I am a creature of spirit. I am also a nonbinary transexual woman. I have been transitioning for most of the last decade, on HRT for a bit over five years, been clean and sober since 1989, and had GRS with Dr. Ley in Scottsdale a bit more than a month ago.
Transition, for me, has been the ultimate expression of the quest into who I am, why I am, and how that relates to my relationship with what most people describe as objective reality. I am reminded of a song that Meg Christian wrote many years ago that has the lyric; "When the waves grow angry and mean, I dive into the deep serene."
It is the search for my internal truth, and the serenity that this encompasses that has been the focus of my experience in transition, seeking first who I am beneath the trappings of a middle class, well-educated resident person in the last quarter of her life. All my life I have been a pilgrim and the pilgrimage has been, as all are, both external and experiential and internal and meditative. I could not find an authentic way to live without addressing the dysphoria that I had known for most of my life. I could not find the path to my inner self without addressing the relationship of my body, to my mind, my environment and ultimately to my spirit.
The journey to who I am spanned decades, four continents, loves both lost and found, and has resulted in a woman who does not refuse or refute her history, and who has come to embrace the symbology of meditation and prayer as fundamental to growth. This is the essence of the spiritual experience for me. To "find within ourselves an unsuspected resource that we presently came to identify with our own conception of a power that is greater than ourselves" is the way another author beautifully phrased the experience.
This search for strength, for meaning, for authenticity is the greatest blessing that the experience of transition has given to me. It transcends the struggle, the fear, the pain and the loss that I have experienced throughout much of my life. If you have any thoughts or experience along this line I would love to continue the conversation.
Namaste,
JB
Quote from: JB_Girl on April 18, 2017, 03:32:24 PM
I am a creature of spirit. I am also a nonbinary transexual woman. I have been transitioning for most of the last decade, on HRT for a bit over five years, been clean and sober since 1989, and had GRS with Dr. Ley in Scottsdale a bit more than a month ago.
Transition, for me, has been the ultimate expression of the quest into who I am, why I am, and how that relates to my relationship with what most people describe as objective reality. I am reminded of a song that Meg Christian wrote many years ago that has the lyric; "When the waves grow angry and mean, I dive into the deep serene."
It is the search for my internal truth, and the serenity that this encompasses that has been the focus of my experience in transition, seeking first who I am beneath the trappings of a middle class, well-educated resident person in the last quarter of her life. All my life I have been a pilgrim and the pilgrimage has been, as all are, both external and experiential and internal and meditative. I could not find an authentic way to live without addressing the dysphoria that I had known for most of my life. I could not find the path to my inner self without addressing the relationship of my body, to my mind, my environment and ultimately to my spirit.
The journey to who I am spanned decades, four continents, loves both lost and found, and has resulted in a woman who does not refuse or refute her history, and who has come to embrace the symbology of meditation and prayer as fundamental to growth. This is the essence of the spiritual experience for me. To "find within ourselves an unsuspected resource that we presently came to identify with our own conception of a power that is greater than ourselves" is the way another author beautifully phrased the experience.
This search for strength, for meaning, for authenticity is the greatest blessing that the experience of transition has given to me. It transcends the struggle, the fear, the pain and the loss that I have experienced throughout much of my life. If you have any thoughts or experience along this line I would love to continue the conversation.
Namaste,
JB
Dr ley works with Meltzer, no? How was that experience?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Very wonderfully stated. I agree it' not about how big one's boobs are or how well one passes that is of primary importance in MTF transition. It's about the journey. It's about the reason for our existence. Which is, above all I think, about the great project of the improvement of the soul. The metamorphosis. The change into what is for each one of us a unique authentic way of being.
Quote from: Gertrude on April 18, 2017, 10:39:44 PM
Dr ley works with Meltzer, no? How was that experience?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi,
I'm sorry that it took so long to get back to you. Yes Dr. Ley works in Dr. Meltzer's office. She is both a wonderful surgeon and a gracious person. I was attracted to having a trans woman perform the procedure and for me the choice was a very good one. Recovery has been longer and more difficult than I thought it would be. But as I heal and my energy level finally is getting back to something near reasonable, I'm very happy. In July I go back for Labiaplasty and am looking forward to both that and finally simply getting on with the challenge of living a life connected to everything.
It is so very much worth the pain (much more than discomfort) to be whole and complete.
