Tomorrow is a BIG day that has been a long time in coming. Tomorrow I am going to my wife's therapist's office and there my wife will meet, me (the real me) in person for the very first time. For the past couple weeks she's been looking at photos I've provided at her therapist's request as a way to prepare her for tomorrow. Basically she's going to her normally scheduled session. I'm going to arrive there a few minutes after she does and her Therapist will bring me in. 10-20 minutes meeting together and then I leave and she stays to finish her session.
I'm honestly terrified at this moment. I am afraid of how she will react and what my response to her reaction will be. I'm also nervous about how things will go when she comes home afterwards. I've got so much going through my head. Is she going to come home, pack up her things and leave? Will she isolate herself and refuse to interact with me? Will she even come home or will she spend the night somewhere else?
This is it, this is the real test of where my life goes from here. I've thought for the longest time that I was ready for this. Now, I'm not so sure. But it's happening either way, time to rip the band-aid off and press ahead.
Good luck, hope it goes well. X
Hey Alyssa,
I'm so proud of you. It takes a lot of guts to finally come out and doubts are a natural thing.
I really wish you the best! Just remember whatever her reaction she is also going through changes too. She might just surprise you!
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Good luck with tomorrow Alyssa I,m shore everything will be fine.
Alyssa,
I hope it goes well. Remember a few facts here. You could not continue as you were. You cannot stay at this point. You deserve respect whether she stays or not. This is also partly her responsibility to behave in a civil way. As for you, yeah, the nerves really suck. They may make you doubt what you are doing, but you must realize that is the fear talking. I sympathize that this is something that is beyond your control. That is hard to deal with. I guess, I would suggest that whatever happens, whatever she does, conduct yourself with class and be respectful. Then you have done all you can do to make it work. You won't then second guess your actions later. Good luck!
Moni
If what you are doing is right, it will still be right two days from now even if someone doesn't allow themselves to see it and they hurt you.
Good luck, Alyssa! You can do this. You can count on your wife's therapist to make sure the event is safe for you. You know you have to do it. Whatever the outcome, this is the way forward.
Congrats Alyssa on the brave step forward to show your wife and the world who you are!!! All will be well!!!
Onward you go brave sister!!!!
Ashley :)
Hey Alyssa,
I'll add my well wishes for you in tomorrow's events. You can worry about the outcome all you want but you are not going to know how it turns out until you go and do it. The stage is set and regardless of the outcome you know this is a needful step for both you and your wife. Dwelling on the unknown will do nothing to change that outcome and fear of the unknown is only going to make you a nervous wreck and make you sick.
Would it not do you and her more good to approach this with hope and confidence in yourself? Bringing a positive confidence into that room will help to affirm that what you are doing in becoming Alyssa is the right thing for you. Alyssa is who you are. Own it and project that.
Something I've heard twice now from my therapist on the two occasions I've met with him en femme is that I appear comfortable being myself while meeting with him. I take that to mean I am Laurie, confident in who I am and not a diad trying to appear as a female. I admit to being a bit nervous in the lobby full of strangers but in his presence I am who I am and that is Laurie.
I suggest you stop the fear of the unknown and work on being who you are.. Alyssa. Own it. Be confident in who you know you are and face the meeting knowing that regardless of the outcome you will still be Alyssa when it is over.
Wishing you all the confidence you can have Alyssa. Tomorrow is Alyssa's day, own it girl!
Hugs,
Laurie
OMG Laurie, thank you for that!! That is a reminder I needed right now to make sure I do go in there with confidence. If I go in sheepish, like a kid who thinks she's just been caught breaking the rules, that will only worsen the situation. My plan is to dress pretty casual (probably capri jeans and sneakers) but I will rock that look and hold my head up high.
Thank you to each of you for your kind responses. It is pretty much out of my control and it is a necessary step. It's scary. I'm more scared about this than when I came out to my wife or any of the other people I've brought into my transition. I'll survive one way or another, the road just might get a little rougher tomorrow.
Or I suppose, maybe like most of my coming out experiences, maybe she'll surprise me and it'll go better than either of us has anticipated. However it goes, I'll update you all tomorrow.
I really hope this goes well for you. Hope you can feel comfortable and not let the emotion of the moment get to you.
I can remember the terror of revelation...I do hope it goes really well and your wife is able to see the glowing woman in front of her...
I really hope that this goes extremely well for you tomorrow.
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I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
You brought up a good point, don't act up as a child caught breaking the rules, be your natural self, relaxed, willing to meet a wonderful person and explore a new opportunities. Dogs and wives can sense your anxiety ;)
Wow, Alyssa. This is so awesome and I find it very inspirational. Looking forward to hearing how it goes, thinking of you!
Tammy x
Alyssa you will do well - you really will.
Laurie said it right - be positive and confident. And you can be, knowing what awesome things you have already accomplished and are in your future.
Keep us informed!!!!
Be yourself!
Hugs
Jen
Alyssa, you and she both deserve for this to go well. It's in your mutual best interests. Have confidence and hope for both your sakes.
Love Randy
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A- she never saw you present as female when you thought you were a CD? Regardless, good luck. My SO and i had a totally normal conversation the other day when i was completely en femme. It was pretty affirming. fingers crossed for the best.
I really hope everything went well, some of us really deserve to have a happy life with our loved ones.
Good Luck!!!
I wish you the best. I really hope it goes well for you. Hugs
Good luck Alyssa. I'm sending you positive energy and hoping she'll come around so it will move forward in a favorable manner. As Laurie said, walk in with your head held high. This is not a crime but an expression of who you really are and is how you will feel better about your life. I know these are difficult times but you will persevere and you'll make it through this.
I always tell my mom that this is a hard path in life. This is a huge cross to bear because it's not widely accepted and unfortunately people expect you to be a certain way. However, it's surprising to see how some people can be accepting and change their attitude towards this. At some point I hope your wife comes to accept you as you truly are and realizes that regardless of the shell you are still there.
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Quote from: Another Nikki on June 09, 2017, 12:37:34 AM
A- she never saw you present as female when you thought you were a CD? Regardless, good luck. My SO and i had a totally normal conversation the other day when i was completely en femme. It was pretty affirming. fingers crossed for the best.
She did but that was really not the same. I mean a couple Halloweens, but I was not very good and neither were my costumes. They were pretty outlandish and clearly I looked like a man in a costume. Other than that we did some bedroom stuff way back but that was more a man in women's clothes than actually looking at all female. Other than that, all my "cross-dressing" was a don't ask don't tell situation.
This is the first time she'll be seeing me actually presenting truly as a woman trying to look my best as a woman and be perceived as a woman. Since she knows my identity is female and that I'm transitioning, seeing me present that way has a whole different meaning and impact.
A woman with a place in this world and a seat at the table of life just like anyone else... Go in with with the confidence that comes from knowing you are putting your life on its true and intended course!... How other's react to us is not something we control but how we carry ourself is... No matter how things play out... All will be well :)