Well I should to to the ladies on here more often, went to my first LBGT meeting to met all the other different Pep's my escort was a lovely young lesbian who I tried her best to farm my nerves, firstly what do I wear! I had a brain wave I,ve had enough of hiding in the shadows so right I,m going full female ( remember I don't even go out presenting as a male) so when the time came stuck on a pair of long boots legging little black mini & a newly brought fluffy black jumper then my make cloths on top, by the the time my lift had arrived I was sweating buckets due to all the clothing & nerves.
Arrived at the meeting no were to park " you don't mind walking a little" said my taxi right I thought its do or die so off came the nasty male clothes & off down through a busy town I walked as Sara & not a strange look.
Every one at the meeting was amazing & one or two funny stories, was told I was passable (still don't believe that) got back home , my god people in the street! But gt out of the car & just walk to my house still in the girlie look in fact a full 24 hours.
Stepped in side & the ex wife was stood there looking at me (still live in same house😞) "you went outside looking like that!" Came a remark " yes I did why got a problem " I replied.
So in the last 24 hours I've gone from recluse to in the open SARA my confidence has for the moment hit the roof, tomorrow I think I will start to sort out my male clothing ready for the charity ships.
Sara.
What a change over about three weeks ago. I am glad you are on your way and there will be no stopping you now.
Way to go, Sara! What a success!
Whoa! Awesome! It's amazing what can happen when we let go of fear controlling us.
You are inspirational 8)
Now sit back and reflect on all the good feelings this came with. Ingrain them into your memory. You just made a huge deposit in your "feel fantastic" bank account. Whenever you starting feeling down again ( it will happen) you can make a withdrawal and give yourself a 'feel fantastic' boost.
Wow good for you girl. Sadly there will always be those who put us down because they can't stand to see us happy as our authentic selves (spouses and ex-spouses are particularly good at that). Glad you stood your ground, held your head high and didn't let her detract from your enjoyment of your day.
Way to go Sara! Like Alyssa said, glad you didn't let the ex get you down. She sounds like a peach. Anyways, so happy for you girl!
Wow what a nice post to come back to after two weeks away. I am way happy for you. You look great. Don't hide no more, okay?
Moni
Oh my goodness, reading your post made me smile. I'm so happy for you. Facing those fears is the worst. I have to say, you handled your ex's comments perfectly. Don't let her get to you. You are blossoming and she may not like to see that happiness in you. Keep going!
Wow, I am jealous. Kudos, you are a stronger woman than I am! Way to go!
Dear Sara!!!! ...
You have no idea how happy I am to see your post!!!... Congrats on holding on through the dark days and nights... Congrats on finding the courage and hope within yourself to move forward...Congrats on standing this day at the beginning of a life that will finally be your own...
Onward you go brave sister!!!!
Hugs and Much Love!!!
Ashley Marie :)
A few of you girls kept trying to get me to hold on jut a little bit longer I'm so glad I did.
Now I just need to keep building up my confidence, it was so surreal Walking down a busy street as me & if any one did turn & look I never see any body & I did not care.
Thanks you girls who kept kicking my butt, I will keep you all post on the next outing.
Sara
Quote from: coldHeart on July 12, 2017, 06:22:08 AM
A few of you girls kept trying to get me to hold on jut a little bit longer I'm so glad I did.
Now I just need to keep building up my confidence, it was so surreal Walking down a busy street as me & if any one did turn & look I never see any body & I did not care.
Thanks you girls who kept kicking my butt, I will keep you all post on the next outing.
Sara
What if someone would turn and look? Would you hide back in your cave, or would you be bold and proud and say - I have as much rights to be me as you have rights to be you, or more?
Quote from: coldHeart on July 12, 2017, 06:22:08 AM
A few of you girls kept trying to get me to hold on jut a little bit longer I'm so glad I did.
Now I just need to keep building up my confidence, it was so surreal Walking down a busy street as me & if any one did turn & look I never see any body & I did not care.
Thanks you girls who kept kicking my butt, I will keep you all post on the next outing.
Sara
I'm looking forward to every bit you want to share with us as your new life unfolds and blossoms!!! Amazing things lay ahead my dear sister!!! Enjoy every moment!!!
Hugs and Love!!!
Ashley :)
That's is so awesome! I can't wait to experience that.. oh how I would love to go out as my true self and pass..I think it would be the most amazing feeling I could ever have.. I have a way to go before I can even attempt that but I will get there one step at a time
Just turned on the laptop, painted my nails plum!!! and what do I find---- go girl go. Just what I have found no one cares apart from wife and kids . So what , put up or shut up. Wish I could find a lgbt by me I would so be down there in my best frock and make up. Now maybe we can se a selfie ?