Good luck and Safe Travels,
JB
Musings on Being Human, Authentic, and Peace (And a bit of Buddhism ;) )
Every morning I spend a few minutes in meditation. In this practice I may focus on a reading, an image, an idea or a musical phrase. Always I pay attention to my posture whether sitting, standing, or prone and breathe in the way of Ujjayi Pranayama. This is calming and warming for me and a respite from obsessing on the day to come. Try it, it works.
This morning I was contemplating a passage from the Dhammapada, an ancient text and a part of the monastic cannon of Buddhism. Monasticism is the discipline of the ordained monks (bhikkhu) and ordained nuns (bhikkhunī). This is the world of the small ferryboat (Theravada Buddhism). Its goal is the renunciation of attachment and desire.
The passage I read:
Restraint of the eye is good,
. Good is restraint of the ear.
Restraint of the nose is good
. Good is restraint of the tongue.
Restraint of the body is good,
. Good is restraint of speech
Restraint of the mind is good,
. Good is restraint in all circumstances
Restrained in all circumstances,
. The bhikku is released from all suffering.
The scripture goes on from there, but to embrace this passage is to embrace the eightfold path and to move towards enlightment. I wonder if it is also to become something other than human? I am not a monastic and I try to follow Mahayana or big ferryboat Buddhism. Joseph Campbell writes wonderfully about the differences. To follow Theravada is to transcend being human. To follow Mahayana is to embrace my own humanity and to seek to perfect its expression.
To be better as a human becoming is my goal in life. I do not wish to sever my connections (attachment) to those who I love in pursuit of Nirvana. I may have many lifetimes to follow that path, or perhaps this is my single shot. But what makes living, aging and dying joyful is finding and giving loving attention to the here and now. This is where I find love and this is where I find meaning. I am human. I am a manifestation of love. I am a manifestation of every potential that makes up my being. I do not fear death, I fear failing to live. Today I greet the sun with joy.
In any case, this was my meditation this morning and my thought for today.
Namaste,
JB
Hello JB:
Thanks for this thread topic. I was raised Irish American Catholic, with the idea it would be a good way to go & be a priest. Thank God and the Universe that-THAT didn't happen! I remain as a Christian Taoist, believing Christ is the Eternal Way/Tao. The Tao Te Ching and I Ching have served me well since 1970 or so.
I chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, to be in the center of the simultaneity of Cause and Effect; Creation and Reverse Creation. When I closely faced death thrice (2009 x2 & 2012 x1), there was peace in the knowledge that death, and some pain, is inevitable; suffering is optional.
Today, being here with y'all at Susan's Place, is also a source of comfort and peace. All my life I have just loved people; now it is a matter of understanding what Susan Mock meant about Trans Oriented Men. When younger, sex was toward the forefront. Now, it is my heart and mind that needs to be to the forefront. Caitlyn Jenner's statement about ending life having never come out completely, really got to me. It feels like home here on this site. I tried going to a Transgender date site, and an Asian oriented Ladyboy dating site, and found amazing people to consider meeting...if I were able to travel. So I am here to learn how to live comfortably in my own skin. Sometimes I am over whelmed when I remember paths not taken with a number of trans people.
Namaste. Scot.
Quote from: JB_Girl on April 18, 2017, 03:32:24 PM
I am a creature of spirit. I am also a nonbinary transexual woman. I have been transitioning for most of the last decade, on HRT for a bit over five years, been clean and sober since 1989, and had GRS with Dr. Ley in Scottsdale a bit more than a month ago.
Transition, for me, has been the ultimate expression of the quest into who I am, why I am, and how that relates to my relationship with what most people describe as objective reality. I am reminded of a song that Meg Christian wrote many years ago that has the lyric; "When the waves grow angry and mean, I dive into the deep serene."
It is the search for my internal truth, and the serenity that this encompasses that has been the focus of my experience in transition, seeking first who I am beneath the trappings of a middle class, well-educated resident person in the last quarter of her life. All my life I have been a pilgrim and the pilgrimage has been, as all are, both external and experiential and internal and meditative. I could not find an authentic way to live without addressing the dysphoria that I had known for most of my life. I could not find the path to my inner self without addressing the relationship of my body, to my mind, my environment and ultimately to my spirit.
The journey to who I am spanned decades, four continents, loves both lost and found, and has resulted in a woman who does not refuse or refute her history, and who has come to embrace the symbology of meditation and prayer as fundamental to growth. This is the essence of the spiritual experience for me. To "find within ourselves an unsuspected resource that we presently came to identify with our own conception of a power that is greater than ourselves" is the way another author beautifully phrased the experience.
