Hi, I have been struggling with this lately my grs is still 6 months away but I have an immense fear of the surgery. Is there any people that lost their lives with this surgery? I am thinking of pulling out of it because of my fear of complications or in worst case scenario death. :embarrassed: I want to have a vagina badly but I don't want to risk my life to have one. Everything in my life is starting to go so much better and I have new great things to live for.
Hi Amore!!!
I had a lifelong fear of surgery... Now with over 30 hours worth under my belt, I think of it more like getting a pedicure!... Can you die?... Well,.. yes... But you can die crossing the street, driving to the store or slipping in the shower and we still do these things!
Complications of some degree happen all the time but they can be gotten through and are part of the process sometimes... I had a hemotoma that turned into a blood clot and blew out stitches along the bottom as well as heavy bleeding from dialation at first which was unnerving but, in the end... Everything healed well... Everything looks, feels and works like it should!!!
It is so easy to insert our fears into parts of the process we don't fully know yet so don't let fear rule you sister!!!... I suspect that if you backed out you would start feeling regret within about 5 seconds!!! :) We do what we need to do to get where we need to be!!! All will be well :)
I would be more than happy to discuss the process with you by PM if I can be of help, just let me know!!!
Onward we go brave sister!
Ashley :)
I also fear surgery because there is always a risk of death. You can probably find numbers on the internet but the thing to remember is that's the result for all surgeries including some people who had pretty bad health to start with. Most of the people who die in surgery were pretty risky to start with and surgery was a last attempt to extend their life. Of those of us who are healthy, in a good hospital, the risk is very low. The decision will be yours but try not to let it prevent you from having a full life.
I was also terrified, partly because I'd already had a few surgical procedures and know how much recovery sucks and that the pain after GCS was going to be worse than the orthopedic procedures I've been through. (OK, the fractured collarbone and repair surgery after were the worst acute pain I've ever experienced but the very different nature of weeks on end of lower level pain is a very different thing. The pain does go away and maybe some people are better at handling chronic or long term pain.
I was never concerned for my fundamental safety post op. Of course I had my fears over complications and had a couple but they were minor in the larger scheme of things.
Against that I had absolute confidence in my surgeon and I know from past experience that I heal well. This procedure has a very low rate of post operative bleeding and I don't know of anyone who's had long term health issues post op, let alone death. I think many complications can be mitigated by following post op instructions exactly. One thing I hear a lot of women doing is proceeding to larger dilators too soon. My doc doesn't have me moving on to #3 (green) until 6 months. I also think having more support after has to help. I went with a bare minimum - my GF solo for the first 10 days, after which I was pretty much on my own. More help would have been better.
My complications were: first, a tear in the stitches near the introitus (fairly common but I'm afraid I brought this on myself by walking some longer distances than I should have in my 3rd week post op. Second was a post op infection that I recognized early and which subsided within 24 hours of starting antibiotics. I'm very happy with the results, even if I'm not 100% healed at 8 weeks. I am mostly able to get on with my life at this point.
I am going to PAI with Dr Sutin. So far it is for the 6th of Jan 2018.
I had next to zero post op pain... I probably took a few Advil after leaving the hospital but that was about it... In my case, I felt more of what I would call some strong discomfort but not really much strong pain... My surgeon was Dr Bowers...
A :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 25, 2017, 12:05:05 PM
I had next to zero post op pain... I probably took a few Advil after leaving the hospital but that was about it... In my case, I felt more of what I would call some strong discomfort but not really much strong pain... My surgeon was Dr Bowers...
A :)
I hope I have no pain because I don't like pain maybe a bit of discomfort I can tolerate. I just have to prepare for this and my mind always wonders off to the worst case.
Quote from: Amoré on June 25, 2017, 01:39:01 PM
I hope I have no pain because I don't like pain maybe a bit of discomfort I can tolerate. I just have to prepare for this and my mind always wonders off to the worst case.
There is a lot of post op numbness that helps out I believe!... The numbness fades as time and healing do their thing!!!
