I had just made up my mind few days ago. I had chosen my SRS surgeon and my therapist for HRT. I think that this is two important steps in my transition. I was relaxed and feel less dysphoria. I can put more attention at my work and have more time to collect information for other steps.
Freedom
It has calmed me down tremendously and helped me to get through some great family stress. I am the usual "I knew I should have been a girl at a very young age" story. Now slowly "changing into a woman (through HRT)" ::) has brought a new peacefulness to my mind that nothing else in my life has. I am excited about the future and the continuing changes...
Every time I make up my mind to do the next step I find I don't need to do it anymore.
For me, there was a great sense of relief that I was finally going to be my true self.
On the other hand, I had to make a conscience decision as to what I was willing to give up in terms of family relationships and financial costs to proceed with transition. No surprises here. I thought it out carefully for over 50 years.
I think that once we have a path charted for ourselves, some planning done and decisions made, that there is a sense of relief. We now have some certainty looking forward. We have a path to proceed on, and are in motion, which can bring us calm and some inner peace.
I know I felt better once I stepped onto my path and stopped running in circles.
I have been playing it by ear so to speak. I did not have a problem at all with obtaining my first HRT supplies and actually starting to take them. But each and every step I've taken since then has been a bit of a problem for me. Though I have never felt what I was doing was wrong I did fear things becoming permanent and each step I took felt that it was. Telling my doctors, talking to a psychiatrist then a gender therapist, coming out to family and friends. All were met with fear and insecurity, Doubts about who I am dogged me.
Talking to others here and my therapist helped be get past some of the issues yet doubts about my being trans enough still persisted even as mt breasts grew to become one of those scary irreversible things I feared. The main problem was that I had yet to actually accept myself as trans. I hadn't given myself permission to be me. A little trip across country meeting with other trans folk helped me with that. Somewhere in that month I learn it was okay to be me and it was okay to be trans just like all those I met.
Making the decision to start my transition was easy and it wasn't what set me free. Finding that self acceptance and giving myself permission to live my life as I needed to all my life, was. I'm a trans-woman and it is finally okay.
Hugs,
Laurie
When I decided to do it, it brought about panic and impatience, it was a race to stop becoming a "man" as quickly as possible.
I searched and searched for where to get HRT fast and when I found it, between the current time and my date for HRT I did everything possible Herbaly to block T and boost E.
Deciding to do it is one thing, actually doing it is totally different.
Once I got on T blockers,(full dose from the beginning) I no longer had to panic, that was it finished, no more going in the rong direction!
Quote from: Laurie on July 22, 2017, 11:23:00 PM
I have been playing it by ear so to speak. I did not have a problem at all with obtaining my first HRT supplies and actually starting to take them. But each and every step I've taken since then has been a bit of a problem for me. Though I have never felt what I was doing was wrong I did fear things becoming permanent and each step I took felt that it was. Telling my doctors, talking to a psychiatrist then a gender therapist, coming out to family and friends. All were met with fear and insecurity, Doubts about who I am dogged me.
Talking to others here and my therapist helped be get past some of the issues yet doubts about my being trans enough still persisted even as mt breasts grew to become one of those scary irreversible things I feared. The main problem was that I had yet to actually accept myself as trans. I hadn't given myself permission to be me. A little trip across country meeting with other trans folk helped me with that. Somewhere in that month I learn it was okay to be me and it was okay to be trans just like all those I met.
Making the decision to start my transition was easy and it wasn't what set me free. Finding that self acceptance and giving myself permission to live my life as I needed to all my life, was. I'm a trans-woman and it is finally okay.
Hugs,
Laurie
That's pretty much me ( I just haven't made that road trip ).
I felt excited and could not wait to get started. The excitement grew when I started T blockers as then I could not wait for hormones.. I took t-blockers for a month before I got my first estrogen injection.
I remember that morning well.. I barely slept the night before.. I remember I actually wore a very gender neutral outfit that hid my lack of female curves with minimal makeup. I kinda passed as I already had long hair (I started growing my hair when I started seriously cross dressing, as I did not want to wear wigs) with pierced ears and because I had already completed laser on my face.. i kinda looked like a tomboy.
I will never forget, that feeling when I was injected the first time.. I swore I felt the estrogen flow into my body. then I felt calm, now I could not wait for my breasts to start growing.
It wasn't until I went back to the 25th of September 2015 when I made the announcement on this site as SaraT that I had decided I was going to transition and found this Post (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196498.msg1749247.html#msg1749247) that I remembered that the main feeling I had was Hope. Hope that things were going to be better for not just me but also my wife.
Every step on this journey has been a huge relief. I feel a lot of stress leading up to each step, but once it is done, I feel so free! It is not just that the stress is gone. I also heel my overall happiness increasing.
That first step, deciding to transition, was the biggest, because I was finally giving myself permission to be real, to be myself.
Dear all,
Thanks for sharing.
Like a large weight was taken off my chest. Well that was after I told her. I feel more relaxed. I've only had one flare up of anger since then I handled it better than in the past.
It took some time to get used to this whole idea of having hope for a change.