This is a general "venting", random convo section right? I hope it is because here it goes.
Sooooooo...I won't bore your with the grueling details, but there's a woman in my life who has been there for almost 7 years. We've been together through the highs and lows, we've dated on and off since we were teenagers and it never ended well...
Well she's in my system hard...Even when I've been with other people, I miss HER, I crave HER, I dream about HER!
Well I started chatting with her recently because I wanted to send her flowers to let her know she was on my mind...I ended up spilling the beans before she even got her flowers and we discussed and apologized and then just talked.
We agreed that we would not rule out being romantic again one day but that it was best for both of us to take it slowly...
Fast forward...She spend some time at my place this weekend. We caught up. We had some deep coversation. We got drunk. We made out. We snuggled. She went back home....
Well...I understand we're trying to just be friends and take it slow, we've both established that we will never cease to have feelings for each other and it's really frustrating trying to take things slow.
I am really beating myself up over something ridiculous from last night. I was a bit intoxicated, though not much, and I was just going through my newsfeed on facebook...I passed two posts I thought were hers and was about to like and comment when I realized they weren't hers...Then I realized that my dumb ass is literally commenting on things that don't even interest me to prove that I'm interested in her....and my brain was like...."JUST TEXT HER 'I LOVE YOU'!" I shut it down real fast before my hands even had the chance to react to my thoughts, but I'm beating myself up over not doing it.............Yet I don't think it would have been a good idea. She knows I'm interested....and she's interested too...but like....UUUGGGGGGH. Why am I so dumb with this kind of stuff?????
Sorry to say welcome to manhood where you dont know the right thing to do and chicken out when it comes to girls. You want to say those words but you dont also want to respect the take it slow approach. Guys are rarely good in that situation. You sound exactly how I used to be, I think it is nerves. Guys never know how to express their feelings
Agree 100% with Natalie
Guys STINK at this.
In my case if the girl hadn't grabbed me and kissed me in my past I would have no idea she was interested in me and wouldn't dare push it.
So dude, you are well and truly a guy now...you're screwed haha :)
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on July 04, 2017, 08:54:23 PM
Sorry to say welcome to manhood where you dont know the right thing to do and chicken out when it comes to girls. You want to say those words but you dont also want to respect the take it slow approach. Guys are rarely good in that situation. You sound exactly how I used to be, I think it is nerves. Guys never know how to express their feelings
Quote from: MissKairi on July 05, 2017, 01:05:20 AM
Agree 100% with Natalie
Guys STINK at this.
In my case if the girl hadn't grabbed me and kissed me in my past I would have no idea she was interested in me and wouldn't dare push it.
So dude, you are well and truly a guy now...you're screwed haha :)
The messed up part is that I haven't even started T yet....But I've kind of always been this way.
It's much easier for me to express my feelings in written word rather than face to face, because I get really emotional and nervous.
Like when my higher ups at work talk to me about something, even if it's not something bad I just get nervous and tear up so they had to start giving me the "Don't get upset" disclaimer when they talk to me, which is hilarious and also really sweet of them...but still. I'm hoping once I do start T stuff like that won't be a problem.
I was worried about saying it because we haven't been back in touch for that long, but when she left on Saturday evening my apartment just felt so empty...While I was at work and she was sending me snaps of my dog laying on her while she watched Netflix something just felt so right. I haven't had someone to come home too in a long time, and even when I did it honestly wasn't as special as it should have been.
We're a ways off from living together because she has a year and half or two years left in school (COLLEGE!....disclaimer)....The odd part is, her and my most recent ex are now both living in my home state and now I'm in the next state over.
Me starting T is another reason we're taking things slow, because it can affect you mentally and I'd rather not rush in and then one of us get hurt because my brain functions differently. Maybe I should just write her a letter???? Then save it away until the moment just feels right?
(My gut tends to be spot on, on most things.)
Hi Mac. You know better than us how this girl will react. But in my opinion you should always tell someone if you have feelings for them. If they feel the same way then there you go. If not then at least you know and can move on. Starting testosterone has nothing to do with you being awkward with women. You're identity is male so its your nature that makes you awkward with girls. I think most guys are. From your posts I don't think you are as bad as some guys. Some guys are just total imbeciles when it comes to girls. There was a guy I thought was cute and I started talking to him. After a while he turned obnoxious and annoying and I got to the point where his being annoying far outweighed his being cute so I avoided him. So then I get a text from him and he tells me he likes me, etc,etc. That confused me. I ended up talking to my brother about it and he asked what kind of obnoxious stuff he was doing and after I told him he started laughing and told me he acted that way because he liked me. I've said this before and here it is again. Guys are TOTALLY WEIRD! I love them but it's impossible to understand why they do the stuff they do!
Julia
Mac, you sound just like most of the guys I have spoken to over the years. As far as being clueless on what to say (and when), you are 100% guy. Don't fret it. As long as you are able to take cues from her, things should be OK. If not, that's OK too. My husband has many of the same "problems" you are complaining about. I just had to be a bit more overt with my cues.
I think a letter is an excellent idea actually.
It's easy to throw words about or type a message but a handwritten letter takes time and effort so I say go for it but also remember as a guy you are kinda expected to make the first moves
As someone who never had much problem voicing my feelings for people to them... it doesn't necessarily make your life any easier if you do. All depends on what's appropriate for the situation and relationship. There are definitely times when I wish I'd kept schtum about my feelings and waited for cues from the other person first, or kept my cards off the table till then. Especially in a situation with an ex or on-off romantic partner when there may be some doublespeak involved.
I'd say women respond quite well to letters, though... compared to men. Might be worth a try.
Intoxication and texting.....Hmmmmm never works out terribly well. Good call on not doing it. You have know here for awhile so I am sure you can be honest and I am like to write that kind of stuff down in a personal card or letter. Gives me a chance to say what I want toi say in just the way I want.