This search for strength, for meaning, for authenticity is the greatest blessing that the experience of transition has given to me. It transcends the struggle, the fear, the pain and the loss that I have experienced throughout much of my life. If you have any thoughts or experience along this line I would love to continue the conversation.
Namaste,
JB
The only thing I'd like to say is that this was beautiful, eloquent, and close to my heart. It was a joy to read about your experience with your truth. Thanks!
Quote from: jentay1367 on May 14, 2017, 03:28:25 PM
The only thing I'd like to say is that this was beautiful, eloquent, and close to my heart. It was a joy to read about your experience with your truth. Thanks!
Thank you for the kind words. I think that to live a life in sunlight you have to open the windows and open your heart. I think that your heart fills easily and lovingly.
JB
It has been some time since I have been here. Time spent with fellow pilgrims on the trail to authenticity. I would like to add a bit about pilgrimage if I may. To be a pilgrim is not to spend Passover in Jerusalem, nor to complete a Hajj, or to trudge El Camino de Santiago. All pilgrimages are ultimately internal. A search for the essence of what is true deep within ourselves. For those of us on the path to gender authenticity, transition is a method, but transition is not the thing that is transcendent. Each of use is that illumination, and it always comes from within. That said, the dead do not find serenity, and for me the choice was to transition or die. This is my true picture taken a few months ago displayed. I am 64 years old, I have been beaten and I have been sexually assaulted. In spite of that I live a full and optimistic life. In AA they say that suffering is optional. In other traditions it is said that all life is sorrowful because all living things die. I believe that all things are a celebration of my present, informed by my past, given hope for the future. I will never be beautiful, or rich, nor do I expect that the restlessness that I have known all my life will end. I do believe that in the infinite now I can find joy and I can find truth.
Every morning I spend a few minutes in meditation. In this practice I may focus on a reading, an image, an idea, or a musical phrase. Always I pay attention to my posture whether sitting, standing, or prone and breathe in the way of Ujjayi Pranayama. This is calming and warming for me and a respite from obsessing on the day to come. Try it, it works.
This morning I was contemplating a passage from the Dhammapada, an ancient text and a part of the monastic cannon of Buddhism. Monasticism is the discipline of the ordained monks (bhikkhu) and ordained nuns (bhikkhunī). This is the world of the small ferryboat (Theravada Buddhism). Its goal is the renunciation of attachment and desire.
The passage I read:
Restraint of the eye is good,
. Good is restraint of the ear.
Restraint of the nose is good
. Good is restraint of the tongue.
Restraint of the body is good,
. Good is restraint of speech
Restraint of the mind is good,
. Good is restraint in all circumstances
Restrained in all circumstances,
. The bhikku is released from all suffering.
The scripture goes on from there, but to embrace this passage is to embrace the eightfold path and to move towards enlightment. I wonder if it is also to become something other than human? I am not a monastic and I try to follow Mahayana or big ferryboat Buddhism. Joseph Campbell writes wonderfully about the differences. To follow Theravada is to transcend being human. To follow Mahayana is to embrace my own humanity and to seek to perfect its expression.
To be better as a human becoming is my goal in life. I do not wish to sever my connections (attachment) to those who I love in pursuit of Nirvana. I may have many lifetimes to follow that path, or perhaps this is my single shot. But what makes living, aging and dying joyful is finding and giving loving attention to the here and now. This is where I find love and this is where I find meaning. I am human. I am a manifestation of love. I am a manifestation of every potential that makes up my being. I do not fear death, I fear failing to live. Today I greet the sun with joy.
In any case, this was my meditation this morning and my thought for today.
Namaste,
Julie
Hi Julie!!!
I hope all is well...Thank you so much for sharing your your thoughts here!
I have been seeing transition more and more as being a spiritual quest... Before transition, how can we truly be loved when those around us have never seen our true selves? ... How can we truly love others when we cannot show them who we are?
I believe that, at its' core, transition is a quest to get to a place in our lives where we can truly give and receive LOVE... What could be more spiritual than that?
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on May 26, 2017, 04:11:48 PM
Hi Julie!!!
I hope all is well...Thank you so much for sharing your your thoughts here!
