I want to jump into hrt and transition and I have clearance to do so. But I keep getting scared I'm a veteran so for me it's like standing at the edge of the water tower and being scared to jump.
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There's a couple weeks after you start when nothing happens anyway. You get used to the idea of taking them and then one day you realize the body is starting to respond. You'll have plenty of time to change your mind, tweak dosages, etc. But you can't do that until you start. ;)
Hugs, Devlyn
PS Thank you for your service.
No one really cares about you as much as you care about yourself. (except mother/father/siblings/significant other; exceptions could be made to this too).
So make yourself happy.
When facing fears, it often helps to try to phrase the fear in the following form: "I am scared that ..." (as opposed to "I am scared of ..."). That format forces you to be specific about what the object of the fear is. You can then evaluate it as to the probability and severity of the risk factor.
And sometimes, it is useful to just jump and hope for the best. The last fear obstacle I faced (going full-time), it was like a freight train with no brakes. I realized that this train was not stopping and any fear on the tracks would have to move it or lose it.
You can do it!! Having fears is normal, and it's good to face them. You will feel so accomplished and good after getting started on HRT.
Love yourself, make sure you take care of yourself, and visit a doctor about getting on HRT and then come back here and share your experiences. Just know you have supporters in person and a BUNCH of supporters on Susan's Place!
:-*
Well I'm married and have a little girl on the way and I have wanted to transition for several years now and I'm scared I will loose my wife and daughter. Physically I know how I want to look but mentally I'm scared to follow because I'm scared to loose my family
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"I must not fear.Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? :D"
Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 01, 2017, 12:26:29 PM
Well I'm married and have a little girl on the way and I have wanted to transition for several years now and I'm scared I will loose my wife and daughter. Physically I know how I want to look but mentally I'm scared to follow because I'm scared to loose my family
Hi Ashley,
Yes, those are legitimate fears. Have you discussed this with your wife? Have you talked to a therapist about it?
Family always makes it complicated. I'm married with 2 college aged daughters. I would be nervous to transition, but really the only thing stopping me is them. I don't want to turn their lives upside down.
I'm on low dose E just trying to survive. It takes the edge off a bit. I was starting to show a bit so I've lowered the dosage for the summer but my dysphoria has shot through the roof. Nothing about this is easy.
I wish I had some great suggestions for you.
Paige :)
Quote from: Tommi on June 01, 2017, 12:55:45 PM
"I must not fear.Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? :D"
Lol my wife said she doesn't know how to feel about it
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Is it wrong to want the same results as others?
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Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 01, 2017, 02:22:56 PM
Is it wrong to want the same results as others?
Hi Ashley,
It's not wrong to want to be yourself, or to be transgender or to want to transition. Life just makes it complicated and often we care about what others want too.
It's tough being transgender, society has made our lives hell. People should not be surprised how hard it is for us.
I hope you find what you're looking for,
Paige :)
Quote from: Paige on June 01, 2017, 04:05:27 PM
Hi Ashley,
It's not wrong to want to be yourself, or to be transgender or to want to transition. Life just makes it complicated and often we care about what others want too.
It's tough being transgender, society has made our lives hell. People should not be surprised how hard it is for us.
I hope you find what you're looking for,
Paige :)
Paige what made you finally say go for it? Especially with kids in today's world
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that is scary, I think your wife sounded pretty vague, maybe show her some resources together and more deeply discuss how the change is going to be, more accurately reask her how it makes her feel and see how time will tell.
Your wife has every right to back away if this doesnt make her comfortable, it hapoens sometimes unfortunately. Hopefully she can be respectful about the entire thing. Best case scenario she will love you for who you are and come to terms with what this means for you.
Your daughter might be a little different, if she is younger you can definitely teach her what's going on in your life. If they are older they might have biases, confusions, and fears, but it doesnt hurt to have a heart to heart either way.
Just remember, living for others can only take you so far, it is NOT a bad thing to think about yourself, help yourself, be yourself. I know people who hate themselves so much and only find worth in others, and their life is miserable and I've always found that behavior to be very unhealthy.
HI Ashley!
Fear can always be an obstacle to making a change as big as transition that touches all areas of your life to one degree or another... Your dysphoria is not going anywhere and I believe you may come to a point where what you fear most is NOT transitioning... It is a point many of us need to light a fire under our butts... A fear of the rest of our life being spent in regret... A wasted life never being able to show our true face to the world ... That IS something to fear....
