Hey, guys.
I posted a couple threads here before that were somewhat controversial and eventually turned into heated debates about what it means to really "be a man", etc. While I do still personally think that, to a certain extent, we transgender men are women that decided to become men, I realize that some of the things I said in the threads were potentially hurtful, and I want to apologize. I was going through a particularly bad phase of depression when I posted those, and I could have handled my responses better.
Updates on me: I have been struggling less and less with accepting myself as a trans man and a man in general. I've been feeling a lot better about myself and my transition, and I have stopped overanalyzing much of what used to make me doubt things. I may not ever completely fall in line with mainstream trans thinking, but I also don't feel as distanced from it as I used to. Physically, I'll be getting my top surgery done this summer, which I am very excited about!
Anyway, I'm hoping to come back here and post about other transition-related things and hopefully help other people out as well. I hope y'all accept my apologies. :-*
Quote from: Bacon on June 21, 2017, 08:33:16 PM
. . . I realize that some of the things I said in the threads were potentially hurtful, and I want to apologize. I was going through a particularly bad phase of depression when I posted those, and I could have handled my responses better.
* * *
Anyway, I'm hoping to come back here and post about other transition-related things and hopefully help other people out as well. I hope y'all accept my apologies. :-*
We're all in it together. None of us knows all of the correct answers. Your apology is gracious. It takes a big person to reflect and take responsibility for offense caused to others.
It takes character apologize and take responsibility for one's actions. Good for you. I'll talk to you.
Moni
Thanks, you two! <3
Quote from: Bacon on June 21, 2017, 08:33:16 PM
Updates on me: I have been struggling less and less with accepting myself as a trans man and a man in general. I've been feeling a lot better about myself and my transition, and I have stopped overanalyzing much of what used to make me doubt things. I may not ever completely fall in line with mainstream trans thinking, but I also don't feel as distanced from it as I used to. Physically, I'll be getting my top surgery done this summer, which I am very excited about!
Anyway, I'm hoping to come back here and post about other transition-related things and hopefully help other people out as well. I hope y'all accept my apologies. :-*
I'm fairly new here so I have no idea what you brought up before. Everyone is going to have differing opinions on being trans and what that means, and as you pointed as we go through that process, then our thoughts can also change. I'm new to all of this. I never lived as a man except in my own head so nobody knew what I was going through. Now I've started T and can't wait to get top surgery (hopefully next may), but then I have to face figuring out how to tell people especially people I work with. Since I've made the decision to transition, I am much happier with me and how I present myself. I don't feel as self conscious as I used to and like I have to be at least a little feminine so that people don't look at me strangely and wonder what's wrong with me.
Congrats on getting your top surgery this summer. Let us know how it goes. I'm keeping notes on what people say about it so I can be as prepared as possible!
These message boards have been incredibly helpful to me since I don't have a support system in person.
It's great to meet you! 8)
Quote from: JayBlue on June 22, 2017, 08:13:24 PM
I'm fairly new here so I have no idea what you brought up before. Everyone is going to have differing opinions on being trans and what that means, and as you pointed as we go through that process, then our thoughts can also change. I'm new to all of this. I never lived as a man except in my own head so nobody knew what I was going through. Now I've started T and can't wait to get top surgery (hopefully next may), but then I have to face figuring out how to tell people especially people I work with. Since I've made the decision to transition, I am much happier with me and how I present myself. I don't feel as self conscious as I used to and like I have to be at least a little feminine so that people don't look at me strangely and wonder what's wrong with me.
Congrats on getting your top surgery this summer. Let us know how it goes. I'm keeping notes on what people say about it so I can be as prepared as possible!
These message boards have been incredibly helpful to me since I don't have a support system in person.
It's great to meet you! 8)
Thanks, man! It's great to meet you too. I'll definitely keep you and the rest of the board updated on my top surgery. All I know so far is that it'll be with Dr. Kryger in Thousand Oaks and that I'll have to get double incision. Of course, I was hoping for keyhole or peri so that I didn't have scarring and could show off my body more freely, but alas, my chest is a bit too large for that. :P But that's okay! I'm very much looking forward to lessening my dysphoria significantly, to not having to wear a binder anymore, to being able to throw on shirts without worrying, to having my clothes fit better, and to passing hopefully 100% of the time; I pretty much consistently do but sometimes, like today, I didn't feel like wearing my binder because it's extremely hot outside, so I just wore a bra, and even though my face looks totally masculine, as soon as people detect the boobs... ::)
Hey, bacon! I don't know what was said before, either, but I'm glad you're here. :)
Sorry I can't respond to your message just yet; I have yet to get access to that ability, as I am a super-noob. But it's much appreciated!
Quote from: JayBlue on June 22, 2017, 08:13:24 PM
Now I've started T and can't wait to get top surgery (hopefully next may), but then I have to face figuring out how to tell people especially people I work with.
I decided to be weird and actually told my boss before I told anyone else. Sadly, people at work are much more accepting than my mother, whom I live with. I'm out to... how many people now? Ten, I think. But I dress as male full time, so surely other people have noticed, haha. Not on T yet, but hope to be soon.
Quote from: seth.james on June 22, 2017, 08:29:28 PM
I decided to be weird and actually told my boss before I told anyone else. Sadly, people at work are much more accepting than my mother, whom I live with. I'm out to... how many people now? Ten, I think. But I dress as male full time, so surely other people have noticed, haha. Not on T yet, but hope to be soon.
