This might be a weird one, but I don't know if/ when i should tell my extended family about T when (if) i start it? I'm also having top surgery in about a year.
Obviously my partner and probably both my parents will know (and people that i see daily might notice changes from T) but did anyone like tell their siblings (some of mine are adults and some are young teens 11/13) or grandparents/ uncles/ aunts etc?
I have told my extended family that I'm trans, and their reaction has mostly been neutral. I told them by email or they found out from my parents and I haven't had a face to face conversation about transition with any of them -- I last saw most of them at a wedding so everyone was beinh super polite about everything haha. They're also not very involved in any facet of my life, work or school or anything. I don't really want to tell anyone at all, but I sort of feel like it would be weird to not?
What did everyone do?
I told my extended family about a month before I saw them. I had been on T for about 9 months when I was supposed to see them. I haven't directly told them about surgery but I gave my parents permission to tell them because of reasons. My initial coming out I honestly just waited as long as possible because I didn't know they'd react. After the initial "I'm trans and I started transitioning" I didn't feel a need to make a big deal over surgery. Its more like a "when it comes up, they'll know." My dad wanted to tell his parents for personal reasons and I said that's fine. My mom I also gave permission to tell her parents though I don't know if she did or not. With my mom's side it's something we don't talk about, and they're all respectful so I don't talk about it either. My dad's side is we don't directly talk about it but I know they do a lot of their own research and have a desire to know what's going on in my life. Anyways basically I just let it come out how it worked best for each side of the family because I didn't see it as a big deal after the initial coming out.
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I wish i could assume that they just expect me to go on T but i don't think i can haha my mother didn't even realise it was safe or possible for FTMs to take hormones
I'm also anxious that starting medically transitioning is what will make people start trying to interfere -- atm all I'm doing is 'dressing up' and everyone assumes I'm going to get over it
Quote from: Peep on July 26, 2017, 05:04:11 PM
What did everyone do?
This is all fairly new for me as I just decided a few months ago that I wanted to transition. I started T and plan on having top surgery next May. I'm only out to a few people. I did tell one of my brothers a few weeks ago. He lives in the city where I want to have my top surgery done, and I was hoping he would be willing to help me out as I need to stay there for a week after the surgery. Out of all my family I figured he would be the most supportive, and he was more supportive than I really hoped for. He has no problem with any of it and is more than willing to help me out with the surgery. My dad will be 84 this year, and I really don't plan on telling him at this point. We'll see how that goes. My brother thought he would be ok with it, but I have more concerns about his wife who is extremely prejudiced against everyone who isn't white and straight. I don't know when I will tell my other brothers. I don't think they will be supportive, but I also don't see them, but like once a year if that so really I suppose if I'm going to be seeing them, and I look that much different, then I will have to let them know. I don't really have any other family that I would see so that's it for me. While I've never been trans officially with any of them, they know that I typically dress in male clothes and really present more androgynous so honestly it probably won't be that much of a difference.
I don't think I ever explicitly told my extended family anything. I didn't see the need. Most of them are friends with me on Facebook, so they saw through my updates there (pictures and posts about surgeries, etc.).
There have also been very few instances of people asking me specifically what a medical transition entails. If they were to ask I'd be open to discussing, but it's honestly never come up. I've been pretty open about what all I've had done surgically, but I actually can't think of a time I've straight out said anything about T.
My immediate family knew about it and would have told/complained to all the extended family by now about it... I'm sure risks, costs and whatever else have been discussed to death behind the scenes. Almost none of them actually ask me about any of it thankfully.
I've only told my partner and close friends about my decision to pursue top surgery. I'm not out to my family because I might lose my healthcare, home, and transportation. Maybe I will come out next Christmas if I'm financially secure on my own.