Happy Easter my Non-Binary friends <3. I have a queston to ask and that is how do you balance your expression with any dysphoria you may have? I ask as a friend and a desire to know. In all honesty there was a time wer ei considered myself non-binary/androgynous but discovered that I really wish to be a woman. My time in the middle wasnt too bad at all and I did learn a few things. I found I could get closer to my own femininity then I had at one point. On the other hand , the feelings of wanting to be full time woman and live as such (being a one day someday wife, mother, ect), removal of the male genitals, and having still having dysphoria were all strong. I guess I am curious how do you balance the dysphoria and if you expeirnce any with your birth gender. Hugs!!
Happy Easter for all of you too ^^
I'm not sure if I've understood you question, but I try to put in order my feelings by experimentation. During the last months and now I just try to be my real self in front of some close friends and I discover myself and balance my feelings by analyzing the situations and keeping what made me feel more authentic. In a post I called this "deconstruction", like trying to see the origin of your behaviors, your likes and dislikes, your true self and figure out if it was socially imposed or it's something you really own. Doing this I saw that being NB and desiring a particular gender expression isn't something contradictory, it's something you feel and you're free to express yourself the way you feel more comfortable with.
Also, the hope of having this process done some day and accessing the help I may need make me happy, and starting reading this kind of forums and opening to others allowed me to be less a roller coaster and be more me.
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Balance is indeed the difficult part. As afab bi-gender, it would be relatively easy for me to be non-transitioning since my female side is dominant, but my male side just won't leave me be for all that long before starting the dysphoria buzz. My female side doesn't want to give up the control she's had for so long, though. It's almost like I'm negotiating between the two sides of myself for what is acceptable and non-acceptable (ie will cause dysphoria).
So, I'm getting modified top surgery (I'm a G-cup and unbindably large) to a C or D cup so I can bind. I'm 5'9" and have naturally male-straight hips, so in female mode I'll wear hip padding. I'm getting on HRT and eventually meta, so I can have the penis that is the cause of my most extreme physical dysphoria, but I am only getting simple release meta, so I will still have my vagina and can be on the receiving end of PiV sex.
Slowly my female side has given up the impossible idea of becoming the physically petite and girly little feminine self she really wants to be (as physically impossible as it is for many MtFs) and my male side has let up on the dysphoria because I'm working toward what he wants. For my male side it helps that my body is in many ways closer to male than female already. Big, strong and solid.
Now, let's see what happens when I actually get on testosterone. It's either going to be a disaster, or the best thing that ever happened to me.
I don't have a male side. I work a lot so most of my days are androgynous dont have time to dress up and make up, when im out with family friends, I like to be dolled up, and more accessories. Transition wise... I want just enough to pass as a women. I can br androgen when I want to, i can be feminized if i want to.
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Quote from: SailorMars1994 on April 16, 2017, 01:55:38 PM
Happy Easter my Non-Binary friends <3. I have a queston to ask and that is how do you balance your expression with any dysphoria you may have? I ask as a friend and a desire to know. In all honesty there was a time wer ei considered myself non-binary/androgynous but discovered that I really wish to be a woman. My time in the middle wasnt too bad at all and I did learn a few things. I found I could get closer to my own femininity then I had at one point. On the other hand , the feelings of wanting to be full time woman and live as such (being a one day someday wife, mother, ect), removal of the male genitals, and having still having dysphoria were all strong. I guess I am curious how do you balance the dysphoria and if you expeirnce any with your birth gender. Hugs!!
What an excellent question! It does all comes down to balance doesn't it? How do we balance who we are, with how we present, with what we wish for our lives, in a world that trends to binary solutions and to misogyny towards women. For me the answer was to explore and reinvent myself repeatedly. This took decades, blew up a number of relationships and cost me a great deal of money and time. But I eventually came to a resolution that works for me. I live and present as a woman. I am post op and my genitalia and presentation are congruent.
This was important to me as I love to travel and international and cultural boundaries are a bitch for the ambiguous outside of North America and Europe. Also I eventually settled on a feminine presentation because that is closer to how I usually define myself and fits better than male or gender queer.
Making and acting on that decision for me resolved the dilemma of dysphoria. As in all things happiness for me is an inside job. I live as authentically as I know how to and with as much generosity and loving acceptance as I can. I am blessed, it is much easier to be spiritually fit if your physically secure and I have no fear of deprivation any time soon. But balance was and is a central question to my journey. I wish you courage in finding your answer and your bliss.
JB
Thanks for the insight y'all <3