I have been seeing transition more and more as being a spiritual quest... Before transition, how can we truly be loved when those around us have never seen our true selves? ... How can we truly love others when we cannot show them who we are?
I believe that, at its' core, transition is a quest to get to a place in our lives where we can truly give and receive LOVE... What could be more spiritual than that?
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
Thank you Ashley,
I completely agree. That place where spirit is transcendent and our purpose is clear. I don't think that It isn't just the physical right sizing that matters, but allowing the spark that makes us unique and human to blossom into joy. I came to transition because I had to. I've stayed because I finally feel at one, at peace and full of love.
Have a lovely weekend.
JB
Hi Julie!
I think we have both traveled far my friend... through the darkness and into the light... Enjoy the fruits of your journey and share them with all who follow!
Onward we go brave sister
Ashley :)
Namaste, JB!
Thank you so much for sharing and inspiring us!
This thread has such an incredibly beautiful message, yet hidden still to the ones not ready to receive it...
Quote
The passage I read:
Restraint of the eye is good,
. Good is restraint of the ear.
Restraint of the nose is good
. Good is restraint of the tongue.
Restraint of the body is good,
. Good is restraint of speech
Restraint of the mind is good,
. Good is restraint in all circumstances
Restrained in all circumstances,
. The bhikku is released from all suffering.
The scripture goes on from there, but to embrace this passage is to embrace the eightfold path and to move towards enlightment. I wonder if it is also to become something other than human?
We are beings of energy, That is Pure Consciousness, that temporarily resides in our human forms as part of our never-ending journey through the realms of something much greater than the Universe.
Perhaps it is a shame that our human minds can only grasp so much and perhaps it is a blessing
There aren't many universal truths, but Love is one and the most important one of them.
Let the heart be the compass for all of us
Quote from: Marcy8 on June 01, 2017, 07:32:14 PM
We are beings of energy, That is Pure Consciousness, that temporarily resides in our human forms as part of our never-ending journey through the realms of something much greater than the Universe.
Perhaps it is a shame that our human minds can only grasp so much and perhaps it is a blessing
There aren't many universal truths, but Love is one and the most important one of them.
Let the heart be the compass for all of us
This is what it is all about!!!... Welcome to the forum Marcy!!! :)
Onward we go in Love, Light and Truth
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on May 26, 2017, 04:11:48 PM
Hi Julie!!!
I hope all is well...Thank you so much for sharing your your thoughts here!
I have been seeing transition more and more as being a spiritual quest... Before transition, how can we truly be loved when those around us have never seen our true selves? ... How can we truly love others when we cannot show them who we are?
I believe that, at its' core, transition is a quest to get to a place in our lives where we can truly give and receive LOVE... What could be more spiritual than that?
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
Ashley, I love the way you worded this. It occurred to me last year that my big secret all my life prevented me from truly being able to get close to another person. When I came out to my sister, last year, I told her as much. We've been closer this past year than we've been the previous 35+ years.
Quote from: Another Nikki on June 01, 2017, 09:40:18 PM
Ashley, I love the way you worded this. It occurred to me last year that my big secret all my life prevented me from truly being able to get close to another person. When I came out to my sister, last year, I told her as much. We've been closer this past year than we've been the previous 35+ years.
Hi Nikki and Welcome to the forum!!! :)!!!
Yes, once we are able to show others our true self... after a lifetime of hiding... We can finally find that missing connection to others and the world around us...it is truly a powerful and precious thing... I have found that for myself and want to help others who are still hiding to find it too... Everyone should be able to feel this!!!
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley :)!!!!
Words of peace are always good to hear. Especially when they stem from struggles some will never face.
I hope you share those words of wisdom with a lot of people outside of the transgender community because when they know and "feel" what we are going true they get closer from our reality and away from judgment and social construction that oppress us.
I always see the non binary gender expression and transition as a journey and loved to read your take on the subject.
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
LoveLuvLv.
Sincerely, Kael.
Quote from: Genderschism on June 02, 2017, 09:09:22 AM
Words of peace are always good to hear. Especially when they stem from struggles some will never face.
I hope you share those words of wisdom with a lot of people outside of the transgender community because when they know and "feel" what we are going true they get closer from our reality and away from judgment and social construction that oppress us.
I always see the non binary gender expression and transition as a journey and loved to read your take on the subject.
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
LoveLuvLv.
Sincerely, Kael.
Hi Kael and Welcome to the forum!
