I have always found avatars and character creation as a wonderful means of exploring one's identity. I thought I would share some stories of how I explored my gender throughout my life so far.
As a preteen I was very into the Pokemon series, and in each game you are asked a seemingly simple question right off the bat: Are You A Boy Or A Girl? For a few years I always chose the boy option without really thinking about it. I thought that I was supposed to pick based on my biological sex and that there was nothing else to it. At some point however I was starting a new game and I became immensely curious about what playing the game as a girl would be like. I remember feeling nervous as I was trying to decide, thinking that I was doing something wrong if I chose girl. I finally did anyway and had a lot of fun, and I decided that I liked the girl character better. I didn't want anyone else to know however, and in later games I still always chose the boy character before eventually changing to the girl.
I had a similar experience with the Mass Effect series, where I played the male version of the main character first and later decided to try a female version. After one play though as a woman I knew that I didn't want to play the male character again, and I still think of the characters as female to this day despite the male version being on all of the marketing.
Games with character creators really allowed me to start exploring what I wanted. I can remember playing Skyrim and spending hours tweaking little sections of my female character's face trying to get everything just right, and then having to figure out a build that would allow her to go without a helmet so that I could see her while playing.
Most recently, I found myself dissatisfied with one of my characters in the game Destiny. I tried changing clothing, weapons, abilities, and nothing worked. I finally realized that both of my other characters were female and that this one was male. I had tried to make my characters very different from one another to see all of the options, but the longer I played the more I realized that I always wanted to be playing a female character. I finally decided to go through the lengthy process of restarting the character from scratch and re-aquiring all of the gear. When all was said and down I was much happier for having made the change. In fact, I was surprised to find out just how much it mattered to me, how much happier I was seeing myself represented on the screen as a woman. This ended up being one of the things that really started tipping me off that I might be trans.
Does anyone else have any similar experiences that they would like to share? It can be from games, online personas, or even just relating to characters from other media like books or movies.
Being older than the hills, I would rather program games than play them. However in the time I have been on the site I have notice that the younger site members often report adopting a feminine character when playing games. This can go so far as them altering their voice so they can play in real time games. It was a learning experience for me to see how large of a part roll games play in some of the members life.
I have always picked female characters, I never worried about what my brothers thought.
I loved Skyrim for it.
But I'm a huge BF4 fan, absolutely love that game. But I hate that I can't pick a female character there :@
Me being like that made me being trans not so much of a shock for my brothers x3, they are all chill with me
I have to admit I have been playing as female characters for as long as I can remember. I never really thought about it until I started exploring my gender but I definitely always felt more connected to female characters then male ones.
For me with the benefit of hindsight I think it was my way of unconsciously coping with feelings I hadn't yet identified.
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I've already decided that once Destiny 2 comes out my male hunter is gone. His stats are the only reason I haven't deleted him after two years of play. I do have an alt account with a female hunter and I love playing that one when I do.
Funny thing I've lived thru my character Jazmine in games for so long. I think she helped me thru a big part of my life. Never really thought about it though until I read your conversation.
Quote from: RobynTx on August 16, 2017, 10:04:36 AM
I've already decided that once Destiny 2 comes out my male hunter is gone. His stats are the only reason I haven't deleted him after two years of play. I do have an alt account with a female hunter and I love playing that one when I do.
My first character was a female hunter, which drew some raised eyebrows from friends but I stuck to my guns. At the time I didn't realize at all why I chose it, just that I knew it felt right. When I realized just how little I wanted to play a male character later is when things started to click into place for me. With how much time I thought about remaking my warlock and how much effort and time it took to do it it almost felt like a mini-transition process looking back.
Quote from: Jazmine on August 16, 2017, 12:14:54 PM
Funny thing I've lived thru my character Jazmine in games for so long. I think she helped me thru a big part of my life. Never really thought about it though until I read your conversation.
I've found myself playing many different female characters to explore my gender identity and other elements of my identity simultaneously, thinking not just about whether I wanted to be a girl but what kind of girl I wanted to be; how I wanted to see myself and how I wanted others to see me.
As a gamer myself as well, I hadn't thought of that. It's something I'll look into next time I have to create a toon lol. Another way to be feminine minded without the clothes or things. At least in reality.
I play as the same female character in all the dark souls games. Regular dude bro characters are so dull.
Quote from: RobinSparkles on August 29, 2017, 05:39:47 PM
I play as the same female character in all the dark souls games. Regular dude bro characters are so dull.
Indeed totally dull, also generally the voice acting for male characters annoys me (unless it's Nathan Fillion)
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In most games i play if the option is there i will always play the female character. It just never feels right to be the male character.
I also enjoy when available making the appearance of female character beautiful.