This isn't actually very original to have these thoughts, but I though I'd write in something just to process externally a bit.
So I'm about 4 weeks post-op. It's so new that it's really hard for me to identify with that label as for years and years it was something completely theoretical, a pipe dream in the very distant future. The culmination of a lifetime of processing, mentally, physically and medically.
And now it's done. Well. That's convenient. But it's also quite scary. Because what am I aiming for now?
People say that now is the time to start living the life I've wanted to live. But what does that mean? For the past several years, my life has pretty much been running in the beat of transition goals, doctors appointments and medical procedures that all of a sudden are pretty much past me. My transition is not complete, I don't think it'll even be because identity is an evolving thing and is never finished. But those very easily measurable and calendar-trackable milestones no longer exist.
Very peculiar.
I look at it like this (because my daughter and I love RPGs): I have completed the main quest of the game. Time to go do all of the side quests. Many involve tidying up transition items, and others involve doing things as a post-transition female that are experienced differently than before. Time to level up and enjoy the little things in the game (LIFE) and just how easy they are now. :)
You think you are finally free. You start thinking what you are going to do with your life. Then realise that you have to dilate so much that you can't do anything else and your life is still on hiatus.
That's how it is for me, tbh. I wanted to start college, but I'm just arriving home in time to dilate and go to bed.
Good thing that the technique that was used for my surgery involves very little to no dilating at all. Really sounds like a pain from what I've been reading.
Take a few months just to relax and enjoy life without obtaining any goals. This is actually how many people live their life. After that, feel free to set a few goals. You may want to travel, socialize, do charity, get more education or heaven forbid, become a moderator ;D. You now have the freedom to make your life whatever you want it to be.
Quote from: Dena on April 27, 2017, 04:52:00 PM
heaven forbid, become a moderator ;D.
Oh no, I've been down that path before and I'm not making that mistake again. Unlike my penis, that's not something that can be just flicked off with a knife! >:-)
I think the "live life" attitude you mentioned is a simple way of saying once the novelty subsides, you won't be thinking about the newness of your situation and you will start to live a more normal life. We can expend a lot of energy on all the realities of being trans and that can become our normal. Once that changes, we find a new normal.
For me, once I settled into my new life, the new normal began to settle in, too. Today (9 years post) I find myself doing pretty much the same things I have been doing all my life but without expending the often times exhausting mental energies I used to expend on being trans. I almost never even think about being trans today. The only exception is when I think about the people who used to be in my life but no longer are. Some of them I miss dearly. Other than that, my life is pretty much the same as everyone around me.
Once you settle into your new life, life will become similar to anyone else and you'll be just living life instead of expending all those mental energies you once did. Think of it as a permanent vacation from trans-related stress.
Quote from: zog on April 27, 2017, 03:36:36 PM
Good thing that the technique that was used for my surgery involves very little to no dilating at all. Really sounds like a pain from what I've been reading.
Dilating has never been an issue for myself. Once a week for 10 minutes? Piece of cake after the one year mark. I spend more time shaving my legs once per week.
Quote from: zog on April 27, 2017, 03:36:36 PM
Good thing that the technique that was used for my surgery involves very little to no dilating at all. Really sounds like a pain from what I've been reading.
If I may ask, what was the technique used?
Quote from: Deniz on April 28, 2017, 08:31:00 AM
If I may ask, what was the technique used?
I don't know. I was asleep at the time.
Quote from: zog on April 28, 2017, 12:12:59 PM
I don't know. I was asleep at the time.
Very funny ::)
Your raison d'etre is to simple, life abhors a vacuum. You'll soon take a path and find the joy you were always meant to know. Congratulations on your arrival. What an incredible touchstone. Not only for you to have arrived at the end, but to realize that this is the end of one journey and the beginning of a new one. Many I've observed never seem to know when it's time to set down old things and move on. You're blessed to be asking yourself this question at all.
QuoteQuote from: zog on April 27, 2017, 03:36:36 PM
Good thing that the technique that was used for my surgery involves very little to no dilating at all. Really sounds like a pain from what I've been reading.