With My GCS I was told I bleed very little. I was worried because I heard GCS is very blood intensive.
I have low blood pressure and low resting heart rate. During the operation they tried to raise my BP by giving me 4 leers of saline. Which blew out my electrolytes. My Bp went from 90/50 to 50-53 over 30-33. I was supposed to also have a BA ( I will have 7/17/2017) with my GCS which was postponed and 6 days later when I had my packing removed I had my labia majora stitched closed in an office procedure room.
They thought I had a heart attack but it was just very low electrolytes. A couple of bags of potassium ( talk about hurting, they mixed it with saline and iced my arm) and some big chalky wafers and my BP and heart rate went back to normal.
The doctors were super cautious; I was 54 when I had GCS. They have seen just about anything you can imagine in their OR and know when to stop and what to do when things happen. It was the Anesthesiologist that is responsible for maintaining my vitals not the surgeon. My surgeon (Dr. McGinn) stopped the operation when my vitals became unstable.
No one dies of SRS at PAI or anywhere else.
I expect you've read this post by Warlockmaker, but have a very careful look at why she chose PAI and the level of research she did; its most impressive. I think there's also some information in other posts of hers. PAI uses a top hospital and is as safe as it gets. Not that it matters - Dr Chettawut operates out of his own private clinic, not a hospital, and no one's died there either (and the place looks pretty questionable if you look at it on google streetview).
My wonderful surgeries SRS, BA and FFS at PAI Bangkok
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=204651.0
To put it in perspective you've got a greater than 1% chance of dying in a car accident. I bet you don't worry about that.
If I remember correctly there's a table with the rates of complications at PAI in Dr Preecha's recent paper. You can find the pdf if you search.
Male-to-female vaginoplasty: Preecha's surgical technique.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25356769
Its hard to compare that to anywhere else since its self reported and almost no one else publishes anything.
There's plenty of reasons you might choose one surgeon over another, but no real reason to really fear surgery.
There's a really good blog post here from someone who nearly cancelled SRS at the last moment due to fear.
https://lifesexperimentblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/05/what-i-couldve-done-differently-to-avoid-the-fear-and-anxiety-i-had/
Quote from: AnonyMs on June 25, 2017, 06:36:33 PM
No one dies of SRS at PAI or anywhere else.
I expect you've read this post by Warlockmaker, but have a very careful look at why she chose PAI and the level of research she did; its most impressive. I think there's also some information in other posts of hers. PAI uses a top hospital and is as safe as it gets. Not that it matters - Dr Chettawut operates out of his own private clinic, not a hospital, and no one's died there either (and the place looks pretty questionable if you look at it on google streetview).
My wonderful surgeries SRS, BA and FFS at PAI Bangkok
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=204651.0
To put it in perspective you've got a greater than 1% chance of dying in a car accident. I bet you don't worry about that.
If I remember correctly there's a table with the rates of complications at PAI in Dr Preecha's recent paper. You can find the pdf if you search.
Male-to-female vaginoplasty: Preecha's surgical technique.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25356769
Its hard to compare that to anywhere else since its self reported and almost no one else publishes anything.
There's plenty of reasons you might choose one surgeon over another, but no real reason to really fear surgery.
There's a really good blog post here from someone who nearly cancelled SRS at the last moment due to fear.
https://lifesexperimentblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/05/what-i-couldve-done-differently-to-avoid-the-fear-and-anxiety-i-had/
Thank you for the link it is really good info to have. I think I feel a bit better I will have to prepare mentally for this and I still have 6 months.
Amore,
I'm petrified of anything like that, and totally understand where you're coming from. I've not had any surgery to help transition, but I have had emergency surgery. I made sure that they knew of my allergies, and the sheer terror that I had - I had no option, it was do or die.
They provided some sedatives to help calm me (still wasn't enough, but, better than none), and the anaesthetist changed the whole drug order when she knew of my issues.
