So I had my surgery last June and for the most part I'm really happy with everything. Actually feels like I can get on with my life now. Discharged from the gender identity clinic, have my new birth certificate and everything and yeah, it is just hella amazing to have all this behind me. I would like facial feminisation surgery somewhere down the line as I really do not pass but for the time being I am happy.
The issue I am finding is reaching orgasm. I have tried toys that just don't seem to have any effect whatsoever, exploring myself gets nada results, I have only really found one way to achieve orgasm and it is something I used to do before surgery cos it caused me the least dysphoria, but that way, I don't see how it could ever work with two people.
Anyway, for the most part it doesn't really bug me except I would like a relationship and I would like it to be sexual, I personally couldn't care less about the orgasm, for me the pleasure comes from the closeness of the situation. However I know some people can be kinda put off if their partner doesn't seem to be enjoying it as much as them and I am quite a bad actress and urgh!!! Yeah, I can see this becoming kinda problematic when I finally get intimate with someone.
Anyone else have this issue?
HRT has changed your body function so things no longer work the way they once did. You now function like a CIS woman so foreplay is very important to get you in the proper mood. This can involve viewing porn, caressing the body in places other than below the belt or even thinking about this. When you get it right, you should feel a warm glow come over your body and at that point, you are ready for sex. The skill of a lover is in waiting till you reach this state before you engage in sex. If a lover isn't willing to make this effort, you should be looking for somebody else.
Aside from the lover part I have literally tried all of the above with no success.
If you are unable to do proper foreplay then one possibility might be physical. If your testosterones levels are in the very low feminine range, that could be the problem. Mine are mid range and that seems to be plenty. Get it tested at your next blood draw and if low, they have a patch that works pretty well for this. Progesterone also contributes to a sex drive however I am not on it and was still able to get through the foreplay stage.
Last but not least, you must be very relaxed when you attempt this as any distraction could interfere with the process. Male sex is anywhere, anytime but female sex requires everything to be right.