Having just 'come out' everywhere, I am a bit of a celebrity in some places, including the concert band I play in. (I play tenor sax.) I got an email from one of the newer members suggesting we get together for coffee. She said she didn't yet know many people in the band and wanted to meet me.
I wouldn't have thought I'd be the first person she'd want to meet unless my being trans was part of the story. I had all sorts of possible motivations going through my mind: did she want to deprogram me or heap fire and brimstone on me or maybe recruit me to sell Mary Kay cosmetics? But I figured I'd deal with any of those possibilities if and when they came up, and in the meantime, I'd treat the invitation at face value.
So we met at a coffee shop and had a nice chat about all kinds of stuff. She knew I'd just come from an electrolysis session, so she asked about that, and she asked a couple of questions about hormones, but the rest of the time, we talked about places we'd lived, how many cats we had, our families, and just the sort of things that you'd expect two women to talk about. The kind of conversation I have longed for all my life.
What really impressed me was realizing that I could never have had a relaxed conversation like that prior to transitioning. Two men would never have talked about that kind of stuff. Ever.
Had I been in male mode, I could never have had that conversation with a woman. There would be all the complex sub-plots in play. Is he trying to pick me up? Does she want me to make a move on her? Is her husband going to get upset that we are here talking? That would be too much pressure to have a relaxed conversation.
The only way that conversation could happen is between two women. I think I am going to like being transitioned socially. :)
This made me happy such a nice interaction even tho its so simple .im gona cry and i donteven know you. Tho iMust admit i am jealous. X
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I'm really happy that you had this positive experience, Kathy, and a little jealous. I have never really taken to female culture, and whatever it is that allows women to have a relaxed chat about numbers of cats and so on is something I don't appear to have. It's a shame, really, since there's much to be admired about the feminine socializing style. It's nice that you've been able to adopt a very complicated set of social behaviors so naturally.
FWIW, I make friends more easily when I'm engaged in a common project with someone. That way there's an automatic common interest to talk about, and there's less of a chance of straying into awkward personal territory. It's not that I'll never talk about personal things--it's more that I really need to know someone for a long time and have seen how they react in a variety of circumstances. The opening up to near-strangers thing is not something I feel comfortable doing.
Quote from: KathyLauren on May 02, 2017, 05:59:01 PM
Having just 'come out' everywhere, I am a bit of a celebrity in some places, including the concert band I play in. (I play tenor sax.) I got an email from one of the newer members suggesting we get together for coffee. She said she didn't yet know many people in the band and wanted to meet me.
I wouldn't have thought I'd be the first person she'd want to meet unless my being trans was part of the story. I had all sorts of possible motivations going through my mind: did she want to deprogram me or heap fire and brimstone on me or maybe recruit me to sell Mary Kay cosmetics? But I figured I'd deal with any of those possibilities if and when they came up, and in the meantime, I'd treat the invitation at face value.
So we met at a coffee shop and had a nice chat about all kinds of stuff. She knew I'd just come from an electrolysis session, so she asked about that, and she asked a couple of questions about hormones, but the rest of the time, we talked about places we'd lived, how many cats we had, our families, and just the sort of things that you'd expect two women to talk about. The kind of conversation I have longed for all my life.
What really impressed me was realizing that I could never have had a relaxed conversation like that prior to transitioning. Two men would never have talked about that kind of stuff. Ever.
Had I been in male mode, I could never have had that conversation with a woman. There would be all the complex sub-plots in play. Is he trying to pick me up? Does she want me to make a move on her? Is her husband going to get upset that we are here talking? That would be too much pressure to have a relaxed conversation.
The only way that conversation could happen is between two women. I think I am going to like being transitioned socially. :)
Actually yes you could have had a similar kind of conversation with her you just put those kind of constraints on yourself. We put limits on ourselves people don't put them on us. Women are the easiest creatures to talk to. No offense meant by calling women creatures.
Kathy that sounds like a great experience for you.
I told my younger apartment manager about me last week and she was really cool with it. Apparently she has been around trans folk all of her life. In no time she was telling me that bras from Victoria's secret are the best and telling me about a trans club owner in downtown Portland who is trans is a friend of her family. etc just a little girl talk.
Today we were talking again as I dropped off the rent check and were discussing shoes. She showed me the booties she had on and I told her I had a pair of stiletto heeled high calf boots I like at home. She exclaimed "You can walk in them? I can't, I can't walk in high heels" I assured her I have no trouble as I've had some practice over the years. So our girl talk continued with sharing our like and dislikes with different types of shoes. And you know just more girl talk.
Later she was out side my apartment so I showed her my boots and she immediately said she loved then and wanted to buy some for herself. You know girl talk... I've also enjoyed some girl talk with my sister. It is so much fun to have these talks that I've never had before with a girl. I'm looking forward to many more.
Hugs,
Laurie
Kathy, what a great experience, thanks for sharing. I think this is ultimately what many if not most of us long for. To be socially accepted operating and living as a female every day. I'm so glad to hear that this experience happened for you and was so positive.
I've just begun to start noticing some of the same. For me the most notable experiences have come at church in the hospitality area after church. So many great conversations and I feel so comfortable as no one expects anything of me other than who I truly am.
I really hope this trend continues for you. Such a great feeling to be just naturally accepted as who you really are.