Coming out will be a culmination of a long series of events for me. The moment when I officially tell my parents will be 30 plus years of repressing myself being told to them. That i'm really a girl.
I read a lot what people said about coming out, writing letters to better organize things . picking the right time and place. Picking the right time for yourself. not showing up dressed as your preferred gender for the first time. being honest with them and yourself. Understanding that it will be tough no matter what.
But to come out just all at once seems sort of hard on people I care about. It is going to be a shock to them. I can't expect them to understand what took me so long to come to terms with in just one conversation.
Has anyone done anything that helped people they care about more gradually ease into the idea they are TS.
thanks!
Natalie
My parental units had a few phone sessions with my shrink and an ex was invited to sit in on a session (which she declined). Everyone else I just told and left it at that. I did find that giving space to people is a good thing and I had to let them know I was doing so for their benefit but wanted to hear from them. Out of everyone that I came out to only two sets of neighbors and two so called friends were "lost". YMMV.
I never said anything to most until right before transition. So my hair was long, ears were pierced, and I had been wearing femme clothing (jeans, some shirts, some shoes) that were boyish. Yes, most were surprised anyway.
Good luck!
Quote from: LostInTime on November 28, 2007, 02:35:36 PM
I never said anything to most until right before transition. So my hair was long, ears were pierced, and I had been wearing femme clothing (jeans, some shirts, some shoes) that were boyish. Yes, most were surprised anyway.
thats what i been doing lately. I'm hoping that sort of helps others gradually see my transition while i get to express myself the way i want to, guess i'll see if it works for me. my hair is longer now than it has ever been and it is colored now from dark brown to a reddish auburn color (that seems to be a diffrent shade every day...)
I went home for thanksgiving like this. we (12 of my close family and me) are all sitting down at the thanksgiving table having nice conversations. some else mentions something about my hair at the table. my pop loudly chimes in, "well if he (me) wanted red hair, I'd shot up his mother with red sperm." That was rude. I was taken back for a bit. But I be nice and tell him that was a very graphic way to say that. We don't talk much after that during that day. but i make sure to tell him that i still love him and give him a big hug before i leave.
it's going to be a rough road. i always knew that. but i know i got it in me to make this work.
thanks for the thoughts.
-natalie
.
Hi
I came out rather fast. Like one day all in town knew me as my other persona and the next day I emerged as Cindy. I had only lived there 2 years as my other persona, so that after a time no one even remembered who I was before.
As for family, well all I can say is that they appear to be the worst fickled of folks to work with. For me mostly all in family turned their back on me, preferring to pretend I don't exist. But that was ok, I transitioned on the job and was accepted there and during those past seven years I was accepted and had more friends then I ever did as my other self. Then I moved from there to go across country again to seek a place to hang my hat but i fear I don't have the stamina I use to have.
The road only gets rough if you seek it to be that way, it's your choice. Actually if you are an imaginative person you can make this an adventurous journey and you will find it not just amusing but also educational as well. Nobody is going to give you a hard time unless you happen to be in the wrong place in the company of some bad eggs.
I am real I am me, I am woman
Posted on: November 28, 2007, 10:41:54 PM
Sorry I nearly forgot to welcome you
Hi Natalie, and welcome to Susan's and I truly do pray that you find the answers, to you're questions from the good folks on this Board.
Cindy
Hi and welcome to Susan's!
My coming out was like an avalanche. There was no stopping it. I was full time within a few months of my coming out. It just seemed like once I let my real self have a little taste of freedom, I couldn't stop. The only slow part was coming out to my family. I live on the west coast and they are scattered from the mid-west to the east coast. I came out by mail ten years ago now. All but two of my siblings have seen me since then and I've spoken with the others by phone. No one seems to have a problem with me. I should have started a lot earlier than I did. On the other hand, life is good. :)
Karen Lyn
Quote from: cindybc on November 28, 2007, 10:44:51 PM
The road only gets rough if you seek it to be that way, it's your choice. Actually if you are an imaginative person you can make this an adventurous journey and you will find it not just amusing but also educational as well. Nobody is going to give you a hard time unless you happen to be in the wrong place in the company of some bad eggs.
i like that. it makes it sound like fun.
I know i got to watch myself being so negative. i'm my own worst critic and enemy. after years of beating myself down, it is work to be positive.
Natalie, I know where you are coming from, that was kind of a concern of mine. I started about 6 or 7 years ago doing things like having very, very trimmed eyebrows, wearing girl jeans, talking a little softer, things that would make my family think I was changing, but so that they really didn't know what was going on with me. My sister asked me like 5 years ago if I was gay and I just laughed and told her "Oh, no, I'm not gay." I thought I was going to be transitioning when I started changing my appearance a little but I found that after so many years, I think it just didn't completely shock them. I think you are doing this the way you feel comfortable and the fact that you are really thinking things through always helps too :) Meghan
By the time I told my wife's family, I'd already been on HRT for 6 months or so, my hair was getting longer, etc. So some of them pretty much guessed what I was about to say, and yet some were still surprised. But I never did the "Bill on friday, Betty on monday" sudden change thing, so I think THAT really helped ease everyone into what was happening. I just let the HRT do it's magic, and slooooowly evolved into Kate when no one was looking, lol. By the time I was fulltime, the whole issue was boring old news to everyone.
I came out by calling some people, telling some in person, and emailing others. Some people I sent a copy of "True Selves." Some I emailed a long explanation of GID I had written up. Some I showed my Carry Letter.
If I had a Do Over, I wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it. No one really cared about the details, they just wanted to know that I was happier and really wanted/needed to do this. I wouldn't explain GID, I wouldn't get into explanations of birth defects and all that justifying, apologetic stuff which just makes it sound like *I* don't believe it's OK to do. I'd just say, "I've been changing my sex for a few months now, I'm changing my name to Kate soon, and I'll be living as her for the rest of my life." If they then had reasonable questions about the process, I'd answer them. If they questioned my DOING the process, I'd politely avoid getting tangled up in that... it's not there place to question me.
Neighbors and professional contacts I didn't tell until it was pretty obvious what I was doing, so they knew already when I said, "Oh by the way, I'm Kate now." And none of them cared beyond congratulating me.
My own parents were impossible though. They hadn't seen me (still haven't), so there was no way to cushion it. After I told them, I sent them "True Selves." I don't think they read much of it. I try to discuss it, but neither of them wants to talk about it or see me. We talk on the phone, but we have to avoid The Subject.
~Kate~
At first, people were surprised. Then they gradually became familiar to my new image. Time will eventually answer it, but the road has been and will be bumpy. A lot of funny and frustrating events...
Barbie~~
i can't quite predict what will happen with my friends and family when the day comes.
But knowing that i gave it the best try that i could, means much to me.
i know this may sound simplistic. But...
i used to be under the delusion if you are TS you fell into some predefined mold. ie. you did this when you where a kid, and you have that personality, and at age XX you knew .
i really appreciated everyones stories and comments. it helps me realize how individual and personal all our experiences are. And even so, a lot is still shared.
thanks ;)
-natalie
Hi Kate. I really do so feel for you that your parents are being such loggerheads over your transitioning. It is a shame that they are missing the most important and possibly what could be your happiest time of your life and their as well just by being that part of your life. This is truly an awakening for us dear, where we come to see our true inner selves both in the spiritual and physical as one. Like a birthing into a new life.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi11.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa191%2Fcynthiag932%2Fangel37.jpg&hash=4bf2e1174a82efe6f0e4fb486ea2464e327c83cf)