Hey, I'm kinda new to all this and could really do with advice. I'm 22 and born male, never truly been comfortable with being male and have kind of cross dressed behind closed doors since I was young all through my teenage years (mainly just dresses and the like. ive very recently started using makeup, still trying to figure that one out...)but I've had enough of repressing it and now feel I want to embrace it. Im just struggling gaining the courage to come out to family and my doctor. Any advice for a poor girl?
Get to where you can get out and dress full-time experience that for a while at least a year if it's a good thing talk to your doctor start hormones and you'll be coached through the rest
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Welcome, Scarlett!
Coming out, especially for the first time is difficult. It will help to see a gender therapist, who can help you not only to sort out your own feelings, but also to strategize how to come out. However, your personal circumstances will determine whether this is the first step or not.
Being married, I did not have the option to see a therapist first. Going behind my wife's back would have been seen as a betrayal. So I came out to her first. And, yes, it was hard, very hard. But with moral support from the folks here, I did it.
You will be able to do it, too! What are your circumstances? Living with parents? Married? Kids? In university or college? Progressive workplace? All these things will influence what is the best strategy for coming out.
Thanks, A problem I'm having with going out dressed up is that I live in a fairly small community, I know a large amount of people in the town I live in and, as bad as this sounds, I'm worried someone will notice me before I get somewhere I'm comfortable as I'd have to take public transport.
Thank you :) I'm single with no children so that simplifies things a little. I'm living with family though which does make things hard at the moment. I kind of have a progressive job but I'm not too inclined to stay there.
One thing I did early on, was to go away for a weekend 'city break' to an LGBT friendly city (Manchester UK in my case) to see how being authentic for a few days felt.
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A weekend trip to Manchester could prove pretty good, I might have to plan something. Thank you :)
Hi everyyone--
I am a 54 yo mtf who recently came out to my therapist and psychiatrist. They were both quite supportive, espicially since I live in MS. Old habits down here are hard to break, and many people in my state view the trans community much like they saw African-American community during the Civil Rights movement. I have to say that African-Americans have made great strides in MS, despite our portrayal by the press, but we still havve a looooong way to . But I digress.
When I came out to my therapist and later my pspsychiatrist. It was a very liberating feeling. But since then it has become quite depressing, because I want to come out to EVERYONE, and I also want to start HRT. The problem is that I feel that I cannot come out to anyone because of my friends' and family's conservative attitudes. I am afraid that I will become estranged from my 3 children and subsequently my grandchildren. I really don't care about my wife, because our relationship is strained to the point of us sleeping in separate bedrooms. I hinted at divorce, but she doesn't reply. I would have already petitioned for divorce, but I recently had brain surgery, rendering me unable to drive.
I have reflected about coming out to my daughter, whose ideals are a bit more progressive. We have discussed trans issues before. While she is against the trans community, she is okay with LGB issues, which she accepts, though disagreeable with the concept (more progressive than other Mississippians). I even have tentatively selected a date to come out to her, July 22, when we are taking a little trip to see my cousin and aunt. But I have set set up times before, and didn't go through with it. I am just afraid that she may out me before I choose to tell others. I have, however, hinted around to her, so I think she may perceive that I'm trans. She's pretty intuitive.
So that is my conundrum. I feel like I'm dying inside. I attempted suicide 3X, and nearly was successful once (I actually died on the table). My being trans was not the only issue I was facing, but it definitely was a contributing factor. While I don't feel that I'm suicidal anymore, I know that it's still an option, though one I rarely entertain . I have to look for a reason every day that I shouldn't commit suicide, whether it be a beautiful sunset, or a field of wildflowers--just anything I know I would not be able to witness if I was dead. But on the rare occasions when I don't find something, I recede into my dark place and ponder reasons to and specific ways I can end my life. I talk to my therapist about this at length and we are working through this with much progress since my attempts.
So that it is my conundrum. When I asked my psychiatrist about HRT, he replied that it was out of his scope of expertise, and that I should perhaps seek a gender therapist. I can understand that. At least the guy was honest. We have a few in the Coastal area, (and even an LGBT suppport group), but both options are unattainable because I'm unable to drive. So I've outlined everything I can't do, but I am asking for you to spin the things outlined in a positive light--in other words adjust the ways I know that I can't do into things I can do. Thank you all for your input. My time clock is getting shorter. I just want to spend the remainder of my days as Whitney Alysse Young.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FRadRo5G.gif&hash=30f1eb9673d110ebd5e78f5f813c5475c6bef63b)
My advice is to come out to your doctor first.
They've seen it all before (and worse) and honestly, they are impersonal.
Tell them how you feel. The medical profession takes mental health just as serious as physical health.
Good luck :)
Scarlett,
Welcome to the site.
I would highly encourage you to see a therapist. A gender therapist would be better. They can even role play and help you approach this. I have found it is easier with each time I have done this.
Good luck.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
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Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Jacqui