Yes!! You rock Sara! I knew you could do it! It feels so liberating to go out as our true selves, doesn't it? I don't get the opportunity to do so all that often (I live in a pretty dangerous town for lgbtq people), but it always feels fantastic when I do.
Congratulations!!!
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Nice one Sara! An amazing step forward and how fantastic to see such a change from a couple of weeks ago
Wonderful news Sara :) I'm so glad you managed to get to where you needed to be and found your people. As for walking through the town as yourself, well that's just awesome news. :icon_rockon:
Peace an love and all that good stuff,
Sadie
I was really so worry on the journey to the meeting that perhaps it was a mistake but when we pulled up I thought its now or never, if some one had made a remark I was so buzzing at the time I would of laugh it off it was such a high just walking do the high street, I suppose my petite size helps me a lot.
To day was a fashion let down as I had lots to do on my motor bike's so no heels.
But had a strange evening talking to my ex wife, she asked " did you wear any make up yesterday!" I thought this odd at first as we both walked into one another when I got home any way I replied "no why!" Waiting for some sarky remark back " If your are going to go out without no make up on a least let me help you & show you for best results " I almost felt my knees go was she really offering to help me out, then going a step further " you need to to a fashion walk in front of me so I can tell you if the clothes you are wearing suits you" mmmm what is she up too or is she slowly coming round!
Any way its been too much excitement for one girl so I now need to lye down in a dark room for a day or two.
But it goes to prove if some one as weak as me can do it so can you.
Sara x
Wow, you aren't her sex partner any more, but she remains your friend. That's wonderful!
And many girls feel going with no makeup is to a degree similar to going naked. In fact, some cultures at some point in time demanded women to wear makeup when out in public
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Sara!!!
Sounds like some unexpected pieces of the puzzle are falling into place nicely!!!... Must be all the positive energy you are radiating sister!!!... I had an uncanny amount of that in my life as well... As soon as I decided to transition everything just started falling into place...let this serve as reassurance you are moving in the right direction and all will be well :)
Hugs!
Ashley :)
Quote from: coldHeart on July 12, 2017, 05:56:30 PM
I was really so worry on the journey to the meeting that perhaps it was a mistake but when we pulled up I thought its now or never, if some one had made a remark I was so buzzing at the time I would of laugh it off it was such a high just walking do the high street, I suppose my petite size helps me a lot.
To day was a fashion let down as I had lots to do on my motor bike's so no heels.
But had a strange evening talking to my ex wife, she asked " did you wear any make up yesterday!" I thought this odd at first as we both walked into one another when I got home any way I replied "no why!" Waiting for some sarky remark back " If your are going to go out without no make up on a least let me help you & show you for best results " I almost felt my knees go was she really offering to help me out, then going a step further " you need to to a fashion walk in front of me so I can tell you if the clothes you are wearing suits you" mmmm what is she up too or is she slowly coming round!
Any way its been too much excitement for one girl so I now need to lye down in a dark room for a day or two.
But it goes to prove if some one as weak as me can do it so can you.
Sara x
Sara,
I want to fuss at you first. Don't you ever scare us like that again young lady. We were so worried.
Now I can say how wonderful it is to see how far you have come. I love it. Stay positive Girl and no one will keep you down. It does sound like she is coming around some. Being friends is at least a good start. Give her time, she may be evolving.
Moni
So working on your Mcycle , watching Café Racer at the moment. Having built 4 drag bikes for my youngest I find it very interesting. What bike do you have?
A Yamaha & KTM Davina probably is I find wearing a helmet too long play's hell with you hair.
Sara
Congratulations Sara, way to go. Keep it up. I am very happy for you.
OMG Sara I haven't read all this thread but I am soooo glad you went to that meeting and that it sounds like it turned out so well for you. Now I have to read the rest of it.
Hugs,
Laurie
Wish I had that hair problem, Youngest has a R1 that I helped to get roadworthy. Got any more adventures planed?
Sara! I just spotted this and I am so damn proud of you. YES!!!
I'm really happy for you, Sara! You've come a long way!
Didn't I say it the last week seems like a dream well I,ve just woken up! I have made a big mistake
Quote from: coldHeart on July 15, 2017, 05:39:26 PM
Didn't I say it the last week seems like a dream well I,ve just woken up! I have made a big mistake
No you haven't Sara!!!! ... Transforming a life can be an overwhelming and scary process at times but all obstacles and fears can be handled!!! All of us here are hungry to help you get to where you want to be... Please stay with us and fight for what you need!!! We will stand beside you the whole way ... Read the PM reply I sent you and PLEASE do NOT delete your account here!!!! Don't turn your back on what is possible with help from your sisters!!!!
