Possibly a long post, and a personal one at that.
As I've posted before on this site, Im very certain at this point I am trans. Since I was pre-pubescent, I always hoped to grow up looking like a girl, and that persisted right through till now, and most likely will for my life. I was facing personal difficulties on top of this, that has made it impossible to have faith in those around me and coming out was put off until I spent my time in University experimenting and exploring my gender. What I have found is something interesting.
I don't have a massive problem with presenting male, I do however, definitely wish I could express my feminine presentation on a significantly more regular basis without fear of being ostricized or having other problems (such as harrassment, being mistaken as a gay male) etc. I have become significantly more aware of gender roles and expectation over the last few years, and feel I know myself a lot better now because of it. In fact, some aspects of my male body I don't mind at all. I dont get dysphoric over my size or frame anymore, because I accept that it is what it is. I'm heavy set and a 5'8, 90kg tank, and it's actually helped me a lot with my passion (Im a competing Judo player on the UK circuit). I'll never be a dainty little thing, and probably wont be a super slim person again unless I stopped all activity.
I've spent a little period of time since speaking to the gender clinic that wont see me for another year trying to go back to presenting male (heck, even grown a goatee to try it) and it's made me realize that the best way to put it is I would prefer to be feminine, with female body to match what I feel I am, but for now I can live as a feminine male. I can deal with my body not being what I want it to be, and had I got a chance to do it all again and pick my birth sex, I'd have chosen to be a girl. That is also fine, I don't think either way is wrong, and I don't think transitioning is inherently wrong, but for me, transitioning will be an absolutely last resort.
A massive help to me, has been the acceptance of someone I know and love very dearly. I dated this girl back in uni on a casual basis (shes in the US Air Force now) but we stay in contact and stay very close. She's been supportive and understanding the whole way, and the fact I know someone can be that, I feel a lot better. I no longer feel the paralyzing fear of rejection when I know someone can accept me openly.
So yeah, it's not perfect, it never will be, but I've found hope in the acceptence of myself and acceptance from others of who I am. There is a lot more to my identity and as a person than being trans, and I can have a functioning life. Whatever tomorrow brings, I know it'll be the right thing for me
Congrats on coming to some sort of peace. I'm sure the waters will continue to shift as they always do, but I'll bet it feels good to be at peace for the time being.
Is your Air Force friend the only person you've told?
I am exactly where you are! I don't wish to transition. I believe I can accept that I would have preferred to be a woman, but I firmly believe that the anxieties, pressures and sadness arising from transitioning would be much worse than dealing with gender dysphoria. I don't at all look feminine and would not pass for a woman which would make me a target for societal discrimination and abuse. I would also lose so many important relationships, including my wife and dear friends. I am not sure how my three grown kids would react. I picture myself all alone, looking in a mirror and seeing a man dressed like a woman ~ and that's depressing! So, I can accept that I have gender dysphoria, but I need not let it control my emotions and life. I have come to realize that this is my life and I can choose to live it any way I wish. Instead of fixating on gender dysphoria, I choose to celebrate all the love I have in my life! It's a great way to be!
Quote from: baseballfan on June 27, 2017, 09:27:31 AM
Congrats on coming to some sort of peace. I'm sure the waters will continue to shift as they always do, but I'll bet it feels good to be at peace for the time being.
Hi Baseball Fan, it seems everyone on this forum always implies in their comments to non-transitioners that gender dysphoria will win out in the end and we can never find happiness unless we transition. That is quite presumptuous and only reflects your own experience.
Quote from: karenk1959 on June 27, 2017, 12:20:46 PM
Hi Baseball Fan, it seems everyone on this forum always implies in their comments to non-transitioners that gender dysphoria will win out in the end and we can never find happiness unless we transition. That is quite presumptuous and only reflects your own experience.
I'm not sure I quite consider myself a non-transitioner at this point, but I'm not on HRT and can be happy at any given moment.