I do a lot of public speaking engagements at the local University and other venues. I always try to weave in the spiritual side of the journey and do my best to put the entire Trans experience into terms to which everyone can relate and find common ground! :)
Onward we go!!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 01, 2017, 08:37:46 PM
This is what it is all about!!!... Welcome to the forum Marcy!!! :)
Onward we go in Love, Light and Truth
Ashley :)
Thank you so much, Ashley!
Onward we go, indeed!
<3
Ashley et al,
What lovely teachers you all are. "Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love." This passage from Corinthians flows through all of the writing here. I think that we are given many gifts in the search for authenticity. Among these are the gifts of acceptance, patience, love, and empathy. I would like to tell you a story that happened to me a very long time ago.
When I was seventeen years old, I was walking with a girlfriend on the waterfront of downtown Seattle. We were approached by a smiling little man who carried a white cane but who walked with confidence and asked if we would orient him uptown so that he could catch a bus to Capital Hill. He joined us for a cup of tea and we talked. He was called Sweet William by those who knew him, was a follower of the Baha'i faith, a believer in the essential goodness of all peoples, and a seeker of the sacred in all things.
A couple of hours later we gave him a ride to the Baha'i center and he gave me a book which I still cherish. The Seven Valleys and the Four Valleys. As with all spiritual texts, there is poetry in the inclusive nature of this slim tome. The Prophet Baha'u'llah taught that all spiritual paths are ways to discover the same truths and the same realizations. I believe that this is both correct and as it ought to be.
The number nine in the faith refers to the Nine Proofs of Baha'u'llah. Bahá'u'lláh said: "The time foreordained unto the peoples and kindreds of the earth is now come". Every now that has ever existed is the fulfillment of these words.
The search for spiritual wisdom took second place in my life for the next four decades, and I had to recover from alcoholism, drug addiction, and the misery of live a life that was not true before I could pick up the pieces in recovery and in transition. I've been clean and sober for twenty-eight years and living authentically for six.
What I have discovered is that for this tired soul - the lessons of spiritual power are the lessons of authentic living. When you're standing at the podium Ashley, look out for I will be somewhere in the audience, and I will watch for you when I am standing next to the chalk board and trying to explain myself to people who are seeking to understand these truths.
Namaste,
JB
Hi Julie!!
Thank You for sharing some more of yourself with us! ... All our experiences lead to where we now stand... The feeling of disconnection that came from hiding my true self from the world led me through the gauntlet of substance abuse in my younger days as well... 14 years of methamphetamine....A life so far from where I am now but still one of the building blocks that offers me perspective on how far I have come and the road ahead
Onward we go brave sister
Ashley :)
The common thread here seems to be "hope". Our reoccurring theme. That light that leads us through the tunnel of despair and into the clarity of our actualization. Its such a privilege to have metaphorically known all of you. The blessings I've known since I've engaged and accepted my truth have been pure manna. Thank you, everyone. It's been good to take this trip with you.
Quote from: jentay1367 on June 03, 2017, 12:23:24 PM
The common thread here seems to be "hope". Our reoccurring theme. That light that leads us through the tunnel of despair and into the clarity of our actualization. Its such a privilege to have metaphorically known all of you. The blessings I've known since I've engaged and accepted my truth have been pure manna. Thank you, everyone. It's been good to take this trip with you.
Beautifully put Lisa!... Hope carries us onward :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 03, 2017, 09:53:12 PM
Beautifully put Lisa!... Hope carries us onward :)
I can only affirm this. Hope is the keystone through which we walk in our journey to freedom. Supported by honesty and willingness there is nothing that the human spirit cannot transcend. (And yes I borrowed this concept from Bill Wilson) In my morning meditation today I was reading a passage by Krishnamurti. In 1929 he wrote, "Truth is a pathless land". Each of us finds our own way in seeking the truth about ourselves and our world. Fortunately we do not need to walk in isolation, nor do we need to discover every truth independently.
Yesterday in Seattle the sun was shining brightly and glistening of of Lake Washington as I looked out of my office window. Today there is a soft rain and the hills across the lake are shrouded in mist. Both the sun and the rain bring meaning. Both are my teachers and lead me onward.
Namaste,
Julie
spiritual enlightenment is what brought me to transition, not just in a general sense but quite directly and specifically really. Working with a great guru for many years, I did not even realize transition had already begun, not until very recently when I dared to speak aloud and discuss with my guru in very pragmatic terms and I received the most amazing loving acceptance ... I can not even begin to describe.
