TW: Death and loss
I don't know if this is the right place to put it, but given that I'm angry, I guess it's a good place....
On Tuesday night I found out that my 32 year old, expecting aunt passed away suddenly.
Her boyfriend woke up for work and found her face down on the couch, the was no warning whatsoever......He called the cops and tried to resuscitate her but it was too late.
All she wanted in life was to be a mother....She has suffered from heart problems from a young age, she had a mummer when she was younger, then was diagnosed with AFIB. She had an ablation last year to fix the AFIB....but it was a pulmonary embolism that ultimately took her life.
Her and her ex Husband, who is an amazing man, got divorced because she wanted to be a mother and he was scared for her to be pregnant, he was afraid it would kill her, and ultimately it did. Everything was fine, they were both doing well, her and the baby were perfectly healthy during the whole pregnancy and she was due next month.
She was more like a sister to me and my cousin Nathan, growing up, because we were always with my grandmother. This is grandad's only child (he's our step grandfather), my mom's youngest sister and my grandmother's youngest child....There are rapists and murders walking around in perfect health and my aunt Stephanie was taken away from me, her and Baby Ryker.
She moved to Montana at the beginning of the year, and my entire family (save for me) is in Alabama....This includes most of her boyfriend Scott's family as well.
Because of her age and seemingly perfect health it was required for her to be sent to the state for an autopsy. They had to remove the baby, and according to suspicious bruising, (probably from Scott trying to resuscitate her), we don't believe he did it, he's not a violent person at all, she still hasn't been sent to the funeral home to be embalmed, which she has to be before they can transport her back to Alabama. Scott is in questioning, their apartment is being searched and investigated, and we don't even know when we will have her back.
Luckily we have received a LOT of support, which I am truly thankful for...Family friends have donated money, our gofundme has raised almost $3000 of our $4000 goal and her ex husband has given our family another $1000.
Today my mother and I had to shop for something for her to be buried in and it was extremely hard....
My grandparents are pitiful and my mother and I are the only reason the other is not a complete wreck. My cousins and I are getting matching tattoos next month for her and Ryker.....
I am so angry and lost over this and whatever shred of faith I had left in God is gone.
I am in shock and utter disbelief.
However, the amount of support we have received is jaw dropping....My grandparents church family have been very supportive and helpful. All of our old family friends are doing all they can to assist and be there for us. The funeral director here at the funeral home we will be using in Alabama is handling EVERYTHING and is going to bill my grandparents in the easiest possible way, so right now we're worried about the burying expenses and transportation for her and Ryker back to Alabama....We've received so much love and assistance, but it doesn't make the pain go away, it just made it a little less stressful because a lot of the stuff we thought we were going to have to handle is being taken care of. Everyone's work, including mine is being very helpful and understanding.
We are not prepared to handle these sorts of things. Our family does not handle sudden loss or change well and this is a big loss and change for us all......We're so devastated...Scott is devastated, her ex husband is devastated, I have never seen my grandfather cry, and I have never seen my grandmother cry like this....
I didn't even tell her I loved her...The last conversation we had was me catching up on her pregnancy and telling her I was pursuing transition...I didn't even respond to her last text message. I never thought that would be the last time we spoke. I never thought that the day she left for Montana would be the last time I would see her. I never thought we'd lose her, not like this....
Big hug! Sorry about your loss, hon. Life is short and fragile, in this case too short. Cherish your memories of her, they'll never leave you.
Hugs, Devlyn
Sorry you have to go through this. I lost my Mom to a drunk driver that admitted to having 13 beers prior to running her over. It was sudden and left my disabled father to fend for himself. I lived in a 20ft travel trailer in my inlaws back yard. It's easy to say Why don't you just move on. I wish it was. I ended up trying to self medicate the loss. It did not work. Whatever you do. Please, please please don't head down that road. You are among friends here if you need to vent, we are here.