If I may ask, what was the technique used?
Quote from: zog on April 28, 2017, 12:12:59 PM
I don't know. I was asleep at the time.
Very funny ::)
She had a blind vagina procedure which produces only a shallow dimple instead of full depth vagina. The benefits are far faster healing times and no dilation. While not a common procedure on this site, the members who have decided to have it are very happy with the results.
Quote from: Dena on April 28, 2017, 07:26:14 PM
She had a blind vagina procedure which produces only a shallow dimple instead of full depth vagina. The benefits are far faster healing times and no dilation. While not a common procedure on this site, the members who have decided to have it are very happy with the results.
Actually, no I didn't. Yeah, I was a bit glib in my earlier responses, but that's just because I've deliberately decided that I don't want to know too much in order to not overanalyze and trigger my anxieties.
It is a full inversion technique that uses the existing tissues to create the vagina. It doesn't use any additional or transferable tissues to create more depth or width. I don't know if there is a meter as to what is a full depth or not, but my finger doesn't reach all the way, so it's quite deep. What makes it different as a procedure so that dilation and bleeding is minimal, I don't know. That's way beyond my medical understanding.
Quote from: zog on April 29, 2017, 05:36:57 AM
Actually, no I didn't. Yeah, I was a bit glib in my earlier responses, but that's just because I've deliberately decided that I don't want to know too much in order to not overanalyze and trigger my anxieties.
It is a full inversion technique that uses the existing tissues to create the vagina. It doesn't use any additional or transferable tissues to create more depth or width. I don't know if there is a meter as to what is a full depth or not, but my finger doesn't reach all the way, so it's quite deep. What makes it different as a procedure so that dilation and bleeding is minimal, I don't know. That's way beyond my medical understanding.
How can you be sure it won't close up? After a rather botched surgery to my face, I doubt the claims made by these surgeons more than ever.
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on April 29, 2017, 06:34:34 AM
How can you be sure it won't close up? After a rather botched surgery to my face, I doubt the claims made by these surgeons more than ever.
Moni
Well, they do three of these a week and I've only heard of one whose has closed up as a result of a very difficult complication. But it's very much a ymmv situation, naturally. Mostly there's no problems.
The big difference to the popular Thai option, I just learned, is that on here they use the penile tissue to form the vagina and in Thailand they use scrotal tissue.
Quote from: zog on April 29, 2017, 09:21:15 AM
The big difference to the popular Thai option, I just learned, is that on here they use the penile tissue to form the vagina and in Thailand they use scrotal tissue.
It's Suporn in Thailand that does that, and maybe Chettawut. I'm not sure any of the others do. Some definitely don't. Suporn has a long recovery time.
McGinn in the US uses scrotal tissue to form the vagina. Her dilation schedule is rigorous.
Quote from: HappyMoni on April 29, 2017, 09:54:23 PM
McGinn in the US uses scrotal tissue to form the vagina. Her dilation schedule is rigorous.
It doesn't seem like it. Her website says
"Dr. McGinn routinely performs the present day standard 'penile inversion' technique with dorsal nerve sparing, but also takes the patient's individual physical characteristics into account when planning each surgery."
During my consult she told me it was impractical to use the penile skin to travel all that distance to where the vagina is located. I had assumed she did penile inversion and I was surprised when she said this.
Moni
Quote from: AnonyMs on April 29, 2017, 10:00:35 PM
It doesn't seem like it. Her website says
"Dr. McGinn routinely performs the present day standard 'penile inversion' technique with dorsal nerve sparing, but also takes the patient's individual physical characteristics into account when planning each surgery."
That does not means scrotal tissue is not used when needed...
My SRS was back in 1998 by Meltzer who does inversion.. In my case he did not have much to work with so he used a scrotal graft to supplement.
In the old days when a graft was needed it was taken from other parts of the body but that left scars. Scrotal tissue was just disposed of.
- karen
I'm not quite sure what that means, but at least some surgeons use scrotal skin as a supplement to penile skin if there's not enough to attain the proper depth. Suporn uses penile skin for something else entirely.