I would say this is all a step or two beyond "hope" ... its more of a "knowingness" that our journey lies beyond our limited perception of "time" ... there is no concept of doubt nor fear in such a deep knowing of our true selves.
Quote from: Member061817 on June 08, 2017, 08:13:16 PM
spiritual enlightenment is what brought me to transition, not just in a general sense but quite directly and specifically really. Working with a great guru for many years, I did not even realize transition had already begun, not until very recently when I dared to speak aloud and discuss with my guru in very pragmatic terms and I received the most amazing loving acceptance ... I can not even begin to describe.
I would say this is all a step or two beyond "hope" ... its more of a "knowingness" that our journey lies beyond our limited perception of "time" ... there is no concept of doubt nor fear in such a deep knowing of our true selves.
Thank You Member061817.
Namaste,
Julie
Quote from: JB_Girl on June 09, 2017, 12:57:14 PM
Thank You Member061817.
Namaste,
Julie
Thank You Indeed Member061817 and Welcome to the forum!
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
thank you for being here!
I don't know why, but before I stumbled upon this thread I hadn't considered that I might find others for whom spirituality is a major aspect of whatever sort of gender stuff [insert long list of all gender categories ;)]. It seems obvious now ... of course there would be others ... but I just hadn't even thought of the notion.
(duh :icon_redface: silly me )
Your presence here is a delightful discovery and brings a great resonance to my journey.
:eusa_pray: Gratitude to hear the music that you are
I am sitting in an office, looking out on a misty afternoon as my work day comes to an end. On Saturday morning I will meet up with a new friend and we will go to Chinatown to pick up some dim sum to take to Deana's ninety-two year old aunt. I'm doing this rather intimate activity with someone who I have never met and have only spoken to on the phone a few times. Why, I wonder, am I being given this gift of inclusion. It is certainly not my beauty, nor is it my intelligence. I think that what was recognized was a spirit of compassion.
Compassion is a foundation stone of transition for me. Until I could find the spark of a compassionate nature in who I am, I could not find the courage to risk an authentic life. Until I could find the beginnings of authenticity I could not celebrate the changes that were about to happen. Until I could accept whatever the universe tossed my way the beauty of change was something I could neither admit nor embrace.
That I am here, and whole, and lovable is beyond the scope of what is possible for me as an individual. But well withing the purview of what we can do as a community. What I will be participating in on Saturday is a stepping into a community where I will be the new and possibly odd participant. I welcome the opportunity to participate.
Compassion given, Compassion received. We are granted that which we seek but only when we seek without prejudging the outcome. For in a life which is appreciative of the gifts all around, authentic living is a blessing rather than a struggle.
Quote from: JB_Girl on June 15, 2017, 06:23:04 PM
Compassion is a foundation stone of transition for me. Until I could find the spark of a compassionate nature in who I am, I could not find the courage to risk an authentic life. Until I could find the beginnings of authenticity
Compassion given, Compassion received. We are granted that which we seek but only when we seek without prejudging the outcome. For in a life which is appreciative of the gifts all around, authentic living is a blessing rather than a struggle.
Compassion is a big piece of the pie for me as well my sister!!! You framed it beautifully with your words! In my case, the courage came almost on the spot... The second that I realized what had always been a fuzzy dream could be made real...I saw the possibility of an authentic life at the bottom of a great cliff amongst the the jagged rocks.... I gave no thought to the rocks... Only to the chance of living a life which was truly my own!!!... I jumped!!!... Rocks are actually softer than they look!!!
Love your new avatar my friend!!! You've got STYLE!!!! :)
Onward we go brave sisters!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 15, 2017, 08:05:50 PM
I saw the possibility of an authentic life at the bottom of a great cliff amongst the the jagged rocks.... I gave no thought to the rocks... Only to the chance of living a life which was truly my own!!!... Rocks are actually softer than they look!!!
Spot on Ashley,
If I was not willing to be bruised then I doubt that I would have followed this path. It is steep and it is treacherous. For most of us the rocks are not fatal and we heal. For some the falls kill. Too many suffer and finally follow Hamlet's soliloquy "take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--No more--and by a sleep to say we end." It makes me cry sometimes, but I also makes me write and speak and celebrate the victories.
