I'm totally thinking about cutting my mom out of my life. I've been Lucas for almost 4 years and she still doesn't accept or respect me as a man. She uses the wrong pronouns and uses my old name all the time. My gf is mtf. She treats her ok in person but she calls her he and him when she isn't around. I'm really scared she's gonna do that to her face one of these days. Or do it in public. I can't risk losing my gf over my mom's BS. I'm happy for the first time in my life and she's trying to mess it all up. As usual. I was always a masculine girl. My dad and brother always accepted me. My mom never did. My parents got a divorce when I was 12. When my dad moved out I lost the only real support I had. I came out at 14. I thought maybe I could get some help and maybe not hate my life so much. All it did was make my mom wanna fix me. She went through my clothes and threw away anything she thought looked even a little masculine. I was not allowed to cut my hair ever. She cut it herself so she could make sure only the ends got trimmed. She dragged my to a nail place and made me get acrylic nails and get my eyebrows waxed. I was only allowed to wear stuff she picked out for me. She was actually making me more of a freak by making me look real feminine because my behavior didn't match at all. She would also set me up with boys. Any of her friends who had a son around my age she would set up a date for me. When I was 16 she had my hair bleached light blonde. I started having people tell me how pretty I was. Dudes especially. It pushed me over the edge. I tried suicide. I lived but I was seriously depressed. My mom didnt help yelling at me for being an ungrateful child. Finally I just decided I couldn't live that way anymore. I decided I was gonna live as a guy even if my mom threw me out. I went to my brother's house and talked to him about everything. He told me he would support me. I talked him into buzzing my hair. Then he gave me some of his clothes to wear till I could get my own stuff. My mom pretty much lost her mind when she saw me. My hair had been to my waist. She totally lost it and beat the crap out of me. Black eye, split lip, bloody nose. I called my dad and he came and got me. He told my mom I was moving in with him or he would call the police and she could sit in jail. After I moved in with my dad things got a lot better. He is very supportive and he even paid for my top surgery and FMS. I wanted to give you a idea what all I've been through with my mom. Do you think cutting her out of my life is wrong? I tried to give her a chance but she refuses to accept me as her son.
I don't think it's wrong. Why spend time with someone that isn't supportive of you, when you can instead spend time with those that are?
I simply distanced myself from my non-accepting family, both physically and in the amount of time I talk to them. I was lucky to have that option.
I am adopted so family means more than blood to me, it seems to me she is not family but an antagonist that was once family.
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No I don't think you're wrong at all in fact my personal untrained opinion is that it's something you must do. At the point a relationship becomes abusive, whether it's emotional abuse or physical abuse, it's time to get out of it. You've endured both from what you've described. There is no reason to keep a relationship with someone who is abusive, but every reason to end such a relationship.
One of my oldest child's best friends in high school is transgender and transitioning FtM like yourself. His mom was horrible with the mis-gendering, dead naming and all sorts of emotional abuse. He too severed his relationship with her and in fact went through legal means to make it official. It was a long hard road, especially in a conservative state like Wisconsin, but he battled through and is much healthier today than when he was living with his mom.
It's a very hard thing to do to cut your parent out of your life, but you have to prioritize your own mental and physical health above all else. That's why you're transitioning after all. It won't be easy but you are strong and can do this. It sounds like you have great support from your brother and father, so rely on them when you need strength to get through. And of course all of us here will do what we can to support you as well.
i find you are acting the right way. Evend cis kids have the right and the duty to do so when abusive parents put their loved one in danger.
You have a life to live. Just do not forget t say thank u to you parents for what good they did to you (nd they shurely did). Explain, that your love for them is unconditionnal and that there is nothing they can do to destroy it, but that you have to carry on !
I think cutting your mother out of your life is the only way forward you've given her a chance but she still won't except you as the real you, yes she probably is frighten of loading her daughter but that does not excuse her for treating you like that it is your life not hers, I had to cut off both parents & a sister to live my life as they would not except me, don't,t feel bad for doing it as you have to so you can move on.
She cut herself out of your life, you just need to move on.
I agree. I've cut ties with some of my family over other things. Be you, let her be her. Family is not a free pass. As Rachel said, "she cut herself out."
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You are so right to move on. She cut herself out. To put into prospective, I once had a cousin who tried to insinuate doubt and try his best to make me beleive i was just some ''dude''... He was all hung up on some ''man'' that apprently once was but didnt want to understand me, Ashley. As a result i moved on, he made it rather clear he would do and say anything to get this''man'' back even if it meant denying and killing off myself, Ashley. Well, Ashley said screw it and i havent talked to him since xmas 2015.. and for what its worth, couldnt be happier in regards to our relationship. Now hes quite the D work in my opinion, and your mom sounds even worse.. my point is, she digged her own grave. Stay strong my boy <3
I'm really sorry that your mom has treated you this way, Lucas. I grew up in an abusive family too, so I think I know at least a little bit what it must have been like. In my case, I cut my mother out of my life when I was 17, expecting never to speak to her again. As it happens, when she saw that I was serious that I'd have no relationship with her if she treated me badly, she changed and became much more supportive. I ended up having a few years of a decent relationship with her before she died. I'm not saying this will for certain happen to you, but the possibility is there.
You don't need toxic people in your life, and your mother sounds toxic as hell.