Well I'm glad that the people you work with are supportive. I was in a meeting at work today, and a cis guy made a joke about transitioning to a woman. It wasn't offensive (to me anyway) and everyone laughed, but when I have to eventually come out to them, I really don't know how they are going to take it. My boss was there and laughed along with him, but then also hinted that he probably shouldn't say stuff like that. For the most part, I am not easily offended, but I do worry about keeping my job and how people will treat me.
I have no idea how my family will take it. My mom died about 5 years ago, which is why I never transitioned before this. She would not have handled it well at all so I understand what you are saying. Now it's my dad and my brothers, and I don't care as much what they think as I did with my mom. My mom would have disowned me, and I don't think I could have handled that at the time.
I've only been on T for a month now so not much in the way of changes to report, but I'm glad to be on it. Hope you are able to start soon. For me, that was a big part of really acknowledging who I want to be. 8)
Quote from: Bacon on June 22, 2017, 08:22:11 PM
I'm very much looking forward to lessening my dysphoria significantly, to not having to wear a binder anymore, to being able to throw on shirts without worrying, to having my clothes fit better, and to passing hopefully 100% of the time;
I can totally relate to all of that. I will have to have DI too as I'm way too big for anything else, which is why I'll never be able to pass until I get top surgery. I am losing weight too so hopefully that will help make them smaller. I have a huge amount of chest dyphoria, which is why I'm obsessing over the top surgery and when I can get it.
Quote from: JayBlue on June 22, 2017, 08:43:41 PM
Well I'm glad that the people you work with are supportive. I was in a meeting at work today, and a cis guy made a joke about transitioning to a woman. It wasn't offensive (to me anyway) and everyone laughed, but when I have to eventually come out to them, I really don't know how they are going to take it. My boss was there and laughed along with him, but then also hinted that he probably shouldn't say stuff like that. For the most part, I am not easily offended, but I do worry about keeping my job and how people will treat me.
I have no idea how my family will take it. My mom died about 5 years ago, which is why I never transitioned before this. She would not have handled it well at all so I understand what you are saying. Now it's my dad and my brothers, and I don't care as much what they think as I did with my mom. My mom would have disowned me, and I don't think I could have handled that at the time.
I've only been on T for a month now so not much in the way of changes to report, but I'm glad to be on it. Hope you are able to start soon. For me, that was a big part of really acknowledging who I want to be. 8)
I wish people would be more considerate about things like that. I'm not usually easily offended, either, but it does make it sort of uncomfortable thinking the people around you might not be comfortable with those who are trans*.
A coworker recently shared this pic that showed the checkboxes for male or female on FB and "meme" below those, which was checked. (Assuming you all know what memes are, haha). The text read, "I identify as a meme. If you can't accept me for who I am, you can unfollow my page." A joke, obviously. At first I was paranoid my coworker wasn't accepting of gender non-conforming individuals, but then I remembered that: 1) he was a staunch liberal who was unlikely to be anti trans*, at least compared to the rest of the community, and 2) he literally eats, sleeps, breathes, and bleeds memes. If he could spend all his time browsing and sharing memes, he would, so him sharing that a lot of sense. Pretty sure he wasn't trying to mock trans* individuals, but I have felt a little awkward around him since then.
Thankfully I don't believe I will lose my job over this. I'm still concerned to how my coworkers will respond to hormonal changes when I do start testosterone. I need to make sure I at least tell them all I identify as male before the changes get too obvious so I don't surprise anyone too badly, I think. I'm also concerned with how to tell my mother. I don't need her consent at my age, but I can imagine she'd be passive-aggressive and sarcastic about it if I told her. She sort of acts like I'm something to be ashamed of or like she thinks I'm going "through a phase." I am 26 years old; pretty sure it's
not a phase, and the feelings have been there much longer than my male presentation has.
Also concerned about where to get hormones. There's an informed consent clinic five hours away and a recommended endocrinologist who prescribes hormones maybe four hours away. In talking to my therapist this week, we decided two things: I would join a support group forum (which I have, here) and I would try calling those places just to see how they do things and potentially seek services. I may try calling tomorrow.
I have no idea which type of top surgery I'll need. I've been walking around for years thinking I was a C or D cup as that's what I'd been sized as years back, but I just measured not long ago and found that I was only a 34A?! :icon_blink: Not complaining, but not sure how that's possible! With a binder on, I'm apparently a AAA cup. My dysphoria must be pretty bad if I'm that off. I also wonder if my mildly elevated testosterone is part of this. My voice deepened ever so slightly and actually cracks occasionally, as well. Odd.
Anyway, I'm glad you're in a place where you can finally be comfortable transitioning! Will be excited to hear what kind of changes you see on T as well. :)
Haha, well congrats duuude :) Im glad youve got things going for you and you found a way to accept it in some way for yourself. Very few individuals apologize when they have done some wrongs, so that is also an awesome step in the right direction!
I, too, on some level do believe trans men are women, by sex, biologically. Although I would not use the word "woman" but rather, "female" which would be the biological description of someone born the way they were with certain amounts of sex traits that are dominating. So if you still have your perception of how you believe that's totally fine and I respect that.
However, to avoid any arguments in the future I would let other transmen understand it as they see fit, a little bit of "agree to disagree".
Congrats on the top surgery and the progress!
Hey there, I don't remember anything you said as hurtful. More than anything, it sounded self-defeating to me. But believe what you want about gender issues--I'm glad to hear that you're doing better. I started feeling better when I started accepting myself the way I am too. It's a powerful thing.