The picture was taken last weekend at the Astoria Oregon Pride Festival. Astoria is one of those surprising places where LGBTQ people are celebrated and a vibrant part of the community. Even all steam punked out I was greeted with smiles and hugs all over town in a sea of rainbows.
Have a good weekend, :-*
JB
I have to agree with Ashley, JB. Your avatar is over the top awesome! To fantastic......
Thank You Jentay
I guess I am a bit of a tart, but I have ever so much fun with playful clothing and playful people celebrating authenticity. So far I'm managed not to get into too much trouble lol. But this brings up something more profound and perhaps more interesting. I am a sixty-four year old woman at play. What is it that keeps so many of us from finding ourselves joyfully silly. I saw an interview with John Cleese (Monty Python) not too long ago and he was celebrating his release from the bondage of polite society because of age.
I find that by being playful, I am accepted. Yes I have been blessed by estrogen, but also by not taking myself too seriously. I pass, not because of FFS or other surgery (I've not had anything but GCS) but because I play and chatter, and sing, and convince others to joing me in celebration.
We as a community risk everything to become true to our dreams. Let us celebrate that mindfully and joyfully.
Namaste,
J
Quote from: Member061817 on June 19, 2017, 06:34:47 PM
Ashley you hit another great resonance for me ... thank you ... that "treacherous first step" was for me like stepping into what seemed a total void ... nothing visible at all ... stretching out a toe to poke around for the next step it felt as though there were no ground and I would certainly plummet ...
Then a friend said something about seeing a vision of me stepping across just such a threshold and that the only way was to just go without hesitation nor fear and if I did then a bridge would materialize beneath my footsteps...
yup ... solid as rock ...
Hi Member061817!
That moment that you shed all the fear and baggage of life and move into the unknown without hesitation... Going "all in" in the game of life is a thing everyone should experience in their lives... It's the moment dreams become reality!
In many ways, our gender issues make urgent demands of us to grow as spiritual beings. Forcing us to take off the blinders and see the true value in a life well lived... I think that is a very good thing!!!
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 19, 2017, 11:12:26 PM
Hi Member061817!
That moment that you shed all the fear and baggage of life and move into the unknown without hesitation... Going "all in" in the game of life is a thing everyone should experience in their lives... It's the moment dreams become reality!
In many ways, our gender issues make urgent demands of us to grow as spiritual beings. Forcing us to take off the blinders and see the true value in a life well lived... I think that is a very good thing!!!
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
So absolutely, unequivocally true. Least ways it has been for me. Thanks for putting it into words, Ashley. It gives it more power and value to be able to see it manifest.
Quote from: Member061817 on June 20, 2017, 07:27:41 AM
I am not sure which is the cart vs the horse ... living as a spiritual being sets me free to embrace all of my true self ... and the fact that "all of my true self" includes a bunch of gender stuff drives me all the more along that spiritual path. It often feels like the momentum of a freight train. Yah "onward we go" indeed, there is no stopping
Lisa!!!... Thanks so much for the sweet thoughts my friend... I think there is a lot of value in us putting this side of the journey into words that may invite exploration and reflection!
A freight train indeed Member061817!!!
I used the train analogy years ago with my therapist when he was going through the WPATH questions before writing me my surgery letter.... He came to the question about whether I had considered losing my male power in society... I told him that since I began transition, I had never felt more powerful in my life!!! It was like my life was a freight train going down the tracks and I was finally the one with the hand on the throttle!!!
Cart... Horse... Chicken ... Egg... All interwoven and what came first matters not... They are all to be celebrated, enjoyed and explored...
Onward brave sisters!!!
Ashley :)
"I am not sure which is the cart vs the horse ... living as a spiritual being sets me free to embrace all of my true self ... and the fact that "all of my true self" includes a bunch of gender stuff drives me all the more along that spiritual path. It often feels like the momentum of a freight train. Yah "onward we go" indeed, there is no stopping"
Member061817
"A freight train indeed Member061817!!!
"I used the train analogy years ago with my therapist when he was going through the WPATH questions before writing me my surgery letter.... He came to the question about whether I had considered losing my male power in society... I told him that since I began transition, I had never felt more powerful in my life!!! It was like my life was a freight train going down the tracks and I was finally the one with the hand on the throttle!!!
Cart... Horse... Chicken ... Egg... All interwoven and what came first matters not... They are all to be celebrated, enjoyed and explored..."
Ashley
Ashley and Member061817,
You nailed it my sensei sisters.
Thank You,
Julie