Dawn
I'm so very sorry for you loss Steven.
I am so sorry for your loss and for it to be so sudden. I hope you and your family are healed soon
I'm sorry for your loss. I know we don't know each other, but my thoughts are with you; it's always hard to lose a loved one, and to lose a loved one so suddenly and in such circumstances must be very very hard. I don't have much words for situations like this but I'm hoping all the best for you and your family.
So sorry to hear this :(. I lost my mum at 7 due to cancer and it's hard not to feel cheated about how many more years we could have spent together.
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all of the condolences and I'll pass them to my family. We still don't even have her back in Alabama. According to my grandparents she'll be shipped back without her heart...They didn't find a pulmonary embolism so they couldn't find a cause of death...
It's not looking good for Scott, but still just can't believe that he'd do such a thing...As much as we would love someone or something to blame, we just can't see that he would be capable of it.
Apparently she was dead for 6 hours before he found her. He told the horrific details to my mother, who refuses to pass them on....Scott is really shook up and is probably going to have to go through therapy from how traumatizing it apparently was.
Apparently because she'd been passed for 6 hours the baby is not in a view-able state, so we will not be able to see him.
The nearest airport from them is like 300 miles away so we may not have her body back until Monday or Tuesday, and we're so ready for all of this to just be over with.
Sending strength and warm thoughts to you and yours.
Hugs, Devlyn
There is already enough grief without adding further that it could have been someone who was close to her. My heart goes out to you all.
Hugs
Liz
That is definitely devastating. I lost my mother at a young age and along with it I lost my faith in god. It didn't make any sense any more to me.
It's a tough time for you all, I can understand. Stay strong.
I am just now reading this, and I am so sorry. My condolences - I wish I was there to give you a hug.
Thank you so much everyone. I'm finally back home in Georgia and it was hard to leave my family. Apparently even out of my grandparents, I'm the one who's taken it the hardest.
My Therapist said I'm actually doing really good....And my "not-girlfriend" visited this weekend to give me support and keep my distracted. She also does Tarot reading and we did a loss spread last night which offered me a lot of peace and comfort, it was really therapeutic and while I'm still grieving, I feel a LOT more at peace.
I am determined to grow....even if I never fully heal and I do feel that emptiness for the rest of life I am determined to live my life, follow my dreams, cherish those that I have while I have them and find my own faith. I am really excited to move forward, even if this is a hard loss. I was so concerned about "forgetting" her and feeling so guilty about moving forward and living my life...But I am going to try to include her memory into anything I do.
I am going to follow my dream of becoming a police officer....And hopefully K9 Unit and then detective.
I am going to learn how to play the guitar like I always wanted.
And I am just going to live and laugh and make memories, and let bygones by bygones....
Even those of my family whom I've had a hard time with, I feel nothing but love for them right now and it's like any bad blood we had never existed. (Except my Biological father, but he's pretty much a stranger to me, so he can rot in hell for all I care.....Awful, I know, but I'm vindictive. Even if I fully forgave him for the crappy human he is, I would still hate him for the crappy human he is.)
ANYWAY. I will stop rambling.
Thank you all so much for you condolences and support.
I love this place and I love you all. <3
I'm so sorry for your loss! I know it's really hard, and probably not what you want to hear, but eventually you will get better and be able to look back at her fondly, and just remember the good times. I lost my father when I was only 7, very sudden too.
Just last month I lost my uncle (my dad's youngest brother), completely out of the blue due to a brain haemorrhage. He was cremated on my birthday, and I took his passing pretty hard, probably because of that even more.
It's 'funny' how these events can bring family close again, huh? My family and I (+my mum and brother) haven't been close in years, but since June, we've been much more in touch again. It's often the loss of a family member that makes you REMEMBER who your family is, I guess. Reminds you that even though they're not perfect, in a lot of cases, they're not so bad either, and you don't want to lose them.
That is absolutely terrible. So sorry for your loss