I remember many times in my life wanting to act as a woman...but i never liked boys..by sexuality...i actually had a relationship with a girl for 3 months last year...and from the day i first met her sinse 1 month after we broke up...disphoria was away...sometimes i would though of it...but I had the control...but after we broke up... it started again
...wanting to dress as a woman and things like that...im ending up cant deside witch one i actually want...but even if i had chosen to transision...it would be very hard..not only becuase of friends, parents and those...but becuase it costs a lot of money...yes i sometimes dreaming about looking at the mirror and seeing a beatiful woman...but i aslo want to have a normal life...and i have dreamed my life and as a man, as i already am...and it is nice....thats actually my choise...but disphoria dosent let me...and i cant actually do much things at this part of my life...(meaning i couldnt find a doctor to talk or someone close to me...thats why im here..if anyone could advice me what to do..)
i just want to get rid of wanting to be a girl....
D;
Welcome to Susan's Place!
Gender identity (otherwise known as core gender identity) is the gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological fact, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation.
Your gender identity sounds like it may be feminine. https://www.susans.org/wiki/Gender_identity (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Gender_identity)
You like girls, and you don't like boys. That would be your gender orientation. This is often different from gender identity, particularly of those of us with gender incongruence, where the identity between our ears doesn't match what is between our legs.
There is a lot of information available at this site, and lots of folks to help you understand this stuff.
Again, welcome!
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D,
Hi and welcome. Thanks for sharing your experience. At the risk of being bossy I would suggest you start going to a therapist (preferably a gender therapist). They can help to guide you through much of this confusion.
Warmly,
Jacqui
Hi and Welcome. The problem with Gender Dysphoria is that it keeps coming back. When I was young, I could make it go away for several months or a year, or several years, by having relationships with women and by diverting myself into sports, hobbies, raising children and such.
But the problem is, it never goes away, and the only thing that can make it go away for good is transitioning. Everything else is temporary. And the older you get the worse the dysphoria gets.
This is why we suggest that you see a therapist.
Welcome D!
It is as the others have already said, dysphoria cannot be made to go away. Do find a gender therapist to talk about it. There are some who you can talk to online via skype.
Here are some very helpful resources to get you started.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw)
well...thank you all for replying to my post...i will look forward on seeing a therapist when i will be able to...its just...when im totaly thinking like a man...i hate that feminine side and want it to just dissapear...but as most of you said (and most online forums says) disphoria cant go away for good...hope theres people who handle to get rid of it for good becuase...ok i understand theres people that getting borned with other thinking that their gender...but...as time passes it seems that more people have those disphorias and wanting to change gender...and ok i respect all this people...theres a possibility of me being one one day...but i think the world needs to find whats the reason of having so much more people that want to change gender and mayve try to minimize it...cause it is hard to live like this...and with all this people being ratsist and hating this kind of people...when its not their fault..being trangedered or having disphoria...whatever...i hope i will eventualy find a way to minimize my disphoria...
Welcome to Susan's Place. The reason we are dysphoric is because changes that took place before we were born. Many people suppress this for years before it finally builds to the point that we have to do something about it. Transsexual are only about 1 in 600 people but I am not sure of the transgender numbers which would be higher. Still we are relatively rare in the population so their isn't much scientific interest in us.
As far as the transition, it is costly but it takes time so the best strategy is to start saving money now and pay as you go. About 2/3 of my transition was paid this way and the remaining 1/3 was paid from saving I accumulated before starting the transition.
HRT and living in your desired role will go a long way toward controlling your dysphoria. Surgery is a graduation ceremony and isn't required to minimize your dysphoria.
Don't think marriage or children would cure you from dysphoria. It will become much more complicated with children. If you meet someone you truly like, share these thoughts and desires with her. Maybe she would be ok with helping you dress.
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If you pick a fight with yourself you will always lose.
If your gender identity is female it's best to own it, do the best you can and maybe even consider transitioning to make your body less like a man and more like a woman.
It never goes away.