Hugs and Love!!!
Ashley 🌻
Quote from: coldHeart on July 15, 2017, 05:39:26 PM
Didn't I say it the last week seems like a dream well I,ve just woken up! I have made a big mistake
Hi Sara,
What the heck are you talking about? Made a mistake? No my dear, you going out to that meeting and the good posts you have made after are by no means a mistake. You proved you can do it and feel great about doing it. Don't you dare back off now. There is only one way to go from here now that you have had a taste of it and that my dear friend is forward. You let your setback have too much sway of you, when you should let those go and focus on the dreams.
Look at what I just did. I left home in search of myself and a month later of visiting with others like me and living as a woman I found myself and Laurie has come home. This trip has done wonders to help me accept myself. So much I may even have started full time. At least that is what I am going to be trying. That my dear Sara is not who left here a month ago.
Our world changes with what we do. We all struggle to find and accept who we are in the beginning. Some of us are not who we thought we were but are more and better than we can imagine. Our trials and challenges cause us to grow, to investigate and to discover who we are. It isn't an easy road for any of us. But it is a road we need to take so we can evolve into who we really are. And you my dear are Sara. You are meant to be Sara and if you don't give up you will be Sara. Come on sister, fight for it, fight for your dreams. We can help you but only if you are here for us and let us know what you struggle with. You can do it girl. I know you can because I am doing it myself. My struggles may not seem as dire as yours are but they are still struggles. Come fight them with me and all the others that struggle. That's what we are here in these forums for, to get help and to help others with whatever struggles we have.
Loves ya Sara.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: coldHeart on July 15, 2017, 05:39:26 PM
Didn't I say it the last week seems like a dream well I,ve just woken up! I have made a big mistake
Sara,
I am going to join in the love coming your way. I sent you a PM as well. Please stay with us and talk to at least one of us. We care about you and want the best for you.
Love,
Moni
Sara! I just spotted this and... NO!!!
Please - you are precious, we all want you to experience more of the happiness you found being out and about as yourself Sara. It isn't always easy and you might feel an initial hesitation or second thought. Close your eyes and think of how you felt boldly walking to that meeting, you literally owned it. You deserve to feel good about yourself, because you are.
Sara!! You CAN do this! You KNOW you can do this! Just remember how good it felt to be the real you!
Yes, this is hard! This is the hardest thing any of us have ever done in our lives, so we have to be strong. You're stronger than you think you are. You proved that yourself by going to that meeting!
We're all here for you, girl! Stay strong!
Sorry Ladies/guys but I am just totally broken & lost!
Sara I wish I was just down the street and could drive or walk over. You need a hug, and understanding.
The young lady who was at that milestone meeting with you - perhaps you can talk to her? She might be very confident but quite possibly faced similar struggles in her past.
You can call any time, I will PM my phone. If important (and you are), don't worry what time it is where I am.
You might feel lost right now but you are not lost. You are here.
Quote from: coldHeart on July 16, 2017, 10:51:22 AM
Sorry Ladies/guys but I am just totally broken & lost!
My Dear Sister Sara,
I am going to answer some of the things in your PM here so that all of us here that care deeply to see you through this period can offer loving viewpoint from their own experience...
The most important thing you said to me were the closing words... " I want to carry on "....This is the stuff of success... The desire to move forward because we sense that better things lay ahead...
Yes... I am happy in a very real sense in my life as most of us here living our authentic lives are... All of us fought hard to get to the point we are at... We fought the demons you find yourself facing right now and we therefore know that they can be defeated ... That's what we want to help you do so you can join us on the other side of the darkness!!!!... How many of us felt passable going into this?... Likely none of us or next to none... Most of us, including me, still don't feel passable much of the time or at all....This doesn't stop us from being happy... In truth, it is a small part of what this is all about...
This is a journey of 1000 steps but, all we have to deal with right now are a few baby steps... The rest will come in time... You are overloaded with worry right now and need to clear your mind... Let's set this stuff aside for a minute and get some much needed sleep... Lack of sleep makes everything seem overwhelming....we will then take a few deep breaths and plot a course forward together....
Everyone here wants to see you through to success and we will stand by you!!!... Let's get you to your next support group!... Let's get you in touch with some of the members of the group outside the meetings so you have local support... Let's make moves towards HRT because it will probably do wonders for you and give you peace... If money is the obstacle to HRT then let's find a way around that!... Let's start you a Go Fund Me account or something to get things rolling!...
Small steps in the right direction will get get you far sister... Let's point you in the right direction and start planning the first small steps...no need to worry about the others yet... Just know that we will be walking there beside you!!!
Hugs and Love,
Ashley ❤️🌻