As a result, when I came round, I was ok, and the pain meds were given very regularly and kept on top of it. Don't be a martyr, and try to do without, you'll feel much more like yourself if you can keep the pain at bay by proper use of the meds.
Anxiety is to be expected I think, but I think you've got this and I know you can do it :)
Rowan
I guess there will always be fear in such a big op and I would take the tips on keeping to a well rounded pain meds regime. We are just waiting for the funds to clear then I can secure my surgery date with a deposit.
Is there any tips and tricks that I need to know and prepare for?
Here's a link to my amended list for pre & post op supplies, somewhat specific of course to my surgeon's instructions (Wittenberg).
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,221913.msg1990658.html#msg1990658
I built that starting with sites like Lynn Conway's, suggestions from here and 20:20 hindsight.
Hi Amore!
The part of it that can carry a lot of worry is the healing process... There are lots of little things you may go through that I have experienced and seen others experience that are expected parts of the process, that the surgeons don't mention. Thus opening the door to all sorts of unecessary stress you don't need during recovery!...
For example..." Why is my clitoris white? .... I had this and numerous girls have posted worries about it... It is normal and it resolves itself.... Surgeons should tell you to expect this so when you see it you are not alarmed !!!
Girls often worry that areas of healing are necrotic when they are not!... Read a lot and familiarize yourself well with the physical manifestations of healing ... It will save a lot of panic, fear and anxiety!!!!
Also, healing itself can make you feel a bit cut off from the world... You are such a slave to healing and the dialation schedule and so far outside your normal routine... Just be aware and be gentle with yourself...keep yourself in a good place and plan things to help pass time...Reading and TV bingeing good shows etc
All will be well girlfriend!!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 27, 2017, 09:54:08 AM
Hi Amore!
The part of it that can carry a lot of worry is the healing process... There are lots of little things you may go through that I have experienced and seen others experience that are expected parts of the process, that the surgeons don't mention. Thus opening the door to all sorts of unecessary stress you don't need during recovery!...
For example..." Why is my clitoris white? .... I had this and numerous girls have posted worries about it... It is normal and it resolves itself.... Surgeons should tell you to expect this so when you see it you are not alarmed !!!
Girls often worry that areas of healing are necrotic when they are not!... Read a lot and familiarize yourself well with the physical manifestations of healing ... It will save a lot of panic, fear and anxiety!!!!
Also, healing itself can make you feel a bit cut off from the world... You are such a slave to healing and the dialation schedule and so far outside your normal routine... Just be aware and be gentle with yourself...keep yourself in a good place and plan things to help pass time...Reading and TV bingeing good shows etc
All will be well girlfriend!!!!
Ashley :)
OMW I did not know that it sounds pretty scary to look at. How long does it take to heal up and how long before you can have sex?
Quote from: Amoré on June 27, 2017, 10:38:37 AM
OMW I did not know that it sounds pretty scary to look at. How long does it take to heal up and how long before you can have sex?
Hi Amore
If you mean healing time on the clitoris white appearance, I don't recall exactly... It just slowly diminishes... Dr Bowers said it is like a scab and I thought the appearance was like a little wet cotton ball.. Like the head of a cotton swab.... You may also see ends of the dissolvable stitches called poppers" inside the vagina looking like little string ends ... They can be unnerving too but no worries!!! All this stuff resolves!!!.... As far as overall healing... Things are getting pretty settled by the three month mark... You'll see continued settling and softening of the area for almost a year...
The one year mark is kind of cool because you really get a sense of feeling less " modified".. And really feel like you own all the changes and it's just " you" ... Almost like you have been like this always.... I was anxious to find out about my ability to orgasm and was able to at the 4 week mark despite a lot of post op numbness!!!....I don't recall exactly how long until my husband and I had intercourse the first time but I think it was about 3.5 months...
You will feel a lot of the old nerve pathways are still active in the beginning to the point where you'll feel something down there and it feels like... Oh!.. My scrotum itches!!!...the first few weeks I almost felt like my old anatomy was still there but sewn up tight under a flap of skin.. Eventually though everything just feels totally natural!!!!