Hi D,
Welcome to Susan's Place. I'm Laurie. I think I know something of your struggle I grew up questioning why I was different and spent many years searching to figure out what was wrong with me. I knew I was doing things that I was taught boys didn't do. I couldn't have the things I wanted because I was not a girl. Yet the desire for them never went away. I became a crossdresser and struggle with the shame and guilt of knowing it was wrong but I could not stop. Eventually I accepted it was just something I had to do. Even at that I continued to deceive myself in that I told myself that crossdressing was al it was and all that I needed. As I said that was a lie. I finally quit lying to myself and began to believe I am trans, specifically a trans woman. I then struggled to accept that last admission. I still work to accept it if the truth be told.
Like others have said if you too are trans like I am, your need to be a woman will never go away. Deny it all you will, it will return over and over again until you begin to address the issue.
Many have been where you are. Some fight i all their lives, some choose to accept the truth about themselves and begin to live a better life.
I hope you are able to do the last as it can save you years of heartache.
Hugs,
Laurie
I realized I was trans about 10 years ago, started researching into it and found that its not going to go away and would probably only get worse. I started making plans and reorganizing my life life so that if it came down to it I'd be in a better position to transition that if I'd just ignored it.
Lucky I did that because it did get dramatically worse, and hard as I might try I've only managed to slow down transitioning and not stop it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose this one, but I'll be in a far better situation by the time I do.
I'm not suggesting people try to avoid transition like I have, as its very difficult and I think you lose a lot when you do. It was a trade-off against losing other things in my life. But do make some plans.
Quote from: D on July 27, 2017, 04:52:07 PM
well...thank you all for replying to my post...i will look forward on seeing a therapist when i will be able to...its just...when im totaly thinking like a man...i hate that feminine side and want it to just dissapear...but as most of you said (and most online forums says) disphoria cant go away for good...hope theres people who handle to get rid of it for good becuase...ok i understand theres people that getting borned with other thinking that their gender...but...as time passes it seems that more people have those disphorias and wanting to change gender...and ok i respect all this people...theres a possibility of me being one one day...but i think the world needs to find whats the reason of having so much more people that want to change gender and mayve try to minimize it...cause it is hard to live like this...and with all this people being ratsist and hating this kind of people...when its not their fault..being trangedered or having disphoria...whatever...i hope i will eventualy find a way to minimize my disphoria...
Hi D
Welcome to Susan's
Transgender people have been around for thousands of years and in many culture are revered as special members and in some cultures simply accepted and integrated as another gender. In many non western cultures Trans* people used to hold very special place within the community. It is our western society that has turned this into an issue. We are more visible than we have ever been because we are tired of living in the "closet" and being discriminated against. We are more visible now, than we ever were but we have always been here.... ;)
Quote from: D on July 27, 2017, 04:52:07 PM
...
.but i think the world needs to find whats the reason of having so much more people that want to change gender and mayve try to minimize it...cause it is hard to live like this...and with all this people being ratsist and hating this kind of people...when its not their fault..being trangedered or having disphoria...whatever...i hope i will eventualy find a way to minimize my disphoria...
It is not easy being trans because of the hate. True.
It is also not easy being non-white in a mainly white society, or white in a mainly non-white society because of the hate. It is not easy being female in a male dominated society.
It is not easy being shorter or taller than others. Should we therefore find a way of making everybody have the same skin colour, the same height, and the same gender so that is easier? I think not.
The solution is to accept people as they are born. Whether they are born trans, or gay, or with one leg, black hair, blonde hair, straight or curly hair, brown eyes or blue eyes, or have noses or ears that are unusually large or small, we need to learn to accept others as they are. This is the solution and this will give us a world which is much more interesting and enjoyable.
well..its probably the fact that i dont know much things about trans and trangender people yet...even after lots of reading on internet....the thing is...i dont want a part of myself controling me...and i feel like this is not going to end well if i start trasitioning...anyway...about the fact of being much people like us in the world..it just makes me think that the earth is going to end up with only this kind of people or something xD...but ok...i get it...it dosent go away and strugles you forever if you wont accept it...but even having all thiis disphoria...i still feel like a man and i dont want to start to dont... even when many things about trans and/or trangender people facts have happend to me... i dont want to accept it... i want to fight it...
thanks for welcoming me evryone...and for spending time posting here..have a nice day (or night...we dont have same time with evryone :P)
Hi D, it's ok not to transition or do anything in that regard. Or dress feminine at home (a friend of mine was always scared to try and started doing it only after her GF nudged her to try it and supported at home dressing. Her observation was she became much calmer and a better person. There aren't any plans as far as I know to do any coming outs, jets or well anything.
