Hey everyone. So two new developments have the possibilty of happening very soon. I may be going to visit my childhood homes of Victoria British Columbia and Trenton Ontario. Im am trying to see my dad for his 50th birthday (havent seen him since 2009) in Victoira and want to say good bye to my friends in Trenton as when I move to Manitoba I am unsure when I will be back there. I am excited but also scared. As I have noted, those are my childhood homes. Both places have had great memories, and plenty of less then good experiences. But in addition to those memories and triggers, i fear i will be triggered by one other thing. I havent been to either as my one true self, Ashley. This may sound silly but I am afriad somehow that being in either city will trigger dysphoria or something around those lines. You all remember what i was like a few months ago when i was a raving case of venting and confusion? I dont want to be in that state ever again, yet i dont want to be a prisoner to my own fears and insecuirites. I wana visit my old homes and enjoy my old friends and see old landmarks. I guess, how does one go and ENJOY themsleves without worrying about ''him'' coming back and reminding me that I was living as ''him'' in those places... Again, sorry if I sound like a raving case at the moment, but I am a bit worried
-Ashley
Two things to try:
Enjoy your visits, as new experiences. Treat the visit for the most part as Ashley's first trip to see these places, after you have heard so much about them from "him". (I've been re-visiting places that I enjoyed growing up, and I have had a lot of fun approaching them a bit differently, as myself. 'His' memories are there, and really my memories, of course. I treat them as a sort of old travelogue, and like to note what has changed.)
If you do feel that conflict coming on, try a little mindful meditation to let go of the conflict and distress.
The hardest part may be encountering your old friends. Don't surprise them with yourself, and I suggest avoiding contact with anyone who is not accepting.
Yeah I guess your right Michelle. I just gotta keep a posiitve attitude as much as I can. My friends from both cities know of my transition so it is good in that sense, but old aquatences will be a bit more difficult assuming I run into them. Maybe I just gotta do it eh :)
Take it as a new adventure. As Michelle said, it's a new place to you, and you are new to the people you will meet. Also if you are going somewhere that you're likely to see someone who doesn't know, bring along a friend for support. You'll feel so much more secure that way.
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Thank you ! Looks like I wont be going to Victoira after all :/. But its a yes for Trenton!! I am reconnecting with old friends and they seem very pleased to see me as myself, Ashley :)!