I love all of you. I don't know most of you, but I do. Because we're in this together.
Now before you hit the "back" button, or feel afraid that I'm going to call you out, know this. I in no way am going to use this to judge anyone, or tell you you're wrong, or anything like that. But as I transition, and as I read posts here and talk to other trans people, I've been learning about the variety of feelings people have about the gender they're transitioning into (and sometimes away from). I really want to create this discussion so we can learn from each other. And become better versions of who we were yesterday. And a better version tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
Much love,
Aria
Interesting question. Tough to answer. If you asked this to a cis person they wouldn't know how to answer it except on a superficial level.
I would say the ability to not think about my gender at all. This is one of the aspects of transitioning that has surprised me the most. I don't think about it on a sub conscience level at all any more. Pre transition it was always there. Now it's not.
The change in my mental state is amazing.
To answer a slightly different question "what does it mean to be cis?" Is "sub conscience peace about gender."
Thank you for asking. It helped me to put my thoughts in perspective.
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Being a woman?
Freedom.
For me it means being the person I was meant to be.
Julia
Quote from: Julia1996 on August 08, 2017, 05:26:35 PM
For me it means being the person I was meant to be.
Julia
this ^
Freedom. Not feeling shackled to a dead end life. Being who I was meant to be
I'm loving the replies, and I share the sense of freedom this has brought/is bringing me. But I think I was thinking more on the lines of what you see being a woman is. Becoming the gender we feel ourselves to be is so liberating.
But what does being a woman, day to day, in your life and your future, with your loved ones and amongst strangers, mean? What does it look like?
I read an article recently telling trans women things they "should" avoid. It was pretty blatantly misogynistic, and focused solely on a specific type of "ideal" woman that is a very small minority in the grand scheme of types of women. Telling them not to be aggressive, don't dress in revealing clothes...things that cis women have been told for so long and are themselves breaking out of.
Where do you see yourself in the grand scheme of womanhood?
Quote from: Denise on August 08, 2017, 05:14:54 PM
Interesting question. Tough to answer. If you asked this to a cis person they wouldn't know how to answer it except on a superficial level.
I would say the ability to not think about my gender at all. This is one of the aspects of transitioning that has surprised me the most. I don't think about it on a sub conscience level at all any more. Pre transition it was always there. Now it's not.
The change in my mental state is amazing.
To answer a slightly different question "what does it mean to be cis?" Is "sub conscience peace about gender."
Thank you for asking. It helped me to put my thoughts in perspective.
Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk
I love this! And you're welcome, for sure. We have so many thoughts and feelings that we sometimes forget how to put it into words. Articulating what being a woman is for someone who is newly entering womanhood as an already developed adult is something that cis women will never be able to do.
And my god, the mental changes have been palpable. It's incredible!
Interesting question. For me it means not having to think what should have been. It means there are more options. It means I can express myself in any way and not have to have society look down on me for not bein masculine enough. It means happiness but there is a price. My family won't look at me the same way. Neither will some friends. I'm fine with this. The ones that are by my side are what's important.
Quote from: RobynTx on August 08, 2017, 06:14:01 PM
Interesting question. For me it means not having to think what should have been. It means there are more options. It means I can express myself in any way and not have to have society look down on me for not bein masculine enough. It means happiness but there is a price. My family won't look at me the same way. Neither will some friends. I'm fine with this. The ones that are by my side are what's important.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing :)
And congrats on (almost) hitting two weeks on hormones!!
Oh,
so if i say, having door opened for me, and then choosing whether to be insulted at being seen to need it opening for me, or to be happy at the act of kindness?
To be stereotyped and happy at being treated like a woman. And also being unhappy at not being treated as an individual.
To be asked to help carry things, and then have people take said things off of me and not pick something else up themselves?
That kind of thing?
I'm hoping that this question also applies some way to us men. ☺
For me, it means I can be the physically strong person I've always been amd not have someone think badly of me. I can open doors for ladies and pull out chairs at restaurants for my lady friends and not be stared at.
To be able to be the polite man that my Mom taught us kids to be.
It also means that when my genderfluid boyfriend (he presents as a middle-aged woman for financial reasons) and I go out, I can be the one that's protective when we have to go into bad neighborhoods. To be the one to do the grilling or change a tire or a million other "traditional" male roles.
Sure he's capable of doing many of these things as well, and he often does. I'm not sexist by any stretch of the imagination, but doing these kind of things reinforces the idea that I am transitioning.
That I am now the man I wanted to be for so long.
