I'm interviewing for a new job next week, and all the "experts" say be sharp and professional looking. I'm not disclosing my status as this job pays really well and is a traditional company. One of my favorite female attributes is my hair. It's very long, blonde and a little curly. It will take years to get it back if I cut it. So, should I chance the interview with my hair in a pony tail, or cut it to a typical male business cut. This is a good job and I live in small town redneck Florida, so I can't lose this opportunity and there will likely be zero compassion for my status. I can hide my breast growth with a sports bra, not worried about that. I need this job, I love my hair ... what would you do? *sighs*
You could try claiming it's a "man bun." I see lots of guys with one and I'm in Texas. You may be able to get away with it
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Quote from: Sinclair on July 25, 2017, 10:37:17 PM
I'm interviewing for a new job next week, and all the "experts" say be sharp and professional looking. I'm not disclosing my status as this job pays really well and is a traditional company. One of my favorite female attributes is my hair. It's very long, blonde and a little curly. It will take years to get it back if I cut it. So, should I chance the interview with my hair in a pony tail, or cut it to a typical male business cut. This is a good job and I live in small town redneck Florida, so I can't lose this opportunity and there will likely be zero compassion for my status. I can hide my breast growth with a sports bra, not worried about that. I need this job, I love my hair ... what would you do? *sighs*
You could also try talking to someone else who works there to get an idea of the company's policies and whatnot
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Is there any way you can get a look at what the employees at the company wear during normal business? Other than that, possibly a shorter medium length haircut that you can grow out much faster. It's possible you can interview with your current hair and if it's an issue, they will inform you of the dress code before you accept the position.
You're not guaranteed to get the job even if you do cut your hair. I expect you'd feel pretty bad if you cut it and didn't get the job.
It may be a good job, but...
Lets say you get a job at a company with conservative values. You will be somewhat stuck with the short hair for as long as you have this job. Maybe there is other opportunties out there that will allow you to have the longer hair.
You may think this is a short term solution, but 10 years from now, you may still be there.
Quote from: Dena on July 25, 2017, 10:46:43 PM
Is there any way you can get a look at what the employees at the company wear during normal business? Other than that, possibly a shorter medium length haircut that you can grow out much faster. It's possible you can interview with your current hair and if it's an issue, they will inform you of the dress code before you accept the position.
That's possible, to check out the employees ahead of the interview. Good suggestion. Also, go with the pony tail and state I will cut it if needed. The risk with that is first impressions always last. This is a problem for me. I do not want to give up my hair, but this is a great job.
Thanks all for suggestions ...
*sighs* ... just it will take years to get my hair back if I cut it ... it's about 3/4 down my back.
Sinclair,
I have been in your position before as my hair was once down to my waist. For me personally, I would never have cut my hair for a job. There are just too many other jobs out there and if having longer hair is as important to your body image as it sounds you will never be happy wearing it shorter during your time at a job if you even do get it. I have turned down job offers when I was asked, "told", I would have to cut my hair by the person interviewing me. My hair has nothing to do with my job skills or ability to do my job and if some of my other co-workers can have their hair longer then so should I. Find a company that wants your skills and not someone that just looks a certain way unless you plan on being a fashion model. I hope you find a job that will not force you to give up a part of you that makes you feel like yourself. No job is worth the feeling you may have every time you see yourself in the mirror or catch your reflection in a window. Good luck and wish you the best.
Quote from: Ryanne on July 26, 2017, 01:09:19 AM
Sinclair,
I have been in your position before as my hair was once down to my waist. For me personally, I would never have cut my hair for a job. There are just too many other jobs out there and if having longer hair is as important to your body image as it sounds you will never be happy wearing it shorter during your time at a job if you even do get it. I have turned down job offers when I was asked, "told", I would have to cut my hair by the person interviewing me. My hair has nothing to do with my job skills or ability to do my job and if some of my other co-workers can have their hair longer then so should I. Find a company that wants your skills and not someone that just looks a certain way unless you plan on being a fashion model. I hope you find a job that will not force you to give up a part of you that makes you feel like yourself. No job is worth the feeling you may have every time you see yourself in the mirror or catch your reflection in a window. Good luck and wish you the best.
