience was dressing in my sisters costumes. and competing with her for compliments. Casual dress for me is viewed as not being my best. Before I go in public I want to be perfectly coiffed, nails perfect, makeup perfect. Jewlery that reflects my taste not just the stuff I scrounged up. Notice I said perfect. In my world that does not exist. Alas here I sit, looking out the window wondering when, not if.
I really don't like the term cross dressing applied to me personally. But, for some, it's an appropriate term. The LGBTQ community is so diverse and I respect all points of view. Cross dressing, moving between male and female appearances is perfectly fine IMO. Some may wish to cross boundaries from time to time and there is nothing wrong with that. For me it's deeper, it's soul dressing. Every fiber in my being feels at home dressed female. It feels natural, dressing/presenting male has always felt awkward.
Quote from: karenk1959 on April 13, 2017, 05:57:17 AM
I have discovered I am a TG woman within the last year. I know that I am in the wrong body with the wrong anatomy. Can anyone explain to me why I have such a strong urge to crossdress? Aren't they just clothes? Does it matter what I look like on the outside if I accept that I identity as a woman on the inside?
While I cannot answer for You... This even older (circa 1956) fossil that has been wrestling with the same demon can tell you for ME after 50 years of fighting it is been to feel 100% genuine vs the 80% I feel w/o a full female presentation.
Aren't they just clothes? - Yes
The real question is aren't they YOUR clothes?
This is the worse time of year for me here in the northern hemisphere with spring blooming, and seeing all the other women reveling by revealing they are women. I have what they have, but cannot, TODAY. It Sucks! So many tings to balance, so few arms
Quote from: JoanneB on April 13, 2017, 09:17:31 PM
While I cannot answer for You... This even older (circa 1956) fossil that has been wrestling with the same demon can tell you for ME after 50 years of fighting it is been to feel 100% genuine vs the 80% I feel w/o a full female presentation.
Aren't they just clothes? - Yes
The real question is aren't they YOUR clothes?
This is the worse time of year for me here in the northern hemisphere with spring blooming, and seeing all the other women reveling by revealing they are women. I have what they have, but cannot, TODAY. It Sucks! So many tings to balance, so few arms
*hug* for Joanne ... I get it. Some days I'm in a cage for various reasons. It sucks. Agree that they are
my clothes.
A comforting wrap around my body to keep my soul warm in a cold world. They literally make me happy. I get the arguments they are just clothes .. but, for me they are my flag, my manifesto .. who I am. :icon_chick:
While I usually wore panties, sometimes a cami, even pantyhose about every day for a good part of my life, I never the less needed, what I called, my "escapes from maleness" on about a monthly basis when the GD got to me. High stress times also. I'd spend about the whole day presenting as female at home.
Quote from: JoanneB on April 15, 2017, 07:31:21 AM
While I usually wore panties, sometimes a cami, even pantyhose about every day for a good part of my life, I never the less needed, what I called, my "escapes from maleness" on about a monthly basis when the GD got to me. High stress times also. I'd spend about the whole day presenting as female at home.
Oh yes... I had my escapes from manhood and the stresses of it. May not have stayed sane w/o them. Except I would binge and abstain, binge and abstain. Throw in a guilty purge occasionally.
I am sane, aren't I? Well?
Hugs,
Jeanette
YES Jeannette (did I spell that correct MY dyslexia's showing ) sounds normal to me what ever normal is, I find the need every night now I am on my own so relaxing , big sigh of happiness
We all have are escapes. I wish looking back I didn't purge and would've excepted myself! I wore everything from casual to slutty. Liked the stutty those days. Lol! Now I just want to be Me! As hard as it is We all need to be us! I don't look at it as escaping manhood, just finally being Me or us.
Dress to impress yourself. Feel comfy with who U R.
I know I'm still working with that!
((Hugs)) girls
I wear bra, pantyhose & nail polish daily. In fact, I've worn pantyhose or stockings daily for most of my adult life.
It is interesting really. I feel like I was much more tied up in the clothing part of things pre-transition. Maybe because my body wasn't right so being able to 'present' as if my body was right by using clothing, makeup, hair/wigs, etc was helpful and felt good.
7 years later and with a more feminine body now, I still present very feminine in my clothing but I find I'm much less obsessed about it and I don't cling to it.
I've been crossdressing for 50 years and I really wish I had started the journey sooner because unfortunately, no matter how much you think you can control this, you can't and it just gets worse. Living where it's almost always spring/summer and women are out and about in their dresses and shorts brings out the envy in me. I partly dress female but it's just jeans and panties for now. I really wish I could dress and be myself as opposed​ to the male role I have to play on a mostly daily basis.
I've been typecast in this TV drama for too many seasons. I want out!
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk
Quote from: karenk1959 on April 13, 2017, 05:57:17 AM
I have discovered I am a TG woman within the last year. I know that I am in the wrong body with the wrong anatomy. Can anyone explain to me why I have such a strong urge to crossdress? Aren't they just clothes? Does it matter what I look like on the outside if I accept that I identity as a woman on the inside?
Well everyone is different and some will simply be drawn to the wonderful clothes. Some will be drawn to the fact they can let go of their male identity and stop being so tough and grrr all the time. But in your case you have already answered your own question: you're in the wrong body and with the wrong anatomy, You do not identify as a boy but as a girl.
Thanks for all of your responses!
The good news is that I am both excited by and at peace with wearing lacy panties and pantyhose under my clothes and a lacy bra in private. Unfortunately, not ready to progress past this stage, but I'm not in a rush. I will take my time and for right now thoroughly enjoy my lingerie!
You don't have to restrict yourself to wearing a bra in private. Just get one that's not so noticeable under your shirts. As you can see at the bottom of my post, I wear bra, pantyhose and nail polish daily. Every day I put my bra and pantyhose on in the morning and take them off at night. The only time I don't wear them is when I'm in the pool.
Any recommendations for a big gal like me that doesn't want the back fat to make it obvious I'm wearing a bra?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
QuoteAny recommendations for a big gal like me that doesn't want the back fat to make it obvious I'm wearing a bra?
Wear a loose shirt.
Incidentally, my bra is mentioned in this post.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,222354.msg1968763.html#msg1968763 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,222354.msg1968763.html#msg1968763)
BTW, that's not me in that picture. ;)
For me in this the thing is being comfortable with what you're wearing, clothes don't really have genders (well, it's obvious that at least socially they have genders), and if you feel happy wearing female clothes and it's more like you, then go for it! :)
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
went to town this morning in jeans and a hoodie , make that ladies stretch jeans and ladies top and bra under a ladies hoodie but wearing bomber jacket that's not gender specific . nails painted though . went to see mum and then kids came around nothing said. Still spent all day in female clothes its made me very happy
There is no one style etc but it seems like the commonality here is the search for peace and usually the relief from GD. There are many days that i think about going more feminine but i always feel very comfortable in feminine casual.
Today is Monday the day i resolved to wear skirts and or dresses and since it is cool and rainy today, i wore a light sweater dress, boots and tights. I brought a cardigan along as well. To me that feels very dressed up and i found myself putting on more makeup than usual this morning to go with it.