I wonder how many others have gone through this.
My trans is still undercover apart from some friends I have told.
Friends who were totally pro me at the time. You go for it! Make yourself happy theyd say.
Now I have been speaking to a doctor who is going to refer me to a gender specialist and hopefully push me through to hormones, they are suddenly cold. Like before was just a laugh but now I am serious (always was) they think I am making a mistake.
Its not all of them thankfully. The others are supportive as ever but gee, I am going to do something that will change my body shape and I am hoping settle my mind but I am still me.
I hope they come around but a bit upset by this
It's a common occurrence, Kairi. And I'm not sure why it happens. But you're not alone and it is saddening. :'(
Ahh, the fine line between friends and acquaintances. True friends will never let you down. Most people have one or two at best. They will go the extra mile, always be there. I have three lifetime friends that I would walk through hell for and they me. I know my nephew could not handle it well so I've left him out of the loop. Here's the deal. They have every right to their opinions. But they have no right to yours. Here is a great explanation of why we become us. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216703.msg1917966.html
It probably is just finally hitting home to them that this is actually happening.
It's easy to be supportive when it isn't effecting you but at some point it does have to hit home.
They are probably mourning, I know that may sound silly but I have been told that by people close to me. In my case her exact words were "It's like I'm losing my friend to this new person I don't know and that our old relationship was built on a lie."
It's easy to say "I am still the same person I am just going to be presenting as my true self" but to the people who know you it isn't always that easy to deal with.
It may have absolutely nothing to do with how Trans friendly or not a person is it's a lot to process for people and if they are really your friend they will come around with time.
Give them some time to deal with it in there own way and you may be surprised.
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You just be you Girl! F the rest! Some will be there for Your U and others won't. Like Dawn said friends won't let U down!
If your friends are male, and you're transitioning from male to female, the nature of your friendships will inevitably change to the point that they probably won't be genuine friendships anymore.
The old saying, "I am still the same person and will still be the same person after transition" is NOT true. That's just something that a lot of people, early in their transition, like to believe. You must realize that in changing your gender, you are also changing your role in society - and that will affect the nature of your friendships with other men. Men and women simply cannot be friends in the same way that men are friends with each other; there will always be a certain distance between them. Your male friends can already sense this coming and are distancing themselves from you (a woman) as is expected of them by societal norms.
Give them time. It's hard for people who care about you to imagine you in such a different way. But they need to understand that this is what will make you happy and fulfilled as a person. If they can't come to terms with that, they may not be such great friends..
All of my friends dropped me like a stone just because of me shaving my body hair & they don't even know about my gender issues, all the problems I,ve have I wish I never started now.
Quote from: echo7 on June 24, 2017, 06:14:04 PM
The old saying, "I am still the same person and will still be the same person after transition" is NOT true.
I would say "I am me. I haven't changed."
My friends would say, "no, you're different. Karyn is so much nicer, happier and friendlier."
Getting rid of the dysphoria changes you.
Hi Kairi!!!
Please excuse the laziness but, I posted along these same lines last night in the Post Op section and I am going to copy/paste from my response there because I think my thoughts may apply here as well!!...
I've told people when I do speaking engagements that starting transition is much like telling everyone closest to you, that you are climbing a huge mountain... Some may not want to make the journey with you....Others may try to climb with us with the best intention ...but find along the way, that their path is elsewhere and does not lead to the top where we are going... Bless them for being a part of your life and bid them safe travels... We can lose people along the way but new faces take their place to care for us and be cared for by us... this journey is about our connection to others and the world around us!!!... Have a good climb!!!
Onward we go brave girl!!!
Ashley :)
tgirlamc - even if thats copied and pasted it makes a lot of sense.
Ive lost friends due that old friend time, but its scary to think why they are.
that 'you go brave girl' way to make me cry infrony of people haha :)
Quote from: MissKairi on June 25, 2017, 11:05:06 AM
tgirlamc - even if thats copied and pasted it makes a lot of sense.
Ive lost friends due that old friend time, but its scary to think why they are.
that 'you go brave girl' way to make me cry infrony of people haha :)
All will be well Kairi :) Do what you need to do to make your life finally... Your own!
A :)
Quote from: coldHeart on June 24, 2017, 07:01:13 PM
All of my friends dropped me like a stone just because of me shaving my body hair & they don't even know about my gender issues, all the problems I,ve have I wish I never started now.
You don't really mean that. Problems can always be dealt with by reasonable people. In business we use the term BATNA best alternative to a negotiated agreement. So when we can't get what we want we are willing to take the next best thing. In our case, new friends with mutual interests. The best part. We live the lives we were meant to. Just like Congress obstruction and prejudice by your so called friends, will destroy you.
Quote from: coldHeart on June 24, 2017, 07:01:13 PM
All of my friends dropped me like a stone just because of me shaving my body hair & they don't even know about my gender issues, all the problems I,ve have I wish I never started now.
I'm so sorry to hear that! I have not had any comments about it at all, and without shaving I would be severely unhappy. Millions of people support you and also shave themselves, I think it's beautiful. I would give you a hug if I could! So take a long distance hug, we are here for you! Keep your journey!
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This is life and I don't know the reasons why this happens sometimes. All I know is that "me comes first" - this attitude you should maintain rather than caring about what friends might say, talk out of you or whatever.
This is all about you - and some old friends will remain, however you will gain new friends too.
It may come from a place of concern- being trans is a huge shift in life and people may think that because you never showed any signs before that maybe you're going through an identity crisis and your feelings are brand new and if you make the transition you'll regret it once you realized you're actually really not trans.
Of course, I don't know your friends, so I don't actually know.