You have to do what's in your own best interest. I have an aunt who actually turned into what you would call a religious zealot. It got to a point where she was just not respecting my boundaries and my spiritual way of living.
This wasn't something that was necessarily transgender related, but I think that the point here is that your mother is just toxic from what you have described. When a relationship with a person turns toxic, it doesn't matter whether they are blood family or not, you have to make a decision for yourself on what is in your own best interest.
Family means a whole lot more than blood. It sounds to me like your brother, father, and even your girlfriend are your family, your mother is not. To be sure, transitioning is a difficult process for the transition and those close to them, but She doesn't seem to care about your feelings, wants, or needs at all and it's been years since you've been living in your identified role. I honestly don't see things changing and my best recommendation would be to cut her loose. I'm going to be in a very similar situation when I finally come out to my family later this year. They're extremely conservative and have gone out of their way to make clear that they feel transgender people are just perverts who get off on using the wrong bathroom, I already know that my mother won't be part of my life after I tell them.
Cut her out. She doesn't deserve you. She is a malicious vindictive bigot. I cut my relatives out, and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. But I cut out every last person I even shared the slightest bit of DNA with. Bigotry doesn't even begin to describe my relatives.
I know it can be difficult for people to accept and adjust to someone in their family being transgender, but there is no excuse on earth to justify what she has done, and is still doing.
If she asks, just tell her she is not worthy of your time. "Kiss my ass" is a good reply to her, in my opinion.
And like many others here, I also grew up in an abusive environment, from all people around me, including blood relatives. My father enjoyed knocking me around, my mother enjoyed telling me that I was basically a "curse on the world since the day she made me". My uncles and cousins went out of their way to belittle me as much as possible and treat me as subhuman. I remember one day we were hauling hay. Afterwards, my cousin and his friend got paid $50 each. He tried to give me $5. I just kicked him square in the nuts and took his wallet. I ended up having to crack my cousin and his friend in the head with a stick, but showed them that they weren't going to pull that kind of (expletive deleted) with me.
But that was the light stuff. There were several times my life was in danger due to my relatives. Now I speak to no one. My parents are, thankfully, dead now, and I don't miss them one bit. As it sits, no one knows where I live, what my phone number is, and what my email is, and it's going to stay that way. If, by some stroke of misfortune, I run into them at some point, there's a chance all hell will break loose. If I can get away with it, I'll pretend I've never met them before. But I'm sure at least my sister would press her luck.
It's not that I don't have the patience or tolerance for people like that, it's that I won't have the patience or tolerance. In my eyes, they are beneath me, and always will be. That's a very conceited statement I know, but it's not going to change. I'm not willing to change it.
So do what you have to do. It may hurt, assuming you care about her, but it's the lesser of two evils.
OMG boy, you're hot as hell!!!
Being that said (lol) I don't think anybody would blame you on cutting out your mom. From what you told I think you already had a lot of patience with her and it didn't worked. So I think it may be a good idea cutting her out, first for your own well being (and for your gfs sake as well) and second as a different way of action to make her understand.
I have cut my dad out of my life because of childhood abuse. Never have had any regrets.
Surround yourself with supportive people and cut the negatives out.
Maybe some day your mom will change, but she can't continue without conequenses. She is your mom but that is no excuse to accept bad behavior.
Hey,
have you tried distancing yourself from her and she still hasn't changed? From what you have said i'd have thought you would have already cut her off. It took me ages to cut my own mother off and i gave her chances after chances and nothing changed so i eventually blocked all communication with her, she doesn't even know i had surgery ;D. It makes me upset when ppl who know us are aware of what we go through from the general public and still they have the cheek to act like ignorant fools >:(. If you feel she is trying to ruin your relationship then cut her off bcz at the end of the day it's your happiness that matters and that's the bottom line. It seems as though she just doesn't want to see you happy, i mean if she can't respect your relationship or who you are then cut her off bcz at this point it's just pure selfishness and manipulative behaviour.
regards,
B
I don't understand why people give their nasty relatives so many free passes. Better off without them.
Anyone who is detrimental to your well being (mental or physical) should be avoided. I too have had to cut family members out of my life, though for VERY different reasons. It was by far the easiest and hardest thing I've had to do. Once I did that though, what little family I had left became even more precious to me.
I wish you all the luck in removing her from your life.
The short answer is yes.
But its your mum. And that must hurt more than anything.
I'd cut her out...but say why. She is hurting and totally oit of control in her behavioir.
Maybe time and space will make her realise how lucky she is to have a son. Maybe not, but time will tell
Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
I did it to my parents after a couple years of their bs. They mostly cut me out of theirs so I just did the rest and cut them off completely.
Went for a few years before started meeting up with my dad for coffee again. Did that every few months for a year and then I finally stopped 'dressing down' for him and wore a dress to coffee. He didn't want to meet up after that.
Anyway, not sure what the point of all that was, just to point out that in 7 years transitioned, I've barely been in contact with those people who call themselves my parents.
There's nothing wrong with letting them go completely if all they are is toxic.
For a few years I cut my sister out of my life due to childhood abuse, blocked her on fb and now I'm looking to cut my carehome out of my life.
It sounds like she isn't a good influence on your mental and physical health.
If I was in your shoes I would do it but it's your life and I hope whatever option you choose makes you happy.
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