All will be well sisiter!!!
Ashley :)
Quote from: tgirlamc on June 27, 2017, 11:50:07 AM
Hi Amore
If you mean healing time on the clitoris white appearance, I don't recall exactly... It just slowly diminishes... Dr Bowers said it is like a scab and I thought the appearance was like a little wet cotton ball.. Like the head of a cotton swab.... You may also see ends of the dissolvable stitches called poppers" inside the vagina looking like little string ends ... They can be unnerving too but no worries!!! All this stuff resolves!!!.... As far as overall healing... Things are getting pretty settled by the three month mark... You'll see continued settling and softening of the area for almost a year...
The one year mark is kind of cool because you really get a sense of feeling less " modified".. And really feel like you own all the changes and it's just " you" ... Almost like you have been like this always.... I was anxious to find out about my ability to orgasm and was able to at the 4 week mark despite a lot of post op numbness!!!....I don't recall exactly how long until my husband and I had intercourse the first time but I think it was about 3.5 months...
You will feel a lot of the old nerve pathways are still active in the beginning to the point where you'll feel something down there and it feels like... Oh!.. My scrotum itches!!!...the first few weeks I almost felt like my old anatomy was still there but sewn up tight under a flap of skin.. Eventually though everything just feels totally natural!!!!
All will be well sisiter!!!
Ashley :)
LOL that is one of the things I was wondering about does it still feel like your old anatomy is in place and what happens if you have a itch does your brain like tell you it is on you penis head but it is not there anymore?
It is a really strange feeling to reach down to scratch and there is nothing there!
About 3 or 4 months post op those feelings finally went away.
Quote from: Charley on June 28, 2017, 08:03:08 AM
It is a really strange feeling to reach down to scratch and there is nothing there!
About 3 or 4 months post op those feelings finally went away.
Thank you all for your honesty and sharing details with me. I hope I have a better idea of what to expect.
Quote from: Amoré on June 28, 2017, 03:46:31 AM
LOL that is one of the things I was wondering about does it still feel like your old anatomy is in place and what happens if you have a itch does your brain like tell you it is on you penis head but it is not there anymore?
G' Morning Amore!!!
I never had a feeling that the old anatomy was actually there other than that feeling for a couple weeks that it was tucked tightly and sewn up under a skin flap..
During healing as feeling is coming back and nerves wake back up from the trauma, you will have a lot of strange little itches and small electric shock sensations... For instance you might suddenly have an intense little itch that you associate with an exact spot you know to be the bottom of your scrotum ...but find it is now up inside your vagina and hard to directly scratch!!! ( I recommend patting the area ) Anyway... It is a healing adventure!!!!... It takes you far outside your normal routine so enjoy all that comes with the experience.... Most of all, the feeling of affirmation for conquering your fear and taking a bold step towards making your life exactly what you want it to be!!!!
All will be well!!!
Ashley :)
From the very first dilation I could feel the dilator pass the length of the skin that used to be outside. It was strangest and most sensitive at the full depth, formerly frenulum.
I actually feel it less now because it's no longer prickly/pain and simply rich sensation.
The clitoris, remains simply strange. It's far too sensitive to be pleasurable and surely still does feel like a the glans it once was but almost feels disembodied. However when I stroke nearby, the sensation is really pleasurable pressure and not very much localized.
Something amusing yesterday, I was sitting to pee and unusually had my focus on something other than my neovagina and caught myself reaching to shake droplets off of something of course no longer there. But that was habit, not sensation. Amusing and in retrospect not surprising -- I still sometimes misname myself also.
At 9 weeks, the most common sensation is still the twinges of nerves reconnecting. It's all good, the most intense sensation has been discovering my new sexuality.
Quote from: SadieBlake on June 28, 2017, 09:51:23 AM
From the very first dilation I could feel the dilator pass the length of the skin that used to be outside. It was strangest and most sensitive at the full depth, formerly frenulum.
I actually feel it less now because it's no longer prickly/pain and simply rich sensation.
