I get tired of being told that I am selfish for wanting to make myself better. Honestly I know her issues come from her own selfish wants. She likes to say that I neglect her and our kids. It's the kids part that really riles me up inside. The kids and I spend a lot of time together. It's her and I that have issues and have had since we were together almost 11 years now.
I get tired of the passive aggressive guilt trips. Often she will start a "talk" where she tells me how she feels and how I'm basically responsible for everything wrong with her life. If I try to talk about my feelings I get cut off and told how I am wrong.
She's feeling like I'm selfish because she didn't get to set the limits of what my transition will be. She still expects to get me to pay for things she wants. Yesterday I was selfish because I asked her to make sure the Internet / cable bill for her apartment would not be on automatic payment from my debit card. Yes I'm the primary income right now but were filing bankruptcy because we got in way too deep. The last thing I want to do is start stretching the paycheck again.
I'm just venting today. In a couple of days she'll be back to wanting to be close and missing me. Bipolar disorder is a bitch for the partner almost more than the person with it. It's like getting your heart broken over and over again.
Feeling bad this morning, I'll get over it later. Group in St Louis is tonight and I have a therapy appointment tomorrow.
I just south of saint louis, pevely. Is this a transition group or bipolar group?
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First, you're spot on when you talk about the hypocrisy of anyone referring to a trans person's transition as selfish. What is selfish is expecting us to go on living a life of pain every day just so that they can feel better about who we are and their relationship with us. My wife has never come right out and said that but she's hinted toward it and I've gotten the question from others. I simply point to the fact that if I hadn't started transitioning now, with the suicidal thoughts I was starting to have, I don't believe I'd have made it 5 more years. So my wife would have lost me, my kids would have lost their dad, etc. Sometimes putting it in those terms opens some eyes.
Regarding the guilt trips, that's pretty common too (even without the bipolar disorder complicating it all). Do you guys see anyone together (therapist, counselor, etc.). I've found with my wife it's good to have that mediator their to keep both sides actually listening to each other and not cutting each other off. That cut you off to respond behavior is a sign of someone who is listening to respond rather than listening to understand. That has to change if you guys are going to make any progress.
Sounds like you're doing all you can and I'm glad to hear you have support. That's so crucial. Keep your head high, you're doing great!
Quote from: gv2002 on June 14, 2017, 07:00:47 AM
I just south of saint louis, pevely. Is this a transition group or bipolar group?
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Transition support group. Need to email the facilitators as they will want to speak with you but it's a really open friendly bunch.
Feminine group email femspec@stlmetrotrans.com
Masculine group email locker.room@stlmetrotrans.com
They operate under the Metrotrans Umbrella Group of St Louis.
Alyssa, no we have not gone to any therapy together. She once saw a therapist but has never gone back. Honestly she even admits she should see someone for all of her childhood trauma not just the bipolar or the trans-spouse issue. She has some deep anger and rage issues which I learned to dance around early on in our relationship.
We managed to stay together through miscarriages, a raging teenage boy who got violent with a baby in the house and more. Many times it was only because I sucked it up and took her anger at life. For her it always seemed so easy to just talk about leaving.
I did try to tell her I didn't think I had 10 years left in me anymore. I got accused of trying to manipulate her with talk of suicide since her first husband was a mental case and talked about it a lot. She assumes I am trying to control her when I just want to tell her how I feel. Often my feelings have been a problem she didn't want to deal with.
Some days it's just hard, you know. :-\
Thank you!
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