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OP, I'm like you, except fast forward 20-30 years. I wanted to be Ward Cleaver, I wanted a wife and kids and be the generic "good dad". I have accomplished those things. The whole time, my gender issues have existed. I have anxiety and depression. But, the benefits of achieving my Ward Cleaver goals were worth it.
But, the whole time, I was only partially successful living the man life. I feel odd at times. I tried being a biker, odd. I tried other manly things, odd. And other men seem to know, they can tell something is off. It feels a little forced. Some guys wonder if I'm gay because some effeminate behavior leaks out at times. Normal assumption from straight men.
I know I'm transgendered, but I don't know if I'm transsexual (need surgery). I am in deep fear of it, but I know, if I can learn about myself, I can find a happier place. I don't "have to" get surgery, I don't "have to" give up my family. I've had four therapy sessions so far, and it is scary and helpful at the same time. I think I'll be better off once I know myself better.
If you yourself personally want to be a man, but have feminine desires, why not crossdress? Crossdressing doesn't make you a woman in and of itself, you'll still be a man and can experience that part of your life whenever you feel the need to. You may never have to transition at all to strike a balance between the two
about the crossdress idea...
yes i though about it but...when i let that feminine desires control me...i want more...i start thinking more about transitioning and more about looking like a girl...and it just makes things worse when i return to my manly thinking...every day im like in 2 halfs...the normal one and the other gender one...
Quote from: D on July 27, 2017, 10:12:29 AM
I remember many times in my life wanting to act as a woman...but i never liked boys..by sexuality...i actually had a relationship with a girl for 3 months last year...and from the day i first met her sinse 1 month after we broke up...disphoria was away...sometimes i would though of it...but I had the control...but after we broke up... it started again
...wanting to dress as a woman and things like that...im ending up cant deside witch one i actually want...but even if i had chosen to transision...it would be very hard..not only becuase of friends, parents and those...but becuase it costs a lot of money...yes i sometimes dreaming about looking at the mirror and seeing a beatiful woman...but i aslo want to have a normal life...and i have dreamed my life and as a man, as i already am...and it is nice....thats actually my choise...but disphoria dosent let me...and i cant actually do much things at this part of my life...(meaning i couldnt find a doctor to talk or someone close to me...thats why im here..if anyone could advice me what to do..)
i just want to get rid of wanting to be a girl....
I am going through something kind of similar. Struggled bad with genital dysphoria for about 30 years, and have had periodic bouts of feeling like I should be female and long periods where I'm fine being male (except for genitalia).
I've been married for almost 9 years, have a great wife and 5 kids. Great career that I love (and is not an industry where women tend to thrive). I have so much invested in my male identity that I am honestly not sure I could ever go through with a full transition to female.
One big difference between us is I am married, and I can talk to my wife about these things. I just brought everything out in the open with her this week for the first time. Her response was very positive and supportive. Her recommendation was to see if living as a eunuch would be a suitable alternative. I am planning on scheduling a visit with a counselor soon to discuss that.
I am not sure what is best for you, but maybe you should add eunuch to your list of options if you haven't already. I am hoping a combination of the right hormone therapies could provide a more female sexuality without major feminization. Can't be sure until I explore it with medical professionals, but it seems feasible.
I think it is relatively easy to get a chorus of all us old dinosaurs (>30?) here on Susan's to say WTF ??? Too old? Too late?