Onward we go brave girl
Other Ashley :)
Ashley,
It's always a difficult decision. Especially with loved ones. That's going to need to be a decision that you and your spouse make together. As Devlyn stated, nothing happens overnight... It could be a trial run with you and your wife. See how it plays out. There are a lot of us Vets here, and we'd be more than happy to help with navigating the VA. I'm afraid that navigating relationships is far more difficult and very personal. I wish you the best. And remember, even on hormones, nothing happens overnight.
Victoria
It's difficult I physically want to look one way and know I can do it if I just jump. But the social backlash and the thought of loosing my family is what keeps stopping me. Idk what to do. Hopfuly when the admin unlock my account I can pm someone because I feel bad for spilling my guts to the world
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OK Ashley, lets go airborne! Try a bit of visual imaging; Picture yourself on that tower or cliff and ready to step off. This time you wear a parachute or paraglider and now you have the power to fly. You pull the glider wing over your shoulders and step off into the breeze and start coring the vortices of wind. You climb, you soar, you have safety and control. You land gently with a rush of self confidence.
Metaphors aside, you can gain self confidence and have more control over your life. Fear is beatable and you can do it. Knowledge and self acceptance are keys.
This may seem harsh but what kind of family life is it if we are living some kind of shadow life in a closet? We don't all loose family but in fact have so much more to gain.
I cried and trembled with every person I first came out to and soon learned that I was gaining better and closer friends by being vulnerable. If someone rejects you for being yourself how much power do we want to hand them?
Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 01, 2017, 07:59:58 PM
It's difficult I physically want to look one way and know I can do it if I just jump. But the social backlash and the thought of loosing my family is what keeps stopping me. Idk what to do. Hopfuly when the admin unlock my account I can pm someone because I feel bad for spilling my guts to the world
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I checked your account and your account hasn't been altered by a staff member. You should have been able to PM 10 posts ago. If you look at the bottom line where my avatar is located, The left most icon of a little man will allow you to view my profile. The right most icon that looks like a cartoon message bubble is a short cut that will allow you to PM me. Feel free to click on them and see how they work.
Quote from: Dena on June 01, 2017, 08:56:11 PM
I checked your account and your account hasn't been altered by a staff member. You should have been able to PM 10 posts ago. If you look at the bottom line where my avatar is located, The left most icon of a little man will allow you to view my profile. The right most icon that looks like a cartoon message bubble is a short cut that will allow you to PM me. Feel free to click on them and see how they work.
Sent u a pm
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My wife stund me this am. We were out getting coffee and mind you we go to the bikini barista because they make great coffee and one of the girls had long brown hair and roughly my body size and she had maybe a B cup. Anyway as we drove away my wife said if you do transition please tell me your going to have bigger boobs than her. I was like (0_0) and still am like hmmmm where did that come from. Any advice girls
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Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 02, 2017, 04:40:49 PM
My wife stund me this am. We were out getting coffee and mind you we go to the bikini barista because they make great coffee and one of the girls had long brown hair and roughly my body size and she had maybe a B cup. Anyway as we drove away my wife said if you do transition please tell me your going to have bigger boobs than her. I was like (0_0) and still am like hmmmm where did that come from. Any advice girls
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Green lights mean go! :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 02, 2017, 05:30:57 PM
Green lights mean go! :)
I'm really hoping for double D's is that so bad ^_^
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Hi Ashley,
Reading this thread brought a lot memories and emotions back to me. First: your cup size will be what it will be (something like your mom probably) If you have your heart set to being big and you're not after two or thee years you can always augment what grows naturally. I was a B cup at two years and a C at three. The magic of HRT will continue for up to seven years so don't rush and don't panic.
I think that is is to be expected that your wife put up some initial resistance and I doubt that she will embrace the idea for some time. Your children however will probably surprise you if you are willing to be consistent and playful. That was my experience and eventually my marriage did end, but my family did not and for that I give thanks.
Tessa had you do a thought experiment. (I have known her for a long time and pay attention, there is wisdom there) Here is another. Imagine yourself slipping into an endless gray ooze that impedes you some, but mostly just makes you very, very tired. Imagine yourself in the sunshine, bright, beautiful and learning constantly.
