Hi to all, I am a 60-something closeted M2F. Up until a couple years ago I used to post on Crossdressersdotcom, but then I tried to change my email address on their profile page (was getting too much spam on my email, so had deleted the email address they had for me). There was a big snafu and I couldn't get access to the site again. They did not respond to my repeated emails to the site admin, so I just gave up. I have been active on the He Wears Panties site and since I am in a minority there (there are some trans people on the site, but many just wear panties), someone there suggested this site (thanks Robyn).
I am in a long-term marriage, plan to stay in my marriage for multiple reasons, but my wife is non-accepting, and non supportive. She does know and accepts that I wear feminine underwear every day, and she knows that I have other women's clothes, but we have a DADT relationship. She knows that I dress when she is not around. I have told her that I believe that I am transgender, and have reassured her that I am not looking to transition and am not planning to leave her, but I have asked her for more openness in our relationship to discuss and learn about this. She refuses.
So, I am "in the closet" and lonely as far as my feminine self. I have never told anybody except online and except when I have had professional makeovers (4 times in 30 years). I hope to get support here and be a part of a community where I can be "Nancy." Thank you for listening. Nancy
Welcome Nancy!
You have found a great place here. :)
Quote from: NancyBalik on July 05, 2017, 08:49:51 AM
Hi to all, I am a 60-something closeted M2F. Up until a couple years ago I used to post on Crossdressersdotcom, but then I tried to change my email address on their profile page (was getting too much spam on my email, so had deleted the email address they had for me). There was a big snafu and I couldn't get access to the site again. They did not respond to my repeated emails to the site admin, so I just gave up. I have been active on the He Wears Panties site and since I am in a minority there (there are some trans people on the site, but many just wear panties), someone there suggested this site (thanks Robyn).
I am in a long-term marriage, plan to stay in my marriage for multiple reasons, but my wife is non-accepting, and non supportive. She does know and accepts that I wear feminine underwear every day, and she knows that I have other women's clothes, but we have a DADT relationship. She knows that I dress when she is not around. I have told her that I believe that I am transgender, and have reassured her that I am not looking to transition and am not planning to leave her, but I have asked her for more openness in our relationship to discuss and learn about this. She refuses.
So, I am "in the closet" and lonely as far as my feminine self. I have never told anybody except online and except when I have had professional makeovers (4 times in 30 years). I hope to get support here and be a part of a community where I can be "Nancy." Thank you for listening. Nancy
Hi Nancy
Welcome to Susan's. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I am glad you found us. You managed to slip through without getting a welcome, sorry about that :)
It does make it tough when you have to hide yourself continuously. I can see you have jumped in and started making a few posts which is the best way to meet some new people.
So you are able to get the very best from being here there are a couple of links we give to all our new members
Site Policies and Stuff to Remember (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
Regards
ElizabethK
Global Moderator
Please RememberDo not share anything on Susan's that you do not want to be public information.
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hi Nancy, welcome to Susan's Place! We face a lot of difficult choices. Deciding what we salvage and what we discard is hard. You have a partner who is at least somewhat accepting if not enthusiastic. You may be able to find a happy spot where your needs are met without crossing her boundaries. Or you may have to move forward and face the consequences of that. Only you can answer that. Get busy posting and I'll see you around the site. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Hello Nancy :)!!!, greetings from me, Ashley :)
Welcome, Nancy!
I'm relatively new here too, and so far it feels like a very accepting and supportive place. So, come on in, the water is fine!
Hi Nancy, and thank you so much for sharing. It's great you have been able to tell your desires to your wife and more about yourself - I can imagine the initial conversation was difficult but absolutely worth it. Honesty is always the best. If honesty backfires, then you know more than you did before.
Clothing is one of many ways to express gender identity. Since your wife knows but is not accepting or supportive, some additional things to consider: are there other things that aren't too radical that will improve how you feel about yourself, things where you don't owe anyone an explanation or permission. Taking good care of your skin - especially facial skin - is sensible for everyone but seems to be mostly a female habit.
Are you comfortable shaving facial hair, or do you want to tackle that in more depth? Men who shave off their beard are not considered transgender in most cultures, so... would your wife be ok if you try electrolysis? The cost isn't trivial and I don't think anyone can claim it's painless, but that might get you closer to what you want without interfering with your everyday appearance (other than initial clearing does cause redness in that area for a day or two).
You don't have to be lonely in this. By posting here you are part of a crowd. Depending on where you live, you might have access to weekly community meetings with transgender people - and in any normal, accepting group you should feel welcome to present yourself any way you want along the gender spectrum. Your wife probably has a circle of friends she enjoys spending time with and I'm sure you never objected to that. If she objects to your attending a transgender group meeting, you might gently remind her you have never blocked her social activities. And then go.
Thanks for the warm welcomes! I like the idea, Kendra, of finding other ways to express my femininity beyond clothing (although I think proceeding with electrolysis would blow the lid off things in my marriage). I do, btw, already do many tasks thought of as traditionally female, but since I don't think of these as "gender-specific" tasks (housework, domestic chores), I get no sense of femininity from those. My legs have been shaved Year-round for many years and my wife has come to accept this (I will wear long pants when we will be around certain people, but people really haven't seemed to notice.) I could increase my facial skin care--I like that idea! I'm open to other ways to express my femininity without being too blatant.
There are other complicating issues in my life and marriage that it is best that I not get into at this point that limit some of my options--some of these I expect I may share as I get more comfortable here--other details could make my situation too identifiable in this public forum. Suffice it to say that I will have to filter all suggestions through the reality of my own situation (which isn't to say that I don't appreciate any and all suggestions :-)). Thanks!!!!!
Hi Nancy :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M