Ryanne captured my thoughts quite well. Also It is worth considering your ultimate intention. Do you plan on going full time sometime in the near or medium future? What then? Will the corporate culture support you, or is this job a way station on your journey? BTW I'm jealous of your hair, just saying. ;)
Quote from: Sinclair on July 25, 2017, 10:37:17 PM
I'm interviewing for a new job next week, and all the "experts" say be sharp and professional looking. I'm not disclosing my status as this job pays really well and is a traditional company. One of my favorite female attributes is my hair. It's very long, blonde and a little curly. It will take years to get it back if I cut it. So, should I chance the interview with my hair in a pony tail, or cut it to a typical male business cut. This is a good job and I live in small town redneck Florida, so I can't lose this opportunity and there will likely be zero compassion for my status. I can hide my breast growth with a sports bra, not worried about that. I need this job, I love my hair ... what would you do? *sighs*
I would not. Chances are, you won't get the job even if you cut your hair. Chances are, you will get the job with the hair, based only on your professional qualifications. Be cool about it and own it. I've seen a burly guy wearing a skirt in a little Midwest town and no one would say anything to him because he was confident and strong.
But i'd take a little trim to make sure your long hair looks at its best
Although, I think 3/4th of the back length seems very impractical to me. I'd stick with slightly below shoulder length at most. This length is 'age appropriate' for any lady after 30s, yet could be styled in man's fashion without any criticism.
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DON'T cut your hair for some job you "might" get. Cutting long hair can be traumatic trust me. If I get a customer who wants to go from long to really short I try to talk them into doing it in stages instead of all at once. I've seen people totally cry over cutting long hair. When I was 12 my dad buzzed my shoulder length hair and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. My dad didn't do it to be mean or to try to make me a boy. A couple of older boys had held me down and sprayed some kind of sealant all over my hair. By the time I got home it had dried and was like super glue. There was no way for me to get it out. Finally my dad had to cut it out. That left patches of hair about an inch long. It looked totally retarded so I told him to just buzz it all. I cried every time I looked in a mirror and I wore hats all the time. I was so upset my dad offered to buy me a wig. Don't underestimate the impact of cutting your hair can have on you. Yes hair grows back but it takes years. Like some people have said, there are other jobs.
Julia
I guess the question you have to ask yourself is do you define yourself by your identity or what you do 8 hours a day? Find a job opportunity that will accept YOU. Jobs come and go, you have to be you everyday and forever. Don't set yourself up for misery or worse, to fail.
I cut my hair to get a promotion before I was out. My hair grows incredibly slowly. 9 months later I left that job and my hair is barely down to my shoulders. I regret it. I don't think it is wise to do so for a mere chance.
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I might add that very big salary doesn't necessarily make you happy with the job, and jobs with higher than average salary tend to be highly competitive. Even if they hire you now, they might lay you off in just 2-3 years for no other reason than they got a younger version of you willing to work longer hours for a little bit less. Been there (on both ends), done that.
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Only you can make the risk/value judgement, but i think if posed with the same conundrum, i would go for bun.
Early in my transition and pre-transition times i would still dress fairly androgynously on business trips and certain meetings. This included fairly homogenous business cultures such as China, Japan and Malaysia and i did not have any issues with presentation problems. I realize this is not the same as an interview.
Quote from: AnonyMs on July 25, 2017, 10:56:18 PM
You're not guaranteed to get the job even if you do cut your hair. I expect you'd feel pretty bad if you cut it and didn't get the job.
Honestly this. I'm HR so I can tell you both sides. As an applicant I would NEVER change my appearance drastically just for an interview, especially because since I'm HR I know that if I'm qualified and get the job, the HR person will likely tell me how to align to the company's image before I start (that's what I do to my candidates).
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 26, 2017, 05:08:08 PM
Honestly this. I'm HR so I can tell you both sides. As an applicant I would NEVER change my appearance drastically just for an interview, especially because since I'm HR I know that if I'm qualified and get the job, the HR person will likely tell me how to align to the company's image before I start (that's what I do to my candidates).
