Even as far back as 7 years old, I had a question of why was I born male? I had no idea I was trans or anything. I had no idea I was a girl inside. Being treated as the boy people saw, I just assumed I was. I still would have that question which changed overtime. It became why was I born this way and who am I later on. Now knowing who I am inside for real, I still have that same old question basically.
Some people say one doesn't know that young but I did wonder. Then, I knew something felt different about it all. I knew the other kids were not wondering like me. When one says 7 is too young, they are being ignorant.
The first thoughts I remember having like that were about second grade, when I met a girl with the feminized version of my male name, "I wouldn't be picked on if I was a girl" I thought, "but that's impossible." Like most people I didn't have any filters then, I'd just do what came to mind, being friends with girls and playing house, what have you came naturally, and at some point the other boys noticed that, and would maliciously call me a girl, if I had any sense then I'd just have embraced it instead of trying to act like a boy for 25 years... At some point I did learn about "->-bleeped-<-s", but they were all weirdies, and took big health risks (late 80s early 90s we're taking about here), not to mention the way they're portrayed on TV, they never passed, so I concluded that wasn't for me. Today, techniques have come a long way, and it's clear that most will be able to pass after a time. The world is becoming more tolerant, we're still all weirdies, but at least we're not all whores and violent criminals in the media anymore.
Seems like a tangent, but the point is, I knew early, but being transgender was presented as a non starter idea, so repression of all things feminine (about 80% of my personality) was what happened instead.
I think most of us are aware at a young age that something is up with us and there seems to be a disconnect .. Even if we can't put it into words...
This paper by Anne Vitale is worth reading in its entirety but if you are in a hurry... Scroll down to the section "Childhood"
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm
Onward we go!!!
Ashley :)
And ignorance about gender can be addressed with education and an open mind. My older sister saw something different in me and named me Tessa when I was 3 years old. That would have been 1954 and the word "transgender" had yet to be coined. As Shakespeare noted "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet". The weight and freight we pile on gender identity and gendered roles is what makes this cultural baggage difficult to carry around.
Diversity is essential for our survival and celebrating differences is one way we can acknowledge the truth. The truth is that we have always been around and variations of gender identity have a biological basis and sociological impact.
The whys? and what ifs? will always be around to amuse or confuse us but what we do with who and what we are is up to us. Yes, be you and be real. Freeing ourselves from that cultural baggage may be the best we can do for now...