The way I see it, some people have much worse dysphoria than me. Mine comes and goes. I sometimes am OK with just having a slightly androgynous look, and sometimes I do want to appear fully feminine but am not able to do that, so I do the best I can. I don't have a problem looking in the mirror and seeing a guy wearing feminine clothing and makeup though. I just think I look like an 80's rock star. It's not too much different than how I wanted to look back in the 80's when I wanted to be a rock star...
Quote from: karenk1959 on June 27, 2017, 12:20:46 PM
Hi Baseball Fan, it seems everyone on this forum always implies in their comments to non-transitioners that gender dysphoria will win out in the end and we can never find happiness unless we transition. That is quite presumptuous and only reflects your own experience.
Hi Karen,
I apologize if you found my comment presumptuous. I only meant to say that feelings tend to change with time. Not just with gender, but with just about everything. I am not as big a fan of the bands I liked when I was 15 for example. I am also a non-transitioner actually, and completely agree with what you said both in this post and the one before it. In fact, the way you wrote about your situation described my life in a way I could never put into words, so thank you for that!
:)
Quote from: karenk1959 on June 27, 2017, 12:20:46 PM
Hi Baseball Fan, it seems everyone on this forum always implies in their comments to non-transitioners that gender dysphoria will win out in the end and we can never find happiness unless we transition. That is quite presumptuous and only reflects your own experience.
I think it's standard when people experience something in common they project.
I had a member on here PM me accusing me of having a receding hairline and being overweight/too bulky/needing facial feminisation or I'd NEVER pass etc etc. This was someone who went on to tell me they HAD to be totally accepted by everyone as indisputably female or theyd never be happy.
Im more in an area where I dont need others views of me to justify my life so I dont care as much. I'll wear what I damn well please, express myself how I damn well please, and let others do them as long as they let me do me :)
Im sure nothing nasty was meant by Baseball fan's comment
I've named my dysphoria, and treat it like the attention seeking toddler it really is...
It's really helping :)
Rowan
All that matters is that you find peace, in any form or fashion.
Quote from: Sno on June 28, 2017, 04:46:53 PM
I've named my dysphoria, and treat it like the attention seeking toddler it really is...
It's really helping :)
Rowan
Haha, that is outstanding :)
Thanks! It's a technique I stumbled upon, when I was buried in psychology - I borrowed it from Pain Psychology for chronic pain... and so far, it's helping me greatly.
*whatever gets you through the night* lalalla..
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on June 28, 2017, 06:48:59 PM
Thanks! It's a technique I stumbled upon, when I was buried in psychology - I borrowed it from Pain Psychology for chronic pain... and so far, it's helping me greatly.
*whatever gets you through the night* lalalla..
Rowan
Im going to try that.
Quote from: jaybutterfly on June 28, 2017, 04:16:40 PM
I think it's standard when people experience something in common they project.
I had a member on here PM me accusing me of having a receding hairline and being overweight/too bulky/needing facial feminisation or I'd NEVER pass etc etc. This was someone who went on to tell me they HAD to be totally accepted by everyone as indisputably female or theyd never be happy.
Im more in an area where I dont need others views of me to justify my life so I dont care as much. I'll wear what I damn well please, express myself how I damn well please, and let others do them as long as they let me do me :)
Im sure nothing nasty was meant by Baseball fan's comment
If anything like this ever happens to you in PM, use the report to administrator button on the right of the PM. Send it to the forums administrator who is Cindy and it will be addressed. There is no excuse for bashing anybody in public or private and the issue will be addressed.
Hello,
I'm on HRT but I don't feel I have to change my body to be myself, The Estrogen helps me to feel more effeminate. I present myself as a woman most of the time. While I like myself and can even say I love myself, being a transwoman can feel like weakness. I can identify with the ostracism, it seems as though Transgenders have to prepare themselves for being completely independent of others, somehow others feel put off by their appearances. My mother is in a Nursing Home, and I never talk to my Brother anymore anyway, so I feel the time is now to start living my life with the intention of being and becoming a woman. It is really not a God question, but one of fulfilling and satisfying a psycho dynamic. It is like accepting a weakness to face my fear, but somehow just for today I can live with that. Thanks,
Robben Wendy