For me it took me 65 years to come out. I only came out to family and friends recently and am still having a time trying to come out to guys I grew up with even though they know because I posted my picture on a high school web page.
It was not easy for me. I had a lot of problems with my mother throughout the years, but she finally came around when she realized that I was not going to change as a person and I was her daughter. My brother was really awkward about it for a bit, but also came around. Rest of the family was supportive.
Quote from: stephaniec on April 19, 2017, 05:16:07 PM
For me it took me 65 years to come out. I only came out to family and friends recently and am still having a time trying to come out to guys I grew up with even though they know because I posted my picture on a high school web page.
Some friends were easy. But I just came out to my wife, last night. It was, and will be for a while, a hard conversation. This impacts her more than any other person but me. So it makes sense to me that she needs time to process.
Time is the currency of your life. Spend it wisely.
No... it wasn't fun, but it wasn't hard.
For me there were only two concerns: First, that they would be worried about me because of their understanding or prejudice about the subject. Second, that it would effect me economically in our area of business etc. My concerns provided to wrong.
@Tommi: Welcome, and congratulations!
@stephaniec: It was very hard to start that first conversation with my wife. After that, I have had no trouble coming out to various friends. Tomorrow, I go public and tell people in my community. *Gulp*!! I'm pretty nervous about it, but it is going to happen.
My sister was the hardest of all.... First and I didn't associate myself with trans*. A very difficult conversation. Wife was next and also difficult and emotional. The rest of the family... Didn't matter. (Kids were challenging, nerve wracking)
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I don't know... never said I was...
For me, it's been difficult coming out to family and friends. The problem has been getting up the courage to do it. Each person I've come out to has been amazingly supportive. As I've come out to more friends it's become easier to do. With each good experience, I've found I can trust the people I've surrounded myself with.
That said there are still some who I truly dread telling. It's mostly the male friends I have that I worry about the most. I'm really struggling with one community in particular that I'm a member of which is heavily dominated by males and a fair number of alpha-males at that. IDK yet quite when or how I'm going to tell them. I don't really know what to expect.
@AlyssaJ: I worry about the facilities team at work, as well as motorcycle and offroading groups. 18 years ago I came out to a lot of friends and family as CD, and they reacted mixed. My wife is having a hard time. But the other two friends - one is from high school, and the other had srs 4 months ago. I'm scared, at best
Time is the currency of your life. Spend it wisely.
Quote from: Tommi on April 20, 2017, 02:52:30 AM
@AlyssaJ: I worry about the facilities team at work, as well as motorcycle and offroading groups. 18 years ago I came out to a lot of friends and family as CD, and they reacted mixed. My wife is having a hard time. But the other two friends - one is from high school, and the other had srs 4 months ago. I'm scared, at best
Time is the currency of your life. Spend it wisely.
I want to say as someone who is in the early part of the ongoing coming out experience it is always a challenge. I have mostly had support. Immediate family, wife and a handful of friends. Looking at work and my parents as well as sister next.
I also want to take a second to welcome Tommi to the site. Thanks so much for jumping in and sharing. I hope you find some good support here.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
good older topic to find and post in....
I told my wife about myself best I knew then before we were married (1984), that helped our situation today vastly. I came out to our daughters when they were 13, 16. I came out to sisters and Mom as well, in hindsight I could have handled it better with some of my nieces and nephews, but one does not always get to choose the outcomes, today things are fine. Coming out had a lot of emotion and crying involved, there was a grieving phase, a bargaining phase, and a healing phase...
Things are better now and more stable in our family and far more open for sure.
Cynthia -
Coming out to my mom has been a recurring theme throughout the last 15 years. *sigh* But guess what? This time I was more serious about it, and now I've started therapy, and my therapist told me that she'd be delighted to help me talk to my mom about this.
The only other family member I came out to was my sister, and I really wish I hadn't. But she pretty much cornered me on it.