Ryuichi
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I can't answer that, but it feels great to be the non-binary person I am. I feel whole, and strong. I'm attractive in my own eyes for the first time in my life, and I think that makes others find me attractive, too.
I'm staying in Transgenderville, my destination does not lie at either end of the gender binary...and I'm fine with that. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
At this point for me, feeling comfortable with my body is more important than whether I am a man or woman. That is my goal, and whether I end staying physically male or transition to female, I just want to be comfortable with my body. I am still seeking a therapist that my insurance will cover and have a long way to go in discovering what it will take to get me to where I need to be.
Quote from: Ryuichi13 on August 08, 2017, 07:44:07 PM
I'm hoping that this question also applies some way to us men. ☺
For me, it means I can be the physically strong person I've always been amd not have someone think badly of me. I can open doors for ladies and pull out chairs at restaurants for my lady friends and not be stared at.
To be able to be the polite man that my Mom taught us kids to be.
It also means that when my genderfluid boyfriend (he presents as a middle-aged woman for financial reasons) and I go out, I can be the one that's protective when we have to go into bad neighborhoods. To be the one to do the grilling or change a tire or a million other "traditional" male roles.
Sure he's capable of doing many of these things as well, and he often does. I'm not sexist by any stretch of the imagination, but doing these kind of things reinforces the idea that I am transitioning.
That I am now the man I wanted to be for so long.
Ryuichi
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It absolutely applies to men! I included that in the post's title, but it did end up focusing on women throughout. I must say, your words speak so loudly, and thank you for sharing. It feels amazing to have felt certain ways and not able to be fully comfortable expressing yourself, and then to be able to rewrite your code so that you fit the way you feel...this is priceless. So glad you're feeling this freedom <3
Much love,
Aria
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on August 08, 2017, 08:05:17 PM
I can't answer that, but it feels great to be the non-binary person I am. I feel whole, and strong. I'm attractive in my own eyes for the first time in my life, and I think that makes others find me attractive, too.
I'm staying in Transgenderville, my destination does not lie at either end of the gender binary...and I'm fine with that. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Thank you for this as well, Devlyn! I was wrong in presenting the question to one or the other side, and wasn't thinking about the non-binary folks. Feeling how you feel is what we all hope for in this journey we take.
I myself have been considering the term "multigender" as of late. Funny how we can see a specific destination but then find a truer purpose in between. Being who we are and finding the joy in that is worth so much more than anything else.
Much love,
Aria
Ingenious freedom regardless of the negative setback from societies indoctrination of their upbringing media fed selves. Sure we would all like to pass, but in all honesty, we don't sleep with the ones giving/passing judgment on us, so f*** them. It's your life, it's now or never, cause we aren't going to live forever. YOLO. Being an atheist has helped me mentally, no worries about curtain things I'm not going into on here right now for obvious reasons.
Love yourself so you can better love the world.
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For me, being a woman is all about being a woman. I know that sounds stupid, but my sense of self is now much more at ease with the world. I am calm and I feel normal. The day I woke from gender surgery, my gender dysphoria was completely gone.
It had nothing to do with clothes or makeup. It was definitely a sense of inner being. I am happy with myself.
It feels like finally putting the square peg into the square hole after years of trying to cram it into the round one.
Ultimately, though, it means:
- Being able to leave the house in whatever I want to wear like any other dude without having to put an exhausting amount of thought into 'passing gimmicks'.
- Not being given strange looks when I hold doors open for people.
- Being able to enjoy and engage in any hobby of my choosing without giving a second thought to its gender attachment.
- Being mentally free enough to have a normal string of thoughts without obsessing over my gender or how others are perceiving my gender.
- Lifting weights, exercising and getting the results I always wanted.
- Looking at other men in the eyes and finally feeling that subtle but poignant mutual respect I never experienced before.
- Peace from those feelings of smallness/insignificance/weakness that plagued me my entire life.
- Never, ever being asked if I need help carrying, loading or moving anything because I physically appear more than capable.
I'm not really sure. I guess mostly I just want my mind & body to be at peace with each other.
I've never had any internal sense of gender at all. I learned to play along as a kid for the sake of survival, but deep down, the concept has always seemed completely arbitrary and alien to me. I believe that most people do have some kind of sense of gender, or else why would people make such a big deal over it, or go through transition for it? Nobody here is lying! But it's not something that I personally can understand, since I've never experienced it.
That's why I identify as non-binary. I don't understand the basis for all these assumptions and social expectations, and want to avoid them from being applied to me as much as I can.
