Hi everyone--
I am a 54 mtf trans. I already have written one intro, but want to outline my progress and my problems I still face .who recently came out to my therapist and this forum. My therapist and my psychiatrist are both quite supportive, especially since I live in MS. Old habits down here are hard to break, and many people in my state view the trans community much like they saw African-American community during the Civil Rights movement. I have to say that African-Americans have made great strides in MS, despite our portrayal by the press, but we still have a looooong way to . But I digress.
When I came out to my therapist and later my psychiatrist, it was a very liberating feeling. But since then it has become quite depressing, because I want to come out to EVERYONE and I also want to start HRT. The problem is that I feel that I cannot come out to anyone because of my friends' and family's conservative attitudes. I am afraid that I will become estranged from my 3 children and subsequently my grandchildren. I don't much care about my wife, because are relationship is strained to the point of us sleeping in separate bedrooms. I hinted at divorce, but she doesn't reply. I would have already petitioned for divorce, but I recently had brain surgery,rendering me unable to drive.
I have reflected about coming out to my daughter, whose ideals are a bit more progressive. We have discussed trans issues before. While she is against the trans community, she is ok with LBG issues, which she she accepts, though disagreeable with the concept (at least more progressive than other Mississippians). I even have selected a date to come out to her, July 22, when we are taking a little trip to see my cousin and aunt. I am just afraid that she may out me before I choose to tell others. I have, however, hinted around to her, so I think she may perceive that I'm trans. She's pretty intuitive. So that is my conundrum.
I feel like I'm dying inside. I attempted suicide 3X, and nearly was successful. My being trans was not the only issue I was facing, but it definitely was a contributing factor. While I don't feel that I'm suicidal anymore, I know that it's still an option. I have to look for a reason every day that I shouldn't commit suicide, whether it be a beautiful sunset, or a field of wildflowers--just anything I know I would not be able to able to witness if I was dead. But when I don't find something, I recede into my dark place and look for specific ways TO end my life. I talk to my therapist about this at length and we are working through this with much progress since my attempts.
So that it is my conundrum. When I asked my psychiatrist about HRT, he replied that that it was out of his scope of expertise, and that I should perhaps seek a gender therapist. We have a few in the Coastal. area, (and even an LGBT support group), but both options are unattainable because I'm unable to drive. So I've outlined everything I can't do, but I am asking for you to spin the things outlined in a positive light--in other words adjust the ways I know that I can't do into things I can do. Thank you all for your input. My time clock is getting shorter. I just want to spend the remainder of my days as Whitney Alysse Young
This is the problem each of us who are older is facing. Should we tear apart all our previous life in order to become 50-something old woman, yet without a husband and children to support us when we will become older. This is why I suggest young ones to explore their gender feelings early on.
For you, my friend, I'd suggest not to load anyone but your therapists with more trouble (regardless whether they are progressive or conservative), unless you want to go out to all. Find yourself a way to vent your dysphoria out, whether you find another crossdresser in your city and meet in private once in a while, or go to a vacation now and then en femme. I used to go camping / hiking in dresses, knowing that no one in my community is a hiker, but it might be not the safest venue.
And if you cannot drive, you can have taxi, that's not an excuse
There are some things I can think of. Contact the LGBT group and see if there is somebody you can car pool with by contributing a few dollars toward travel expenses. As for a therapist, there are a few that work over Skype so you don't have to leave the comfort of your own home to have a therapy session. It's also possible you can go with informed consent however that is not available everywhere.
Thank you for the advice Dena and Elka. Taking a taxi and/or asking for rides to and from support groups are exceptoional options-- precisely what I need to turn the I cant's into I cans. If anyone has any other suggestions that you wish to share, it would be greatly appreciated.
Elke-I have one question: How old are you and when did you begin your journey?
Hi Whitney,
You have some challenges, but you also have many great things to look forward to.
I am sorry to hear your recent surgery has left you unable to drive - Dena and Elkie have good ideas. At some point in the future you might also consider your location. I imagine you want to remain near family and friends, but some cities have good public transportation in addition to transgender resources - sometimes within walking distance. Perhaps there is a creative solution where you can have a permanent home base closer to transportation and other things you need, and frequently visit friends and family you care about the most.
Coming out to your daughter two weeks from now will be an important milestone, and help you decide the best way to potentially approach interactions with the rest of your family.
I recommend you browse through the HRT board here - HRT is not strictly all-or-nothing for transition. Several members have been prescribed a low dose for emotional benefits with the goal of reduced or slower physical transition. I hope you can find a way to meet with an experienced gender therapist, and an endocrinologist.
Kendra
Welcome, Whitney!
You have come to the right place to help you find your way though becoming the real you. Many have done it before you, but of course, everyone has had problems unique to their life situation. Where there is a will, there is a way.
I will leave the guidance giving to those who have had more complicated lives than me and have found paths towards personal fulfillment.
You are not alone here.
I'm in my early 40s now, and I cannot say I started anything...
in fact, after being publicly out for a period of a year, I stopped it and that's where I am now... you know, speak now or never. I took the 'never' route for now, until my dysphoria leads me to total failure as a man and supporter of my family.
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Btw, I don't know where you live but sometimes public transportation is overlooked. I was able to move around by public transport in many major cities of USA
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Thank you all for the input. I feel like it's not a matter of if, but when and how. Of course you all caused the light bulb to go off again--public transportation! While sparse in my area, is still available. It's really a matter one of matching my needs to their inconsistent schedule.
I know my goal of HRT is a long way out, especially since I haven't yet seen a gender specialist. I do knnow that HRT is not an instantaneous fix phsiologically, but something that sometimes takes years. I also know that HRT may have more long-term more serious consequences. But its effects on the brain act, in most, considerably quicker. So enough of that. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
I have considered moving to another town about 12 miles away. It doesn't have public transportation, but it is closer to my therapist's and counselor's office. It's a virtual certainty that my wife and I are going to divorce. Oh we still love each other, but it is more of a platonic love, like two girlfriends. In fact we haven't had sex in pushing 4 years. That's fine by me. I have "other ways" to keep myself sated in that area without breaking my vows.
How did I get on THAT subject?
And then sometimes I just feel like taking the Sunset Limited to L.A. and north to San Francisco where nobody knows my name, and I can start a new life altogether, much like Julia Roberts did in Sleeping With the Enemy. But But I know that's just a pipe dream.
So you all have been so much help and I thank you all for your input. StillI would just LOVE to hear how other women feel about my situation while taking into consideration that I want to spend the remainder of my days as Whitney. That part of me grows stronger every day, if not every hour. Thank you all for your past and future input.
Hi Whitney
I do hope you can work these issues out and please do not harm yourself
A couple of folks have given some pretty good advise, I sure something will turn up
Hugs