I've been openly transmale for the last five years, I've been living as male for at least four (or more) of those five years.
I just started T about three weeks ago, I've been seeing changes (personally, they're slow to me) in these last three weeks.
The side of the family that doesn't agree with my transition (the adults, not so much my cousins and such) have been very upset with just telling them I want to be called a different name. Let alone the fact that I declared I didn't identify as female.
Unfortunately, I have a level of family values that really keeps me tied to my family. I usually attend family events. We have a reunion at the end of July. Thanksgiving.. and Christmas.. And they're obviously going to notice the changes by then.
I'm not sure if I should tell them or if I shouldn't.. I'm mostly concerned about my father, my step-mother actually puts effort into calling me the right name and pronouns. But my father was/is disturbed by 'it'. A number of my relatives are very against the whole idea because they 'can't accept it' because I can't be 'that messed up'.
So I'm not really sure what to do.
Does anyone have advice?
I´m tired and don´t have a lot to offer, but it´s been my own experience that sometimes (reluctant) family can come around once they see changes.
Personally, I´ve kept away from family until I had changed quite a bit, by then I was very different from the person they used to know. I don´t suppose this is possible for you since you are close to your family, but seeing you change (and becoming a more confident person) might slowly change their mind.
At least your step-mother is trying. If they are making statements like "can't be that messed up", then I would think that they will never be willing to accept you. It's possible that they will try to make your life as difficult as possible. People like that aren't worthy of you, family or not.
As I've said in many posts before, I have cut all ties with anyone and everyone that I share DNA with. They are so bigoted against anything that "isn't normal". To them you are either male or female and straight. Not transgender, homosexual, or mentally impaired. If you try to be (or are) any of that, they have a simple 3 letter word for you. It is typically a derogatory term for homosexual men. I'm sure you know it.
"There are only 2 sexes. You are what you are born with. Accept it, or kill yourself because you are a freak. Also you have to be straight. If you're not, stay the hell away from my family. I don't want you to spread your (expletive deleted) to my family."
That was a speech by my aunt. Does that begin to describe the severe bigotry I grew up with? I'm sure other people here have gone thru the same.
So if you're really connected to your family I would say to be patient. Also try to tolerate the ones that are dead set against it. Unless they try to harm you in some fashion other than verbal attacks. Verbal attacks can often do more damage than physical, but don't just pick up a bat and go on the attack. Try to hold back your rage. If you flat out lose it, you may harm yourself more than you harm them.
What can you do? You say you've been open for five years about it and some of them accept and some of them don't. Just continue as normal and attend the events if you want to. If they choose to have a problem no matter what you won't be able to change their minds. Don't make a fuss about it and perhaps they won't either, in the sense that they might not even notice anything for a long time. It's possible with time they might think about it some more and come around on their own - I find that NOT talking about it and not pushing the topic apart from one occasion of "coming out" had almost everyone just accepting the situation or at the least not bringing it up to be an ass quite fast. Within a year. Now it's not even a subject of discussion it's just a known fact.
But if there are people who are just going to be unbearable about it I would minimize your contact with those people and get on with your own life. I mean at the end of the day everyone is free to feel how they want about something. As long as they don't make your life hell for it, you should be free to not have to care how other people feel as well.