It's very intimidating, the idea of coming out to my dad. The time for that just may be soon. He, like pretty much the rest of my family, is a Democrat, but I don't now what he'd really think of his own child being transgender. But one of my future therapist appointments, he's going to have to come pick me up from it. I don't know, maybe he just won't ask what the therapy is for. Or maybe he'll somehow assume it is physical therapy (which I'm also supposed to be having) :laugh:
Aside from my mom (which I did pretty early on after discovering transgender was a real thing that wasn't just an issue specific to me), coming out to my first friend was very nerve-wracking for me. I feel like nowadays, you can tell how supportive people will be through their social media (family aside, family is always a wild card), because being transgender is more of a subject that can't be avoided nowadays. However, back in 2008 when I came out to my first friend, being transgender wasn't talked about as much. I could not judge the reactions that any of my friends would have. I trusted this particular friend because she was my best friend. I had really tested the subject multiple times by hinting, before I finally said something that would ultimately bring her to connect the dots. Even then, she was in a little bit of disbelief so I had to officially come out. Lol. She was such a fun person. I miss her friendship.
The rest of the friends at the time, I think I came out to pretty much following her. That fall we had started dating and I was more confident.
Just about every friend I've told since I have been able to easily gauge how they'll react from their presence on social media. The only exception being someone who turned out to be a transgender man himself, and we both came out simultaneously. :laugh:
Came out to my wife in 1998 before we got married, though I certainly didn't say I'm planning on transitioning... dumb enough to push it down and dismiss it as a quirk. We raised both our children knowing. They are more concerned about my declining gamer skills from age than any gender issue. Mom was a year ago, and really easy actually. I just never told her because I'm an only child and I didn't want her worrying about me more than she already does.
I don't think I really have any close friends, I think I've always kept people at a distance knowing this day would come. I generally was never comfortable around guys, and girls were dangerous to get close to while married. I can take or leave any of the acquaintances I have now. Wife's friends will be harder, I feel like I'm going to let them down. They always liked that I wasn't like other guys and told my wife how lucky she was. Now that they know why, it won't be the same.
Work... now that's going to be tough, will probably just move on after 18 years and change careers. Was burned out anyways.
Yeah it was hard, I cried the first two times with my Mom and my best friend. It got easier each time.
For me the scariest part was the fear of the unknown. I didn't want to be rejected. Fortunately I rarely was. My ex-wife is horrible - but she always was :D - really >:(
Some friends are somewhat more distant but for the most part I have been accepted by most and actively supported by others.
For me it was hard.. I told a close friend in 2015 she took amazingly well
But she was worried I was confident and didn't want to see me make a mistake
I allso have extremely mild Aspergers so that was my biggest hurdle friends and family
Thinking I can't know my gender identity because of Aspergers.
Thankfully everyone is supportive except for my dad he is embarrassed and
I still have issue his phone says son #1 for my name. He has texted me and asked
Me to present as male or wear the least feminine clothing I own. As he is worried
Other parents at my brothers hockey games will be mean or something reficlous
My family in Alberta are more religious and struggle but are accepting even my grandpa
He is 85 believes every word of Fox News thinks trump is the greatest president ever etc
Also very religious but he came around. I haven't lost a single friend all where supportive
Just had doubts because I hid my feminine side extremely well. But it was far better then expected. It was extremely hard at first but my first friend kept it a secret and her and I talked
Lots we are a little less close now. Nothing to do with me being trans. She has a 1 1/12 year old
And baby number two is on the way. And we live 3 hours apart now, I had one friend who I actually cut off because he asked some extremely inappropriate questions and I was already on the edge with him before I came out
Quote from: Kate.claire on April 02, 2019, 09:23:11 PM
They always liked that I wasn't like other guys and told my wife how lucky she was. Now that they know why, it won't be the same.
Me too with this above, the wife's friends were an area of coming out that, actually strengthen their relationships knowing about me, the girls rallied around her and supported her. My wife has lot's of support IRL and that's a good thing !
Hugs
Cynthia -