Those are your choices if you are trans. Living in the costume of a man is something you can do indefinitely. But the cost to your spirit may kill you. Living authentically requires that you take that leap of faith into change. My experience with low dose HRT is that it will keep you functioning but leave you bereft. I lasted six months and then went to transition doses and have never looked back.
Choosing the light is to accept risk. Huge risk.
And the reward?
To live every day that you are given on this spinning blue disk alive, aware, maybe even happy. The happy took a long time to find me, but she eventually did.
Peace Always,
JB
Sounds like the green light to me... Perhaps when you see your endocrine, ask her along to get the initial briefing. She might like it.
:)
Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 02, 2017, 05:54:02 PM
I'm really hoping for double D's is that so bad ^_^
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Careful with what you wish for... lol!
Anyone here gotten a breast augmentation?
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I was in a similar place about five years back. I was ready to hit the gas pedal and transition as fast as possible while my partner was pregnant with our second child. Having a child is a big change for many people and I had to slow things down to make life manageable for my family. Transitioning happens at different paces at different times. I had to be willing to adjust based on where my partner was at because I wanted my relationship to last through the transition process. She was green light at times, yellow at others, and when she was exhausted and overwhelmed I needed to be willing to be patient. Communication was the key and not taking the first green light as meaning floor the gas pedal helps. Unless your partner likes fast cars, if that is the case then just go faster....
I have not. I'm waiting to see what I can get naturally. I would give it a couple of years either way... the more breast tissue you have before you start, the better and more natural they'll look.
Quote from: Harley Quinn on June 02, 2017, 09:35:23 PM
I have not. I'm waiting to see what I can get naturally. I would give it a couple of years either way... the more breast tissue you have before you start, the better and more natural they'll look.
Harley may I pm you?
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Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 02, 2017, 09:11:39 PM
Anyone here gotten a breast augmentation?
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I did not... Hormones gave me all that I wanted ..... just took a little time!
Onward we grow!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 03, 2017, 12:13:16 AM
I did not... Hormones gave me all that I wanted ..... just took a little time!
Onward we grow!!!
Ashley :)
I just have a dream how I want to look and I just wish I had someone to talk to about it. Its fun talking to the girls
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Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 02, 2017, 11:44:51 PM
Harley may I pm you?
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Sure, PM any time.
Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 01, 2017, 04:38:48 PM
Paige what made you finally say go for it? Especially with kids in today's world
Hi Ashley,
Actually I haven't really gone for it. I'm taking low dose E to survive. Without it I was a dysfunctional mess, dysphoria was eating away at me and I could barely function. The E has eased some of this. I'm able to concentrate much better, I'm actually getting things done.
With that said my wife isn't very happy about it because I've had some breast growth and other body changes. I've tried to reduce the E lately for my wife but with the reduction I'm starting to feel bad again. The dysphoria feels even more intense this time.
The kids don't know yet. If they ever find out it will probably be when I decide to transition. Until then I don't want to disrupt the family.
Nothing is easy. Take care.
Paige :)
Quote from: Tommi on June 01, 2017, 12:55:45 PM
"I must not fear.Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
What is that from? I've heard it before, but can't quite place it. Was it Dune? However it is so applicable.
Yes, it is from Dune :)
--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? :D"
Quote from: Ashley_wolf on June 02, 2017, 04:40:49 PM
My wife stund me this am. We were out getting coffee and mind you we go to the bikini barista because they make great coffee and one of the girls had long brown hair and roughly my body size and she had maybe a B cup. Anyway as we drove away my wife said if you do transition please tell me your going to have bigger boobs than her. I was like (0_0) and still am like hmmmm where did that come from. Any advice girls
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You've just been handed the golden ticket. Now go and make the most of it. Tell your wife that you really need gender therapy, schedule an appointment with a gender therapist, and get ready for HRT.
i was into MMA and bodybuilding/powerlifting at one day i was there to we you want to make the jump its scary as hell but i will tell you its so worth it. and it will take months before you notice anything it will take longer for others. just breath take one day at a time, only do it when your ready but if this is what you truly want for you then nothing else matters for me it was the best decesion i ever made. i hope you are well and a therapist can help because there are lots of big and little steps but that first was the hardest for me. even 9 years in i still struggle with my voice even though i can do it my mind tells me to feel embarrassed. plus you have got a huge bonus that you have a supportive wife who wants you to have big tatas :) i got mine to 44 d so you never know. you got this if you want to talk more pm me :)
always
Alice