Thanks everyone for your advice. I can tell you that if I cut my hair to a men's business cut and didn't get the job I would be devastated. It would take at least 4-5 years to get it back. Appreciate the HR side above.
I think I could do a trim pulled back that I can make neat from the front, but keep some length, and hope for the best.
Interview is next week ...
Great decision and now that you've made it, i will add that you are doing something that is beneficial for all, in that by presenting with longer hair you are breaking at least by a little bit, arbitrary and unfair expectations of appearance.
I went to an interview myself today for a position I desire much. You know how you're supposed to be dressed up for an interview - black shoes, tie, suit... I happen to not feel comfortable in a suit any more (after losing some weight) and just worn a tie. Whether I would get an offer or not, remains unknown. But I was comfortable during the interview and hopefully it would help more than 'proper' attire
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Quote from: elkie-t on July 27, 2017, 12:20:10 PM
I went to an interview myself today for a position I desire much. You know how you're supposed to be dressed up for an interview - black shoes, tie, suit... I happen to not feel comfortable in a suit any more (after losing some weight) and just worn a tie. Whether I would get an offer or not, remains unknown. But I was comfortable during the interview and hopefully it would help more than 'proper' attire
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It sort of depends on the region and place you live. Here in the PNW wearing a suit to interview for most jobs for men would be far above what is expected and might actually be a negative. Common is a nice shirt, pants and shoes and potentially a sport jacket if its not summer. Women wear basically anything but club wear and jeans to interviews. Smart casual rules the day except perhaps in banking and government interviews.
If i were doing an interview i'd probably wear a nice women's white oxford, slim pants and oxford type shoes. Its smart, clean and not distracting.
I've decided that I'm not cutting my hair. I love my hair, it's an essential part of me. I think I will e-mail the HR lady on Monday and ask directly if long hair is an issue. I would hate to cut it off and find out it was no big deal.
So happy you decided not to cut your hair for a job interview.
Having long hair for me was the only way I had to cope with being in the wrong body throughout my youth and into my 30's. This was decades before YouTube and the gradual switch towards social acceptance of the LBGTQ community in the United States. Sadly, I shaved my head in a fit of denial of my condition and tried to start looking all manly by lifting weights and dressing more conservatively. This destroyed me inside. It took me over ten years to finally break the cycle of denial/pain/depression and to start to transition to being myself again. Letting my hair grow back was a major first step for me personally and letting it get past the stage where I don't look like a homeless person was always the hardest to overcome.
Thankfully my employer hasn't thrown a fit about letting it grow out. I don't really deal with the public at work and pretty much keep to myself. Can't wait till it gets long enough again to pull it all back into a ponytail as I am not yet open at work about being trans or that I'm now on HRT. I figure the time will come when my body changes will make it harder to keep that part of my life private and will have to see where that leads me at my current job. At least when I look in the mirror now I see the person I want to be and not the stranger I couldn't recognize for the last ten+ years. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone and thankfully you won't have to go through the sense of loss I did after cutting my hair to just fit in.
Best of luck in your job search.
Quote from: Ryanne on July 30, 2017, 11:53:10 AM
So happy you decided not to cut your hair for a job interview.
Having long hair for me was the only way I had to cope with being in the wrong body throughout my youth and into my 30's. This was decades before YouTube and the gradual switch towards social acceptance of the LBGTQ community in the United States. Sadly, I shaved my head in a fit of denial of my condition and tried to start looking all manly by lifting weights and dressing more conservatively. This destroyed me inside. It took me over ten years to finally break the cycle of denial/pain/depression and to start to transition to being myself again. Letting my hair grow back was a major first step for me personally and letting it get past the stage where I don't look like a homeless person was always the hardest to overcome.