Hi Dena;
I have a really good friend in the UK that had the blind vagina procedure done in Brighton and she is very satisfied with results. She doesn't have a full depth Vagina, but aesthetically she has all the rest and her vulva, labia and clitoris all look perfectly normal and she tells me she has full sensation and the capability of clitoral orgasm. I should explain that she stayed with her wife and has no interest in men. Of course the real benefits were much faster healing times,and no dilation, plus the full appearance of cis female genitalia.
Judith'
Quote from: ainsley on April 27, 2017, 08:26:48 AM
I look at it like this (because my daughter and I love RPGs): I have completed the main quest of the game. Time to go do all of the side quests. Many involve tidying up transition items, and others involve doing things as a post-transition female that are experienced differently than before. Time to level up and enjoy the little things in the game (LIFE) and just how easy they are now. :)
OR, maybe you've just finished one of the major side quests! Keep in mind, you've been a girl since you were born. You've been meaning to develop yourself as one, there just was this thing you needed to do before you could get to the main part of your life.
SO: start playing that main quest! ;)
Thought this was was about post op life not talking about the surgery techniques which they read or have been told about by various surgeons websites trying to market their techniques as unique so they can charge high prices. I know you are each loyal to your surgeon and think you opted and paid for the best. Its pretty apparant, with posting by certain individuals whom you have used. Its post op life and that choice has already been made and done. As far as the surgery goes , for our post op life ideally we want our new vagina to have depth, orgasms out of this world and aesthetically pleasing and who really cares exactly how it was done (honestly they all used the same techniques). And to correct it if it doesnt work or look the way we want.
Post op live after the initial year just becomes a normal life with new goals for some and old goals for others. We are special to live two lives and just relax and understand and enjoy who you now are. Hopefully, many will chose a life that has a great deal more empathy. This is our chance to be who we think is the type of person we admire. We can honestly blame our past actions before transitioning because of the former internal battle but now we have no excuse. Live life and enjoy.
So, 2 weeks post op here and I have to say I'm hopeful that at 4 weeks I'm engaging into daily life, work and building back some of the strength that I know an enforced lay off from normal.activity is going to cost me. I have some big work lined up and so getting back to full strength needs to happen as quickly as compatible with not short circuiting recovery.
Working on voice is my main remaining transition task.
Hi Sadie and welcome to post life, it's a great place to be!
Good luck with your voice work. I started working with a voice therapist 2 weeks after I got home from SRS. That was almost 6 months ago and my voice is just now starting to work with minimal concentration. The down time from SRS is a great time to work on the voice, not much else to do.
Its called living life ... honestly so many have these 'goals' and signposts along the way that folks become lost AFTER the 'final' results. So since (on a personal note) I was so goal / achieve oriented before... I try to maintain that post op. For instance i have projects around the house, a BUNCH of them that need to get done. I have educational goals that are ongoing. I have friendships to develop. Life and life goals don't end once its all done... its just that chapter in life that's closed. Time to look forward to more adventures!
Just my thoughts on it :) What's worked for me might help someone else too.
Being a moderator allows you to part the wisdom you gained during your transition. You really should try it some time. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: zog on April 28, 2017, 07:28:00 AM
Oh no, I've been down that path before and I'm not making that mistake again. Unlike my penis, that's not something that can be just flicked off with a knife! >:-)
That's a good question. For me, GRS has been very insurance-issue intensive, so I'm just happy its finally approved. Plus, I'm in PA so its free if you're on Medicaid. I'm probably one of the first here to have surgery via Medicaid in PA. Mainly I want to have sex and also change my name. Get married. Hire a surrogate. Raise a family. All that and more is what I want to do. I can't believe I will actually be post op soon, real soon. It's going to be so amazing having a vagina. i can wear ROMPERS lol FINALLY
Take It Easy :icon_headfones:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi876.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fab328%2F007www%2FSsP%2FSsP-TakeItEasy01_zpsnybsrtsw.png%7Eoriginal&hash=c815f731e01547ff9d96d68c756882f996ed966f) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZeUgJmbZ5s)