I could write a long essay on this topic--I've thought about if often--how my life would've been different had I lived it as a woman? The risk in answering this question in brief is that doing so will highlight gender stereotypes, so I will own that I do retain (and have lived) some of those stereotypes.
First of all, to have been born a genetic woman, I would have had far more permission to be pretty, to wear stylish clothing, wear makeup, jewelry, etc. I would not have felt the same pressure to fight, to be tough, to perform in competitive sports, etc. that I did as a boy (growing up in the 60's). I would have had and would now have more vibrant and satisfying social relationships.
I know that there are cis women who are not, or choose not to be, very feminine. But for me, being a woman would allow me the freedom to express all the femininity I feel (and reject all the masculinity that repulses me).
At this point it means to be treated more appropriately.
That is not to say to be treated better, because I do not believe the world treats men kindly at all. But I am treated in a way that makes sense to my mental wiring. I am too damaged to want to go on to take a traditional place in society, but at least I should be able to decide from here how best to serve what there is.
I guess above all it's about personal independence and capability, and being able to survive what is thrown at me.
Quote from: ds1987 on August 08, 2017, 06:07:02 PM
But what does being a woman, day to day, in your life and your future, with your loved ones and amongst strangers, mean? What does it look like?
Where do you see yourself in the grand scheme of womanhood?
I've never really fit into society, I'm a quiet individual that tries my best to avoid people. I don't think that would change, I would rather remain private, and enjoy the same things I do now. I would probably spend most of my time as I do now, pursuing hobbies, playing around on the computer, maintaining the household chores. It is kind of funny, at one of my jobs as a housekeeper many years ago one of the nurses I worked with told me I would make a wonderful house wife one day ;D I'm more or less a house wife now, pre transition, I clean the house, do the laundry, prepare meals, and take care of the family. My wife values that about me, because she hates doing all of that stuff. Not that I am saying the modern woman is a stay at home wife, or even aspires to. That is just my role.
I don't think what I would do would change very much, I would probably not buy elaborate outfits, spend a ton of money on cosmetics, and try to put out an image of what society places the ideal woman as. Being a woman to me, is just being more comfortable with my body, it is solely for myself, and not society. I don't expect that much is going to change, other than when I look at myself in the mirror, I won't feel as out of place.
I'm a very sensitive individual, so I don't see myself going out as a woman a lot regardless, if I don't pass. Even if I were to be able to pass, it would be a hard task to accomplish. I don't know if HRT will have any effect on me in that area, if it would make it even worst, or perhaps if I could see myself in the mirror and be comfortable with myself, I would finally be comfortable with how the rest of the world sees me.
I know my limits, and I know people have way too much control over how I feel about myself right now.
Once I start to transition it will mean a great deal. the 1 st is like many others freedom . I think another one is looking in the mirror and seeing the body that matches how I feel (finally after 50 years). Being treat by others especially strangers as a woman. I'm not sure which of these 3 top the list maybe they are all equal.
It is very hard to separate what being a woman means to me from how people treat me. And maybe those two things are so linked that they can't be separated, but I'll try.
To me, being a woman means being pretty. Not just in my body, but in how I express myself, how I dress. Being connected to beauty, expressing beauty. Being a woman means being in touch with my feelings, and not being afraid to show them. Of being able to open up and let people in, and offer comfort and warmth. Of walking through the world in a more open and exposed form. It means dropping a weight I've been carrying and taking off the armor that I wear to protect myself.
It means being compassionate, gentle, sensitive. But it can also mean being passionate, that I can take these feelings, and the beauty that I'm a part of and sing them from the depths of my soul, catch fire and burn bright and hot. I think of the image of the X-men character Phoenix.
okay, hehe, I'm definitely spilling over into silly metaphors now :) I also want to mention that I am firmly in the 'not sure' camp in terms of coming out, though I am working hard on this. I think exercises like your question are very good things to consider and turn over in my mind. Thanks.
-Dana
Oh wow, I think I got kinda distracted and thought you were asking about the 'feeling' of being a woman. I went off in a sorta other direction :D
In my day to day life, what I really want to do is to hang around the the backyard and have social gatherings eat food, drink wine and laugh. I want to be a little more flirty with my friends and loved ones, to show them I care about them. Somehow, when I think of being a woman, dressing nicely with a bit of color, and projecting that into a smile for the people I care about, I just imagine I can express and comfort them by channeling that energy toward them.
...
geez, I guess I sound like a space cadet no matter how I talk about it :D
-Dana