Thankfully my employer hasn't thrown a fit about letting it grow out. I don't really deal with the public at work and pretty much keep to myself. Can't wait till it gets long enough again to pull it all back into a ponytail as I am not yet open at work about being trans or that I'm now on HRT. I figure the time will come when my body changes will make it harder to keep that part of my life private and will have to see where that leads me at my current job. At least when I look in the mirror now I see the person I want to be and not the stranger I couldn't recognize for the last ten+ years. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone and thankfully you won't have to go through the sense of loss I did after cutting my hair to just fit in.
Best of luck in your job search.
Thank you for sharing that. :) I can relate to that.
Quote from: Ryanne on July 30, 2017, 11:53:10 AM
I shaved my head in a fit of denial of my condition and tried to start looking all manly by lifting weights and dressing more conservatively
I also did all of this in an effort to be as manly as possible. It didn't change anything about how I felt! Except I got super annoyed at my muscles and had to work to make them disappear.
Sinclair, I'm glad you decided against cutting your hair! Best of luck in the interview.
When people in the US get to know others for the first time I often hear "Hi. What do you do?" - sometimes before they ask the other person's name.
I have never heard the "what's your career" question in Europe or Asia when I encounter people outside of work. I don't know why this is such a common greeting in the US. Maybe it's the same reason so many are uncomfortable with people who aren't at either end of the gender spectrum - a habit of categorizing everyone and everything.
I have a weekend home in Roslyn WA (in the US) where the 1990s television show Northern Exposure was set. I quit drinking years ago, but when tourists want to start a conversation at the Brick Tavern the most frequent opening question I hear is "So, what do you do?" I am there to relax and not about to hear them complain about the latest software update from the company I work for. So I pick random answers. I have replied "I'm a drug dealer, how about you?" (Some truth to this, because two industries call their customers "users" and one of them is software). I have answered "I'm an assassin" and watch their reaction when I focus on what's behind them. Or if I want them to go away I tell them I invented something stupid like the little plastic pin inside a box of pizza and start describing it until they say "oh hey, gotta go."
I think a career is important in enabling other things in life, but it isn't life itself.
Quote from: Kendra on July 31, 2017, 01:29:37 PM
When people in the US get to know others for the first time I often hear "Hi. What do you do?" - sometimes before they ask the other person's name.
I have never heard the "what's your career" question in Europe or Asia when I encounter people outside of work.
I have a theory about that. The USA whether it has deserved it or not, has long had the reputation of an egalitarian society. People become rich who were poor etc. People still have this need to position themselves on the ladder of human accomplishment when they meet someone, how do i measure up? Its sort of dumb in my opinion but that is something that is ingrained in kids socially. In our society it was not and is not always that easy to tell what rung of society people come from. Think an Ivy League educated person from the Northeast vs an oil executive from Texas or a silicon valley wonder kid, wearing a hoodie and calling everyone "dude". All of those people could be very wealthy in the American tradition.
Elsewhere the societies evolved differently or slightly differently and it was easier from the very get go, to figure this out. Dress was more by class and definitely speech was a big giveaway. A London accent vs a Northeast England accent, high German vs. the more rural focused low german dialects etc. There is also simple segregation of social class in social situations that is more common in other countries. America has some of these queues but its much less exact.
Quote from: Kendra on July 31, 2017, 01:29:37 PM
the most frequent opening question I hear is "So, what do you do?" I am there to relax and not about to hear them complain about the latest software update from the company I work for.
You don't need to say where you work when asked "what do you do". I've stopped because it's usually a conversation killer for me.
But for snarky answers, I usually say, "I'm not allowed to talk about it."
So, the bad news, I had to drive all the way into Orlando for the interview for a job that's on the East coast. Anyone that knows central Florida, driving to Orlando sucks ... all the tolls, all the confusing highway switching, the traffic, etc. Ughhh. The good news, the interview was fantastic. And we talked about hair and dress, etc., they seem pretty progressive. The point being my experience and knowledge is perfect for this company. It was a great interview, just a horrible drive to Orlando. So, this girl is smiling tonight! :) Sorry for the late post but I had to take a nap after all of that and just got up .... going back to bed. *hugs* :icon_chick:
Glad your interview went fantastic! And just as important, sounds like they don't have a cookie-cutter mentality.
And the drive took its toll but you survived. ;)
Great news!!