The clitoris, remains simply strange. It's far too sensitive to be pleasurable and surely still does feel like a the glans it once was but almost feels disembodied. However when I stroke nearby, the sensation is really pleasurable pressure and not very much localized.
Something amusing yesterday, I was sitting to pee and unusually had my focus on something other than my neovagina and caught myself reaching to shake droplets off of something of course no longer there. But that was habit, not sensation. Amusing and in retrospect not surprising -- I still sometimes misname myself also.
At 9 weeks, the most common sensation is still the twinges of nerves reconnecting. It's all good, the most intense sensation has been discovering my new sexuality.
How was sitting down and things does it hurt or put pressure in that region?
Sitting on anything like a flat or even cushioned surface was pretty intolerable for me over the first 6 weeks and I had to intersperse sitting - even on the donut ring - with getting myself flat, more than a couple of hours incurred swelling and attendant pain.
At around 6 weeks I stopped needing the donut but sitting was still not comfortable and I'm still keeping a folded notebook to make sitting more comfortable -- I put that under one butt cheek. My labia aren't small and just still stand a bit proud, also I have an area that's being slow to finish healing.
So I can sit now but I'm not, for instance wanting to slide in and out of a seat. I expect the next couple of weeks will see improvements.
Quote from: SadieBlake on June 28, 2017, 01:16:30 PM
Sitting on anything like a flat or even cushioned surface was pretty intolerable for me over the first 6 weeks and I had to intersperse sitting - even on the donut ring - with getting myself flat, more than a couple of hours incurred swelling and attendant pain.
At around 6 weeks I stopped needing the donut but sitting was still not comfortable and I'm still keeping a folded notebook to make sitting more comfortable -- I put that under one butt cheek. My labia aren't small and just still stand a bit proud, also I have an area that's being slow to finish healing.
So I can sit now but I'm not, for instance wanting to slide in and out of a seat. I expect the next couple of weeks will see improvements.
Thank you so when would you say is a good time to return to work as I am a developer and it takes a lot of sitting.
I think it's really hard to know prior to surgery. There are plenty of women who report being fine getting back to work in 4 weeks however that's definitely the exception. I did my first day back at 5 weeks post op and until 8 weeks post op I needed to lay down at every opportunity to keep the pain in my labia down, fortunately that works well with the flow of blowing glass most days.
Were I you, I'd prepare my employer for the possibility of 2 months, or maybe arrange to spend a majority of your first few weeks back working from home.
And btw that's a terrible option for me as I'm self employed and don't get any paid time off or ahort term disability pay. All of the time not working and the first couple of weeks back that really haven't been productive are loss of income.
But again, refer to my good, bad, ugly thread. Throughout my first 6-7 weeks post op my immune system was really going nuts working to let go of the dead skin in the neovagina. Once that was shed everything improved hugely.
Quote from: SadieBlake on June 29, 2017, 02:58:08 AM
I think it's really hard to know prior to surgery. There are plenty of women who report being fine getting back to work in 4 weeks however that's definitely the exception. I did my first day back at 5 weeks post op and until 8 weeks post op I needed to lay down at every opportunity to keep the pain in my labia down, fortunately that works well with the flow of blowing glass most days.
Were I you, I'd prepare my employer for the possibility of 2 months, or maybe arrange to spend a majority of your first few weeks back working from home.
And btw that's a terrible option for me as I'm self employed and don't get any paid time off or ahort term disability pay. All of the time not working and the first couple of weeks back that really haven't been productive are loss of income.
But again, refer to my good, bad, ugly thread. Throughout my first 6-7 weeks post op my immune system was really going nuts working to let go of the dead skin in the neovagina. Once that was shed everything improved hugely.
Luckily I am also self employed now. But that is the trouble no work no income. It can set a project back two months if I can't work on it. I can take my laptop with to bed and lay down with it but I am getting a brick of a laptop now because I need a powerful machine.
I've heard of women doing IT work from their hospital beds in Thailand.
Bed or a recliner may be very helpful then