It is never too late to do anything as long as you are still waking up on the sunny side of the grass
As to you particular situation, just because you have GD does not mean you NEED to do a full transition. It simply means you are somewhere on the spectrum between cis-female and cis-male. It's a VERY Big middle ground with lots of options and ways to Manage the GD beyond the futile attempts to beat it down. Take it from me, a 50 year loser of that battle, yet still living and presenting full time as male and far happier for taking on the Trans-Beast, for real
Quote from: JoanneB on August 05, 2017, 06:00:00 PM
I think it is relatively easy to get a chorus of all us old dinosaurs (>30?) here on Susan's to say WTF ??? Too old? Too late?
It is never too late to do anything as long as you are still waking up on the sunny side of the grass
As to you particular situation, just because you have GD does not mean you NEED to do a full transition. It simply means you are somewhere on the spectrum between cis-female and cis-male. It's a VERY Big middle ground with lots of options and ways to Manage the GD beyond the futile attempts to beat it down. Take it from me, a 50 year loser of that battle, yet still living and presenting full time as male and far happier for taking on the Trans-Beast, for real
Thank you for saying what you said. It is very encouraging.
Quote from: D on July 27, 2017, 10:12:29 AM
i just want to get rid of wanting to be a girl....
Welcome to the club :-\
You can "Quiet the noise". It may, in time, even pass. Odds are it will resurface in times of stress.
What you can try to rid yourself of is thinking that I am either A or B. THAT will drive you crazy. Being trans means you are "Somewhere" on the spectrum between cis-female and cis-male. It's an awfully big universe to reside in full of much more then simple B&W choices
Quote from: JoanneB on August 05, 2017, 07:06:22 PM
What you can try to rid yourself of is thinking that I am either A or B. THAT will drive you crazy. Being trans means you are "Somewhere" on the spectrum between cis-female and cis-male. It's an awfully big universe to reside in full of much more then simple B&W choices
This is the biggest problem I personally have. I really appreciate your thoughtful comments, for someone like myself who is just starting to try deal with ->-bleeped-<- it is helpful to have people share realistic perspectives.
Someone on the forum mentioned having GCS without prior feminization or plans to transition socially. I think it might be a better route than turning an eunuch (having an orchie)? You would still need to take some hormones after the surgery, either T or E, but if you choose to go with E it can be low dose with slower development (hopefully unnoticeable by your colleagues, or you could shrug it off with 'yeah, hormone problems, T deficiency, looks like I'm getting older').
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There's many of us that feel this way, including me.
I don't even tho why I browse this forum anymore to be honest, I guess it keeps the dream alive haha. :'(
My reasons are somewhat similar to yours because I feel manly when I look in the mirror and think, hey I am a man not female, I do have a pretty 'petite' frame but I am 6ft tall which sucks and just makes me think being called transphobic slurs in public, I already have anxiety and would never be able to deal with that.
I did save up some money to maybe consider going private in the UK for HRT since the UK NHS has a huge waiting list and even started putting away money for FFS and maybe Voice Surgery and I still chuckle at that thought because it was my way of "yeah I ain't in denial, I am just saving up to start my transition!" :embarrassed: :embarrassed:
Only thing I did do was get Finasteride to stop male pattern baldness and grew (still growing) my hair out but eh, it still sucks anyway.
If I could turn back time and be born female I would JUMP at the chance and it sucks I lost the gender lottery at birth but w/e, can't do nothing about it now.
Sorry for the somewhat ramble, needed to get off my chest as I am pretty down in the dumps at the moment haha.
Hope we both can find peace with whatever we decide to do D.
Quote from: D on July 27, 2017, 10:12:29 AM
i just want to get rid of wanting to be a girl....
Exactly how I'm feeling right now...
Quote from: JoanneB on August 05, 2017, 07:06:22 PM
Welcome to the club :-\
You can "Quiet the noise". It may, in time, even pass. Odds are it will resurface in times of stress.
What you can try to rid yourself of is thinking that I am either A or B. THAT will drive you crazy. Being trans means you are "Somewhere" on the spectrum between cis-female and cis-male. It's an awfully big universe to reside in full of much more then simple B&W choices
This is true, and I'm trying to work on that. I'm trying to see where I am in the spectrum but it's hard to get rid of the binary images.